The Power of Surrender: Unlock Limitless Possibilities By Letting Go

So there might come a moment, even as an entrepreneur where you have to realize, this is what I've created. But there's another mission, there's another possibility, there's another level for what I'm meant to do now because I've outgrown this level. And yet we sometimes tend to hold on to the old because it works, it's fine, it makes me money, but it's not aligned. And the surrender is the willingness to be honest and say there is more that is seeking to happen. There is more that I'm here to do and open to that and allow that to guide you. And that takes a moment of surrender to not get caught in the trap of success.

Welcome to the Scale or fail show. I am your host, Alison Maslin and I'm your business growth mentor and CEO and founder of Pinnacle Global Network where we mentor business owners around the world to grow and scale, scale and talk about scaling and just having a big picture view of possibilities in the world. I am bringing back, honestly one of my all time favorite guests and a dear friend, Coop Blackson. So before I bring him on, let me just say a few words about Coot because he is such a phenomenal human being and you are in for such a treat. So Koot Blackson is a beloved inspirational speaker and transformational teacher. He speaks at countless events that he organizes around the world as long as outside events including a fast YPO EO which is entrepreneurs organization. He's a member of the Transformational Leadership Council which is a select group of 100 of the world's most foremost authorities in personal development industry. He is the Winner of the 2019 Unity New Thought Walden award. Blackson is widely considered a next generation leader in the field of personal development and he is incredible at helping you break through and that is what we are going to do today on this show. His mission is simple. To awaken and inspire people across the planet to access inner freedom and live authentically and fulfill their true life's purpose. I love that mission. He's got a brand new book called the Magic of Surrender which we're going to dive in today. Cute. So glad you're here.

Great to be here. Thanks for having me back. I really always appreciate the welcome.

Yeah, we had fun last time and but there's just, I mean the things that you talk about are so enlightening and transformational. I could talk with you for hours and hours. So we want to dive into your book today and all of that, but I want to go back because I know we talked about this a little bit on your show, but I feel like we should touch upon it because, you know, your history coot is really powerful. Being part of your father's ministry. Do you still keep with you today some of the things that you learned from the early days from your father? And how are you influenced by that today in your work?

Yeah, you know, I mean, I think being born in Ghana, West Africa, father from Ghana, mother from Japan, growing up in London, I was very influenced from a. Coming from a multicultural, global perspective. So I always felt like a citizen of the world. And I always felt that despite the differences of religion, of color, of the know culture, I felt at the deepest level that we're all the same. And at the core essence, our nature, our being, our soul is the same. The soul to me, has no passport. So I always grew up with that sense of understanding, feeling, sensing, love for humanity. Yeah, my father, you know, it's hard to not be influenced by my father. He was like my first memories. I forget if I told you this or not in our initial conversation. My first memories as a young boy was literally seeing. Walking through the crowd, a chubby kid walking through the crowd in Ghana, West Africa, and literally seeing a crippled woman crawling on the floor. She picks up the sand that this guy walks on, wipes it on her face and stands up week after week. I grew up seeing blind people see and deaf people hear, and people stand up out of wheelchairs. The same man who Sanji picked up would look at a woman in a wheelchair and say, why are you in this wheelchair? Stand up, you're not sick. Or he'd look at a person with crutches and who hadn't walked in 10 years or a decade, 12, 15 years, and say, throw your crutches away. And they would start walking. And. And so I grew up around this sense of miraculousness, miracles, so to speak. But for me, it wasn't miraculous. It was normal. It was like, you know, you looking at your plants right there, or, you know, you getting on stage or you brushing your teeth. It was just my reality. So I didn't think anything significant about it. It was just all I knew. And yet I would say, looking back now, that those experiences really informed me in terms of the sense of possibility. You know, I've always been a believer that anything is possible. Miracles are possible. And so when clients come to me, to my events, I really feel and hold the possibility that breakthroughs, transformation, impact in quotation marks, miracles, not those kinds of miracles, but to be a shift in perception, a shift in consciousness, a shift in one's way of seeing things. I think whenever we're able to accept ourselves more, love ourselves more, make peace with ourselves more, forgive those that have hurt us in the past, even though we might feel right, whenever we're able to just embrace the moment more. To me, all these things are miracles, so to speak. So I've always had this sense that no matter someone's experience, no matter what's happened in the past, shifts and transformation can happen regardless of how challenging it's been, even so long as people are open. So that's been my. That's been a gift that has been transmitted through osmosis from my experience.

