Lead with Intention: Ana Vega ~ Two Hearts: Parent & Child's

Welcome, welcome the OSA's Day to every single one of you tuning in and watching us today. Welcome to Lead With Intention, where every single week, I, your host, Coach Umbre, shows up here ready to serve you. It's an honor to have crossed paths with you, to be here in this exact moment where you and I, where you're watching from, are here together, prioritizing ourselves and hopefully learning a little bit more, as my intention is to give this community, you know, the ability to learn, grow, and apply something to better their own lives. As always, your time is the most valuable commodity, and you're giving that to me today, and I'm excited. I'm excited for what's coming up. This woman. Amazing. But before we do that, welcome to Spaniel Shore Network and Xingo TV channels 250 and 251. Remember to download the Xingo TV app on your respective app stores. IOS, Android, the whole Chromecast device lineup, Amazon lineup, Firestick lineup, any smart TV 2016 on forward. And our app is completely free. What does that mean to you? Download it, rate us, give us some review, tell us what we need to improve, but then also drop in some good nuggets and tell us what we're doing well for you because we're here, right here, right now, through this app and this platform to just do one thing, and that's to serve you. Okay, so let's get started. We have an amazing, amazing guest for you today, Anna, who I literally met very recently, but she's somebody who was willing to raise her hand, and that's what I love. Be courageous. I'll try this new thing. So Ana is a world leader and experts on mindful parenting. You guys already know I love her because of those words that just came out of my mouth. Ana grew up with a mom who had severe schizophrenia. As a teenager, she began to feel empty and lonely, and what that led to was depression and even some concerns and issues with eating disorder. And all of this led her to become the vice president, former vice president and a family leader in nami. And NAMI is a National alliance on Mental Health, which is the largest group that organizes this organization that helps affected people affected by mental illnesses. Okay. Not only just them, but also their family, which is how you can kind of see how Anna's like, really taking her own life and striving and pushing for the intention and purposeful living. All right? Which is what we love on this show. But before she became a mom, check this out. She's a pretty big deal. She was an international journalist, and she interviewed people like Steve Jobs and hung out with Bollywood. You know, Hollywood stars like Steven Spielberg. Like, who doesn't want to do that? Carrie Fisher, Tom Cruise off after she became a mom. Really want you guys to listen to this one. You're hanging out with the top and the coolest people in Hollywood. But when she became a mom, she found a power within herself that she just unleashed. Something wanted to come out. And I think that's when she became really obsessed with parenting and becoming an amazing orchestra conductor is what she calls it, which I love. Anna believes that she's not special, which means what you're doing, what she's doing, you and I can do as well. And she believes that if you follow the method and if you really take her on as your coach, she can really start to take all these years of education and knowledge to serve you and help thousands and thousands of parents all across the globe. Welcome to the show. Ana Vega.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Wonderful. All right, so the way we like to start these conversations off is I would love for you to tell us something about yourself. You know, who are you, and what is it that you do?

Okay. I'm a parenting coach, and what I do really, you know, when most of the families that are my clients have a child with some kind of challenge, you know, like maybe they have defiance or adhd, ocd, depression, anxiety, even autism, and. Or also one of the parents are dealing with a mental health issue like depression or anxiety. Like, for example, something like 70% of moms with children with autism suffer from depression themselves. So there's a lot of stress. There's a lot of burnout. And I come in and I help them. I've had families who have been with, let's say, a family therapy for a full year, and nothing changes. And with my program, I explain what I do. Within three weeks, there are already big changes happening. So.

That's right. Super. I love it. So tell me this. When you're talking about individuals who are going through some type of, I guess, almost a mental disorder, but condition that is kind of outside what they want to feel and be. And you're saying that in just three weeks, they can start to feel a shift and a pivot, what are they feeling at that time?

The parents themselves learn to observe themselves.

They.

