I'm not a Dance Mum, But...

Hello, friends. I'm Amanda Barr.

And I'm Rebecca Lou Brennan. And welcome to Dance Principals United, the podcast.

Together, we are passionate about helping studio owners with the business of running their studio.

Join us as we talk everything from marketing systems, studio culture, motherhood, life and everything in between.

This is the Dance Principles United Podcast.

Well, hello, friends. I hope you are all super amazing. I'm here today with the incredible Amanda. How are you going, Amanda?

I am so good, my love. I always love chatting to you. It's so good to chat. So many, you know, different topics today and I'm excited about today's topic. But first, I have to tell you, I went and saw Angelique on the weekend. Oh, my God, I was so. I was so lucky I got tickets to the premiere. God, it was incredible. Have you seen it?

No. I'm so. I was so jealous of you, actually. I really wanted to be there and you know, that I have not seen. I've got tickets twice to it because I'm so excited about it. I think you're the one who told me about in the first place. I didn't even know it was a thing, but it looks epic. Tell me about it.

So, so good. Like, I'm actually going again on the weekend because I'm taking Gigi for her birthday, so I'm going twice in the week. But oh, my God, like, it is so good, I think, because it's different, right? Like, obviously the music's fun and party vibe, but I love that you don't know the whole story. I love that you don't actually know how it's going to end rather than when you go to more like classic musicals. Like, obviously, we all know the story before we go. It's still enjoyable but we know the storyline. It was fun to say different, right?

Yeah, it looks so good. I'm so excited. I've listened to some of the music from it and it is incredible. So, yeah, I'm super, super pumped. I think we're going next weekend.

Oh, really? There you go. That's soon. So exciting. Oh, my gosh. I just love. Look, we're both bit musical theatre junkies and love going to see any of the shows and so much fun. So much fun. But that is not why we're here to talk about today. Just always a side interesting thing. Just, you know, what I did on my weekend.

But of course we've got to chat about that stuff. Look, I think today's topic is very interesting and Amanda, you may or may not know this, but I am on Amanda And I have our calendars together and zoom accounts and all the things because we work together all the time. So we need to schedule things in. But I know your girls times at dancing. Like I know Sassy today has ballet and troop and I know all the things. So I don't know if you realize that that comes up on my little calendar. It's quite hilarious.

I did not know that. I did not know that. That is interesting. I did not realize that that all sunk. Sassy is at ballet and troupe right now, so she's just about finished if you've checked your calendar.

Anyway, when I saw that, I thought an interesting topic could be, what's it like now being a dance mom because you used to own the studio, you now don't own the studio, but you are still a dance mom to three girls who are very into all the things, obviously because they've had a mum who's in the studio. How's that going? Have like tell me all the things. How's it all going?

Well. Oh my gosh. So many parts to this, right? So obviously there's the strange part of not owning the studio and you know, the strange part of going up and seeing the staff that used to be my stuff, that are no longer my stuff. Me just not being able to help myself and you know, pick up the rubbish on the street out the front or, you know this. Today I wanted to clean the bathrooms because obviously a child had been in right before me who had made a mess. I'm like, oh, don't have to do that anymore. That's always fun. You know, there's all of that, which is odd, of course, but the dance mom thing is an interesting chat because let's be honest that I don't know if you do this beck or not, but most studio owners who have their children dancing make the timetables work just a little bit for them so that it works in with their schedule as much as possible, right?

Oh, absolutely. I make the whole timetable around baby and have done since she was little because she's at her dad's every second weekend. So we've never had classes for her on a Saturday. And it's only really this year, to be honest, that we've put classes on a Friday night because she has to because it's ballet night and she's got to do that higher level ballet now. But yeah, I've always done that for sure.