Yeah, I love that. And that really got me thinking because I've always said when with my father, who was a businessman, and he would just get out there and make it happen. So I would. I saw through him that success was possible because he was creating it for himself. But for you, you were. For you, it was like miracles were an everyday thing. I mean, that's. That's so powerful. I mean, I don't think I've ever heard anybody say that before, now that I've heard the story before. But when you think about it that way, to know that every single day like it, that it's all around you and for you is just expected. So when you. So my question to you is, when you expect miracles, like how. How. What's a life to live like that, where you're kind of expecting, you know.

I expected miracles, but, you know, I just want to say that, you know, blind seeing, deaf hearing, I mean, all these huge miracles. And sometimes people would ask me, is it really possible? Wow, is it real? Is it staged? Does it really happen? Oh, my. I wish I experienced that. And I would look at people eventually, and I would say to my friends and those around me, every moment of our lives, if we really pay attention, is a miracle. Miracles aren't just these big things happening. All these biblical or, you know, things we hear about in India and what have you. Every moment of our life, the fact that you and I are sitting here having this conversation and there are, you know, your heart is beating, my heart is beating in spite of us. There are trillions and trillions and trillions of cells happening and interacting and processes happening inside of us, in spite of us. This is miraculous. But often we just don't pay attention to what's. Every day. We don't appreciate. We don't pay attention. And so I think part of a shift in miracles is the willingness to Bring our attention and perception to what is here right now. I mean, I'm looking out at the sun right now and I'm thinking there's never been a day where the sun didn't shine. There's never been a day when I personally couldn't look out and see the magic of nature. And so I think part of the shift is bringing our attention to the miracles that already exist all around us. So if anyone doubts miracles are possible, go to the mirror, look in the mirror, and really just take yourself in. We are living, breathing miracles. And I think the more we embrace that and amplify that and celebrate that and acknowledge what we are as a consciousness, as energy, as these amazing beings, the more we focus on what's amazing about us, the more what's amazing about us will expand. And I think the more we will start just tapping into our own potential. And so I say don't look for miracles in other places. Just look within. Look right here. It's available now.

Yeah. I think that. Well, I know that. That we take it for granted a lot of times. Right. Because I'm. I'm looking outside, I see Bougainville. I see beautiful sunshine. I think sometimes. Well, yeah, that was there yesterday, like, but wow. I mean, do you know what it takes for that to actually bloom? I mean. Yeah. I love this conversation. So miracles. I want to shift over to surrender. It's kind of our theme of the conversation today. You have a new book coming out.

Like, it's here the other day.

Yes. The Magic of Surrender. And I love the title of the book. I love the. You know, I just. I don't feel like it's. It's. This idea of surrender is talked about. Enough. Enough. Can you tell me coot, what inspired you to write this?

