Create Your Victorious Life 12424

Foreign hey, hey, hey. I want to welcome you to create your victorious life. This is Cindy Gould and welcome you back to the Spanglish World Networks on Xingo TV channels 250 and 251. You can find me on on Facebook at the Victory Network. Look through the group, send me an invite. I will be excited to include you. And please remember while you're watching us, to download Both the Xingo TV apps on the respective app stores, iOS and Android devices while you download. Go ahead and leave us a stellar comment and rating. The app is totally free. Xingo TV is available on Google Chromecast, Amazon Fire and Fire TV sticks or Roku and Roku sticks on all smart TVs 2016 and forward. Not those dumb TVs you better upgrade. And thank you, thank you, thank you so much for being here today. I am so excited. We've wanted to do this before and so I'm so thrilled that coach Umbren Hamid is here today. And this woman is on a mission. Her mission is to transform the world by unifying families to create strong, irreplaceable bonds. It's such a beautiful mission, recognizing that family is the center of all of our lives, yet it is the one of the first relationships that we absolutely neglect. Right? This in turn makes us feel guilty, shame, distant. And from those whose lives we impact regularly, through coaching, speaking, writing, she shares her mission to create an authentic and irreplaceable bond cultivated around acceptance, gratitude and shared value. So families connect through a whole new frequency. And you know, if you've watched the show for any time, frequency is my jam right along there with joy. So it's so cool that she's here today. She launched her own company named TLE and she can correct me Coaching, which believes and has faith in you and your limitless potential. Umbrean is also a host, so you're going to want to watch her show Lead with Intentions, which airs every week on Tuesdays at noon eastern on the Spanglish World Network and right here on Zingo tv. Without further ado, welcome, welcome, welcome.

Thank you so much, Cindy. It is truly an honor and delight to be here with you. I know we've had a conversation and exchange of energy and you're upbeat just like me. So it's always great to find people just like that.

Yes, thank you. I'm so excited that we magnetized being in each other's lives as well as that Eduardo has created such a beautiful way for us to share our passions and our love, our missions and our visions. And, you know, one of the first things that I ask just to even start our conversation is I, you know, I can read the things I just shared with our audience, and I totally vibe with your mission and your vision, but, you know, there's reasons why and ways that you have created and crafted such a victorious life and victory in your family. And so how have you done that? I'd like to just start, you know, how and why, so please.

Yeah. So I would say it all began with my own parents. They are the role models. They are the influencers who have always prioritized family. And it's beautiful to see their own journey now. You know, once you grow up and you. When you become a parent, you realize the struggle that they went through that was real. They came here to the U.S. you know, with four kids. So that in itself, you're just like, what? Like, brand new place, a new culture, new language, and aspiring and wanting something more for us. So I'm originally from Pakistan, and Pakistan is not a safe community to be around, to be in, especially when it comes to women. You know, there's a lot that happens there. You don't really know if you go out, you know, to go shopping, if you'll be able to come back home alive and, you know, or maybe not mugged. And so when they started to see, especially my dad, he never was one to come here into the US but when he started to kind of see that at this point in time, it's like, I need to protect my daughters. You brought all four of us here with Mom. And since then, they've led a life of generosity, of service, of kindness, while prioritizing family. And I often will tell people, right, like, family for us is not the typical nuclear family. In the US when we say family, it's like a. It's a herd, you know, and you're like. And it keeps growing because, you know, more. More kids keep coming along. And so they have been somebody who've really been influential in that, you know, in that guiding light of that herd. And so they actually poured a lot of it back into our home.

That is so beautiful. And thank you for sharing that. I want to go back. You know, you'll see me looking down because I take a lot of notes. This is like a master class for me every week. And so I want to go back, though, to something that you said, because moving, you know, even within the U.S. let's say you move from California to Orlando or to Miami, and, you know, even that culturally is different, or you move to Hawaii, very different when you move across the world and you move from a place where, like you said, even it's not safe. So you move from an unsafe place to a hopefully safer place when you move in. And language is one thing, but culture, whole different ball game. Right. So how, how old were you when you, when you girls moved? Because you have four sisters or.

I do have four sisters. I was 10 when I arrived to the U.S. yes.

Wow. So you were 10. So what was that like when you first got here with your family, like with your parents and just everything? What was it like?