I call it, you know, the four domino pieces. So when you're dealing with a stressful situation with your child, what the first thing that happens is, our bodies get Tense. That's the first thing. So body sensations. Then that's the first domino piece. Then is a. An emotion, A comes up and then a thought. Turn of thoughts, bunch of thoughts, and then the action, which is, you know, verbal action or doing something. So they. They learn to observe themselves. Like, wow, this is what my, you know, unconscious programming of the four domino pieces falling, you know, like they fall one after the other. They never saw how. They had no control over that. They didn't choose. They didn't choose. They don't choose to react the way they react with the children. They never woke up one day and said, when my child is, you know, being slow, putting on their shoes, I'm gonna yell at them. They didn't choose that. And then later, when they do, let's say, yell at the child later, they feel guilty and they're like, why did I do that? That's not me, exactly. That wasn't you. You have. It's not personal. You don't choose your Even thoughts. You don't choose your actions.

So when you say that. Yeah, go ahead, Ashley, please go.

So they start. By the third week, they start kind of like watching themselves, slow motion, doing the same reactions, but observing them. And then they are able to stop themselves instead of being so impulsive. So then when they change, you know, they're the conductor of the. Of the orchestra. So if they conduct, you know, with a lot of, you know, noise, you know, the. The child who has the flute is gonna play, you know, very loud music. Right? So it's. That's why I call it, you know, the parents and the conductors and the children and the musicians.

So what I'm hearing is you're saying that basically parents are leading with the role model mindset by example, which is something that I. That's like the core of my program as well. And it's this thing of now choosing your actions and your reaction versus just having it kind of go that the way they've been. They've been doing it for a long time now. Tell me a little bit more about this beautiful concept of being the conductor of an orchestra. As a parent, why did you come up with that, and what does that mean for you?

I don't know how I came up with that. You know, how I didn't choose the idea. You know, ideas, we don't choose them. They just show up. Right. I don't know what I thought about. That's creativity.

Right.

You don't know where it comes from. You know, like. So, yes. That the parents themselves poor Things they've been trying really for years to change their own behavior and the child try to change the child's behavior. Everybody's frustrated. Everybody's frustrated. You know, that there's a thing is that parents themselves are the ones that make. Many times. I mean, I don't know what. I mean what the percentage is a very, very high percentage where the parents themselves are causing most of the problems. They're causing the child to develop depression. They cause the child to develop anxiety. And they don't do it on purpose, of course. Not at all. But that's the research. That's why so important, like Nami parents that come and get, you know, educated. All the services in NAMI are free and the courses and everything. And they learn what they were doing wrong, which 100% of people do everything wrong. 100% of the people do what is wrong. So by changing how they, you know, talk to the child, expectations of the child and the expectations of themselves is this constant forgiveness, constant forgiveness of yourself, forgiving your mind for thinking these thoughts and for. I'm forgiving your. Your child for, you know, whatever they, you know, doing. Is this forgiveness of the imperfection of, you know, how we are. And yes, at the heart of everything is forgiveness because we do not choose to be mean. Nobody wakes up in the morning. I mean, nobody wakes up to have negative experiences. Nobody wakes up saying, I haven't been depressed in a while, I'm gonna be depressed today. Nobody chooses that. Nobody wakes up saying, I'm gonna be mean to my child this morning. Nobody chooses that. So you realize that our thoughts are not even. Our emotions are not chosen. They're impersonal. They're actually psychophysiological processes of the brain. Does that make sense?

Tell me more a little bit about that. Because for every single one of you who's watching and tuned in and really are trying to explore this whole concept of parenting, and I think it would be great to really understand. What do you. What do you mean by that?

Okay, this is based on Buddhism. Buddhist Buddha was a neuroscientist, but that's what he was. And he figured out how our minds work and how the thoughts come and go and we attach to the thoughts. You know, let's say because of your childhood. Like in my case, for example.

I.

Learned my mind, learned my system, learned that for me was better to survive in an environment if I have certain thoughts. Let's say, because my mom has severe schizophrenia, but also she was very violent, and she wasn't violent because of the illnesses because she learned that that's how you live life, right? Like people who come from other environments, they violate themselves.

So.

So it wasn't because of her mental illness, but anyway, so I learned to be extremely quiet, extremely still, and not say anything. Don't ask for anything, don't complain. Don't, you know, because it could mean that she would be getting very mad. So my system told me, in order to survive, to stay quiet, and eventually became people. People pleasing, right?

