Coach Ambereen examines whether blame and controlling behavior are inherited or learned, using two South Asian women's marriages as examples. Their husbands cheat and their mothers-in-law manipulate through feigned concern. Ambereen argues these patterns are built within families, not born, and require mindset shifts and professional support to break.
The question I have for you today is, are blamers nurtured to be blamers? Are cheaters cultivated to be cheaters? Thank you so much for diving in today with me as we explore, understand what this actually means. What I want to ask you is, are you observing people's patterns to make better decisions for yourself and even your loved ones? As always, I am so excited that you have made this moment possible and that today we're connected to make family development a priority. I recently met 2 young women. And the more that I got to know them, the more I understood that they were being abused by their husbands, their mother-in-laws, and even their father-in-laws. These women, they felt caged. They couldn't get their licenses, they were not allowed to work, and they somehow had to be okay with their husbands cheating on them. These 2 sister-in-laws mentioned that Their husbands, they go out every single night around 10 o'clock, and then they come home around 4 to 5 AM. My mind also began to wander. I'm actually curious to listen and find out what is running through your mind, so drop it in the comments. Now, as we continue the conversation, they confessed to knowing that their husbands are cheating on them. And when these women speak up, they are either bashed on, yelled at, screamed at, blamed, or the ultimate, that trump card that some South Asian men will play, is, I will divorce you or I'll send you back to your family. All of this is such a chaotic and emotionally unstable, psychologically unplaced to be at. Have you ever faced anything like that? I'm really curious. So truly drop in the comments what your thoughts are, so you can help me and under others better understand the situation. So we can just get more context because who knows who you'll inspire by leaving a simple comment that was your thought. Then yesterday, by the grace of God, I met their mother-in-law. And it gave me so much closure and a different perspective as to why these women were tolerating this. So when I didn't act submissive with her, she took out her finger and just began pointing it at me. When I still didn't submit, she began to shake it, and then she started yelling at me. I told her, it would be respectful if you could put your finger down. And stop pointing it at me. I also reminded her very gently that I'm not here to listen to any of this, and I'm not going to entertain any of it. She still didn't. She kept persisting. So she came up with a new trick in her hat and said, I'm just so concerned for them, and so are their husbands. We've been seeing you talking to them for a little bit, and we were just concerned. Now, Even she deep down inside knew that it was more control-driven, more blameworthy, more manipulative than it was being concerned for these 2 women. Let's take a deeper dive and really figure out what is happening here. First it's the daughter-in-laws, now it's me, and we're all in this mix together. As I take a glance back, you know, and really broaden my lens, I can understand that the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. If you agree with me, give this video a thumbs up, okay? The reason why she began to be in this defensive place is because these 2 women are caged. They cannot get out of the house, and they never do. And the fact that they met me was nothing less than a miracle in my eyes. But now this mother-in-law is scared that the reality of her sons, of the home, of these women's lives is really going to be exposed, that somebody else would know the narrative of what truly goes on in this house. And that's really threatening for a lot of people, which is why I often find people not saying yes to themselves to hire a coach To go for therapy, to get some extra support. Why? Because most people are hiding away their family life when in reality, your family life is the foundation of every single relationship. Your mindset, your thought set, your spiritual patterns, what you tolerate, what you don't, what values you align with, what you don't. Every single thing is happening in this unit. Where the nurturing is happening. So stop acting like you don't need the support. Stop pretending that everything is fine. Because the person on the other side, they actually care. This isn't some mission-driven la-la-loo-loo that I run with. As a coach, what I've realized is what really kept me afloat, what kept me to where I could keep having a conversation in a very civil way and not meeting this woman and her negativity and her blame and her disrespect, you know, meeting her where she is, was the fact that I have coached. I've spent millions of dollars coaching myself and billions of seconds rewiring the way that I look at things to lead with a role model mindset, to really step into being intentional with who I am as Because what I know to be true is the outside world is a perception of our inside. And if you don't take a deeper dive and explore what's truly going on inside, you're just passing on the trauma, the barriers, the fears, the negativity onto every single person in your home that you love. What am I encouraging you to do today? I'm encouraging you to say yes to yourself. I'm encouraging to say, I will try and see what's possible. I'm encouraging you to say that I will live and lead better, not because you may need it, but the future generation and every single person that you impact is counting on you to be the best version of yourself. So let's not forget that. If you are still listening, I want to say thank you so much for exploring and diving in with me, because what coaching has really taught me is that there's a mindset shift of what we tolerate and what we don't. And when this lady would just not listen and kept being, you know, like disrespectful and feeling like she has authority over me, I excused myself and I kind of walked away. I left the situation without meeting her where she was. And oftentimes we do get caught up in these arguments where we're going back and forth, then the friction increases, then there's like this, this chaos that takes over the house and the, the home energy feels eerie. So do yourself a favor today. Click on the link in the description or in my bio. And set up a free limited time exploration call with me. All we're doing is we're just going to dive in. You're going to really get personalized insights as to how you can shift your mindset. Spots are very limited, and I'll only be doing this for a little bit longer. Then after that, God knows where things will be. So thanks for tuning in. Thanks for staying this far. Thank you for making your family development a priority. Until next time, sending you a ton of umberji filled with love and light and. A whole lot of goodness. Also, stop blaming people. Start taking ownership. Thank you.