It was, it was all very foreign to us, right? Like, exactly. A foreign country. Simple things like that. Even the way the houses are built, it's so different from Pakistan, you wouldn't really think about it. The doorknobs, the windows, the structure of, of stores, the roads. You know, the roads are the same per se, but not the way that people follow the traffic lights. Not the fact that there's snow. We've never seen snow in our lives. We're in like, you know, southern Pakistan. So we're in Karachi and northern. Yes, you get the snow, you get that beauty. But here, you know, when you came to Chicago, when you first migrated here, oh my gosh. And so imagine all of that, you know, and kind of having to wrap up a life that they had known to be theirs, you know, only to, to be here and kind of. I think that's the one thing my parents, a great job of, is preserving the Pakistani culture in our lives, you know, so.

Well, you know, and imagine, I can only imagine just even that double edge of. We're so excited. We, we brought our family to a safer thing. We can create this new life with freedoms that we didn't have before. And this is so scary. We don't speak the language. How am I going to get a job? How will I feed my family? Will people accept my children at school? Well, will they make friends? I mean, all the things. You're a mother, right? All the things that you would think. And you said that your parents still came from a place of generosity, of service, of kindness, of expanding the borders past their home to a bigger family. Right. And so what was that like as a 10 year old? Like even going to school, I mean, all of that.

Yeah. So Pakistan, you have a uniform, everyone looks the same in your school. Like, and it's very strict, right? Like, you have to have your nails cut, cut and filed so they, you cannot really see, like white on your nails. You can't wear any makeup. You got to put your hair kind of up. You just are. You're not someone who's. The whole point is you're coming into school to learn, so be disciplined in that way, you know, Whereas in America, you're, like, going and shopping for clothes. You're just like, oh, we don't typically wear pan shirts. So now you're exploring a brand new attire, really, like, trying to figure out what it is that you do. But in Alana sd, when you're immigrant, you don't have choices. It's kind of like, oh, this fits this. We can afford this. We take, you know.

Right.

And we were really fortunate, you know, in that way, Cindy, where we had a ton of family, so that herd was already here, and so we depended on them a lot. My mom's siblings were here. My dad had family here as well.

And.

And so to be able to have them kind of shape and ease us into this new, you know, into this new territory was honestly a blessing, you know, and we still have ties with those people now.

That's awesome. Especially since you have your children. And so. That's so neat. And I love, you know, some of the things that I feel, and I've traveled. I've been blessed to be able to travel all around the world, too, and that I really feel in the US And I always have so much honor for people where English is their second language. And I know you've been here since you were 10, but let's just even take your parents where English is the second language and they speak it so beautifully, often more articulate than a lot of folks that grew up here. Also, the cultural pieces, that there is a level, I think, of a fear, but even I'm thinking as a parent, so you come here with so much money or for whatever, and you just, you know, just even taking a breath. I don't know if you saw my show with Becca, who's a beautiful dentist, and she and her husband in Ohio and her father stole a plane that he was flying in Vietnam to bring their family here. I mean, it's. Yeah, I think they're making a movie or something. It is such a compelling story. And in fact, she would be a fabulous person to have on your show. Honestly. You will love her.

Noted.

Just even hearing all of those things, it's just like, I look at that and I think, okay, so with your background saying joy, with what you do as a vision and a mission and. And how have you then taken all of that package and then created the victorious life or just even the victory in the slice of having victory in your family. Like what about, you know, with your mate or all of that. Go ahead.

Yeah. So victory for me is just showing up as your best self. Right.

And.

And half of the battle is showing up as your best self. I'm not just saying show up, you know, like, show up. Ready? Show up embracing your life because you only get one shot at this speed specific experience, you know, so for, for you and I, before we connected, I had to mentally prepare myself because my little humans are here, home early today. Right. Of all the days. And so they're like, oh, we want to be in the shot. I want to do this. So now I'm trying to get into a mindset of saying, okay, now serve right. This right here is my way of serving your audience to show up here fully present and engaged for you. And that showing up has been something that's been consistent and that's built the tenacity in my own life to create what I would say a victorious life. My mission says it. Center of my life is family and those people that we pour into. But what if you were to change that mindset and say, let's consciously parent, let's consciously show up as a better brother, as a better uncle, as a better grandfather. And in that, relationships are the number one predictors of joy at the end of our life.

Right.