What inspired it was something unexpected. Honestly, Alison, this was not the book that I thought I was going to write. I had an idea of the book I thought I should write. I had an idea of a book I thought would sell. I. I literally sat down one day and had a whiteboard that was the size of my entire wall. And I was brainstorming all of these amazing ideas. Ah, that would be New York Times, blah, blah. People would buy that. People want that, that would sell, that's easy to market. And hundreds of ideas, book titles. And, you know, this was my plan. And all of a sudden, one day, during the process, over the course of a few weeks, I literally felt the energy and the soul and the guidance, the soul of the book just. It just hit me one day And I knew that of all the themes and topics, it was about surrender. And then everything in my life literally just started making sense. I looked at my father, I looked at how I'd lived, I looked at the things that happened in my life, I looked at my mother, I looked at everything. And I just felt like in that moment, as much as I was. So I had to surrender to the book that was seeking to happen. I had to get myself out of the way and open to. And surrender to the. The essence, to the impulse of what was seeking to be written and let go of my limited idea of what I thought I should be writing. When I did that, when I really surrendered, that's when the magic. That's when the book. That's when the information, that's when things started to flow through. That's when the beauty. And so the book was really inspired because after my first book was out, you are the one was a national bestseller, did really well. 2016, at the end of the year, I got a phone call that my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer. So here I am on this high and traveling the world. And then the woman I love the most, my best friend, my biggest supporter, the biggest love of my life, my mother, is. She's basically dying, is what I'm told. And so I started to fly back from LA to London once a month with the intention of, like, I'm going to heal her, I'm going to get her better, I'm going to get her on a juice cleanse. I'm going to do all these things to shift and bring her back into healing and keep her alive. This was my plan. So I started flying back every four weeks, and I was being with her during chemo, and we would sit and we would talk and we would laugh and we would reminisce and got to spend time with her. And during this time, it was really amazing. I never saw this emotional woman. I never saw her cry, never saw her complain, never saw her resist. I never saw her feel like a victim. She was in total peace. And. And the key for me was to. About eight months into the process, the doctors basically said, there's nothing else we're going to do. You're going to die, so get your affairs in order. And in that moment, it is a deeply emotional moment. It was, for me, a deeply emotional moment of realizing this is it, and having to surrender Alison, to the reality of my mother will never see my children and my future and her grandchildren and all of the things I wanted to do with my mother. That I thought I had time to do. But I was busy running around the world, building what I thought was important, not that it's not important. And I missed out on the moments, the special moments, the miraculous moments, the tiny moments of just exploring and being with her. And I felt such a depth of grief. And I remember asking my mother in the car. I was crying, actually. You know, it was just emotion of. Just my heart breaking, of having to surrender to the reality of that I could not keep my mother alive. That was a surrender like, wow, no matter what I've done, no matter what I do, she's going to die. And the reality of mortality and the reality of death broke my heart open because it caused me to reflect on all the things I had missed out on with her and with people and with life in the pursuit of something, right? And so there I am with my mother. And I said to her, are you afraid of dying? And she said, looked at me, straight in the car. No YouTube, no cameras, no nothing. And she said, no, I know I'm not. I'm not afraid. And I said, why? She said, I know I'm not just this body. I'm an infinite soul. I'm an infinite spirit. This body is just a vehicle. I will be with you from the other side, guiding you. Then I said to her, and this is when the seed I think of the book was planted for me. I said to her, what can I do for you as your son, to make your final days easier? Well, can I take you somewhere? Can I buy you? What can I do? I want to do something for you. And she said. I said, what do you want? And she said, look to me. She pondered. She looked around. She looked me straight in the eyes, as calm as can be. She said, there's nothing I want. I said, what do you mean? There must be something. She goes, no. She goes, I just want what God wants for my life. And it sounded like such a simple phrase and not in a religious way, but I really got. The key to her freedom in that moment was that she was surrendered not to living or not to die, but she was surrendered to the highest journey for her soul and her evolution, and that was her peace. There was no resistance. There was total acceptance. Even beyond acceptance, which we can get into, there was surrender. And I realized surrender was the key to her freedom. Surrender was the password to freedom. Surrender was the password to peace, joy, you know, so many things. And then when she passed away and the book started coming, coming and getting downloaded, I started reflecting on many of the Great ones, whether it was Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Muhammad Ali, Oprah, Mother Teresa, Mandela, at some point, they all had to let go and surrender to something bigger than themselves and allow life. You know, allow themselves to be guided by their souls, allow life to move through them, to express through them. And that was a bigger surrender. And that's kind of how the book came about. And it's been an amazing. An amazing journey. And there's more I could say, but I'll stop there. That's how it. That was.

I mean, it sounds like your mother is with you through this book. I mean, I'm sure she's with you in many ways, but as you are now kind of on this virtual tour and getting it out, it's as if she is living through you and you through her.

Yes.

Yeah, that's.

So I really. I. I really felt that, you know, what I really got to experience was that even though a person dies, and this is something I had to really surrender to even more deeply. I mean, you know, it. But then there's levels. Even though she died and a person dies and the form changes, the love continues. And in an interesting way, yes, I grieved and let go of the form, but I am closer to her now. There's a deeper connection because the love I feel for her is no longer limited to a physical body, is no longer limited to a person. It's in me. It's a part of me. The real connection is beyond the physical. And so that's the beauty. And I saw that, the way she lived her life. This is a woman, Alison, who. Japanese woman, Never met a foreign person, never met a white person, never met a black person, never met anyone outside of Japan. In the 70s, married an African guy from the middle of nowhere in the bush of Africa, agreed to marry my father, spoke no English, agreed to marry him, having never met him, never seen a picture of him. Follow her calling and following her soul's guidance. And to me, this is part of surrender. Surrender is. We often think that surrender is weakness. We often think that if I surrender, then I won't get what I want. If I surrender, I won't get the business I want. I won't get the relationship I want. I'm going to be homeless, I'm going to be bankrupt, I'm going to be broke. I'm going to have to live in the Himalayas. I'm going to. You know, so we have this negative idea of surrender, that if we surrender, what will happen to my life? And so my invitation for people is a reframe of this idea of surrender so they can think about it in this way. If you surrender, what if you got more? More than you could imagine, more than you could visualize, more than you could. I'm sure that Nelson Mandela didn't not want to spend 27 years in prison. But look at when he surrendered. Look at the impact. To me, it must be more than he could ever have dreamed of for himself. And that's kind of what I'm inviting. I'm inviting a next level of tapping into potential. Like when we surrender to life, when we surrender to our soul's gu. When we surrender to our deepest truth and allow ourselves to go in that direction, then what life can express and do through us, I feel I've seen is more than, I think what we can just do with our own limited minds. And that's the.

