A look beyond the Veil- Take off the Mask & Come out openly with Alex Verville - REIA 491

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Hello, enlightened investors, and delighted to be with you once again. I'm your host, Dr. Allen, and this is the Real Estate Investing Abundance Podcast. And we are going to take a look here at how we can look beyond the veil and take off the mask And come out openly. Alex Verville is with us today, and he has been a stay-at-home dad, founder, operator, and community builder. His journey has taken him into 4 continents, 5 countries, and many roles of collaboration, from director of marketing and communications at a diversified holding company to professional athlete English teacher, retail shop owner, co-founder of a wellness brand, and head of operations at a non-diluted capital firm. Alex says the truth that binds all of us is there is a unique original path for each and every one of us. And I am intrigued by your title that you gave us, Alex, Look Beyond the Veil: Take Off the Mask and Come Out Openly. As a gay man, I probably probably have a different perspective on that than perhaps you do, although I think all of us have masks that we need to come out from. So explain to us the title that you've given us.

Yeah, that's a great— you know, and that's even such a connecting point in the intersectionality, I think, of once someone can actually disassociate themselves from the external identities, That the world has given them, you know, whether familial, religious, geographical, sex. And you can like just observe yourself as, as what I kind of said is my premise, that each of us are unique and each of us have a differentiation. And then it's the— it's our differentiation that then connects us to one another. So for me, it is actually this. Same meaning that most people will associate with our wonderful gay community and the unnecessary process that's been created, in my opinion, of having to come out of the closet. You know, because it's funny, it's very interesting, the friends that I have, because I'm, you know, millennial, so I'm 34. So early part of my life, you know, there really was that coming out of the closet. You have to make like this announcement to everyone and let them know this is who I am. This is what I believe. This is where I'm going. Then more and more younger people— I've had cousins in the last 10 years who are maybe 18 now who didn't tell our family because they didn't feel it needed to be this large announcement. Like, this is just who I am. This is who I've always been. As you know, we do evolve. Change is the only constant in humanity over generations and time. It just may happen a little bit slower. For me, My journey was growing up with an incredibly evangelical household. My father— for those, anyone who doesn't know, evangelical Christianity is literally the belief that if you don't believe in Jesus, then you are going to hell, and there is no other way, there is no other path. And so for me, owning, owning kind of that bio you just shared, and the way that I wanted to Go down so many different avenues of life. Definitely was a mourning process for my parents and for a lot of people who knew me in my initial community, the same way that I think maybe for you. Maybe not to the extent, or maybe not you know in the same way, but definitely that premise is the core part of that journey. So that's kind of why I wanted to use that because I feel like for me, you know, if you look at the Greek word of You know, or the Greek meaning of persona, it's a mask. So even our personality is our mask. It's how we externally engage with the world, but that may not be the correct or most authentic or original depiction of who we actually are. So that's kind of why I chose that title.

Well, that is interesting. I came from an evangelical background as well. So I had the— evangelical issues to deal with on top of being gay. And it was— well, it was a 40-year coming to terms, 40-year process coming to terms with that. Well, Alex, why is it that we constantly question what it is that our purpose is and what is the point in all of that?

I think it first and foremost comes from Survival. Survival. So we have our given programming or that mask that we're given as almost at its highest function from family, society, friends. At its highest function, it's a gift of survival. This is a tried and true method that will enable you to sustain life, to be able to pay for your food and Find shelter and have clothes on your back, right? Like looking at Maslow's hierarchy of needs. But it's just that first need. It's not going to like the fourth, which is then getting into the psychological and physiological and emotional and spiritual health of our beingness. And so I think that when you get to the end of your rope as an individual in terms of following that formulaic path, The only question you have, and Mark Twain I think said it best, is the 2 most important days in a person's life are the day you're born and the day you find out why. And I think that that's the grappling that each of us have in life, even if it's just, you know, those nights where you can't sleep and you're feeling worried or you're feeling anxious or you're feeling stressed about life and the relationship you're in or the way that you are with your kids or the job that you're currently in or— The things you're not doing, right? I mean, they say that the number one thing that people have on their deathbed is regret. And I think because the reason is because they have been grappling with purpose and vision and what is my unique way of engaging with this life. But if you didn't take it, yeah, you're gonna feel— you will feel sad, you know, by that. And I think that's a human— I think that's just a human element for all of us.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, I think it's harder for other individuals to admit it because it may be like vulnerable or intimate, but that's— that is essentially why I think we're always grappling with that, whether we— it's subconscious or it's very conscious on our minds, you know.

