Alastair Wallace explains why calling someone "problematic" shuts down conversation. Instead, name the specific behavior: "You interrupted Jo three times and dismissed her ideas." Then describe the impact. Labels trigger defensiveness. Behavior invites awareness.
This is going to sound obvious, but no one ever says it. Calling someone problematic is not feedback. It's like lighting the touch paper to a bomb. Problematic feels useful because everyone sort of knows what you mean, but you can't manage sort of. What is the person actually doing? Are they interrupting? Are they missing deadlines? Being rude in a meeting? Ignoring instructions. That behaviour is the thing you can manage. Say this: In the last 2 meetings, you interrupted Jo several times and dismissed her suggestions before she finished. How do you think that made her feel about sharing her ideas? That works because it's specific. It gets them thinking about impact. Labels invite an argument. Behaviour Invites awareness. Impact invites accountability. If you want the words for more of these awkward manager conversations just like this, grab my free Say This First guide. I'll put it with the post.
