Lead with Intention: Navigate, Cope & Rebuild

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Single one of you, welcome to Lead with Intentions, where every single week I'm Brain Hamid, your coach shows up here ready to serve. It's truly an honor to cross paths with you and I want you to know that I appreciate you so much, so very much as you're prioritizing yourself and giving us the most important commodity in the entire world, which is your time. Welcome to Spanglish. Spanglish Radio Network, World network and Xingo TV channels 250 and 251. Please remember to download that application. It's available across iOS, Android, the whole Roku lineup, Amazon Fire, all that good stuff. Any smart TV2016 on forward alongside with the Chromecast devices as well. When you're downloading this application, please take a moment, rate us, give us a review, let us know what we're doing well and the most important thing, what we can do better to make your experience an exceptionally amazing one. As always, this app is completely free to you, so go ahead, install it and you can even engage with us. Message us while you're watching through the app. Today's guest is no exception to a person who really does lead with intentions. Met her randomly, but nothing, you know, is that coincidence from the way that I believe it to be. And she's somebody who showed up to be very conscious, kind of like today's intention. Shahana Kudmiri is a devoted mother of four. You know, I love that kind of stuff. A certified yoga instructor, a chemical engineer from Georgia Tech, working as a technical product owner at a healthcare company. She's also co founder of this amazing brand called Shahane with her sister Shirin. I mean, I saw their bond and it is amazing. I love, love, love watching it. Her greatest passion, raising her little human beings, her children, with love, loving, inspiration, positive change, so that way they can become the positive change in this world. There's a lot of stuff that she does, a lot of things that she's launched. We're going to dive into all that good stuff as you continue the conversation. Welcome to the show, Shahana.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me. Really feel blessed.

Truly an honor to actually have you on board because I want to learn more of your story. I know, I know bits and pieces, but it's always great to kind of bring somebody on and have them mention to us what it is, you know, that they do that they love, how they've become who they are. And today my first question to you, Shahana, is tell us something about you. Who are you and what is it that you do.

As you mentioned, I am a mother of four, and I am just in a journey of life to leave the world better than I found it as much as I can, by intention, by growth, by helping people, by helping myself become the best person that I can be. Because I feel like we all are here for a purpose. Allah has brought us here on this earth to journey through experience, and I want to. I want to enjoy every bit of it. So.

All right, so that kind of already puts us on the page of, like, living intentionally. You said that God or Allah puts us on this planet with a purpose, to kind of live into that journey. Have you been able to tap into what that is for you?

Yeah, I think it changes throughout our lives, right. As we grow up. I think throughout our lives, we have different journeys, different experiences, and different moments in our life that, you know, kind of mold who we become. So right now, I think it's raising my children and giving back to the community. I also volunteer at ICNA Relief as a mentor. I also heavily involved with D41, like the district that my children go to school in to make sure the educational, you know, system is catching up to all the different culture needs and different diversities, different family demographics. So I heavily get myself involved in community and anywhere I can to make sure that I bring that voice. A lot of times, I feel that a lot of people have a lot of great ideas and they just don't want to speak up. And I find comfort in speaking up. So then I kind of take those advices and ideas and kind of make sure that they get to the ears that they need to get to. To bring out the change that we need in our. In our world today.

Okay. And because I think what you're saying is completely true, many of us do really want or have ideas and have insights or opinions, but most of us don't really take that into action. You said something profound. I don't know if you caught yourself saying that is, I find comfort in bringing my voice and speaking up, which most people find to be very uncomfortable. So let's dive in there. How did you get to make it something as comforting for you?

I think it was just that I noticed that we all have ideas, right? And many times, even at work, I would have ideas, but I wouldn't speak up. I would actually write it on a piece of paper and pass it over to my boss, and then she would speak up or take credit for it. And I was like, that's kind of not fair. You know what I mean? But I was like, it's. It. It seemed like it was a profound question that I think everybody else had. They just didn't speak up for it, speak up about it either. And so then I decided that I would just say it, right? Because I think that if I have that question, I think that at least another one or two person have that question in the room, and they want it answered. So it wasn't even just about getting credit, but it was also like, if I didn't ask that question, that answer, that answer would never come up. That answer would be hidden and. And we would be straight in different ways because we didn't have the answer we needed in order to make that product or process or livelihood right or whatever it is that moment in life that we needed to do because we didn't have those answers. So I wanted to be the voice to be able to, like, you know, not be afraid and kind of show that example not only to others, my children and myself, to be like, you know, it's okay. Like, sometimes we'll ask questions that maybe people have answers to, and I'm the only one, but most of the time there's at least one or two other people, and if I can help out those other two people and getting those answers that I was too afraid to ask, I kind of just practiced and just kept getting better at it. And then I was like, you know, this is pretty cool, because it wasn't. It was started off with, like, the credit was the reason I kind of wanted to step up, but then it ended up becoming, no. These are valuable answers that I think even in our culture, right? As women, we're kind of raised, at least back then, to don't ask too many questions, go with the flow. But if we don't have those answers, then how do we know what our rights are, what we can do, and what we should be doing?