Yeah, I think it does have a whole lot to do with particularly those lower levels of Maslow's hierarchy and Our safety, our security, and it is— it's very difficult to step outside of those roles that have been imposed upon us from birth on throughout our life.

Mm-hmm.

And as you had mentioned, dealing with— the perspectives of evangelical Christianness, the mourning process is not just for you but for your family.

Yeah.

And stepping outside of that, you have to step outside that safety and security zone that has held you for the first parts of your life there. Well, why Is it that— I'm not sure it's a totally different answer here, but we obsess a whole lot about money and safety, and I think the two are totally— they're not totally and completely separate entities. Money means safety, safety means money.

Absolutely.

Can you decipher all that?

Yeah, absolutely. And I agree with you, the two absolutely are emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually simpatico. And I love— that's why I really like what you're doing, because I will say at 34, after spending the last decade really engaging with and prioritizing the upper step of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I'm now realizing, okay, that the formulaic path has some deep, deep importance. It has some really, really— you can't bypass it. You can juggle it and prioritize, but each thing needs to be honored. I'm kind of in this stage of realizing that almost everything in life, in society, that if it exists, its current rendition of it may not be its highest exalted form, But if you go back far enough, you retrace the steps, what you will normally find out is that it existed in an intention that was real and almost was rooted in something beautiful, almost always. It's what I have seen. If it's something that continues to last, it's not just based in fear or oppression or, I have to look out for me, kind of like the zero-sum game theory. I think that a lot of us, what I would call early adopters of anything, are going to be the ones that have to go out and experience some of the suffering. You look at Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey and the idea of you have the individual within the collective who has to go out on the Hero's Journey and figure out something new. so that when they come back, they can share it with everyone as the new innovation or evolution, but also so they don't have to go through the same struggle that they did out in the wilderness while they were figuring out that new set of information. And so my wife and I, in creating Era Society, that was a lot of it. I mean, we, in our pursuit of that hierarchy of needs, we have gone through, you know, with 2 kids jumping for a 6-month period We migrated from friends' and families' house to house, state to state, country to country, because we didn't have a sustainable income that allowed us to really be secure in our pursuit of knowledge or practice. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. We went through— I mean, there were times where there actually wasn't enough food for all of us. And I'm going hungry as the— As the father and as the male who's supposed to keep my family safe, eating rice and ketchup. You know, so this is where I love the other side of it because you realize, ah, okay, now the point is to then collaborate and speak and share with people like yourself who their specialty and what their passion is, is showing people that the math— if we're going to use Maslow's hierarchy of needs is our baseline foundational language for everyone. Rule number 1 can be honored just as much as number 4 if it's done with, ah, okay, yes, that's me and that's how I want to build out my portfolio or have my real estate investments. It's beautiful because everything is in synergy, but I will say you have to You do have to be a little bit uncomfortable if that's the way you want to do it. Again, I'm not saying that any one path is the way that someone has to go, but that is what at least in my path I have realized and had to come to like, oh, okay, I'm a little bit imbalanced right now. Some of that time and money could have been used this way, but would I trade it? No, because now I know. You know, and so that's where I do think, yeah, not everyone has to experience everything, but you have to determine what you want to experience, you know, to then determine that.

Yeah, I like you were using the word balance, which is an extraordinarily challenging state, I think, to be in. And I don't know that we can ever 100% be there.

Yeah, I agree.

Some days more so than others, and I think it's a state we come Well, investors, we are talking today with Alex Verville, and he is with the ERA Society, and you can find the ERA Society at erasociety.com. And ERA is E-R-A-H and then society.com. So Alex, if you would please, you've alluded to your journey. Give us a little bit more detail on that journey and particularly that hero's journey. What were the milestones? What were the breakthroughs for you?

