How to Deal with the Angry Parent

Hello friends, I'm Amanda Barr.

And I'm Rebecca Lou Brennan. And welcome to Dance Principles United, the podcast.

Together we are passionate about helping studio owners with the business of running their studio.

Join us as we talk everything from marketing systems, studio culture, motherhood, life and everything in between.

This is the Dance Principles United podcast. Hey friends and welcome to the Dance Principles United podc. Bec and I are in your ears today. We hope you're having an amazing start to your day. Hey Beck, how are you doing?

Super awesome. Yeah, Just getting ready for mid year concert and pep rally on the weekend. It's a massive weekend coming up, but yeah, super excited. It's gonna be good.

So, so good. I love me concerts. They're so much fun. I'm attending my girls ones at my old studio this weekend as well. So much fun.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. You're such a dance mom now.

I'm such a dance mum.

Look at me.

I'm going to help as well, just to have a few extra numbers as well. But then I get to sit back and watch my girls as well, which is lovely. It's a bit weird watching from the audience.

That'll be such a weird experience for you.

Absolutely, absolutely. I will do my best. That's okay. I'm not going to complain with that. So we are not here to talk about mid year concerts. As much as I love a good mid year showcase conversation, we're actually talking about, you know, different tactics of ways to deal with our parents when issues arrive. And we thought that we'd chat about this because I know you actually had an issue last night, Beck, and I think that it's really important that we can talk about different strategies and, you know, ways that we can have those discussions because sometimes we just feel like, you know, getting super angry with the parent. Right. But that's not the right way to deal with it.

Yes. And I was not happy last night when I had to make the phone call at 8:15pm but the parent called the studio. She was very angry and upset and she wanted a phone call from me. And you know, one of the teachers said something that probably she shouldn't have said. It wasn't too over the top but you know, just a little comment that clearly upset the child. The child got in the car and was crying, comes home. Of course parents are very angry and upset that the child's crying.

Yeah, of course. And I totally understand that as a parent too. Right. Like, you know, someone's up, you know, you're paying a lot of money to go to these classes, you've been sitting out in the cold, waiting in the car park for them, where you'd much rather be at home, you know, cooking dinner or sitting with a glass of wine in front of the TV as a mum. But you're doing everything you can, putting all this money into these dance classes, driving your kids around. And then they get in the car and they're crying and they're upset and like, I get it from their point of view. I understand that. And as you said, we're going to talk about two kind of different things, but in this one, you know, one of your staff, we're a little bit in the wrong. Correct. And so I think it's different to how you handle this.

Yeah, yeah, totally. But either way, I think you've got to. The first thing that I teach my staff to do, and we actually talked about this, we had a mid year zoom with all of our people who are helping with. And same thing we just said to them. The first thing you do if there's a cranky parent for any reason whatsoever is you say, I'm so sorry that this has happened.

So absolutely.

I think, I think that just stops them from being so angry and brings them down. And so the first thing I said to her was, I'm so sorry that I'll use the word Sally. I'm so sorry that Sally went home crying. We never want anyone to go home upset from pause. That's literally how I started the conversation. And I think we all need to start the conversation in that way.

Yeah, absolutely. And regardless if it was, you know, something that was the studio's fault or wasn't, even if it was completely. Not even if the child has made up a story and it's completely untrue, you're still sorry that the child came home upset regardless. And you know, you have to feel bad for that and you have to show a little bit of empathy in that. I think that's the first way to always start that conversation.

Yes. And it's so easy to start it angry or upset because. And even in this.

Or defensive defense.

Yeah. Or defensive. And in this situation, the child did back chat the teacher, which. Which made the tea, not made the teacher, but then the teacher reacted in the way that they did. So I completely get it from the teacher's perspective as well. But I kind of did that first. So I was like, okay, I'm so sorry this has happened. And then let her tell the story. And then I was able to say, yep, well, I've Called the teacher and spoken to them about it. This is their side of the story, and then kind of went from there. But I think that is, you know, the most important thing is to apologize regardless.