Okay.

I didn't choose my. My programming. You know, I've been walking around like a robot with a program that I didn't choose. And the program I'm talking about is this psychophysiological processes, you know, that have been designed in my mind in order to survive, you know, when I was a child. And, you know, any. Any animal plant, they. They adapt to the environment, right? So that's. You adapted to that. And then your whole life you have that program in. In you. And then you. You don't choose the kind of thoughts you think, you know, about yourself, the image you have of yourself and how you react to things. For example, let's say we are in a restaurant and there's like a fight in the corner. It's very loud. You know, maybe I just, I. You know, we're all our bodies, we get tense. That's. That's like an animal instinct. We get tense, our muscles get tense. I would maybe suddenly I would just go under the table. Maybe you would run out the door, somebody else would pee them their pants. Somebody would join the fight. Somebody would call me, say, hey, so why the same, you know, it's like this threat. Why so many different kinds of reactions? We. I don't choose to my reaction to be too high on the table. So it is realizing that when, you know, we are with your children, how you have been treating them or you've been saying and thinking about them, you didn't choose any of that. You didn't understand that you were causing this problem. You didn't understand how your mind was thinking and why. You didn't understand why you were reacting the way you were. So you have to forgive yourself because you did not. You were not really responsible for the programming, you know, that you had. And the programming comes not only from the family, but also the culture. Right? So it is a parenting program. But people then apply the tools that they learn. They learn so many different tools everywhere in their lives. I mean, it changes their whole life, you know, because they approach, you know, themselves with infinite compassion and loving kindness and also Infinite compassion towards others because they realize that other people, they're not really choosing the behaviors and the actions. Does it make sense?

It does, it does make sense. So what I hear you saying is you're kind of taking the pre programming of these parents, right. Like the way that things were, and trying to make them understand that the change has to come within so we don't pass this on to the next generation. When you're working with individuals, you know, who are going through your program, and how do you allow them to break free and start to live into a new reality?

They do it organically because of certain visualizations. We do some, like, rehearsals, some meditations of observation, and then all the different kinds of meditations that we do. Very important meditations that, for example, one of the meditations we do, they say, many of say, they say that the most important part of the program was forgiveness meditation that I do, which is situations of the past that they didn't really, hadn't really healed from within 15 minutes. They can heal from that.

15 minutes or 50.

15. It happened.

It's amazing.

Yes.

Okay. I've never done this before on the show. I'm just gonna lead with my heart like I always do. I actually want to ask you permission for a request.

Yes.

May I ask something of you?

Well, you can ask. Let's see what the answer is.

Yeah. Is it possible for us, for. For us to experience just a snippet, maybe a two minute of this forgiveness meditation? Because I really think the audience members that are listening could see what you're offering and then lean on you to say, can you like that? Two minutes felt so amazing. Ana, I really want to launch into your program. I want to forgive myself and everyone in my past to move on to a better future. What do you say to that?

Yes, we can, we can do that. Of course. But let me, let me start with the introduction. Like, let's say, let me ask you, have you ever hurt yourself with your thoughts, with decisions?

Okay.

Many times. Many times.

Yeah. But now it's as a recent is becoming less and less. But before, you have hurt yourself in.

The past with, with your thought, with decisions you've made, Right. How many times have you hurt others? A few.

I would say a lot less than myself.

Okay. But you have heard you have hurt others.

Of course. You're human. You gotta hurt them. Yeah.

Yeah. So by you understanding that you are, you are behind everything, you are love. So when you were hurting yourself, you didn't. You were not doing it in purpose. You were like being Pulled by these, you know, subconscious, you know, tendencies. Action tendencies. So by understanding that, you can forgive yourself, and then you can forgive yourself for hurting others. Like a, you know, this is not how normally I do it, but let's do this. Because you asked for two minutes. I'm gonna just do, like, a little taste, but it's not really how it works. Okay.

Yeah. Okay.