What. What is. Can you define surrender for me? Because, I mean, I've had those some experiences in my life where I just, you know, I was driving and pushing and it just wasn't happening. And then I was like, okay. I was like, okay, okay, finally. And then it does open up. But there's a fine line between, like, you know, waving the white flag. I give up, you know, surrender. What? Surrender.

Surrender is not passive. Surrender. You know, Mandela wasn't passive. Martin Luther King wasn't passive. Mother Teresa wasn't passive. They worked hard on behalf of the mission. They were guided to live. You know, surrender isn't lazy, you know, so just so everyone's clear, surrender is not doing nothing. Surrender is the willingness to follow the deepest truth, the deepest truth in your heart, the willingness to follow your soul, the willingness to follow your deepest guidance, the willingness to allow life to guide you. Surrender is the willingness to let go and let go of the idea of the life that you think you should be living. Because sometimes we have this idea of the life we think we should be living, the book we think we should be writing, the business we think we should be creating to let go of who we think we should be so that we can allow who we really are, allow the authentic nature, allow the authentic life that is truly seeking to express to us to happen. Surrender is a letting go and an opening and a willingness to allow life. So it doesn't mean you don't pursue your dreams. It doesn't mean you don't go in the direction of building a business. It doesn't mean you don't give 100%. But what I'm saying is, when you surrender, you give 100%. You give everything you've got, but you also are willing to let go and not be attached to the form and the outcome. Because sometimes when we get so attached to. It's got to be this way, Alison. It's got to be this. Then we're not able. Then we're not willing to pivot. We're not willing to, like, oh, maybe that product's not working. I need to surrender and not just trying to force that thing to be something that it's not. And maybe the universe is guiding me over here, and maybe the universe is getting me over here. And so sometimes our attachment, in our attachment, we end up getting so fixed that we're not available, we're not open, and we end up limiting the infinite possibilities of how life can manifest and show up and express to us in ways that we cannot imagine. Surrender is openness. Surrender is willingness. Give 100%, but stay open. Stay available. And so the question I invite a lot of folks to ask is, it's a movement from trying to control life, right? It's a movement from trying to force life. And I think in our culture, we have been so conditioned to make it happen and force it and make it and push it, and nothing wrong with that. But there's so many times when we think we know what we want and we think we know what goal we want to go after. But I don't know about you, Alison, but there's many moments in my life when I got what I thought I wanted, only to realize it wasn't what I really wanted. And so I think if we're able to step back and be open. And for me, it's a shift from personal power, which is a level, and you can create a life from personal power. It's cool, but I found that it either leads to dissatisfaction or it will lead to a limited life. Mandela opened himself to an unlimited life, and look what life did through him. Martin Luther King opened himself to an unlimited life. Look what life did through them. They were really open to miracles unfolding. And so the question and the paradigm shift I'm inviting is to move from simply the question of what do I want? What do I want for myself? What do I want? This is, okay. You can live life this way, and you can manifest and you can create. I'm inviting a bigger opening, which. And a bigger question in surrender, which is feeling into what is it that life wants to express through me? What is it that life is seeking to express through me? What is the biggest impulse of what my soul is seeking to express through Me. Because even sometimes as business people, we become successful doing something, creating a business, and we become successful doing that, and it works. And so we keep doing more of what works, and we keep doing more of what works. But perhaps we get to a point where we're no longer growing. Perhaps we get to a point where we're no longer fulfilled, but we get addicted or caught in a trap of success from what we've created. But the life that we've created is actually too small for what our soul is seeking to become. And we're no longer aligned with our purpose, and we're not fulfilled anymore. So there might come a moment, even as an entrepreneur, where you have to realize, this is what I've created. But there's another mission, there's another possibility, there's another level for what I'm meant to do now, because I've outgrown this level. And yet we sometimes tend to hold on to the old because it works. It's fine, it makes me money, but it's not aligned. And the surrender is the willingness to be honest and say, there is more that is seeking to happen. There is more that I'm here to do and open to that and allow that to guide you. And that takes a moment of surrender to not get caught in the trap of success.