Yeah, and I did too, like I had to, you know. Obviously, of course, as studio owners, we make sure our timetable works for all the parents and you know that it's the best. But I also made sure it worked for me as well when I did it especially with three girls. So I'd have them, you know, like finishing at the same time and stuff like that. So you know, it's interesting. And obviously I've got three girls dancing which most people like that's not the norm. I guess most people would only ever have like two children or one would probably be more an average. But I tell you what, three girls dancing, it's a lot. It's a lot because my three girls finish, they all dance four nights at least, my eldest dance is five and they all finish at different times every single night. It's a lot, you know, and we live oh like it's only about 15 minutes from the studio but it's enough that it's hard to be doing the different times I guess. And you know, there's a lot of driving back and forth and we don't have people to share lifts with as well because of where we live and all of that. I do have help with my elder daughter but yeah, it's a lot, right.

That's crazy. So I'm looking at your timetable now.

You've got it open.

Just listen to this. Like I just think sometimes it's really interesting for us to look at it from a different perspective because was we don't think about these things and I think sometimes we forget how crazy parents lives are. Like you know, like when that kid gets late to an esteed fed and you're like how dare they get late to the estate fed? And you probably just haven't thought about the fact that the parents got a two year old and a five year old and the two year old probably had a meltdown before they had to leave. Like there's so many moving parts in a family's life and I didn't realize that until I 1 had 5 kids and 2 like just had those children like before I had children I had no idea. Anyway, so sassy finishes at 5:15 today, Gigi finishes at 6:45 and Zali finishes at 8:15. And it's a half hour round trip for you to get from studio to back home.

I have to, yeah, I have to allow about 35 minutes. That's a lot.

If the listeners saw my face right now, it's just a big open mouth going holy. That is a lot. And is that most nights? Is that how it works?

That's every night. Yeah, pretty much every night. And they all start at different times. But their school is out there too. So I pick up from school, I have to be at school, pick up just before three. I usually drop the three of them off at the same time or and the older girls just have to wait because I am actually pushed to get there from school for the first class of the afternoon or I hang out with the older ones, you know, for an hour or something and then drop them off a little bit early, we go down the street or whatever. Did you not know I did that?

I mean I did know that you were there but I just didn't think about all of the logistics as you don't. People just don't think about it. And that is like. That is crazy dedicated. Hey.

Well, it means that I'm basically in my car from. I have to leave for school, you know, about 2:40 or something till about 8:30, back and forth pretty much. But I guess, you know, that's a choice I make, right? That's not a problem. And I'm okay with that. That's fine. The actual driving itself doesn't bother me. What I'd love to talk about though is the effects that has on my family because I think that's the different bit the drive. I actually quite like being the one that drives and Nathan being the one stuck at home with little people or whatever. That's actually, you know, sometimes it's the easier job to go the drive for half an hour. Right. Than being at home with the kids or whatever or cooking dinner or whatever that is. But I think the interesting thing that a lot of studio owners should really, you know, think about is the effect that it has on my family. So obviously my elder daughter who finishes at 8:15 each night, so she's not home to that. Look, their class normally finishes a little bit late as well, so she's not often home till 8:40 or so, so. And you know, she's been there straight from school so she needs to come home, have dinner, you know, do all the things. But I also have a 5 year old who has some medical issues on top of that, you know, there's a lot going on for her and it's very late for her to be going to bed, you know, if, you know, and for us to be up and down and back and forth and in and out of the house. It's hard for her to settle because she knows that we're leaving and coming in and out and doing all the things. It's actually that part that's harder is working out the family life, I guess.

Yeah. I have the same issues and I know it is my studio, but BB's obviously older now, so her classes are finishing around the same time, like that 8:30 kind of time. And by the time she gets home and has dinner and then everyone else, as you said, like Phoenix would never go to bed without her going to bed. That is not going to happen.

Sassy will not do that.

Yeah, same thing. Like our kids are going to bed really late and it is what it is, but I guess it's just having. We're not telling everyone to change their timetables.

Oh, absolutely not.

