Alex Cornell stages a fictional lab recording where researchers attempt to mate an online user named Girls4GuitarZ with a contained subject, narrating camera feeds and behavioral observations as technical difficulties mount.
Chapters
AELUS International. Hello, Dr. Case here for AELUS International, thanking you for your continued interest in our research. We would like to specifically acknowledge Dr. John Chambers, Susan Bridge, and everyone at the Cisco Institute for their generous investments and guidance throughout this process. We have been looking for ways to prolong our research in the coming years and were recently presented with an exciting opportunity. Username Girls4GuitarZ showed a rather strong and curious interest in our research subject, and we determined it might be prudent for us to acquire her. Over the weekend, we procured Girls4GuitarZ and are ready to place her in the containment ward with our subject. The goal of this process will be the immediate mating of the two, hopefully leading to a talented and musically gifted offspring which we can use in subsequent research. Cut to security camera 2 now.
Ah, there he is. There's our subject. He's at his wall again. Seems to have moved on from the adjacent wall, which he was infatuated for some time. Uh, cut to camera 1, please. Thank you. All right, throw her in. Oh, there she is. There is our new subject. She's noticed him. Cut to camera 2, please. I'm, uh, the mating should begin almost instantaneously, I'm told, so it should be only a matter of time now. He's noticed her and she's noticed him, so here we are, and it should begin now. And perhaps they are waiting for something, some sort of communication, but any moment now they should get to it. Now, this is not, um, this is taking quite a while. Um, hello, Dr. Case for Mr. Whitaker, please. Thank you. Nigel, uh, what is happening here? What am I, um— Yes, Doctor? No, exactly, that's what I— it's taken quite some time. I was told that it would be immediate. Now, are you seeing what I'm seeing? I— oh, okay, right. I'll get back to you when there seems to be some activity here. And they are talking still, they're noticing something, but I think this should be step 1. He's assuming some sort of subservient position on the floor, and here we are. Should begin now. Any moment. She's assuming— what is happening? They're both on the floor now. This is not working at all. Mickey, pull her out, please. We're going to have to try something else. Okay. Here we are. This, I'm told, should be failsafe and will begin work— uh, could we, um, could we bring in the audio, please?
You think, uh, whether they make you change?
Damn it!
Now it appears we are experiencing some technical difficulties. Um, further results will be pending. Nigel? Dr. Case. I don't want a bloody excuse!
