Stephen Tannos: The Wake-Up Call Every Dance Studio Owner Needs

Hello friends, I'm Amanda Barr and I'm Rebecca Lou Brennan, and welcome to Dance Principles United, the podcast.

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This is the Dance Principles United podcast.

Well, hello everyone and welcome to Welcome back to the Dance Principles United podcast. It is Bec here and I have a very incredible human sitting opposite me. Super excited for this talk. The amazing Stephen Tanos. I got you to speak at Expo and it was so epic, guys. It was so epic. And we'll talk about it and bits and pieces of it. That I immediately organized for all my kids at my studio to see this talk. I made my 5 kids, my own children, sit down and watch it because we got Open Media to record it for us. They loved it. It's so special. And the reason that I'm so passionate about that talk is because I think everyone needs to hear it. Studio owners, kids, everybody, because we all stop ourselves from succeeding through fear. You and I are great examples of that our entire life.

Shining examples.

Shining examples. Um, and having to overcome that fear is such a great story to hear from someone like you, I think.

Yeah, you could tell I'm uncomfortable with compliments. How much did I move your arms?

Just like, thank you.

Terrible. I need to work on that. Um, yeah, look, I— and again, Circling back to you cattle prodding me into something, which I'm so grateful for, by the way. Sounds like it's a bad thing. It's a great thing. Everyone needs a Beck in their life just going like, do it, do it, do it, come on, you won't do it, you won't do it, will ya?

Come on.

Um, and there's something we talked about— pardon me— we talked about this about a year ago, and I ended up, you know, not doing it because, again, fear. Yeah, fear. Because I still very much experience fear to this very day. Yep. I'm nervous before this podcast, right? Just because I want to make sure I say the right things and expectation and judgment, all these things coming.

Is this stuff that just goes round, round, round in your head? I'm exact same.

It's the stuff that's like was originally designed to keep you safe, right, from real threats, right? Like there's a polar bear outside.

Yeah, you know, I'm a cat. Magpies, for example.

Magpies, real fear. The worst. That's the worst one, by the way. That's number one fear. I'm not even lying. Um, I actually bought a magpie, um, statue the other day.

Did you?

To put in my house, just like, uh, exposure therapy. By the way, I'm terrified of magpies anyway. But I— yeah, you, you basically said to me like, you need to be talking about— because I'd be started making little videos online, right, just about, you know, my experiences with fear and how they kind of— what lessons they taught me and how I very much face it to this day. Um, and that people were resonating with it because it was coming from someone who's still very much in it. And doing it. And to, I think to give that human kind of aspect to someone like myself is important because I think because of social media, these kids just see so much success and it's mind-numbing for them because they just like, because I don't know, because I struggle with it too. Like all you're seeing is this person's best moment, this person's, that person, this person's, and little, you don't see any of like the 90% of stuff that failed for that person to get to that place.

Exactly.

And the, that this is the 10th time this person has tried this thing and this is just the one that people are latching onto, or the amount of like self, kind of negative self-talk this person, you know. So I wanted to peel, peel the curtain back and peel the onion, the layers back of the onion, to show the core of like what goes on in my brain and what has gone on in my brain and what I've learned from it and how much value there is in hindsight and being able to look back on it and maybe be able to help the kids now to be able to identify that feeling of fear coming up for me right now, and what's on the other side of that if I push myself through it. And that's what the talk is. And you basically were like, we're doing it. This was in December, I think we met, maybe something like that. Yep, we met at coffee around the corner where we just met today. Yeah, you know, you're going to do a talk, it's 55 minutes, it's a presentation, the keynote presentation, and you're doing it. I've booked it in already. I'm gonna announce you in like 2 weeks or something, so send me a photo, let's do it. And I was like, just like smiling through my teeth, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In my head I'm like, oh, you're gonna mess this up, this is gonna be awful, awful, awful. What are we doing? What are we doing? Why me? Like, you know. And to be honest, I was shitting my pants on the lead up to it.

I was, I was nervous because I did offer for you to catch up again, and then you didn't, and I'm like Is he going to ditch me? Because I thought about it.

No, I didn't think about it, but I want to, I knew it was very important for me to push through this one.