So like a 30 year study cohort done around all these people who started like their 40s, went all the way to like, you know, 70s, 80s and they said one of the single biggest influences of the fact that they had a successful happy ending to their life was the relationships that they had. And now we're living in a world where relationships are so secondary. You know, in my. As you introduced me, one of the things that I really want people to understand is your parent, your home should get the best of you. Yes, you can create victory and harmony in that space. It's a whole game changer. That is the difficult, the most difficult job in the world. So it makes sense why it's not easy for people to show up that way.

Yes, I love that. And it should get the best of you instead of, you know, and I'm sure lots of our audiences had this, you're in conflict with one of your children or, or you, you're cr. You know, you're telling them, get your room done, whatever. The phone rings, it's your boss, hey, how you doing? Or you know, or right. Or you. Or you're arguing on your way to church, you know, or on your way to temple or mosque or wherever you're going. Right. And. And then you get there and. And you get out of the car and you know, like, oh, good morning. Good morning. Bless you. So, you know, and then your kids are shattered because you guys were all yelling at each other all the way there or. Right. And. Or even at work, you. You go and you do your thing for the eight hours you're gone, or 10 hours you're gone during the day, and you get home and you're wiped out. And it's like, you don't. And so what. I know what I have done and what I've had to do to really basically fill my cup more than I needed so that I could serve from my overflow. What are some. Some tips, maybe some tools or techniques that you. Maybe even if parents that have burnout, you know, consciously, as you know yourself, being your best self as an uncle, auntie, as a daughter, as you know, I love that.

Yeah. I think it's really. For me, I love going back to simplicity.

Yep.

I think there's a simple rule that we can all apply, including myself. So before I got on this call, you know, just a quick caveat. The scenario you mentioned happened in our house. I'm like, hey, goria. Which basically means, like, you know, baby girl, baby doll, like, your jacket is on the floor. She goes, I put it on the bed. Like, like, even that songs are all. But I was like, okay, really was on the floor. I really need you to come here and pick it up, because then you'll get your second strike. And so she's like, but I didn't put it on the floor. I didn't do this. And I'm like, okay. And then there's stuff over here. Your book is on the dresser. So she's like, oh, God, can you just let me be so I can be happy? You just keep telling me, and you're making me so sad. And I was like, wait, I'm making you sad? Like. And then she's like, and plus, I don't have my second strike. All this stuff is happening. But as parents, you know, as caretakers, as those who are the intentional leaders of this unit, just pause, right? Three seconds, pause, and then you react. And now you are responsible. You're responsibly reacting, right? You're actually, you're. You're. What I tell my kids often is, you know, your. Your actions will dictate at every moment of your life. So if it's a heated conversation, I've got. I mean, I've got two adolescents, you know, actually three, so 15, 13, and 11.

Oh, wow.

And they're all such different flavors. Yeah. So as parents are. Are, you know, listening to us today, if you're not a parent, if you're an aunt, if you're an uncle, if you're a brother, sister, it doesn't matter what you are. Making sure that you can just pause and re. Center yourself. So that way you have a moment to really articulate that thought and use words that are going to serve. It's so. It's so nice. And sometimes I literally will just say it's happening. Like it's ha. And I'll. And I'll just be like, this is it. My kids know. This is cute. Come up with a simple trigger. Right. Trigger is something that we as high performance coaches will always talk about. Like stack, that happens. That happen. Trigger, that thing. Right. A trigger will provoke you to come up with an action, and if you do it consistently, it just becomes a habit. So when things get too heated up, I just put my hands up. Literally. This means timeout. And they know, they've tested the timeout. This means I'm taking a timeout. Like, not giving you one. I'm taking it because the energy in this home isn't one that's serving any of us.

Ooh, I love that. That's beautiful. Keep going.

First thing is pause before you react. The second thing is come up with a simple way of identifying that this conversation should. Should no longer keep evolving. Because it's not. It's not going someplace where it's being heard. Right, Right. Or even an action. And the simplest of things that we can do, I think as caregivers, as you know, as leaders of this unit, is you need to set up consistent consistency in your homes.

Yes.