I'm certainly not going to change my timetable and I understand the constraints of that, but sometimes you just don't realize the moving parts in people's lives, I guess. And we get so cranky about the fact that a child's late for class or. I think I've told this story before, Amanda, but I got really cranky at a kid last year because I was late for class and the mum got really angry with me. And when I thought about it and when I found out about that, I realized that it was actually like such a stupid thing for me to get angry about. Like just so silly for me to get upset about that because there were so many moving parts in that mom's life that afternoon. I just hadn't considered it. But I just think sometimes you need to remember that. Yeah, yeah. A bit of compassion.

Absolutely. And I think that's a big thing, you know, I'd love to talk about. Okay. So the weekend, we had a crazy weekend last weekend, as I mentioned, I went to and Juliet on the Friday night. It was Nathan's 40th, it was G. On Saturday, it was Gigi's 9th birthday. We had a school fete we had to attend, which their school is like a really big deal. And we had Gigi's birthday party. All the things. Okay, so it was a bit of a crazy weekend in our house. Now Sassy, my 5 year old, had cheer rehearsals all weekend. And look, I was that parent and I didn't read my note. 100% my fault. Should have read my note. I didn't know it was on until the week before. It had been out for weeks beforehand. So I was that parent whose child basically didn't go to the full. It was two full day rehearsals because it was the choreography where they have a choreographer come in and choreograph the whole routine. And I was reflecting on that a little bit as a studio owner, to be honest. Like there was no problems with the teacher or the studio owner. They completely understood why we weren't there. It was fine. However, I was reflecting from when I was a studio owner and I would be pissed if one of the kids said to me, hey, it's my sister's birthday party and I have a school fate so I can't come to rehearsal. I would have been absolutely pissed about that. Especially if I this was an international choreographer, they bought in. And if one of the kids had said that to me, like, that's completely, like, I would have been bitching about them. Like, you know, I would have been okay with them to their face, but with my staff would have been like, oh, for God's sake, it's just a kid's birthday party. Do they not understand that this kid. Kid isn't going to know the whole routine, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you know, that would have always been me. And as I said, the studio was fine about it. That wasn't a drama. However, what, you know, flipping it and seeing it from a parent's perspective. My five year old, who as I said, has, look, she's got a strong personality. Sass is a strong personality kind of kid. Sassy, has a lot of sassy. She had been looking forward to this school fate for so long. She's in kindergarten. The school had been really pushing that it's compulsory. They all have to be there. It's part of their thing. They have to, you know, they have to participate in their class item. You know that everyone's relying on them, that they must be there. She was also then really excited about her sister's birthday party because that's a big thing in a five year old's life.

Yep.

So when I said to her, hey, you're not gonna be able to come, which I did try to the birthday party. You have to go to your cheer rehearsal because you've made a commitment to a team. There is. She just didn't understand. She couldn't comprehend that. And she's like, no, I'll just go before. And then like, she just couldn't. It was just too much for her. And you know, I just think.

I.

Think sometimes as studio owners, we just see it from our perspective and don't always see it from other people's. I guess that's kind of my point. Right. Not that there was any drama and not that you can't have that rehearsal. Like you got to do what you got to do. It's just hard. Right. There's all the juggling parts.

All the juggling parts and it's yeah. Like, it's completely reasonable on both sides. Like, you can see that the studio owners spent a lot of money. They've done all the things like the note out early, but you can also see it from the parent side. That's why I thought today's episode was interesting, because it's just like flipping things that little bit. I think I flipped my mindset a lot, even just since having more kids come into our family. So, you know, as you know, we're a blended family, and I only have one child out of five that dances. And that in itself is hard because it's like, obviously she has a lot more on and gets a lot more attention, and if she has stuff on the weekends, it's all about her. Well, now we've got multiple children wanting to do multiple sports, and it's even the juggling of getting them to different places. And it's. It is. Life is crazy. As a parent. Life is crazy. Hey, how have you found, like, having to buy costumes and uniforms and. Because that's a lot, right?

It is, absolutely. And you know, we had this week, so all three girls are starting soccer. That's a whole nother thing. Because I have three kids playing soccer. Like, I don't know how you do it. You've got five. But I have three kids playing soccer on a Saturday in three different locations starting in like two weeks. I'm like, there's only two of us. How on earth do we make that happen?