Oh, man, that's a great question. So as you kind of shared in my initial bio, I played Division I soccer, was on a scholarship. Studied international economics with a minor in German. Always knew that I wanted to get abroad. So the internship that I had was starting with that diversified holding company, and I started my career in Germany and simultaneously was also playing for a Division 3 Bundesliga team and was doing all the things, you know, living very much— I come from like an upper middle class family, so I was doing the next level of what, you know, the privilege that and sacrifice that my parents had given me, you know, going beyond that, you know, having a really, really good job then offered to me in our North American location, moving back, living very much, I guess, what you would call that yuppie status, where very comfortable just getting to go out, drink, like have the things that I want. And then I had this really intense Yeah. There was this night in 2014 where I went back for Memorial Day. I was living in Baltimore at the time. I love my family. I love my brothers. I love my sister. I love just our community. But when I got there that weekend, everything just felt very tasteless. It was as if someone had taken away salt from me. And the food was just bland. Like life, like everything I was experiencing, all the things that I had experienced was just bland. Like there was no vibration. There was no spectrum of color. You know, it was just, oh, okay. It was, wow. And then that led to, yeah, one night just having severe, severe sleep paralysis. And I've never had sleep paralysis. So I didn't know what was happening. You know, where my body, I was awake, but I could not move. I felt as if I was stuck to the bed and there's a weight pushing on me and I could not move. And when I finally, you know, tears are running down my face because I'm scared. When I finally surrender to the moment and just realize, okay, this is happening, you know what, like, I obviously have tried to fight and that's not working. There was just a voice that was just very clear and it said, just let go. Just let go. And from that moment, the girl that I had been dating for 5 years, that was the first thing I let go of because I realized, oh wow, I'm trying to basically recreate my parents' marriage through this relationship. Like, beautiful girl, love you, but like, obviously it's just not what it's supposed to be. So that was the first thing. And then one month later, I met my current partner. Who, from the moment that I saw her, it was as if it was a consciousness of and a remembrance of almost like when you're a child and you— the world does not expect anything of you other than for you to just be curious and play and, you know, yeah, express that version of yourself. And to this day, She still only— like, our version of partnership is the only reason we're together is so that we can be a reflection to one another of where we're not being that authentic version of ourselves. And so that then subsequently led to quitting said corporate job and selling all of our stuff, and we've kind of had this aligned program to go teach English in Thailand. As a second language, which was a beautiful experience. Obviously, it gives you the ability to have something to do with your mind. You have to be present. But really, the overarching thing was to go somewhere that is so foreign and so having nothing to do with your previous programming to basically decide, like Marie Kondo, does this thing bring you joy? Does this not? Do you want to keep this? Do you want to keep that? And really figuring out what What are those things for me? And then how does it connect to then my identity as a son, as a friend, as a said this and that? So we were able to really decide, yeah, what do we want to be? How do we want to be it? And then we got pregnant with our son. And so life kind of brought us back to the States. And that then was the journey of integration and Trying to figure out, okay, how do we provide for ourselves as a family while not compromising those things? But also not being too rigid where you're like, oh, this person's not there right now. How do I still give them grace and compassion but still with boundaries? This is like you said, that there never is a perfect homeostasis of of balance. But that's the journey, is the same way that I felt peace meeting her, that's my baseline for any interaction or relationship or opportunity that life presents. It's like, ah, it's a resonance, right? I would compare it to someone who is a wine or whiskey or Scotch connoisseur. Like, oh, is that a single barrel batch, 30 years old? It takes time to get to that type of standard or type of resonance of, ooh, this is— oh wow, I can taste the oak. I can taste the almonds or whatever the thing is that it is. So it's a pursuit of that mastery of my own individual path. And then how does me in that individual path then fill into the sum? So yeah, there's been a lot of moments like that. That's very broad. I don't want to— so if you would like to know anything deeper on that, I'm happy to share, but that's kind of the baseline for it.

Well, it is interesting to me. It is the more and more people I talk to, there is almost always a moment that is a total change in trajectory of a person's life, at least At many times that seems to be the case for people who really discovered what their purpose is, what their passion is. I mean, there are people who knew that from the time they're 6 or 7 years old.

Yeah, that's true.

But it seems like most of us have to go through this hero's journey in some way, shape, or form. And it, like yours, it is There's something very frightening about it, something very scary that really threatens our safety and security in some way, shape, or form.

Exactly.

Yeah, exactly. And then coming through that, really for the first times in our life oftentimes, we find that we have a passion.

Mm-hmm.

We may not at those particular moments be able to actually define that, but I know that's the way it was for me. I mean, I had a very ne'er-do-well experience, and then at the age of 38, I had a really dramatic experience like you did, and, and I woke up from that a totally and completely different person. I didn't know where I was going, but one day I had no passion, the next day I had a passionate desire for living.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

So yeah, yeah.

Exactly, yeah, exactly. That's a beautiful way to say it.

Yeah, you gave us some interesting perspectives on your journey there, but you said there are some deeper, more meaningful kinds of things. What are those?