I think that's so profound. Like, I think a lot of times you're saying exactly the right things. Like, we all have thoughts, but most of us don't act upon that. And if you could just use it. If I can help one or two people, you know, Whereas I would say it's a. It's a more common theme than what we recognize it to be. And I think that's where the beauty is. However, it's that the adding value element of it that I'm hearing. But more than that, kind of going back to what you said as I help out in the school, to bring that cultural knowledge or those cultural changes and to bring that into awareness of other people. Now, you said that, you know, being raised or how we were raised, you know, to not speak up, not ask too many questions, to just kind of be a girl. And I already know what the dot, dot, dot is. No. Being a mother. How have you shifted that narrative for your own children that you're now nurturing and caring for?

Yeah, I think one of the biggest steps that I've taken was as getting a divorce, right? And I think the moment I realized why I did it was when an auntie asked me, like, she's like, you have three kids. Like, how could you get a divorce? Like, why didn't you stick it out for the kids? And at that moment is when I realized I actually did it for my kids. And I wanted them to know that as a woman, we have rights, right? And getting a divorce is a right that I can exercise if I'm unhappy, if I'm in a place where I'm not being able to be myself.

Right.

I wanted my children to have an example of a marriage that was beautiful and good, and I didn't want them to be raised in a home where marriage wasn't something they would grow up to be. Like, yeah, that's what I want to do when I grow up. You know what I mean? So things like that, I. I practice with my kids. Like, I mean, I'm open with them and why I got a divorce and. And how we have rights as women and how to take action and speak up. And I. I take them to board meetings when I. When I go, I show them how I'm speaking up. And, you know, and a lot of times, you know, of course, especially. Especially kids, as they get older, they're kind of like, mama, don't say that. You know, But I tell them, I said, listen, I'm a grown woman, and all my life, like, I had a father who, you know, would tell me what to do or what to say, or a mother and a brother and then my husband. And this is a time in my life where I want to speak up because I have ideas, and I feel like even if it sounds not perfect to everybody else, but it's something important to me, right? And I want to share and I want to be able to express myself. So I do it by example with my kids. I kind of show. Lead them by example, show them how I'm afraid. I'm nervous, but I still do it. And that's what courage is. It's not being afraid. Like, I'm. I get nervous speaking up and I know sometimes, like, even at the masjid, I. I spoke up and my voice was all shaking. So I do get nervous, but I push through it and I feel like, okay, that was shaky, but I got my point across. Next time, I'm going to try to practice more, and the more I do it, the better I'll get at it. But if I'll never try, I'll never get better at it. And so, yeah, fear is always there, but I keep pushing through and show that and share that with my children by example.

I think that's remarkable because I think courage is something that most people think we just have. Right? But as a coach, I know that courage is something that you have to summon. Like, you have to demonstrate courage, not something that you can sit with and be like, oh, yeah, it's inside my heart. You know, I'll action it when I get there. And I love the vulnerability of saying, you know what? My voice was shaking at the mosque. It was kind of just like. But I still went through and I showed my kids it's okay to have that fear, but go, you know, kind of charging forth is the most important thing. Now, however much you want to dive into this, you can and you cannot because you've got a lot of audience members who are listening. And I'm so grateful for every single one of you who show up here ready to listen and to take notes and to do some good with. The conversation that we're having today is you said that you wanted to show your children a healthy marriage. Now, what was in. What was happening in that home where you realized against all the odds of the cultural norms, that this action would actually be a better example for your children.