Yeah, that is huge. There's so much there. And I wrote this down. What is it that life wants to express through me?

Yes.

Oh, my gosh. That's like that. That is. That's big. Big, you know, and I. I think it is. It feels scary to this idea to let go sometimes. And, you know, this show got a lot of business owners listening, and we talk about. I talk a lot about the vision and having the big vision. So how do you keep the big vision? So you know where you're going but also surrender at the same time?

Yeah, I think it's important because sometimes the vision that we have is not the big vision. Sometimes the vision that we have is a small vision. Sometimes the vision we have is the vision of our parents. Sometimes the vision we have is the vision of what we think we should be doing. And the big vision, I believe, is the vision like, I see you, Alison, and you're living the big vision, and it's living you. And so I think partly what's important is to really make sure we align. We attune. We listen to the big vision of what wants to express through us, and we really listen to that so we can be honest about that. This way, when we create structures in the world. And when we create a business and a structure and a marketing plan, then what we're marketing and what we're building is actually authentic. What we're marketing and building is in alignment with our true soul's purpose and path in this lifetime. Many times we're really not, you know, and so I think when we can align with that, that's key because that will be a motivation. And then I think the importance is to be open, as I was mentioning, it's the openness and the willingness to not be attached and the willingness to not hold on and the willing. And also I think realizing that the big vision, truly the big vision chose you. The big vision chose that big vision, chose you. Because you are the perfect person to fulfill that big vision. Everything you've been through, even those dead end jobs and the breakups and the divorce and the failures, all of that was the perfect preparation to prepare you to be the perfect person to be able to fulfill that vision. So when we realized that the big vision actually is choosing you, the vision doesn't belong to you. It belongs to life. It belongs to the infinite. It belongs to the universe. And I think when we realize that our job is to kind of align with that, feel that open to that, say yes to that, get ourselves out of the way, because it's life's vision. And that vision is the way life, life, this intelligence of life that we are all living as human beings. Life is seeking to express itself through you, through me, through Elon Musk. Look at Elon Musk. People think, ah, surrender is just a spiritual thing. No, Elon Musk is a crazy surrenderer. I mean, this is a guy who PayPal, right? Made money in PayPal, took all of his PayPal money. He was guided, Alison. This guy was guided with a vision, a vision that was probably bigger than himself. He could have just said, I made 20. Was it 200 million he made? I forget how much millions he made, but it was a lot of money from PayPal. He could have just said, I'm going to live a nice life and stash everything away and go buy an island and be safe. He got a vision, a vision that was bigger than himself and put pretty much most of his net worth, most of his money on the line to be guided and follow that vision. And he's, you know, I'm not saying he's the most spiritual person, the most enlightened person, but he had to surrender to the vision that was moving through him. That is surrender. That is surrender. And so I think we can't be attached to the results. We have to be. We have to be willing to embrace the journey and the process because I think our dreams and our goals ultimately are evolutionary in nature. They will take us on the journey of becoming more. They will take us on the journey of learning and growing and evolving. And to me, the real growth, the real success in life is not just what you attain, although that's part of it. Not just what you get, although that's part of it. I think the real success in life is who we become in the. In the process of the pursuit of the vision, who we become in the process of the pursuit of the dream and the degree to which we become more authentic, the degree to which we become more of who we really are. To me, this is success. And so I think we have to give 100% and stay open. Because sometimes what we think the goal is, right, we think, ah, this is the goal, is not necessarily the goal. It's simply the goal to get to a certain point so that we can learn the lesson, so that we can then pivot and be directed over here. But if we don't take that step in that direction of the vision, and then we won't learn what we need to learn and meet who we need to meet so that we can actually move in this direction.

Yeah, I think that's, you know, I think that's the toughest point is part. Is letting go of this sort of idea of what we have and how it should be. And when it doesn't match that, that's where the disappointment comes.

Yes.

But then when, if we are able to do that, it's often better.

It's often better.

Yes.

That's the ma.

That's the forget that it's often.

Look, if you look at Alice, I don't know about you, okay. I could be totally off here. Your man, your guy, your husband, Right. Did you write down, and this could backfire on me, but did you write down in your journal, I'm gonna meet him on February 29, whatever the date was, let's say February 29 this year at 9am and we're going to meet in Starbucks coffee shop, and it's going to happen. Did it happen that way?

Yeah, it did happen that way.

Really?

Like almost.

You're screwing up my example.

But I'm sorry, I was like, did he read my book? Because that's what happened.