Exactly.

You know, so, so, so hard. Right? And. Yep, so we have that. So, you know, this week, for example, we had to buy new competition tracksuits. Cool. No problems. Times three, though. $150 a tracksuit. Times three.

Yep.

Absolutely fine. I understand it has to happen. But also this week I had to buy soccer boots. Times three. That was $200, something dollars. It was probably close to 300. I think they were like $90 each. Yeah, I had to buy. What are they called? I don't even know, their soccer uniform, their shorts, their jersey, their socks, all of that.

Shin pads. Did you have to buy the shin pads?

I have to buy shin pads. You know what I mean? And all of a sudden this week, and obviously it's not a normal week, but this week I've got a thousand dollars worth of extras quite easily, without even trying. It's probably more. I haven't actually added it up, but, you know, without trying, that's not including the birthday party that one of my kids is going to this week. Plus, you know, the birthday party that I paid for last weekend. You know, there's all of those things as parents. Right. So, you know, once again, there was no problems with the price of any of those. And that's what I would never. I would never suggest to a studio owner to not charge what you're worth and not to put the profit on by any stretch of the imagination.

No. However.

I think it's important to have compassion around it and making sure you give people enough time to budget things and giving them, like an outline. Yeah.

Yes. I think the time is really important. I think the understanding is really important. And I think also giving them payment options where they can pay it off in different installments. So, you know, I always talk about Shopify with costumes, and we use that. They have this full payment option now where you can pay things off in installments. I think, you know, just making sure that parents have that. We've heard so many horror stories over the years, Amanda, of people who are like putting their costumes out and then in two weeks time, they expect these parents to come up with $3,000 worth of costumes or something like that. That's crazy. You know, like. And I understand we are the first people to say put profit on things and Absolutely. Yourself. We're not. We're definitely not saying that, but we are saying be organized enough to give people time and be understanding that more things can come up in their lives.

Absolutely. And different people need to budget for different things. For example, you know, in my scenario, I was actually given about six weeks notice for both of those things. I chose to all pay it in the same week because obviously I could do that, like, so that it's not me, you know, complaining about it, but it is just, you know, just something to think about when you're putting things out to your parents because you also don't know about what happened with their child's soccer this week or what their school feeds that just happened to be due this week. You know, there's all of those things or, you know, the. The dishwasher that broke down. The. You know, life happens for people. So I think it's about. Yeah. Giving a reasonable amount of time and being upfront about things as well and offering payment options. I think that's a great. A great point too, Beck.

You know what else makes me laugh? So I'm sure that you got a note. It was on band. It was probably like, you probably had multiple communications about that cheer rehearsal.

Rehearsal.

But you didn't read it. No, but same thing. Like, we always get so cranky with parents we hear it all the time, Amanda, you and I, when we're talking to our clients and they're like, oh, we sent this out or this out, and they still didn't read it. And it's just so annoying. But it's like you were a studio owner and you didn't read it.

Absolutely. Like, stuff happens. My five year old came home on Monday, so the rehearsal was Saturday. Sunday, my five year old came home and went, mummy, we have cheer on the weekend. I'm like, no, you don't, babe. There's no competitions this weekend. It's too early in the season. You don't have cheer. You do have it on some weekends when you start doing your competitions, you'll start doing it on weekends. And I like, you know, and she's like, no, we have it this weekend. We have to go all weekend. It's the whole time. And I'm like, no, you're wrong. She was right. She knew what she was talking about.

I feel like my kids do the same. Like I'm just so bad with notes and stuff. Phoenix came home. Phoenix came home yesterday and said, we've got the Easter hat parade in a couple of days. And I'm like, oh God, I've got two days to make a hat.