So we can do the meditation. We can, you know, close our eyes and relax. And all bodies from the top of the head to the. To the feet. Relax everything. I forgive myself for not understanding. I forgive myself for hurting myself. I just did not understand. I did not understand that I was caught in my unwholesome emotions. I didn't know I was causing this problem. I forgive myself for hurting myself. I just did not understand. I forgive myself for hurting others. You can think of a specific person, maybe. I forgive myself for hurting this person. I just did not understand. I did not understand that I was caught up in my unwholesome emotion. I didn't know I was causing this problem. I just did not understand. And you can think of someone who has hurt you in the past. I forgive you for hurting me. You just did not. Did not understand. You did not understand that you were caught in your unwholesome emotions. You didn't know you were causing this problem. You just did not understand. Okay, so this is not normally how it is done. This is like a little taste.

Thank you for allowing us to taste it. And not only just me, but every single one of you who is listening. I really hope that that small, you know, two minutes was something you felt, something that you can use. But more importantly, Anna, how can people reach out to you? Where can they find you in the work that you're doing to really bring back peace, harmony, love, compassion, and forgiveness into our own lives? The future generations don't have to suffer the way that we did.

Sure, sure. But I have to say, you know, if we.

Have.

Resentment towards ourselves, resentment toward others, guilt, hate, anything, if we keep that and don't hear from that, we are. We suffer. We still suffer. And we still. That suffering turns into tension in the body, actually. And. And then we are not able to see ourselves and others with compassion. So that's why it's so deep, the healing is so. So deep that then you don't have to really. They all have some tools to use with your child, you know, but you know how to motivate your children to do, you know, the homework and, you know, things like that, right? Practical things. But when parents they communicate. They communicate emotionally more than verbally. I mean, I can hear the emotion behind your words, behind your body language. That's what they really are hearing. So if you have a lot of tension because of resentment or guilt, that energy is within you. So whatever you communicate with your children, even if you try to be super patient or compassionate, you still have that energy of resentment within you that is somehow communicated to everybody. So, yeah, people can find me. There are different ways to do it. My website is Anna with one N and then my last name, Vega V E G A. So it's AnnAvega CO. No dot com, but C O AnnAvega CO or also LinkedIn. You can look for AnAvega and write, let's say parental burnout or Ana Vega, Los Angeles coach. Let's say if you can find me that way. And yeah, and then you can, you know, we can have a conversation, have complimentary discovery calls, and I can see what's going on and see if I can help you or not. And we just have a conversation about it.

So, folks, Anavega Co is where you can go or LinkedIn. Ana Vega, parental Burnout, and she's in Los Angeles. So I think it's the work that you're doing, I think, is so required. It's so beautiful because if we can't let go of our past, we keep serving up our loved ones, the people that matter to us the most, with the exact same toxicity, with the exact same energy, and it doesn't serve anyone. However, I really encourage parents to reach out, Reach out to Anna and just all you've got, like, honestly, I tell the people that you know, my clients as well, just book a call. It's complimentary. See if I'm your person. See if Ana is your person. See if the calmness, the peace, the compassion, and the knowledge that she's sharing with you is something that'll benefit you. Worst comes to worse, you'll come out with four things on how to do something a little bit better. Right? You'll come out with, like, these aha moments or these insights to say, oh, wow, this really does need to happen in my life, you know, now I know it's like a seed is planted, and when the time is right, it'll just come to fruition. So give yourself that grace, give yourself that gift, you know, really reach out to Ana. Book that complimentary call and see where life takes you, you know? Yeah. I mean, I'm excited. So now answer this question for me. What does lead with intentions or intentional living mean? For you, Ana.

It means to live based on my values. And it is trying not to. Well, but first is to, to stay, to be mindful. Mindfulness. People have an idea of mindfulness, what mindfulness is, and it's mindfulness really is to remember how the mind moves from one thing to another. What the mind is doing in this moment, you know, and also living with my intention is to make choices and decisions that do not harm others. So that I try to make decisions or do things that are loving to myself. And any. Yeah, oh, bless you.

Please keep going. I just needed. Okay, go ahead. Yes, yes.

Because it's something interesting that whenever we, you know, how people, maybe they judge somebody, you know, oh, this person did this or they parked this way, or this person. When we're judging others, we're teaching our brain to judge people. But you know what? We are people too. So the brain doesn't know the difference between those people and these people. I mean, this, you know, last person, this person.