Yes, I think so. Because I think what you're giving people is like so amazing. So amazing. So I think you'll, as I said, I think you'll get less and less nervous the more, the first time I got up on stage, I had, and this was for a 10-minute talk in front of, you know, I was in a coaching company for dance studio owners. And I had to do a 10-minute talk on how I developed an entertainment, like, terrifying business. I went into the toilet and I was having a full-on panic attack. Like, I was like, I was close that morning, like, when I saw you. Yeah, and I was shaking and, you know, and people would never think that about me now. Yeah, they would never ever think that I would even get a little bit nervous going. I still shit my pants. I told you, I thought no one would turn up to my talk.

Yeah, like, I'm not talking to the camera because, yeah, the I want to let the audience know you had like 600 people there.

Not 600, but it was a very, very— people were sitting outside. I'm hyperbolic, but it was pretty epic. Um, but same thing, spiraling in my head the whole time. No one's gonna like it.

Yeah, yeah, all of that.

And I get up all the time and speak.

Yep. And look, so do I, but not about this, not about something vulnerable.

It's—

yeah, it is very vulnerable, sort of playing a character when I teach to some degree.

Yeah, of course.

It's like— and that's got the like I've got something to hide behind teaching you content. Like, this is like telling the story of my life and being vulnerable about it and unpackaging things. And like, and then also the added pressure of it being like a room full of people that own businesses and like, and then so I'm like, why do I have the right to talk to these people that, you know, are running successful businesses and this, that, and the other? And like, are they just going to look at me and be like, what's this punk doing? And it couldn't have been further from the truth, obviously. But my brain just wants to tell me that, like, and that's all fear is. Fear is just false evidence appearing real.

Yes.

You know, you've heard that acronym before?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

And that's all it is. You know, you're creating these scenarios because you're trying to protect yourself. You're trying to go, when I get there, I already know that this is going to happen, so I'm ready for it. But all you're doing is just shooting yourself in the foot for the process and not letting yourself actually enjoy it. And I learned a lot from just doing that first one. And I'm doing the speech again today at your studio.

Yes.

I'm very nervous again for that too.

Right.

But I know I'm going to take something from it, whether it goes as well or not, whatever it is. Because now I'm doing it for a room full of like dance studio kids.

So it's like, that's another different, it's different.

Yep. Might not get the same amount of laughs, might not, you know, but I've got to learn to roll with whatever that is and find what that version is.

And because the younger generation doesn't necessarily know, so you think, well, they have to do it. So you think you can do it.

I have to educate them a bit more on like parts of my story that because a lot of people in that room at DTE were around for those parts of my story.

Yes.

There were people there that, you know, Lee Windon and like, yes, yourself and like people that knew me at that time.

Yeah.

So they got a bit of vested interest as well.

Yes.

Um, but the speech went so well. I'm like, I'm very, very grateful for you for pushing me to do that.

Oh, it's—

and I was worried about filling the time. I ran overtime and still had half an hour left. Really?

Had 100 slides left.

Oh, I had I definitely had about 30 slides left.

I felt like it was so many more.

It was about 150 all up and I got through about 3/4, 2/3.

Okay, I thought it was way worse.

No, no, no. It looked like I was just like—

Yeah, it looks like you were just like scrolling through all these slides.

Everyone was like, keep going, which is the nicest compliment ever.

Yes.

So many people came up and said they wish that they had kept going.

I didn't know what was going on.

They can get you at their studio. But I, you know, I see this in studio owners all the time. They're either too scared to do simple things like put their prices up, you know, even though they need— know they need to, the fear of putting their prices up because all their clients are going to leave them, which is never the case, or the fear of we have to follow what everybody else is doing, or we have to follow what the parents want.

Yep.

And you knew me back in a day where I was that person. Yeah, that would do what— apart from you, your, like, our stuff together, I was just constantly following the parents around and trying to make everybody happy. And that is the worst thing you could do.

And you were miserable.

I was miserable and I wasn't making any money. Yeah.

And they get their proof in the pudding, right? When you start to actually separate, and again, I'm saying all of this from, I'm still learning all of this, you know, like every day. Yeah. When you're able to like separate yourself from being controlled by this narrative in your brain, yes. Then like, that's where true, like Success aside, that's where true success comes from, but like true happiness too.

Absolutely.

And I think true success can only be built from a place of like love and happiness, honestly. Like, there's honestly parts of business that aren't happy and aren't— of course, colors and obviously, like, it's, you know, it's a hard slog. Um, but if like fear will just— it'll just absolutely diminish your ability to like grow because you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just surviving really. It's survival mode.