And that's something I'm struggling with too. So I'll raise both hands. Not even just one. Both hands where you're like, hey, I've communicated 20 times. So what I did the other day, I just took a. Literally, like a sheet of paper, wrote down seven things, stuck it on the closet right by the door. This way, the second they come home, they know they gotta put away their jacket, they gotta put away their shoes. I'm like, this is. This is like basic stuff, but put away jacket, put away shoes, take out your lunchbox, put away your backpack. That is there. Okay. And. And all these simple things we can do to put the accountability back on them. But that for us also requires consistency. Yep. And so if I don't have to keep babbling the same thing. Getting frustrated, irritated, and like, it's, you know, when that brain is like, it's boiling. You're like, literally all they did is they left the shoe on, on the floor again. It's not on the rack. Yeah. But the, the amount of feelings and emotions that come up because of all of the stuff that it's carrying forth. Right. Or from the. From the back is carrying forth. So pause when you can come up with a small way of identifying that. Hey, we're just gonna start, stop where we are and resume. When you're in a better headspace, in a better heart space. I like to say more than headspace, because your head will that. When that ego gets wrapped up in it, it'll keep going. But when your heart knows when you are not showing up as your best, you know?

Yes. Well, I love that even in crafting language with children that says things like you're about showing up as their best self using the word harmony versus balance. When I think of harmony, I mean, I don't believe you can ever really have balance in a family. I mean, everybody's doing different things at different times. And even with your mate, you know, you. One person's having, you know, all the balls in the air, and you're going to scoop in and grab them because they're, you know, doing what they need to be doing in that moment, you know, whatever those things look like. What I love is what you said was the energy isn't one that's serving any of us and causing a pause in the midst of that coming from your heart versus from your head. You know, like, we know when you stay in your head, you're dead. And I always say when you stay in your heart, you're smart, you know, and so when you come from that place and one of the things you said, and I've heard parents do, that get frustrated, myself included, is do I have to tell you again? You know, and repeating and repeating and repeating. So putting it on a list. And I know I had a conversation with a parent once who said, why should I have to do that? I've already. We've talked about this. She knows this. Da, da, da, da, da. And I. And I said, okay, or do you want to continue having the conversation? Or when she didn't do number four out of the eight that you posted up there, you just point. You don't even have to reiterate that convo. It's really that one stop spot where, you know, you can do that. Now the Flip side of it is in, in my opinion too, is leaving those type of notes and then leaving love notes. Leaving love notes of high fives. Right. Oh my gosh, you did such an amazing job with this bedroom and leaving, you know, a post iter. You know, how. Where are you at with, with those types of things? What do you believe in?

Yeah. So I think those people who know me, they know I'm a big celebrator. I'm not talking about, like, big parties and like, you know, I'm talking about the moments that are worth appreciating. Like, appreciating because it's these simple moments that'll add so much momentum, so much joy, so much goodness into your life that we, I think, as a, as a unit are kind of missing. Right. And it's this lack of appreciation that comes actually, it's in an internal thing. If you as an individual are having a challenging time appreciating other people, it actually falls back upon you because you may not appreciate yourself. And when you can. I actually did this in my training today where I was like, when you celebrate somebody else, you get so much back in return. It's, it's, it's so, it's, it's beautiful, that dance to be like, wait, I just told you that like my kids, right, right now took out the trash, right? So like, just if I was like, hey, I noticed you listen, you heard, thank you so much. Double high five. That exchange is so beautiful. Yeah. I think it's these simple things that, you know, a lot of times we talk about, like, negative reinforcement, positive reinforcements. But I just think there needs to be authenticity in that. There needs to be intentionality in that. And when you and I, and we as, you know, as a community can show up with intentions, it's a game changer. Even if, even if I don't leave my kiddo a great job note, the second that they come home, I'm there.

Right?

That's because the days that I'm not there, you hear like, okay, so that's being missed. So then you see that they appreciate that even though they may not vocalize it at this age, to us, 100%.

And you know, one of the things I love about the whole celebration, it's a big deal in my life, even for myself, when I. And even things I celebrated. And people hear this all the time for me, but I celebrate the fact that I have melaleuca toothpaste and that it has essential oils in it. And I'm so happy. You know what I Mean, it's just like little things. Because what it does, all those celebrations with your children.

Yeah.

You took out the trash. Oh, my gosh, I'm so proud of you. You know, you raised that grade from a C to a B, from a B to an A, whatever it is, whatever that looks like, you know?

Yeah.

You. You walked away from a discussion with your brother that could have turned into something not nice. Right. All of those celebrations, they dump feel good hormones into your brain, into your body. You. And so you as a physical being will seek out more of those reasons to celebrate. So you're really, like you said earlier, stack, stack, stack, you know, as coaches, we know this. And so you're continually doing that with your family. The same would be true, though, I want to say, with the adults in your life, not just your children, with your husband, with your wife, with your partner, with. You know, when you're just, oh, my gosh, I appreciate you so much. I know you go to work every day. I know you've got this hustle while you're building your dream. And I can't even begin to tell you how important you are to me and how much watching you do what you're doing really brings me joy and thank you. You know, or just those basics. Right?