So.

The more, you know, you're able to think of others with understanding and compassion, the more then you can do that with yourself. And you don't have to, you know, to torture yourself with, you know, you know, judgment or impatience or expectations and just accept, you know, yourself. I forgive yourself for any mistakes. Even when you're judging someone, forgive yourself for judging someone. When you judge yourself, forgive yourself for judging yourself. It's constant forgiveness.

I think it's, it's beautiful that you're saying that, you know, when before our bedtime, before the little humans actually, you know, go off to sleep and rest and rejuvenate. A part of our prayer is, I forgive those who have hurt me today, and I ask you to forgive me for my shortcomings. And then we kind of name, you know, cry the goats. And then at the end of it we say, and most importantly, I forgive myself. And I love that you're talking about, you know, the judgments that we have and the way that we perceive other people often comes from, I think, the lack within ourselves. Because those I've noticed that judge others really judge themselves as well. They don't have that self love and that compassion. So we're talking about being mindful. And let's say somebody starts to see, you know, and they're mindful that their body's getting tense and then their emotions are surfacing and their thoughts are appearing. Now what action can they take to change what they're feeling, to be more mindful of what they want to do?

Okay, so when we are angry, let's say, or tense. It's all chemistry, right? So all that, you know, cortisol and all those, you know, not yummy chemicals. So when you're tense, you know, the yummy chemicals are all over the place, right? So one thing is to recognize that that's going on, embrace it, not. Not try to suppress it or judge it or anything like, oh, this is what's happening right now, and then release it, and then you relax. And then to bring wholesome, a wholesome emotion, it's simply to smile. This is based on science because when you smile, they say it's like eating a thousand bars of chocolate. What happens in your brain when you smile is serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, everything good. That's what happens. And this smiling meditation, if you decide I'm gonna smile all day long, you will see how crazy it is, how, you know, happy. You are. Like, you see the colors, you're in a good mood. You don't have bad thoughts. You know, I mean, it's like you want to, like a happy pill. You just have to smile all day long. It's like smiling meditation. You could do that, you know, and so it's playing explain within, you know, neurobiology too, you know, it's part of it too, because it's like if you are in a bad mood and you say, well, I shouldn't be in a bad mood, but the bad mood was created by bad chemistry, let's say. Well, how do you create good chemistry to have good thoughts? You just play with the chemistry. That's all you do, you know? Yes, because, you know, like when someone is like, let's say, very sad or depressed, the last thing they want to do is smile and laugh, right? Yeah, I want to be here, you know, golden, which it makes sense. But if you. This is less. People want to smile and laugh. So what's the first thing you should do? Smile and laugh? Put on a comedy. You know, our. My point is that you can rewire your mind, your brain by changing every time you, you know, you have a. You're down or whatever you can get out of it. And then becomes a automatic later, you know, like a. You train. It's like a training a dog, right? Like, you know, like with anything. So. And then our children, you know, they, they, of course they know. They watch like hawks. So if they, if they, you know how something interesting when you watch someone criticizing somebody else or judging someone else, let's say you're on the road and you say, oh, that driver Whatever for that person, it is almost the same as if you're judging them. And so that creates a stress. And maybe you're judging people because the more stressed out we are, the more we judge people, the more stressed out attention we have, the more our mind is a judgmental mind. And the stress is contagious. It's super contagious. I call it secondhand stress. You know how if a friend calls you and they say, oh, this happened, this happened, this happened, and you're like, suddenly you're, like, stressed out, right? So, and we. We communicate stress to our children through four. Four things, like the tone of voice, how we look at them, a body language, and our touch. So they. Even if you try to fake, you know, that you're, you know, fake it, you're not stressed out, they still feel that you're stressed out. Even babies, it's amazing. They've done studies with babies. Babies can feel when the mom or the father is stressed out. When they. Then they hold them. They can just feel it. It's incredible. So, yeah, you're the conductor completely of the orchestra. Even if you try to fake to play a nice slow song, they still feel you're.