Yeah. Awesome. So let's go through it step by step, because I think that might really help some of our listeners. Step one is apologize that the child's upset or I'm so sorry you feel this way. I'm so sorry that little Susie's come home upset. I'm so sorry. Because you are sorry. Even if you're not sorry about what happened or what they feel you're sorry about that situation, number one. Number two, I always think you should let them talk. Do you agree with that? Let them see what they have to say. And because so many times parents just want to be heard, and I think sometimes you just need to let them get it off their chest. Right. Which is obviously what you did.

Yep. And let her talk. Let her say the situation. Then I think the third one is make sure you've actually worked out what did happen in the eyes of your staff. If it wasn't you, make sure that you work out what did happen. And as with every situation, the truth is always going to be in the middle somewhere. Like, yeah, I always back my staff, and I'm big on backing my stuff.

Absolutely.

As much as I possibly can. But I think as well, like, everyone's gonna see that situation differently. Right.

Absolutely, absolutely. And I think, yeah, you need to have. Get. Let them have a chance to say their side. And then you need to say, look, I understand that little Susie, you know, felt like this, and this is how she felt. Well, after chatting to Ms. So and so, she saw that this, this, this, this, this happened. Is that kind of what you did last night?

Yep, that's exactly what I did. And then she disagreed, obviously, with the teacher's perspective on things. And then she. I just said to her, yep, look, I'm. I think she probably used harsher words than what was necessary. Completely agree with that. I know that, you know, I sometimes get quite reactive when a child back chats me, so I can see it from both sides. But I'm sure that Ms. So and so will have a chat to Sally next week in class and make sure that everything's fine between them.

Yeah, absolutely. So there was a resolution.

Yeah, yeah, she was fine with that. She was like, thank you so much. Thank you so much for calling me at such a late hour. And look, I could have left it because, to be honest, I did not want to call her at that time of night. And I could have left it, but I feel like if I did leave it, it would have been a lot worse this morning.

Absolutely.

And sometimes I think you have to make that call and just go, okay, I need to talk to this parent now. Much as it's my time, much as I don't want that to happen, I think it's just what you have to do. Right?

Absolutely. Because sometimes people will blow. Like, you know what it's like even when you're calling, like, you know, let's talk about those horrible call cent that you have to call when you're calling the Telstra hotline or you're calling Qantas. The longer it takes, the angrier you get. Because you're sitting there going, oh, for God's sake. They don't even want to listen to me. They don't want it. Like. And you have more time to play it out in your mind. You have more time to kind of back and forth. We all, you know, sit there and play out conversations in our heads, you know, I don't know. I do. I hope everybody else does in their heads, you know, and so as the parent, like, if they had the whole night to sleep on it, they might have, like, laid awake at night and like, drama. Oh, and it's also like when this happened and went like. And make it into this bigger story in their head than what it actually was. Right. Whereas if you just like, nip it in the bud, they appreciate it.

Yes. And I think in our studio in general, I always talk about this. We find, Amanda, that a lot of our student clients in tribe and SDC will avoid confrontation and don't want to deal with that situation and don't want to deal with that parent and or teacher and leave it, leave it, leave it. And you're exactly right. It just makes that situation a thousand times worse.