Yeah. And I think it should be somewhere in the day where you are. So it is. In any given day. I celebrate five people intentionally, but I think a lot more like just. Just, you know, like, hey, I'm here, so. But I will take the time out to write down five people that I'm going to intentionally appreciate today. I could be a voice note, it could be a text message, it could be an email. It could just be, like, me showing up. Like, two days ago, I texted my sister, like, hey, are you home? No, I'm at work. What's up? And I was like, I just wanted to come by, just give you a hug. And it's so beautiful. Because she's not much of a hugger. Right. She's not like the affection, affection kind of woman. But I'm all like, I'm all in of all of those energy exchanges. So last year, my daughter would go to school with her kids, so I would go drop my daughter off to her house. And every day it's like this boost of umbergi, which is what I call, like, my energy. I love that every single day she would get it, and then she's like. And then my daughter, like, was off of sick, like, three, three days or something. She comes to my house, she's like, you can't do that to me. And I was like, what happened? She was like, I'm not getting your hugs every day. And I was like, wow. So what if you didn't know the impact that you made? You, the audience listening today. What if you don't know the impact that you're making in someone's life until that impact decreases? So take the time, I think, every single day to appreciate at least your family, at least. Oh, yeah, dinner, conversations, once they get home from school. Doesn't really matter what that is. Just show up for them. That's so important.

Yes. You know, I don't. I grew up in a family where we shared our meals and, you know, and on the weekends, we even shared our lunches. You know, we. But for sure, before school, we shared breakfast and we shared dinner, and it wasn't an optional thing, you know, it was. You were going to be there. And I am so appreciative that even as a mother and, you know, when my children were younger and still we get together regularly and share meals. And there's something to be said in that exchange of energy, even in those moments of, how was your day? Tell me about your day. And just hearing all the different things and just the banter at the table, you know, and, and then enjoying and appreciating the meals that we had, you know, and, and all of the, the things that go with that. I appreciate that you. That you said that. And I appreciate. Because I do the same thing with the. It's funny. You and I are so aligned on so many different ways I do the same. I, I actually have it. I hand write. I have a handwritten journal or a plan planner that I write in every day, and it's Brenda Burchard's, you know, 60 day. And I literally answer several questions every day and make sure. And then I hand write out the people that I will intentionally do that with on a daily basis. And it's so, it's so important. What I've noticed, and I. And I'm sure you have, too, is what it does for me, you know, when you go over and give your sister a hug, you're getting a hug back. When you, you know what I mean? When you write a message and, you know, you've brightened somebody's day, it again releases those, Those wonderful, delicious hormones. But it's really something that is such a blessing for us, right?

It is. And I think we, we don't really. We don't pay attention as much to that energy exchange and that Engagement in the world that we live in. Sending someone a text message saying, I love you versus an emoji that screams I love you versus an emoji that is like.

Yeah.

They'Re levels, right. You have an I love you with an exclamation mark. You got four exclamation marks. All of these are such a great way of exchanging things. But there's something beautiful that happens when words are iterated from your mouth.

Yes.

Right. Because words, I believe, carry power and people can feel the energy, you know, Like, I can tell my kid, oh, yeah, thanks for picking up the jacket. Right. She's like. She's the first to call me out, like, mama, I don't think your energy is congruent. Are you so frustrated?

Like.

There is no doubt there. These kids, like, they are sponges. They are sponges. They're like, we're gonna take it and twist right when we need to, like. And so it is. It is these simple dialogue. And the more than that, like, they feel when there are things that are not serving them.

Yeah.

And it opens up this dialogue of communication. You know, like you were talking about sitting down and eating dinner together. That was a. That was a no choice, no brainer. That's the same thing in our house.

Yeah.

Dinner time. They, you know, forget devices. Like, you can't even imagine the device are, like, in a different country. Right. At that time, there's a no go zone. And yes, my kids are growing up. Yes, they are being raised here in America. But as parents, we get to call those shots. We get to actually set the expectations. And if we are the ones showing up with technology on the dinner table, then how disengaged are we? And why do we expect more from our own family? Right, Right. Other thing is also something simple. Like you have dinner together. And like today I made a dinner early, and I had my kids taste so good. And then my daughter's like, I'm like, salt. And she goes, yeah, I was gonna say a little bit more salt. Now that dinner is made to what they think is best. But the chef, my eldest, isn't home right now. Right.