Yep.

You know.

Yep.

And you're living the experience, you're living, uh, proof of that.

Yes. But I now am so true to myself.

Oh my God.

In the business that I, I'm happy to say goodbye to a kid if they're not, you know. And that's another thing, like not all kids are going to be right for this.

And the true confidence to know that is, is enough.

That takes a lot. Oh my God, that takes a lot to say, I send you with love, you know? And I've learned to do that because you knew me back in the day, I'd be on the floor bawling my eyes out.

So invested, yeah.

Anybody left, like, it was just tragedy. And now I'm like, it's fine, you know?

You see that the most successful businesses have that kind of mentality of like, you need us more than we need you, kind of. And that's a harsh way to put it.

No, but yeah, you know what I mean?

Like, well, it's also just knowing that different people are going to go to different Yeah, not everyone's gonna like you, and that's something I've wrestled with for a long time, and I continue to, but I'm learning to shed that as I get older. I think as you get older, it's the thing with age as well, isn't it? It is. So is, you know, to tell a 16-year-old that— yes, being a 37-year-old who's lived 20 years more life than they have is, you know, it's, it sounds so simple, but I'm here to tell you it's not. You know, it's just, it's, it just takes getting up, failing, getting up, failing, getting up. And like how you get up each time, like, and you kind of get up a little bit more bruised, but you've got a little bit developed more of a muscle. And like, feels like you can't get through it, and then all of a sudden you get yourself back. And then it happened, like, it's just the reality of it. But you, you develop resilience over time.

Absolutely.

It all comes from that place of, of fear, right? And facing the fear. True, like, bravery can only happen if there's the year before it. True, you know, true. And that's why I want the speech to, you know, help push and, and illustrate the fact that everyone experiences it. Because, you know, people look at me as just successful.

Yeah, that's what kills me. Like, you see, people are like, oh, Beyoncé is so lucky. And, you know, they say it about me, oh, she's just lucky.

It's like, yeah, God, yeah, you know.

Oh, they probably say it about you, you just, you got that lucky— yeah, I get it, whatever. And that's what made it happen for you, but it's, it's so not.

Oh yeah, you were a boy, so it was easier, like all this.

Yeah.

And it's usually coming from people that are just trying to minimize what I'm doing to prop themselves up.

Of course. But I also think people think that success comes from luck, but success comes from exactly what you just said. Fail, pick up, fail, pick up, fail, pick up, fail over and over. It's people who have that resilience in them to keep going.

And I know, yeah.

And I know it's interesting because you don't see yourself as being resilient. No, I look, when you look at it that way, you actually are very resilient. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess maybe I'm just learning this right now. This is what I was here for.

Learnings from Brick.

This is my intervention. Is my mum going to pop out from behind that TV? Um, but yeah, look, I, yeah, cause I've, I've very much, I struggle, you know, anxiety, all this, all this stuff, like, and a lot of it maybe comes from childhood or this, that, like, not feeling like I ever really fit in and like, so it's kind of carried with me, but I've also I've let it carry with me for a bit too long, and I've let it kind of hold me back a bit. And so I'm here to tell you that, like, don't. It's a waste of time. It's a complete and utter waste of time. There's nothing to be gained from it, you know. Just head down and do what you know is, is right, because it's, it's all there is.

Absolutely.

You know, it's all there is.

What was the most pinnacle turning point for you Like, everyone has a turning point. Do you have one? I'll tell you my turning point. Yep. While you're thinking of yours.

Yep.

So I have talked about this before on the podcast. So I was going to a business coach, and I was spending $500 a week to go to this business coach, and I didn't have $500 a week. I was a single mom. The studio was not making money, hence I was going to a business coach. And I'd go there and I'd cry for an hour. About how hard my life was. And, you know, I was a total victim at the time, and everything was so hard. And after 6 months of doing this, he sat down and he said to me, Bec, you can keep crying and I'll keep taking your money, or you can actually fucking do some of the shit that I'm telling you to do, actually take some action, and you might succeed. And that was the biggest moment for me. It was a slap across the face that I needed. And I was like, shit, I'm just being a victim. I actually need to do some of this stuff. And that was the moment truly that I pivoted my business.

Yep. Okay. And I remember that time as well.

I bet you do.

Well, that's when we were kind of, that's when I was teaching at PAUSE, maybe a bit after that, right?