Absolutely, absolutely. So I think nip it in the bud. You know, let start by apologizing. Let's go through this framework. Let's make this super easy. If you're thinking of how to do it, do it in a timely manner. Apologize first. Let them speak. Even if they're speaking, you know, for a while, let them speak. You know, at some point, you have to cut them off. You need to lead the conversation. I think that's really important too. You take control of the conversation, but let them say their piece before you have a chance. And rather than butting in, I really dislike when people are like, someone's trying to tell this. Oh, but that's it? Oh, and they're butting in on people. Like people should. They should be allowed to tell their side of the story. Correct. Without people butting in. You get that opportunity in court, like why not on a phone conversation? So let them say their side of the story before you go back and say this is what happened. I think it's then talking about what the resolution is and where you're going forward from here, whether that's, I'm so sorry she feels this way, I'm going to apologize. You know, I'm going to chat to her or if it's not, that's fine too. It doesn't always have to be that. But this is like, hey, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to have a chat to the teacher about the situation. We're going to work on some other ways that she can, you know, talk to students. And I wanted to apologize again that this happened. And as I said, I am going to work with the teacher on some new strategies. So thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. You know, something along those lines. But like a very clear resolution or if you have to go back to them, if you're like, I need to go talk to the teacher, I will call you back tomorrow at 3pm but be clear on that time frame. That same sort of thing. Do you think?

Yeah, absolutely. I think there's lots of things to think about here as a studio owner and leader. And I think it's so easy for us to blame the child. We hear it all the time. Or blame the parent and say parents, they just don't discipline their child properly or, or they just don't know child's like in class or they don't know how naughty their child is. And I think we have to see it from the parents perspective here. And we hear that all the time too, right, Amanda? Where people are like, oh, that stupid parent or get rid of them or. And I just think that's not good customer service. And we have to have great customer service. And you know, as you said, when you call Qantas or Telstra or whatever, and if you do get great customer service, you happy and you stay with their brand.

Absolutely. And like we're a business. Like, yes, sometimes we're not going to agree with all of our clients. Actually most of the time, you know, you're not going to agree with every single parents and every single one of your clients ways that they bring up their children or discipline their children or whatever, but that's okay. Because they're a client and they're paying you money and you're providing a service. You know what I mean? Like, they're the client. And, you know, there's that old saying, the client's always right. And I don't 100% agree with that, but I do believe that the client deserves and has the right to discuss any issues with them. They can't. You know, I've seen other studios go, oh, I can't believe she called me about that, or, you know, that she complained about. They have every right to bring up any issues that they have or how they're feeling with your brand. You know, regardless of whether you agree with it or not, they do have the right to be heard as a client.

Yep, totally agree. And I think sometimes we're too quick to be reactive in these situations. And, you know, we just suddenly go, right, that's it, I'm kicking them out, or I'm doing this or doing that. And I think we need to be very careful of that because one bad client like them going around your area telling everyone about it. I don't know about you, Amanda, but if someone gives me great customer service, I'm not that inclined to tell people. But if I get bad customer service, I'm inclined to tell absolutely everybody. And that's the problem. Right. When it's a small business in a local area, that stuff can really get around and it can affect your business.

Absolutely. The other thing I wanted to touch on is something that you always say, Beck is like, how many people are we talking about? You know, we all get those late night angry. We've all had one, the parent that's upset or whatever, you know, that is. But it's not every day. And it's very occasionally. And, you know, you might have a hundred kids, you might have 400 kids, you might have 800 kids. And, you know, as a percentage to expect that, that's just to be expected. Right. Like, it's just part of doing business. Just like the cafe has a complaints that, you know, the coffee isn't hot enough. Just like the restaurant has a complaint. Just like Qantas or Telstra or whatever have complaints. It's just part of doing business. There's always going to be a small percentage of people that want to be heard.

And when people do go above and beyond and really do with that complaint, do help you out, how good do you feel about it? And you're like, wow, that was. Was not what I was expecting. And that was so amazing. And, you know, then Like I said, you stick with their brand, you stay opted into their brand. I think we need to remember that as well. That, okay, that parent might be cranky and you don't agree with them, let's say last night I completely disagreed and I know that the child has made this up. I probably wouldn't have dealt with it that differently, to be honest with you. I definitely, I, I did defend the teacher and I probably would have defended the teacher even more so. But at the end of the. I don't think I would have dealt with it that differently and I think that then that parent's happy. We'll probably go tell people at school tomorrow what happened and that, you know, that that's all hunky dory and I think we just sometimes get too emotional about it and forget the impact that it can have on our business. Right?