He is.

His palate is the next level. Now when you sit down and you have this meal. Yes. They'll be like, pulling. They'll be saying like, hey, how did I go? But you start to see what they're really enjoying.

Right, Right.

Hey, can you pass me that lentil again? And you're like, okay, it's a good time.

Okay. And.

And you see that they're taking more food and these simple things really help us to understand our kids a little bit more without even having that dialogue with them.

Yes, but it's what you said. You have to pay attention. You know, you really have to look at that. And, and I want to go back to something you said about words. So I see words as powerful containers of energy that are meant to create. And whether they're meant to create, like you said, oh, good job picking up the, you know, your jacket off the floor or oh my gosh, what a great freaking job you did. I'm so proud of you for doing that. So different. Or you can tell somebody that you love them and your tonality could stuck and they're not. I'm not buying it, you know, and, and, or whatever it is. And, and to your point, when you're sitting around a table and you're having, sharing a meal together and when you've created it together, like, hey, come taste this. What do you think? And, and you've done those extra things even so great, because as you said, you're going to get to know like, you know, our children are bits and pieces of us genetically. And, and their DNA, et cetera, et cetera. And it's. And whatever they've osmosis, osmosively gotten, like what your daughter. You're not being congruent, mommy. You know, I mean, all of those things, and yet they came in here with their own gifts, talents, personalities, et cetera. And it's so beautiful when you get to see, okay, what ruffles their feathers, okay, what. What brings them joy. Ah, he loves lentils. Okay, good to note, you know, and then it may gives you more information, more feedback where you can actually even increase the harmony in your home or increase the bond of love and, and acknowledgement and that you give to your child or mate or whoever.

I mean, like, it's not even for me. It's not even limited to a child and a mate. You can share a meal with a coworker and you both can go and like, hey, you know, I tried this new place. It's really good. And the coworker is like, okay, like, I can't even eat my food. There's a distinction between. And it's true, right? Because now you know, oh, it's the mushrooms. Oh, he doesn't like mushrooms. Okay, well, buddy, you should have read the description, right? Like, but even that now that becomes like a moment where 20 years later, if you meet again or if you're still working together, you're like, dude, you remember I took you out to the best kebab shop and they had like a, a sandwich with some mushrooms in it. And you like tore the apartment and.

Right.

Oh, oh, yes. I never went there ever again. And now it's become like this beautiful exchange. Right. Like life happens to us in these moments.

Right.

And when we don't show up, we're not embracing our lives.

Right.

You know, I, I talk about this so much and I first and foremost apply it in my own self. Like you said, our kids are like, biologically they're ours, but they are their own little humans.

Yes.

And our job is to accept them as they are, which is the most difficult job in the world. I'm not going to say it's easy because you're like, why would you fold your pant like that? Like, I don't understand. I've taught you like 75 times. And it's still that way because I'm not helping you. And you're just like, you know what, look at the fact that like he's holding his pants. You know, seven months ago those pans were kind of put in a pile and then put into the laundry and you're just like, oh, there you go. Or rewashing clothes that are hardly worn. Right. Whatever these small things are, when you accept your kids, you start to see how beautifully they transform.

Yeah.

How much they evolve. And they, my kids are my biggest influencers. Like these little humans, they are the biggest critics, but influencers. My son said to me, and this is like this week has been kind of, you know, some all over the place with, with work and with alignment and to kind of like redefining. What is it that I want to actually add value? Who do I want to add it to? How do I add that value? So for me, these things are so important because if it's not aligned, then I know for me it's not going to be beneficial. Right, Right. And so he's like, hey, mama, listen, you gotta do what makes you happy. Your job. It's not you. Is it you? I was like, I was like, no, that's not me. Like, you have to start focusing on the things that you like, the things that make you happy. Now, a 13 year old saying that that's not, that's not typical.

Right?

It isn't. But we don't know how much they're transforming, forming when we are being present, when we are accepting their different views. Each one of these kids came into my life to teach me more about my own self and to say how you wish you Got it figured out. Wait.