I was unhappy. And I think that me and my ex husband, we had. We were raised differently. We were raised in different countries. He was from India. I was born and raised here. Um, our mindsets were different. The way we wanted to raise our children was different. So there was a lot of differences between us. And I know that opposites attract. That's what they say. But there's got to be some ground of, like, having the same goals in life and. And a lot of different. The. The freedom to kind of support each other. And those things were kind of missing in our marriage. And I felt like I tried and tried and tried, and I stayed in the marriage for 12 years. So it wasn't that I didn't try, but God just kept giving me examples of reasons why I needed to leave. And so I just kind of. And it's funny because I Feel like a lot of women, you know, will say that this is happening in my marriage and I'm not happy and I'm not this and that, but. And they'll have clues after clues on reasons why they should leave, but they keep going back to, no, I can't, because, you know, that would harm my parents or that's not accepted in our culture, or, you know, what will people say and how will my children end up? Like, there's so many questions. But then if you go look and learn our religion, it, you know, it gives us the right to divorce. And why would it do that if it was forbidden? And it's not forbidden. So I took upon all the clues and the persistent messages God would keep sending me that, hey, this is not for you. You. You need to, you know, leave and show this as an example, because this is not what you want your kids to. To view and see. You want them to see a healthy relationship. And maybe it won't be in your home, but at least they'll see it elsewhere. But if they're. If it's in the home, it's like, directly, and it's generational trauma, and it could cause so many different things that I just wanted to break that. And I wanted to. And it's funny because initially when I wanted to get a divorce, it was before I even had any kids. And, yeah, I wanted to get a divorce, and I had told a family member that I wanted to get a divorce and that I had already filed. And they came back and said, oh, well, what's going on? Let me help you. And, you know, in marriage, you don't want to share what's going on with other people. So you don't say everything that happens. But I feel like a lot of times women aren't trusted on the choices they make, right? So it's like, oh, you think you need a divorce, but is it really what you need? Maybe you just need my help and advice. Maybe you're misguided. But I don't think I've seen any woman just wake up and be like, you know what? I want a divorce today. Because I just feel like they've thought about it. They've, you know, suffered. They've tried, they've tried, they've tried. And this. They've gotten to a point where, like, I. I'm done. I can't.

Right?

But I think society doesn't want to accept that. And I think that women, a lot of times don't get the credit of, hey, we're knowledgeable adults. That can make choices. And when we make a choice and we tell you the decision we've made, we're not asking for you to help us make, you know, a better choice. We're asking, you know, for you to support us. And if we ask for any kind of help, like say, like next time I say that, someone says, hey, I'm getting a divorce, okay, well, you know what? Let me know how I can be of any help. Like that could be statement and period. And if they reach out, that's fine, but don't try to fix a marriage, because if that, if the woman has gotten to that point and she doesn't want to share more like there's a reason. And so now, you know, three, three kids later, I get a divorce, and then, you know, then. Now I've drugged my children into a divorce, right? So, I mean, but I mean, I don't regret anything except for having being able to make the decision and be stronger and more confident in my decisions, which is things I've learned throughout my life and, and done it earlier. But otherwise, yeah, I think that I'm, I'm in such a much better place. I think my children are a much better place than the way to have been. And the process of divorce really taught me a lot because it wasn't, it wasn't fun. It was like over 2, 3 years that it took for us to actually get the divorce. So nasty quite court, you know, decisions and the lawyers and the just people around you, they don't give you great advice to him or you, right? They're always pitting you against each other, dragging this stuff along. And finally the way we wrapped it up was I decided to write down what I wanted in life, right? What was my goal? Forget the properties, forget the money, forget custody battles, right? Like, what is my vision of what I want my life to be like? Why am I getting this divorce? And I wrote it down and it was simple. It was. I just wanted to be happy, feel safe, have my kids be happy, feel safe and feel the freedom of just being able to make my own choices. And that just simplified it so much that I left the mayor, the, the court with no child support, no property, nothing, and just walked out free. And I don't regret it one bit because the battle it was causing and the tension it was causing between me and their father was not worth it because now it was causing. It was still dripping down to our kids, right? When they would go see him, he wouldn't be happy. I would be frustrated, he would be frustrated. So we weren't really gaining anything by like chasing these worldly things, right? So I was like, you know what? If he's at peace, I'm at peace. We can raise our children to be the best that they can be. Right? We can be. And a co parenting environment where we're coming from a calm, happy, good place and be available and present for our children. And that was, I think, the best decision I've ever made.

Gotta commend you. I mean, for those of you who are here and you know, kind of listening to the, the subtle wisdom drops, kind of like follow those breadcrumbs because it is true when we make it about us, you know, it's like this, the ego comes into play, like, and then you. It is true. People will kind of make you go against each other about certain things, right? Like, oh, why does he get 60% of the house? You should get 60%, he should get 40%. You know, like, no one's gonna come to you and say, just stop. What do you want? Like, what does your heart desire? So I think often, you know, I've gone through a lot in my own life and kind of can relate to you exactly what you're saying. You know, went through a divorce with three kids. And for me, from the get go, I was like, I only got one vision. That's it. There's one vision. And everything besides that does not matter. And I got shot the opposite way of you. Or like, you're an idiot. You're. You're not setting yourself up a success. Your kids are going to misery with place and all of that stuff is later, right? And God has a plan and you kind of watch the magic unfold and you're like, huh, that was pretty easy. Like for me, it wasn't two to three years for me, I've never gone inside a courtroom. I don't even know what a courtroom looks like like that, you know, and I think it's that beauty of knowing what the end result is. Like, what are you chasing? And I love the, the fact that you brought, you know, the vision of simplifying what it was that you wanted only for yourself, but for your three kids at that time, and then letting everything else kind of watch and fall into play. How did you think the kids, you know, because there are many individuals that are listening right now who are either contemplating a divorce or thinking of, you know, that we're already getting a divorce and this is such a rough place we're going to be. And it's going to be like this forever. Now, you said that initially, you know, before the kids, you were like, yeah, I filed. This is not the way I want life to go. What was it that kind of made you go from there to then three kids later? And how did you find the capacity to kind of rinse, recycle, repeat every single day, knowing that you are not doing something that was pleasing to your heart?