Um, yeah.

Because I remember when I—

I would have been in touch though.

Yeah, we would, yeah, totally. When I wasn't teaching at PAUSE, uh, anymore. When, which was, when was that? God, I can't remember. I remember when I, we didn't leave, but I just, I just moved on to do other, you know.

You were too busy. There was so much going on. You were starting to get really big gigs and jobs.

Totally.

And, and I get that with teachers. Like it's, it's always a phase, you know.

Totally. Yeah. But I remember like, I was like, she's not going to have this studio for much longer. And because you're miserable, I was like, she's going to find something else. I can. Yep. And then I'm like, all of a sudden you're posting these videos about You know, inspiring other studio owners. I'm like, wait a sec, you're wearing like a suit. I'm like, what? What the hell? What is this? And you're like talking to the camera, you're all polished and like ready. I'm like, Jesus, talking really good stuff. And then like, and now I'm like, you've built this whole business about helping. It's unbelievable. It's the 180 of that's insane.

That all came from COVID Yeah. Right. Literally from COVID So literally we. Were on the forefront of, well, I was on the forefront of Zoom because the guy I was seeing at the time was like, COVID's going to happen. Everyone else around me was saying it's not. And he said to me, it's going to happen and you need to—

was this like late 2019?

Yep.

Yeah.

Um, and you need your business to be prepared for it. So I kind of said, okay, cool. We'll just get this Zoom.

And if you had the jump on that, you were like golden, hey?

Yeah. So I said, we'll just get this Zoom stuff going. We'll be organized just in case it happens. So I was on the forefront of that. And so I was in a teacher meeting with lots of teachers who were all panicking about COVID And I said, look, I'll start a page, I'll call it Dance Principals United, and I'll chat to people on there about how to do Zoom. And Amanda and Nath were super into it as well, and we were really good friends, so they came on and helped as well. And then we started doing chats in there to studio owners. That's literally how it started.

I'm not—

wow. Yeah.

Was it— that's how you met, um, Amanda and—

No, I met them in the biz. We were already friends, but I said to Amanda and Nate, you guys are doing Zoom, I'm doing Zoom, let's go on.

Oh my God, it's just like by, by circumstance.

Totally.

Wow.

And then at the end of that COVID thing, we realized a lot of people in there needed help and coaching and needed community.

Oh.

So we ran a 1-day course. Oh, true story.

This is crazy.

We ran a 1-day course at some little place in Sydney. I can't remember. There were 30 people there. We talked and the night before we were having drinks and I said to them, should we sell these people something at the end? And they're like, sure, what do you want to sell? And I said, like, a closed Facebook group, we'll do tutorials for them. So we got pieces of paper. Oh my God. And got people's details on the pieces of paper.

Just like run and gun.

And every single person signed that was in that room. And that's how we started it.

Oh my God.

Yeah, that was Tribe. We started Tribe.

Yep, yep.

And then we've—

it's just snowballed, snowballed into what it is now. It's insanity. Insanity.

And I think that's a big thing too. It's like taking steps like that and going, we're gonna do— like you with the talk, it's like, you know, it's like Expo. Like, that's a, that's a big financial commitment doing Expo. Oh my God, it is like huge to hire that place out, and we could have had no one turn up.

Yeah, International Convention Center, by the way, which if you don't know is like, yeah, the premier venue in Sydney. Yeah.

And so like to, to take that risk is epic, but it's not letting— we could— we were petrified.

Oh my God, of course. And like, again, like, that's what I've— has been proven to me time and time again, you know.

But what is that number one time that stands out where you're like We don't really have that. Maybe bicycle, doing bicycle.

Yeah, there's two.

Tell me the two.

Okay, so doing bicycle, yeah, on So You Think You Can Dance was a huge— yeah, humongous, because I was still a dancer and a dancer only, which nothing wrong with that, but I knew there was something else because I was all— I was very hard to like tame. That's making it sound cooler than what it was. I wasn't good at taking direction, just right, what I'm trying to say. Um, but I knew that's because I kind of had something else to say, maybe. Didn't really know what it was. And all of a sudden I'm given this opportunity on national television in front of 3 million people, which is what was watching at that time when TV was a thing, um, to do a 30-second solo of my own creation. Then like, what the hell? So I'm like, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it as big as possible. So I dressed as a bloody cyclist, borrowed my dad's leotard, did bicycle race bike queen. Yes, it was. Yes. He still has it. He still has it. I need to put it back on and take a photo in it.