Just wait. Well, and I'm down here writing furious notes because you're saying so many wonderful things. And I, I love even the lens of what, who and how do I add value? You know, who do I add it to, what do I add and how am I adding it? I love that. Especially when going back to the first. The beginnings of this, you know, of our exchange today and you talking about giving the very best of ourselves to our family, being in business. A lot of our audience or even being employed would be using that lens with the outside world, not the. In your home world. Right. And how do I add value to this conversation with my child? How do I add, you know what I mean? Instead of just a lot of times is because I said, so do it. You know, all of those, you know, instead of even asking questions with your children. I know I come from an era of, well, I mean, it was so different when we were children. All I needed was a look from my parents and I was on it. I mean, you know what I mean? It was. And I never wanted to disappoint them like that. And that was so different than I know now. The mindset is, is not the same. But there wasn't a lot of questions asked either. When I was younger. It wasn't. There wasn't as much. It was just. Your parents say, to do it, you do it, right? Your teacher says to do it, you do it. You know, there was that and now it's a different ball game navigating through all of that. I'm curious, because you have such a herd with your children and then getting to have the privilege of having so many others in the family, how does all that play out? Because what you believe may not heard police as far as families go, right?

And. And that's where that blend is so necessary, that evolution is so important. And that same thing I talked about, like consistency and discipline, right? We, we often as a family don't define what those values are for us, okay? For some people, adventure is the first thing that they want. Others, they're just like, we just like calmness in our home, another person. They're like, we just want to grow. They're like, we just love to meditate. We're those people, you know, we love to have fun. We love to host party, whatever it is. I. Anyone that lives listening today, I strongly urge you just to define three values that are the pillars of your family. And these values are so critical because you'll see I actually do this exercise with, with, with Families and parents that I coach is will run them those exercises and see that every single family member is talking about the same thing, different words, because you just live it. So when those values are aligned and then when you see a lot of people pouring in different direction and everyone's doing it out of goodness of their heart, they're not doing it to bring you or your kid or anybody else down. They're doing it because they care. Right. And so when they care, it's even more difficult to make sense of it. You, a stranger, something rude to you, like, okay, whatever, stranger. That doesn't really matter to me. But when they care to embrace it and accept it and say, you know what? That same thing, again, I don't agree with it.

Bless you.

Thank you. I don't agree with it. I do not agree with any of what Grandma is saying. I don't even agree with. My mom is saying. I'll be 100 honest. I'm like, whoa, that side.

Right.

That's way out of my world. Like, that's not how I live. But what is the key? You have to accept it.

Yep.

Because they are your family. Yeah. You have to change them. All right, Live action here. You don't have to. Your job is to understand and accept.

You know, and to love. Where.

Of course. Right. Because when you understand someone and you accept them as they are, you're just naturally going to love them even more. Right. And the same way that you and I may not want to change our mindset on specific things is the same way that Auntie may not want to change our mindset on something. And the way that, you know, that. That she disciplines all of us. Sisters are so different. It's. You know, look at your own family. For those of you who are listening here, look at your own family and just see every single person has their own flavor. Right. Their own sauce, their own spark. They got. They have their own thing happening. And I think it is so essential because when you start with your family, it gets so much easier to accept other people, too.

Oh, gosh, yes. It's so great. And I would say, too, like, what would you. I want to go back to what you said about the three pillars. So we have people that are watching in our audience now, are in the future, and don't even know what that means or looks like. So when you're working with a family, you're working with parents, and you say to them, hey, let's define three values that. That can be absolute pillars for your family.

How.

What is some type of exercise or some questions you can, someone can ask themselves to hone down on what those values really are.

Yeah. When you look at your best, you look at the best version of your family, of this unit, what words would you use to describe it? When you want other people to describe your family, what words do you want them to use? Right. And I think even that other is the second. The latter question is so much easier because the first one is to introspect and do. But you're like, oh, no, we want someone I was working with. They're like, we just want everyone to call us helpful. Like, we just want to be known as a helpful family. And the two sons, very huge age group. The parents all said it in different ways. Now, the way I run is a lot more interactive. It's a lot more fun and engaging. But it's this understanding of saying, if someone is to describe your unit, what words come to mind? Start to live into that a little bit more.

That's great. That's a great way to do it. It's a great way also to do that individually with your children. When somebody describes you, what words do you want them to describe? And one of the things that I do also is do it where it's not something that you do, but something that you are. And so that it's not an award or reward driven type of thing. You know, hey, I'm the boss, or I won this. You know, it's who you are, something that you are authentically in your soul, in your spirit.

Yeah, you want to be able to feel that, tap fully into that. Go ahead.