I mean, I think there's so many nuggets that you're dropping. And I pray for every single one of you who's tuned in thus far and listening and watching and observing and noticing. You know, I think as parents, we don't really realize how much of our stress we give off to our kids. And it. Sometimes you may catch in our tone of our voice some. Sometimes, I would say hardly. We notice in the way that we look at them, but they know you're looking at them differently. And what you said is that body language is such a great communicator because we know, you know, from research that 70 of our communication is through our body language. So. Ain't nobody listening to you. I tell people all the time, like, nobody's listening to you. They're just watching you.

Yeah, yeah.

The tone of voice, right? And then that touch, it's so brilliant. You know how when I look back at my own life, you know, my second is very like an energy sponge. And he would know how to be and even know even when to smile in front of who, depending on the energy that he felt. Because he could. He could feel that touch. You know, he could feel the difference in the hug or maybe in the high five or even in the smile. Because sometimes we fake our smiles and our kids can see right through it, but we think otherwise. You know, and I think it's so beautiful to say that there's so many ways that we as parents are giving something away to our children and even to our partners or even to our loved ones, you know, without even really taking notice of it. So I want to ask you, you know, I want to really ask you this. Can you share something with us that is, that will allow us to get to know your family dynamics and your family a little bit better, Anna?

My family, my origins, family, family of.

Origin, or my family now, anything that will allow us to tap into that unit of family?

Well, my family of origin was chaotic. You know, my mom had very severe mental illness. She was in and out of the hospital. My dad was, you know, poor guy, man of his generation. There was so much emotional neglect, you know, because now I understand it wasn't the problem. We were moving a lot because my dad's job. So we move. It's very chaotic. But if, If I had had someone, at least one person that would give me emotional support, it would have made a huge, huge, huge difference. Because that's what matters is the emotional support. If that's there, if that's there, chaos can go, can happen. But if you have that, you're fine. And then with my own child, you know, I, when he was born, I read every book you can read about childhood psychology and brain development, but I still had a long way to go, and I started learning more and more. But, you know, it is one of the. Because, you know, nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect. You know, I'm one of the biggest tools in the parents toolkit, or I call it a superpower, because the superpowers is repair. Most parents don't know how to repair when there's a conflict, you know, when there's a moment of whatever tension, and even if the child does something mean or whatever to a sibling or to the parent, and the parent also did something bad or wrong or whatever the parent. Even if the child was, who was the first one to do something wrong? Is the parent, the one that always first has to go to apologies, always first and apologize the right way. Because if there's no apology, that moment stays as trauma in the body. There has to be repaired. Always, you know, with, you know, children, of course with anybody, that's one of the biggest tools because, yes, everybody's gonna make mistakes, forgive yourself for making mistakes and then go and repair.

Now, why do you think, Anna, it's so important to be the first to apologize to your children?

Because the child is not going to come to you. They don't feel empowered to do that. You have to be the one that is empowered. Because when you, you know something interesting, when you apologize, your self esteem gets better and their self esteem gets better. Both people, it's magical. So you being the adult, you know, the empowered one, supposedly, you know, do it for your child, but do it like, oh my God, when, what? When I'm gonna apologize now. I'm gonna improve my self esteem. Wow, that's like a gift to myself and a gift to my child, you know, and that's why you have to be first. The child is not going to do it. Children don't come to apologize. They feel shame.

Ashamed.

They feel ashamed, they feel guilty, they feel horrible, they feel like bad people. They don't have the tools. So you have to be the role model, right, the conductor, or you have to be the one that teaches them. You know, by you doing it, you're the model. You're the role model, you know, always with everything.

And let's say I'm gonna challenge that a little bit. Let's say there are parents who are listening and who are like, no, I'm not gonna always apologize. Even if it's their mistake. They know how to say sorry. They know how to do it. They've been taught, they've been trained, they've been raised. And at the age of 14, I'm not expecting to say sorry for the things that they are doing wrong, knowing that they are. How do you, how do you bring back that concept of, go ahead, give me an example. Sure. So the parent says, you know what, your room's not clean. And I've asked you twice this week, so I'm expecting you to do it right now before you go out to play. And the kid gets mad, they bang the door shut. Like, God, she's such a control freak. She always wants me to do it. She wants me to do it. Everything has to be perfect, it has to be clean. And like goes on. Now clearly the parent is like, Well, I was composed and I really thought through my words and I didn't react.