Yeah, because I think what I'm trying to say is most of the things, the best things that happen in our life, a lot of Them. A lot of them didn't plan.

It's true.

They just kind of like, you walk down the street and you meet the person. You walk down the street and you meet. You go to a conference and you meet the right connection, the right marketing person, the right person. You have a conversation that moves you in a different purpose. And so I think one of the things that we have to give up to really embrace surrender, which is very hard, It's a form of control that we have to give up. And control is actually the master addiction. We have this idea that we're in control. We're in control. Yes. There's some things we're in control of, and there's a lot of things we're not. So part of surrender is knowing the difference to what we're in control of and what we're not. But one of the things that I think we have to give up is this. Is. This idea is the need to know what everything means. The need to know what everything means is I have found the form of control. And I think the degree to which we can embrace the unknown, dance in the unknown, live in the unknown, and still move forward and still take action determines the degree of freedom that we have in life. You know, embracing the unknown, be willing to embrace the unknown, and learning to live with a curiosity, you know, so even if things don't work out, rather than going, oh, this is what it is. Oh, this is what it's not. What could this be? What could this mean? What could be different? What might be the opportunity here? And so I think the willingness to not be so sure what something means and then limiting and the willingness to stay open is the key to surrender, because then we're open and available to being guided by life. And to me, that's. Yeah, that's part of the invitation.

Well, just to clarify, with my husband, yes, there was surrender because I was intentional, like, what was important to me, Like, I really put out there the values that I had. You know, I didn't. It wasn't like, oh, he has to have blue eyes and brown hair, and we're going to meet this way. Like, it wasn't that I said, you know, however, this person is going to come.

That's the surrender.

That's the ready right now. I did give a little date that I would really like him to come by, and he actually did.

Okay.

Part of that, too, is asking for what you want, I think. But it's also, yeah, I'm. This. This is, you know, honestly, this concept. So for those of you that are listening right now, I hope you're taking this in, because when you can get to a place of surrender, and I know this is something like I have to constantly work on, because I am. I'm one of those drivers, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

And when you get to. It's almost like you just go, right. It's just this. Because it's. The other is just your body is tense and you're trying and all that, but it's a flow. Yeah, Right. So it's not in the fight. It's. It's in the flow.

It's in the flow. And I think part of it is this is not about not taking action. And I would never say, alison, don't be a driver. That's part of your nature. That's part of your gift. But I think when you're. It's like a surfer in the ocean, if there's no wave. Right. This is what we often do as human beings. If there's no wave and we take a hose and we're like, we're going to make a wave in the ocean, but there's no wave. But the best surfers, they don't make the wave. They feel for the wave, but once the wave comes, then they start driving, then they're riding the wave. And once that wave, if you see Laird Hamilton, he's not asleep. He's really in the zone, surfing the wave. And then you. Then you. So that you're not working against the current or the flow of your soul, of your purpose, of what's natural for you, you're working in harmony with life. And I think that's. That's the invitation, you know, And. And I think also, if we really look back on our lives, sometimes not getting what we thought we wanted is also, or can be a profound blessing. Not getting what we thought we wanted can be a profound blessing. Because there were many moments in my life where I really wanted that relationship to be. I really wanted her to be the one. And I look back now, I don't know about you, but I look back now and go, thank God that relationship didn't work out. But I wasn't able to see it at that time, you know?

I know.

And so some of the sometimes things not working out is grace. It's a blessing. It's a blessing. And so that's something to know, you know?

I know.

And so some of the sometimes things not working out is grace. It's a blessing. It's a blessing. And so that's something to embrace as well.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. This is. I so needed to hear this today. You talked about the. You've talked about the power of telling the truth.

Yeah.

How do you tap into. How do you begin tapping into the truth and knowing what the truth is? Are we lying to ourselves?

Like, I think what would be helpful, that there's a few stages that fits in when we are just typically that we'll call it just for the sake of the conversation, some stages of surrender, because I think it gives a bit of a framework.

Yes.