Yeah. No, no, no, no. I, I, I love your background, everybody. When I introduce myself and I'm like, in a formal setting, even I'm known as a Joy catalyst. And so when I look at your background, and again, joy is our jam. Right. So you and I are like kindred spirits in that. And Eric, in fact, Eric Stendlake from, you know, Empowered Family Network on Facebook and then energetic now on on the Spanglish World with his TV show, He said, you're gonna love Umbrella. He went on and on after the first time that you were online with him. So what are some of the things like that you really, really want people to get? Like, if you could just have everybody sitting, you know, on the floor eating yummy food and we're just all hanging out and it's your turn to share something. What is it that you really want people to just.

I want people to know that their gift, right, this gift of presence, the fact that they're alive on this earth. The fact that there is so much that has happened for this moment to exist.

Yes.

And we're all sitting here, like Cindy said, I cooked up a whole feast. And everybody's on the floor. Everyone's eating together. Like, traditionally, y' all got your hands washed. Diving in with that, with your hands eating the food. Okay, what do I want? I want everyone to share their gift with the purest of energy. And I talk about this a little bit, you know, with, like, Umbergy, and it's literally like, that's one of my drivers of life. Okay. And it's like this just pure, authentic, radiant energy that just wants to love, that wants to give, but that has a little a level of, like, courage in there too. Like, she's like, that's not gonna work. Right? Like, it's just not. When you can tap into the fact that you get to be here one more day on this earth.

Yes.

And that is the biggest gift. So show up with presence. Make it an actual presentation.

Yes.

Because you'll see. Like, the other day on. We had EID earlier this week, and so we were celebrating in a small gathering on the day of. And one of the ladies comes to me and says. And pulls me aside. She goes, hey, I'm brain. And I'm like, yes. And she goes, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, totally fine. And she goes, no, you just. Energy's down.

Ah. And.

And so she's always just like, boom, boom, boom. And I was like, oh, yeah. I had a few thoughts in my mind, you know, so that's why I'm fully present. But the energy, she was like, oh, so when you are here, when you're having this meal together and all of you are laughing and joyfully sharing, you'll talk about that day for ages to come. You'll talk about. Do you remember that? So. And so spilled water all over our. All over our plates. And then we're like, dude, this food is so good. We was finger licking. God. Now you messed up the whole plate. But not everyone. Then who got up and got the napkins and who helped clean that up? I think in the. The world that we live in now, we are often preoccupied by the past.

Yes. Yes.

In our future.

Yes.

And for me as well, too, is just embracing this. Noticing when my. When my mom, I say something to her, and the way that she reacts with her face.

Yes. Yes.

That speaks volumes to know. Oh, that didn't sit well with her. So next time, I can be more mindful Instead of her having to tell me these simple things.

Correct. Because you are present. And there's something I agree with you so wholeheartedly about. When you're present, you are the present, you know, and your life is a present. And consider making your entire life a lifelong present, a lifelong gift. And so I see our beautiful and wonderful and spectacular producer Eduardo is letting us know that we just have a few precious moments left. So where can people find you?

Yeah, I'm all across social media. It's just that coach and brain, you know, you are more than welcome to reach out to me. Tell me what resonates well with this. Tell me what, what you want to hear about even on my own show, or what is something that you are going to take away from today. And I think you know, that exchange. You as audience members don't know how powerful it is for people who come on, you know, because we are like, maybe we'll impact one person. Like one person, you know, one action. And that one action is a domino effect on life.

Yes, yes.

And. And, you know, take that time. Show up. Show up for yourself, show up for everybody else around you by first and foremost showing up for you. And I think that's what's so important for all of us to do is, you know, when you type up coach and brain, you're gonna see that a lot of times I post about things that I messed up. I didn't show up for me. I didn't show up for her. I didn't show up for him. And it's this. This constant that we have to understand that no one's got to figure it out. We're literally all riding the wave.

Yes. Riding the wave is a big deal to me. This Hawaiian girl. I want to thank you so much, coach. I'm breen for being here. You can find me under the Victory network or Cindy Gould, both on Facebook. I'm on the other socials as well. And you know what, Please, by all means, take a listen to SpanglishWorld CA and the Spanglish radio network for all the news and programming Spanglish world. Watch it, hear it, read it, download it, live it. And thank you so much for being here. This has been a blast. I look forward to spending more time with you. Thanks again and thank you all of our audience for being here. Have such a wonderful.

Thank you so much for having me, Cindy. I appreciate it.

Yes, thank you.

Sa.