All the things look, you know, and normal, to be honest. Like, I know we talk about different with, with most things, I'm pretty good with notes. Me personally, I'm pretty good with keeping on top of my kids stuff. But it's just been a crazy couple of weeks with Expo and it slipped through the cracks. So, you know, just the same as, you know, something might happen in your, in your parents life at the studio. Like, you know, they might be having, you know, something go on. They might be having health issues, they might be having relationship issues. You don't kind of know what's happening in a parent's life. Obviously we all have those parents that are just hopeless all the time, right? Not knocking that because we do as studio owners where there's always those parents that are just like, oh my God, does that mum ever read anything? Does she ever pay anything on time? But I do think sometimes we just need to have some compassion and, and think about it from the parents perspective as well.

I think that's the key of today's thing. Like, we've talked about this in a few different realms. You know, think about the concert from a parent's perspective, think about extra rehearsals on a Sunday. From a parent's perspective, think about, you know, there's so many different things that we do that we think the parents should just appreciate. They should appreciate that I'm doing that extra rehearsal on a Sunday. Don't they realize that this means the kids are going to be so much better in the dance? They don't care.

Absolutely do not care. You know.

You know, do you care that Sassy's choreographers from the US are an international choreographer and that that means that you don't care about that like, and you're a studio owner and I'm sure you don't care.

You know, it's that thing. I know that she would have gone to her class on Monday and all the other kids would have known the routine and she didn't. It's going to be a problem, 100%. She's also the youngest in the team, so I know it's going to be a problem. But you know what? That weekend wasn't about her. And we'd already planned this huge weekend for my other, for Nathan and my other daughter's birthday. And like I just couldn't do everything. I can't do every single thing at all times. And you know, so it's just sometimes, you know, it is what it is. Like dance can't be everyone's life. As much as we would love it to be, as much as it's our life as studio owners, it's not always going to be everything to every family. And so I think, you know, especially the extra rehearsals that kills me. You know, the things like comps on like Father's Day or Mother's Day or you know, in the holidays even that affects family holidays. Like I really, that's a big, you know, red flag to me as studio owners, you really need to give a little bit more compassion to family life and how parents balance their child that dances but also the rest of their family around that.

Yep, I totally agree. It's an interesting way of looking at it and it's certainly something that I'm always having to self reflect on at the studio is like, yeah, it's that whole fans first thing. I know we talked about it, but it's just like, is this an ego decision or is this the decision that's right for the parents and the families? Because one of our values is family. And most studio owners, you ask them what their values are and one is always family. What does that actually mean? And are you really valuing family? Because you know, dance can be all life consuming and that's fine. Like I get that. But yeah, we just need to really think about that. And consider it.

Absolutely. Hopefully some studio has kind of, you know, had a little bit of perspective from today's and kind of hearing what it is a little bit like for me as a dance mom, you know, I wouldn't change it for the world. Don't get me wrong, I love being a dance mom. I also don't think as a studio owner that you should ever drastically change anything you do to fit into people's family life. So, you know, I think just to be super clear that that's not at the point of this podcast. You know, you can't. You can't please everybody. You can't make everything work as studio owners. But I do think just to give it some thought and reflect on how it. It makes it work. You know, the concert, I just. Sorry, I'm just back on that. I know I was wrapping up, but back on the concert. You know, what always made me think as well was what time the students had to be there. Our concert was a good 45 minutes, 50 minutes drive away, what time the kids had to be there and what the parent could do before the doors opened. And I think that's something we kind of need to think about things like that, like how, you know, that's at Christmas time when all the parents are running around and got so many things to do, like really giving things like that some thought, I think is just really imperative to making sure that, you know, dance is a hobby that your kids, that your students can, you know, keep and that it doesn't get too, like, tiresome for the parents. They end up pulling them because it's like, oh, my God, dance has taken over my life. I'm out.

Exactly, exactly. It's so important for attention. It's so important for all the things. Well, thank you for that amazing insight, Amanda. I loved that so much. I look forward to continuing to hear your journey as a dance mom. Super interesting, and thanks everyone for listening. We hope that that just made yourself reflect a little bit today.

Can't wait to chat to you next week. Thanks, guys.

Bye.