Absolutely. Sometimes people just want to be heard. That's the other thing that I, you know, I really think is I always think as well, when you have a parent that has maybe overreacted to a situation, perhaps like, you know, for some reason on that night, you know, they just took that a little bit too personally. But I always think about what's going on in their life. You know what I mean? There might be so much else going on and, you know, and that's okay. Like sometimes that's okay. They might have had, you know, something else happen at school that day and something happened at netball with their daughter last week. And plus on top of that, they're exhausted because they've got a sick child and blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever could have happened in their life or their week or whatever, that's okay. We have to respect that. And sometimes people are gonna, you know, sometimes you're gonna say, just like sometimes you're gonna send the cold coffee back and sometimes you just don't really care and you keep drinking it because of it depends what kind of mood you're in. Right?

Yep. And we tell our staff the meatloaf story. Amanda and I think it's important for you guys to tell your staff a story like this where, you know, mum's had the two year old all day. The two year old's been screaming because she's sick. She puts a meatloaf into the oven to cook. She pulls a meatloaf out, she drops it, it falls all over the floor. She now doesn't have dinner for her children. She comes and picks her child up from dancing and her child gets in the car crying. That is going to be a Cranky parent. And so we tell that story because we want our staff to understand, to not get emotional over situations when parents come in angry, because exactly what you're saying. We don't know what they've been through that day and the state that their mental, you know, being is in at that time. And they probably have completely overreacted. But I also know parents are so emotional with their children, you know, and when their child's emotional, they get emotional, and especially if dad gets involved. So it was actually dad that picked the child up last night and dad that saw the child crying. And that probably escalated even further, I would say.

It's funny. I actually find that, too. And I wonder if it's. A dad doesn't know how to, you know, might not be as good at talking with a teenager. The teenage daughter might not open up as much to dad, for example, so it doesn't feel like they can resolve it with the daughter, so therefore has to go and find some other way to fix it kind of thing. It's funny, isn't it? Sometimes when it's dads, even though that's the mum that called, it was still the dad that just, like, you need to do that. Call them right now. Like, yeah.

All my other thoughts on it is Dad's like, that's it. I'm not paying for this dancing. If she's gonna come home crying, that would be my sort of what dad would say.

Absolutely. And like, you know, they're paying you a lot of money. And so, correct me if I'm wrong, this client, they're a big client.

Yeah. They probably do about six classes a week. They don't do privates or anything like that. But, yeah, pretty.

Yeah. Relative aver. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, lots. Lots of money. And you don't know, like, maybe that's a real stretch for them. Maybe that's a lot of money that they're paying. And so when the kid doesn't come home happy. I felt like that the other day about soccer, to be honest, because Sally came home unhappy, and I was like, God, I hate going to soccer. Not that it's the money for me, but it's the. I just hate getting up on the Sunday morning and going to soccer. She doesn't like it. Please, let's not go anymore. But, you know, we all have those moments. Moments, right? She's.

We definitely do. So I think guys, like, just think about how you're dealing with parent complaints. The easiest way is definitely to pick up the phone. That's the other thing if you get a cranky email. I really don't believe in emailing back. It doesn't work. And you know everyone can be a keyboard warrior including yourself. So just pick up the phone, talk to them, get it out of your headspace. Don't think about it for days on end before you deal with it because you've got too much other stuff to worry about and do than to have that stuff taking up your headspace.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Awesome. Well thank you so much everyone for joining us. Thank you for sharing that story Beck. I think that that can help everyone and kind of hopefully the framework kind of helps you guys with dealing with that next email, phone call, text, whatever you get from the parents because it's going to happen, right?

Yep. Absolutely. Thanks so much everyone. We hope you have an awesome week and we will see you next week. Bye. Bye.

Bye.