Oh, that is crazy. I didn't know that.

It's a Spain national team.

Yeah. I was wondering where you got that from.

Yeah, it was from the, cause we were billeting an Olympian, um, for the 2000 Olympics.

Right.

She stayed with us from the Spanish cycling team. So it was one of hers. Right. My dad would wear it.

Yeah. That's crazy.

That's what I wore. It says Espanyol on everything. So that was a, and it was a huge moment for me. Like it was, yeah, very defining. I still remember Jason Gilkerson, you know, Jason Gilkerson coming up to me after and just like, you know, hugging me and just saying like, oh my, like, you know, who was an idol of mine, still is. And just, it was truly defining. And then another one was just something that happened recently. I don't know. I can't even pinpoint who said it to me or it might have been in a video I watched, and it was just a simple phrase of like someone— it was like a psychology kind of thing because I've been, you know, trying to work this brain out for a long time. And it was just someone saying like— and this is a harsh way of putting it, yep, but I'm going to kind of reframe it— it's similar to what you just said: no one's coming to save you. Which I took as stop waiting for that one thing that someone says to you to open things up for you and like be your pinnacle. Define your, your breakthrough moment, right? That's not going to come, but you can make the action yourself to start providing that moment for yourself. And the only way to do that is to take action and to not wait around. And that was just before I did the speech and the things I'm getting myself into now.

Yeah.

Um, and there's a bunch of other things coming. Stay tuned for that.

I know, how exciting.

Um, which we can't talk too much about, but, uh, but I'm in a very different phase of my life, it feels like. I'm starting to take social media as a bit more of a thing and like really creating my own content and really just trying to like be in the driver's seat of my life. Cause I feel like for the longest time I've been in the passenger seat for it.

Right.

And just kind of like having other people like exploit is the wrong word, but having other people take my creativity for what they need and like me latching myself on other projects. And like, now I'm like, how do I build something that's mine? I love that. And that's fully mine and then I'm fully invested in. And if it does well, great. If it doesn't do well, great. But it's both. It's on me. And that's scary too. But yeah, just the words, no one's coming to save you, which is harsh.

But no, I love it. And fear is still there, but you can overcome it better now.

Yeah, for sure. And I have my seasons and it's being aware of those seasons and but also trying to safeguard myself now from from like, and this is something that we can all benefit from, like this idea of like burning ourselves out and having to say yes to everybody. Like I'm trying to limit that as I get older. Like I don't need to say yes.

I need to learn that.

Oh my God. It's a forever thing. Even there's still things I'm saying yes to, you know?

Yeah.

We all, yeah, we're getting head nods back here. Well, you know, we all, I'm, we're even talking about something before that I'm doing. Like, what are you doing that? I was like, oh, I don't know. Cause I said yes to it.

Yeah.

And I've gotten a lot better, but still not perfect. And I think I'd burn myself out so much because I was doing everything for everyone but myself.

Yes. And then you start canceling things. This is, I feel you. Then you're like, why did I say yes to that? Now I need to cancel.

Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. And then you're creating this reputation and then you're disappointed in yourself. And you're thinking everyone's talking about you because you're unreal. It's just like, it's brutal.

Never ending. Never ending. Well, I can't wait to hear your talk again. If you are listening out there and you think that this, well, I'm telling you now, this is something that every studio should have for your seniors to listen to. It is incredible. If you have a smaller studio combined with other studios, you know, I'm all about this. Um, I truly believe that you, everybody needs to hear this talk. Every teenager, in my opinion, who's a creative should be hearing this talk. So how can they? Contact you?

Text on the screen, sure. Um, just if you email me at info@stephantanos.com, um, and just obviously say it's about the speech, and I'll be able to send you info back from there.

So good, it's gonna be epic. You guys have to check out my socials to see how epic it is, for sure. Thank you so much, Stephen.

Thank you, Bec, that was an absolute pleasure.

All right, hope you guys have an amazing week, and we will see you all next week. Thanks, friends. Bye.

We hope you enjoyed episode of the Dance Principles United podcast. If you'd love to learn more from us, we have a special offer just for our podcast listeners. Go to the link in the show notes right now to get 2 weeks free in Dance Principles United Tribe. We would love to see you there.