Alastair Wallace explains why defending yourself when receiving tough feedback backfires: it signals to others that honesty is costly, so they stop telling you the truth. Instead, respond with gratitude and ask for a concrete example and its impact.
Defending yourself against negative feedback feels like the best thing to do. I'm going to tell you in 60 seconds why it's not. The second someone gives you difficult feedback, your brain wants to defend, to explain, to correct them, to produce Exhibit A through to Exhibit F to show them why they're wrong. The thing is, if you defend too quickly, you're teaching people that being honest with you is expensive and risky, and then they stop telling you the truth. Say this: "Thank you for telling me. Can you give me an example? What impact did that have?" This works because you're not necessarily agreeing with them, but you're understanding their point before you respond. That's what mature leadership looks like, even when your ego is having a minor panic attack. Do you want the words for these awkward manager moments, just like this? Grab my free Say This First guide. I'll put it with this post for you.