First, that first stage is when we're just living life, and many of us, we're just living life. I call it denial. We don't even know we're lying and we're just living life. And maybe we're living what we were told to live, what our parents told us to live, what we think we should be living. We're not really conscious. We're just living life. That's it. Just living. The next phase of surrender is where we start having a sense that perhaps maybe there's more. Maybe there's a bigger reason for why I'm here. Maybe there's a bigger reason for my business. Maybe I need to shift my business. Maybe I need to not sell that product. And so this product, because this is where the future is going, maybe something's not quite fulfilling for me about this relationship. And so we start the process of questioning ourselves and our life. In that moment, it can be a little scary. And in that moment, the ego tends to resist. We tend to resist the deeper truth. We tend to resist what we know as a self preservation tactic to hold on to what's comfortable and to hold on to what's known out of fear. And so in the zone of resistance, the next phase from resistance is what we also do to kind of hold on to what we know is we start negotiating with ourselves, Right? We start negotiating with our destiny. We start negotiating with our truth. Well, Alison, maybe I don't really need to do that, but that industry is dead. Maybe I don't really need to end my relationship, even though I know it's been dead for 10 years. And so we start negotiating with ourselves with our deepest intuition, with our truth. And the ways we keep ourselves stuck is we tend to rationalize and we lie to ourselves. One of the greatest ways we keep ourselves stuck are the lies that we tell ourselves. It's not so bad. This relationship's okay. It's got potential. And deep down, there is a part of us that knows everything. Because at the deepest level, we're Connected to everything. So to truly shift our life, we have to be willing to feel the truth, tell the truth, acknowledge the truth, express the truth, live the truth. Question number one, I would invite people to ask in the stage of resistance or negotiation is what lies am I telling myself? And really looking at that and feeling that and being honest. We often know. Some people might say, well coot, how would I know if I'm lying to myself, if I'm lying to myself? We often one of the ways to see that you're lying to yourself is to look at where you might be feeling pain in your life. Pain is actually a signal that we tend to suppress, we tend to avoid, we tend to disconnect from. But pain is a blessing and a signal if we're willing to heed the message and pay attention because it can be a feedback mechanism for where we are not in alignment, not in integrity or where we're lying. And so what lies am I telling myself? What am I pretending to not know? What is it costing me? And take a moment to feel the pain? And so that's resistance and negotiation and next phase is acceptance. We start realizing that no matter how much we negotiate with the truth, with our life, with our purpose, life's not going to shift. And so we move into a zone of acceptance. It is what it is. This is what it is. My husband is what he is, my wife is what he is, the country is what it is. This is the situation right now. We're in a pandemic. It is what it is. To really shift reality, we have to first move into relationship with reality, to acceptance. But acceptance does not necessarily mean surrender. You can be in acceptance. For instance, it's raining outside, but you don't want it to rain outside. So here we are moaning and groaning, it's raining. We take an umbrella, we still have the umbrella. We're in acceptance, but we have this internal resistance that creates a blockage. The experience that I'm having is not the experience that I should be having. I should be having some other experience than the experience I'm having right now. So there's an internal resistance inside, even in the stage of acceptance, to move into surrender. Surrender is the open hearted participation of with the process of the experience that's happening in one's life right now. The open hearted participation to really move into that first belief that I really think is helpful for people to get is the universe is always working for my highest good. Even though we can't see it right now. The universe is always seeking to bring me something better. So that if something doesn't work out or relationship ends, if we really get that the universe is always working for my highest good, then let's get curious. Let's stay open. That helps to surrender. But also in this process of life, as souls, we are souls in this human experience. To me, the purpose of life is to learn, grow, and evolve. And if that's the part of the purpose of life, to learn, grow, and evolve, then even if a situation is challenging or difficult, or a relationship is challenging or difficult, I think if we're able to focus on the evolutionary growth potential in a business, in a situation, in a relationship, even if we don't win out in the world, so long as we grow, so long as we learn, so long as we evolve, that is something that no one can take away from us. And then I believe we truly win. So part of the surrender is to learn the evolutionary lesson between acceptance and surrender. Final point is simply most people never really drop into true surrender because they miss the stage before. And that is a stage of grieving. Grieving is key and important to truly let go and move into a new phase, move into a new relationship, move into a new zone, move into a new bit. It requires grieving because death. So surrender is a kind of death of who we thought we were, death of the old. And so to allow ourselves to grieve the end of something, grieve the end of dreams or the end of a relationship allows us to clear the old so that we can truly surrender to the new and then move into a zone of magic, a zone of flow, which is that seventh phase.

Yeah. Gosh, that's really. So in a sense, you're. You're grieving a loss of the way you had kind of envisioned it.

Yes.

So there is going to be a bit of a grief because you were like, okay, I'm so heart set on this.

Yes.

Right. But you're willing to let go and have the grief, and then you're saying, then the magic comes here.