Oh, man. Okay. I think the first is, I know it's something that everyone says, but that you can't make anybody do anything they don't want to do. Regardless of how sweet or beautiful the message or the love that you have, You have to be honoring that they are a self-autonomous being. Then what I say is created in the image of the Divine. We are small g god. Therefore, we create and manifest our own life by the decisions that we make. Scientifically, every action has an opposite and equal reaction. That was a big one for me because, again, growing up evangelical, I didn't know how deep the programming of Trying to like make somebody do the thing that I think you know is the best thing was deeply like rooted in me. So even after you know letting go of so much of it, you just if you're not careful, you will just recreate the same programming you have in a different way. You know, and that's where again people who are you know we see it everywhere like in veganism or this this you know in business like you know this. financial methodology of creating ratios, you know, is the best for underwriting, you know, in the way that we determine how a capital loan is provided. So that rigidity, I then saw in all the scopes of life. So one of them was absolutely not imparting where I'm at in life onto anyone else, including my own children, you know. So just letting them be curious and let them be their own autonomous self was a deep, deep one that I still, you know, am in the process of letting go of when I see something or someone that, you know, right, and they even know it's detrimental, right, to them. But letting them come to that, like I was saying earlier, that end of where they're at, you know, to then want to say and actually come to you out of curiosity and say, hey, you know, I know you mentioned that, or I knew something about your life. Like, would you mind sharing some insight? Ah, okay. You know, and realizing that no one is really interested unless they actually are asking questions.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I think alongside that, the biggest thing was really understanding that I shouldn't focus— like, so by freeing up that, I then had extra space and realizing that the only person's path that I should be focusing on is my own. You know, there's like, unless I am really gaining something in terms of a reflection, a true expansion or something, like, I just can't even get involved in like the gossip of life, you know, like where we're talking about this or that, you know, to exonerate or to really create an excuse to remain stagnant in your own journey. You know, it's kind of like what I noticed in my life is like when I would get very involved with others and their stories and it wasn't used as a way to reflect in my own life, hey, where am I doing that? How am I doing that? When did I do that? You know, why does that trigger me? Really, oh, I just pontificate and it becomes, how am I better than you? You know, and how are you like in a weaker or lower— place than me. But the truth is, no one is higher or lower. When you really are empty, everyone is your teacher. Everyone is wise because they've experienced something in their unique journey, even if they're not conscious to it, that can provide you maybe the salve or the thing that you need in your own journey. Those are 2 huge ones. I think the biggest overarching ones. I think also knowing how to let people know that it's a no, but not closing my heart, I think is the other one.

Mm-hmm.

So boundaries, right? I come back and in a lot of situations, the, the no thank you is no thank you. No, I'm not gonna do that. Again, coming from a place of judgment. Coming from a place of, yeah, I think I'm better than you, instead of it being, no, it's just a no for me. But my heart is still open to the human. But my boundary is no to the activity. But my heart is never closed to anyone or anything. So I think that was the other thing is realizing like, oh, okay, you don't have to be so, again, going to— You know, fight or flight kind of mechanisms. You know, when you feel like, oh, no one's listening to my boundaries, you can let people know compassionately and lovingly that it is a no. Yeah, so those are the biggest ones I think that come to mind.

Amazing journeys, amazing realizations. Yeah, the self-autonomous being. I think it was— well, I know it has been horses that have taught me about that experience.

Ooh, yeah.

Coming from the equine world where people are projecting their will onto other beings constantly. I mean, that's just the whole culture of the equestrian world. And, and Actually finding mentors and coaches and teachers who took me on a different path to really allow the horse to actually be an autonomous being.

Yeah.

It was, was an amazing journey for me.

Yeah, thank you for that because yeah.

But yes, fantastic. Journey, Alex, tell us about the ERA Society, what it is that you do, and how that can help us.

Yeah, absolutely. So ERA actually stands for the Emerging Renaissance Age of Humanity. And it comes out of everything really just that Jazz and I— and that I was just kind of sharing just now. Which it's an oasis for founders and seekers. So it's a place and it's currently, we call it like it's a digital tea house. And Jazz and I are firm believers that to not have to go through what we went through, there's a thing called like third spaces that are needed where you can truly just drop in and there's nothing expected of you because it's very hard to be running your life and also then try to like balance Expansion and your growth and, um, trying to find a different way to do things that you have always done it. It's, it's very true. It can actually create more turmoil and trauma, I think, than just staying in where, where you currently are at. And, you know, you have to, you have to really have a support system. And for us, it was each other. And then obviously, as we had more resources, there was therapists and different, as you said, mentors and people who saw the journey and, and really came along, but we wanted to create a space first and foremost that really was like what you and I heard growing up, which is come as you are.

Yeah.