Oh, you did.

How do you have wrong.

You're saying.

Yeah. As a parent, you're just like, no.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, no, I was saying like, let's say conflict. And both people do. Some say, you know, you yell or you do something wrong.

Right.

In that case, then, yes, you will be the front, the one, you will be the first one to apologize. But in this case, you did nothing wrong. You were just making A request, right? And they know and they have a bad reaction. I call it stress reaction. Children stress behave. We stress behave. You know, no, they don't misbehave. They stress behave. So in that case, then you have to. What a tool that I. That I use, that I put together, that I call two hearts, boundaries. So you're gonna take care of your heart. You're going to take care of their heart and your heart when you set boundaries. So the first thing is you're going to take care of their heart by being empathetic. You're going to say, I understand you are frustrated because you want to play inside or whatever. I understand that you didn't want to do this. I understand that you were angry because of this. Okay? When you are empathetic, you bring the world down and they want to be able to listen. And then you become vulnerable and you say, and you take care of your heart because your heart is important, too. You know, when you talk to me like that, in that tone of voice, it hurt. I know your intention was not to hurt me, but it hurt. So you're teaching them how to be empathetic. You're teaching them how to vulnerable. And then you set the boundary and you say, please, next time. Because when you. When a child makes a mistake, they feel like a failure. So if you give them the chance to be, say, successful in the future, they're going to feel so much more like relief. You say, please, in the future, or next time, talk to me this way or ask me this way, or you can say, okay, next time, let's come up together with a plan. What do you think we should do in the future? So it's a team, Team effort to avoid or to prevent the same thing from happening in the future. So there's no confrontation whatsoever. There's empathy, there's vulnerability, and there's like, team effort or like a. Like a, you know, request of, you know, please, next time do this. Does it make sense?

It does, because I'm doing something right. Yeah, I think that's brilliant. I think it is true. I think a lot of times as parents and my kids are to say, oh, my God, like, in all honesty, I'm not an emotional person, right? But what I do do is I tap into my emotions when I'm feeling them, and I do communicate them to my kids now, which is a shift for them because they haven't seen mom being like this most of their life. And it's because I want to normalize everything that we feel like. I'll say to my kid right now, I'm so angry with you right now. You have no idea the thoughts in my mind. And believe me, you don't want to know. However, I'm going to expect that we talk about this when you're a little bit more calm. So let me know when that is right. And I think for me it is true. And you know, like saying that next time I would like for you to. And then I actually go back and I go a step further and I say, is that possible? And they might say yes, then great. That's kind of a, you know, something that if they say no, I'll be like, okay, like, let's come, let's come up with something. Tell me what you think would help in that situation. But mine just need you to leave me alone when I'm hot headed. Okay, so how would I know? And then usually like in our house, we have like signals for things, you know, like whatever it is. Like, you know, if they're like this like, like a peace sign or something. And then I'm like, okay, like, I know not to bother you right now. Or if it's like a, like a thumbs down, like, no goes on, I don't go here. So I think it's so beautiful to be able to not only articulate the challenges and the emotions that we have because it is right as parents, I think we hide our own, or we think we're hiding our emotions from our kids, but in reality we're just like spitting it all out through this energy. However, when we say to them, I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm disappointed, you know, in a kind, respectful, compassionate, loving manner, then we tell them that, yeah, you're human. And when you feel bad for filling the, you know, like, my daughter today, she literally had a whole thing with like, mama, you're gonna be mad at me. I'm already late. He'll be mad at me. And I was like, what is it? No, you're gonna be mad at me. More mad. I'm like, I'm not mad at you. What is it? She goes. And then she's like this whole facade in her head. And I said, bubba, you're gonna make me mad by not telling me how can I help you? What's going on? She goes, I washed the shoelaces. Yes, yes. But I didn't put them on my shoe. It was gonna, we're gonna be even later. And I said, okay, well, we're about to miss the bus. I'll Just drive you to school, but you gotta communicate that with me. And she said sorry to me like six times. For what? And I said to her, she goes, no, I forgot, I failed. And I was like, great, welcome to being human. So I love this concept of not only leading or normalizing emotions for our children. You know, can you let us know, Ana, because you know, you are a family driven coach and this will probably be the last question, even though I really want to keep going, please share something. You know that in your own home is a challenge that you are. You're working to overcome.