Yes. It's the grieving that allows you to truly let go of. Maybe it's a business. Yeah. That you've had for 20 years. And you realize we have to close it down. It's not working. And so what we tend to do in our culture today is grieving is weak. So we suppress it, we drink it, we work it, we shop it away. We don't allow ourselves to feel it. And in suppressing that grief, it simply stays stuck inside of us and kind of takes a part of our heart so now we go into the future with that old energy, with us a little bit more guarded, a little bit more disconnected, a little bit more jaded, a little bit less open. And now all of us is not available to the new possibilities. All of us is not available to the new relationship. And so it's the grieving, honoring the grieving that allows us to truly release the old let go. And so maybe it's just grieving the fact that you have to close the business down. I think there's a lot of people that are having to grieve in 2020. So many dreams and goals and desires didn't happen. Grieving that, you know, and really releasing that and letting that go so we can open to surrendering to the new adventure, surrendering to the pivot closed and.

The new one open. You had to make room. I know when my husband had been with his business for 30 years, he just wasn't happy anymore with it. I just. 30 years, it was like, just wasn't challenging him to grow, but it took him probably four years to fully let go of that. And I. And I mean, now we're working together in the business, and it's just been wonderful. But he literally had to go through all of the processes that you're talking about. Acceptance, grief. You know, now that you're saying this, it does really make sense. And he has such peace now and loves what he's doing and feels good about his past, too, so. But when you're in it, it's hard not to feel like, what am I doing wrong? Or, you know, why is this so challenging? Yeah, so it's amazing. And how do you stay. What do you do to stay in this frame of mind, you know, on a consistent basis? Like, is it just constant conversations with yourself, reminding yourself, meditation on it?

Yeah, just in terms of some practical practices. One of the things I do is I meditate daily. It's not too complicated. You know, I meditate daily as a foundation. There's daily journaling I do, typically just writing my thoughts, feelings, and emotions out this way. Thoughts, feelings, and emotions don't get stuck in my system and kind of carrying this heavy weight, so I'm kind of processing it. The journaling is a way to freeform process the thoughts and feelings from experiences, situations, relationships, so that I can get in touch with things I may not even be consciously aware of in the journaling process. So there's meditation, there's journaling, and there's daily physical exercise that also allows me to release and provides a foundation because as an entrepreneur, as entrepreneurs, I think we can have all the vision and purpose we want. But if our body isn't healthy, if our body isn't aligned, if our body is not able to follow the intention of our mind, we're not able to deliver our gifts and love to the world. And so for me, the physical component is a daily thing that I have found, provides a foundation for me in terms of kind of how I feel. So those are some things that I flow with. And one thing that really helps me, Alison, is more of a spiritual thing. It's like a question that I'm always feeling into in every situation that helps me surrender is. I wouldn't say it's a prayer, but it's kind of like an invocation, an affirmation, a focus is simply like, when I pray or meditate, I always ask universe, I ask in this situation for the highest good to unfold in this relationship, for the highest good to unfold. Because sometimes we don't always know what the highest good is, and we get attached. It's got to be this way. And so I know that if my attention is on, I will do everything I can. But I ultimately ask for the highest good to unfold in this situation, in this partnership, in this dynamic, what is the highest good? I'm open to the highest good. So long as I do my part, I trust that then what unfolds is the highest good. And because I asked for the highest good, it's easier for me anyway to trust the highest good.

Well, this has been the highest good for me. Absolutely. Like the highlight of my day today. And I'm sure for those that are listening, can you hold? Do you have the book?

Oh, so I just got this the other day from the publisher.

Ah, hold up the book. Look how beautiful that is. The magic of surrender. I love that. It just makes you just want to go.

That's right. That's right.

Oh, my goodness. Cute. This is so fantastic. And so for people that want to connect with you and learn, I know you have different programs and all kinds of things.

There's a couple of ways. It's pretty simple. Grab the book www.themagicofsurrender.com. you can grab the book there and get a whole bunch of free gifts and videos and trainings and all of that great stuff there that will help you live and put surrender into practical application in your life. My main website is kubelaxon.com if you want to find out about one of my deep dive transformational trainings, alnasblissbali.com and I'm on Instagram and Facebook and all of that good stuff.

Yes you are. I'm following you all of the time. And definitely for those of you listening, get the book, share the book. It's a great gift for those that you care about as well. And thank you so much for being here today, illuminating us as usual, and I'm so excited for you. I wish you the best success and in your surrender with the book. I know it's going to be fantastic. Thanks so much. Kute.

Thanks.

And so for those listening today, if you haven't subscribed to the show, please do. If you enjoy the show, please write a review. Until next time, get out there and elevate yourself because you are worth it. Bye everybody.