The idea of church. There is no religious or spiritual affiliation to one tradition, but we definitely have used a multitude of different modalities, including astrology, the I Ching, There's one called Human Design that really talks about, on a different plane of reality that's happening simultaneously as the human reality, who you are uniquely by different indicators. We have found that when you lose that place of peace for your mind, as we all know, the mind is a beautiful problem solver and is great at its function. But when driving the car, a lot of times we'll create problems so that it can do its function, which is to solve problems. So we always kind of— whether it's your heart or your soul or your gut or however, you know, you are someone that's determined your highest level of, like, love or alignment, you know, and how that's determined, we will then— we've created workshops and webinars and— Live events that allow you to— when that mental chatter comes back, there's a baseline of knowledge and of language that will then say, hey, you know what? Actually, there's so many indicators of different parts of me that show me that that's actually not me and I don't have to do that. So it's like reminding yourself of a permission slip, that you don't have to go down that road if you don't want to. Again, you're a self-autonomous being and if that's the road you want to go down to, You're more than welcome and we'll still be here. But that also doesn't mean that we're going to go down the road with you. It's just really 10 years of our deep, deep dives into these spaces and concepts. We do dharma talks as well, or really where we're just sitting in silence and we allow the sharing to come through. You know, and then we also have like a somatic practice because both of us are certified in breathwork, as well as done various like meditation techniques. You know, like there are a lot of Buddhism and Bali and stuff. So like really understanding like how to guide someone just through the practice of like becoming the observer. You know, don't be the identity that's happening right now. You know, allow yourself to just observe your life and who you are in this human form without the feeling of anxiety of, okay, if this happens or that happens, then what does that mean? It's like, no, just creating a space for stillness. Then it's kind of evolved into really— when I say founders and seekers, it has evolved then into working with in a more one-on-one intimate way with people who are normally solo entrepreneurs, entrepreneurs or entrepreneurs and really have what they think is or feel is their, you know, vocation or something you're called, like we've been talking about, called to do. And then using my business background and the things that I've done along with Jazz's, she has an MBA in art, fashion, and design. So she really does a beautiful job of aesthetics and brand voice and understanding What is that expression tangibly when it comes to the service that you're providing or the product? So that's kind of like what we would call our agency consulting branch era. So we have this, I guess if you were to talk about it in business terms, it might be like the tea house might be an incubator or somewhere where you're just still. You're just learning about who you are, what you want to do, You know, like personally and business-wise. And then if, yeah, if there's an alignment and a want to work closer and relatedly together, we, uh, we can do that too. So that's kind of what ERA is at the moment.

And so where do we go, um, to, to start this process with ERA?

Yeah, I would say we're mostly active, um, On Instagram, and then we also have a podcast, is where I would normally start, and/or joining the newsletter, as it will just give you kind of a feel, you know. So the Instagram is just @earhsociety. So as you said, E-A-R-H Society on Instagram. The podcast is called Countercultural. And there's— we've had 7 seasons of it. So there's a lot to get into there. If you actually do go to the website, there are things within the Tea House that we offer just for free, like, as so you would get an idea of what is in the Tea House, you know, if you were to, because it is a monthly subscription service. I think it's $30 a month, you know, but there's tons of resources as well as, yeah, then like a live component each month. And then, yeah, that's where I would Because again, it's all about alignment. You know, we have no— there really is no— and I'm sure you are very similar with your clients, like where— and that's probably why the inspiration for this podcast is like providing people with resources and education so that they can make that best decision for themselves and in partnership and the people that they want to collaborate with. You know, so I think life is all about exposure. Hopefully, yeah, then you get to choose and consent, you know, what feels good for you.

Well, wonderful conversation, Alex. In a word, what can we do to unprogram our lives?

Wow, in a word.

Yeah, that's—

The word is surrender. But I mean, the word is surrender. Yeah, it's just breathe. Okay. And then just, yeah, just surrender whatever it is. Because then even if you're still—

Where you started your journey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only word for me. And that's constantly my— it's a daily, it's a moment-to-moment thing. I mean, there's things going on. There's 5, uh, so there's 5 where I'm at. There's 5 of these booths, uh, that are kind of soundproof. It's a coworking space. And, uh, when I, I got here early today and none of them were taken, and then I'm scrambling, but now all of them are taken. So I had to go downstairs, ask the admin, is there another room? And he's like, yeah, there's another 3 rooms on this floor. And it's like, ah, okay. But I'm thinking, oh, I have nowhere to go, you know, nowhere to be. It's like, yeah, you do. Surrender. Oh, okay.

We're here.

We're on time. Everything's fine.

Well, Alex, wonderful conversation. What a pleasure it's been to be with you today. Enlightened Investors, I know you've enjoyed our show today. Check out Era Society. Lots of good information there for helping us to balance our lives. Because life is much, much more than investing and a whole lot more than just developing wealth. Thank you, Enlightened Investors, for being with us. Until next time, live abundantly in all areas of your life, and we'll see you in the next episode.

Thank you for having me.

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