As a parent or just as a person.

I mean, as a parent. Let's dive into that because you are a parent coach.

Mm, good question. Not take personally anything. That's why if you don't take anything personal, then you cannot get mad.

Yeah. Because it's not about one of the four agreements. One of the four agreements.

Yeah.

Take nothing personally. I love it. And we talked about this extensively in my own group coaching. So I love how you're reminding me of exactly what I need to be reminded of. Okay. When you say that, like kind of drop in a little bit of why it's important not to take things personally so our audience and our viewers can actually start to practice that a little bit more.

Do you remember when we're talking about forgiveness, how you have hurt yourself that different times how you have hurt others but it wasn't really you, it wasn't the real you doing that. So when people do or say things to you that are mean or hurtful, you realize that it's not them, is they don't, they don't choose that the way. Same way you really didn't choose to hurt your child when you did or say something mean. It wasn't a choice. So whenever they're doing something that it could be mean to you, they don't really choosing that. They're caught up in their own unwholesome emotion. By unwholesome emotion, I mean non harmonious emotion. You know, non loving emotion. Yeah, they're caught up in that. They're like in a trance. You know how you, when you have hurt others, you lost your patience. You're like in a trance when is not you. He's not really you. You like being possessed by your emotions because later, you know, you're like, wow, that wasn't really. That's not me. That's. That's not. You know, and it's true, it's not you. You know, we get possessed by our emotions and then you do and say things that, that are not really don't come from you. Where, where do they come from? You know, they don't come from you because way behind, behind, behind everything is, is your love.

You know, I think that disconnect between the soul and, and the mind is when you, when you're talking about and for those of you who are listening, the you is that the you, the authentic real you is that spirit, that soul? Yes. And when Anna is saying it's not you, it's basically the programming of this world in this mind and experience that's kind of leading you to do this. So I think that's a beautiful place, you know, to, to hopefully like, you know, end for this time. And then of course we can have a lot more of these. So got this amazing ritual on the show. It's called the intentional wrap up or the rapid fire questions. So I'll ask you a set of questions. Just one and you know, one word answers or one sentence answers to kind of just make it super quick. Ready?

Okay, great.

All up. Right. I'm ready for this. Okay. What do you want to leave behind for the world, Anna?

Joyful hearts.

How will you know that you've lived an intentional life?

When I live with my, there's joy in my heart.

If you could create one law that everyone had to follow, what would that lobby?

Don't take anything personal.

What is one lesson? I know there are many of them. What's one lesson that you think is worthy of sharing which has made you who you are today?

Well, listen, forgiveness is the answer to, to everything.

Okay, the last one here for you. What is the key to a healthy relationship?

Forgive yourself. Forgive the other person.

All right, well, thank you so very much, Anna for being here, tuned in with us and I really pray that every single one of you who's watching has learned something, has found a moment and an action that you can take in conversation to better your own life. That way you can start to impact all the people around you even more positively. As always, it is Ana Vega V E G A CO where you can reach her. You can also reach out to her on LinkedIn and book that free discovery call, that free conversation just to see where you're at in your life. But thank you so very much, Anna, for this call, pleasure and for this honor. It was wonderful to have you.

Thank you. I enjoyed it so much. Much more than I imagined. It was great.

Okay, for every single one of you, this show can be heard on Spanglish Radio Network. Please check out Spanglishworld CA for all the news and the programming. As we close today, my prayer is that this show will embark us on a transformative path to be in gratitude for all the blessings that we have, accept the unfoldings of life and commit to values and dreams which will allow us to tap into our own greatness, as I have Tawakkal, which means faith in every single one of us. When we unleash our authenticity, we start to live intentionally. Remember, there's only one of you. Live a life by design and design it with excellence. Spanglish World. Watch it, hear it, read it, download it. Most importantly, live into it with intention to better serve yourself. Thank you much, folks. Until next week. Bye.