Yeah, it was a blur, right? Because once you have kids, like, you get busy with the kids, right? And you're just focusing on them and. And giving and giving as women, that mean we provide for our husbands, we provide for our kids. There was no time for me to think about, okay, how do I feel? How do I, you know, know, fit into all of this? It was just me, am I serving? Am I serving? Am I serving? So I kind of just went through it and, you know, I try to focus on the good things. But again, you know, time and time again things would come up and I would be realized that this is not the place for me to be. And so I think it was just knowing that I had to do it for my kids, not, you know, I was unhappy. He was unhappy, right? I did it for, like, I think I did it for all of us, right? Because I think being in a home where nobody is happy is not a place for anybody to be, anybody to be. Not even pets. All right? So, I mean, we're human beings and we just can't be in that energy. And I really believe in energy and how you're like the fifth person of who you hang out with, right? If you're with four miserable people, you're going to be the fifth miserable one, right? So it was that concept where I was just like, I can't continue to be in this looking like a picture perfect place where we're all just not where we need to be. And I needed to make those choices for my kids to be in a better place, to be able to raise them the way I feel like is the right, you know, environment for them and the choices that I wanted to make. So, yeah, I just kind of went through it and it was like, once I went back, it was just like, okay, I gotta stay here, right? And then kind of struggle through, struggle through. And I was raised to just keep quiet, do what you need to do, keep quiet, do what you need to do. But then when I held my kids, I was like, I. I don't want. I would not want my children to live this life, life, and I would not want them to know, to think that this was okay to live, right? And so those were the things that kind of made me wake up and realize, like, no, like, I need to set the example of if you are not happy somewhere, God has given you that right. As as much as water and food to leave that situation and build another life for yourself.

Let's kind of get into that. Let's kind of find out how was it that you rebuilt your life, because it does seem like there was a loss of job, which was another pivotal moment in the. In the shaping of this brilliant and amazing person that sits amongst all of us.

Yeah. So I finalized my divorce around May, and then two, three months later, my father dies. Actually, I lost my job, and the next day my father passes away. So literally within three months, I had a. Finalized my divorce and found maybe peace for those two months, but it was still like a struggle because I had given up everything. And then I lost my job, and the next day my dad passes away and boom, boom, boom. I was put in a rut, right? Depression, anxiety, like, just the losses and. And combined losses was a struggle for me. And I think that it gave me such an insight of what people go through when they get into a dark place, into depression and struggling to come out. Moving, getting up off the couch, getting out of bed, taking showers. Simple things become so hard to do. But it gave me such an insight of the struggles. And that's one of the reasons I. I do volunteer at Ignite Relief and I do volunteer at the school systems and I want to give back is because, again, there's not a voice for that dark place, Right? And a lot of people don't want to share and don't want to. Don't understand it or don't know how to navigate or don't know how to help people in those spaces. And I feel like I want to be able to bring those insights in and how little things become big, huge struggles and kind of just wanted to do better. And so, yeah, like, throughout the years, I had to learn how to do things for myself, right? Example, like cook a meal for myself, right? I cooked for my husband what he likes. I cook for my kids what they like. And. And sometimes they'll sit at the table. And one of the first times I ever cooked something for myself, my kids were like, nobody likes this. Why'd you make it? And I'm like, I like it for years.

Yeah.

I was like, I've been craving this for years, and I've never made it because nobody likes it. And I always make food that you guys like, that might not be my favorite, but I eat it. I. So, you know, just enjoy it with me, you know? But it was a simple thing. And then it was a question that I would ask women, like, when's the last time you cooked something that you liked for you? You know, and. And had it not for just yourself, but, like, had everybody feel you feed, not, like, just make, you know, oh, I felt like this sandwich. I made the sandwich, but I made everything else for everybody. Like, no, have everybody own what you like, too. Have you? When's the last time you did that?

Oh, girl, I do a lot of time now.

Yeah.

Like, you're gonna make us into vegetarians. I was like, great, Just become vegetarians with me today. Like, it doesn't matter.

Yes.

And I think that's something that I also learned in my divorce is you're right to say that as women were raised, especially in the culture that we grew up in, and that's the South Asian and the Middle Eastern culture, that as a woman, you are everything. You are your roles. You are the giver, you're the, you know, you're the support, you're the service. You're just like, the person who knows all the insights. Now everyone's going what they're going through, but the person that gets lost is, you know, is that soul who's like, hello, can I get a little bit of attention? You're like, no, I know. I'm not cooking your food. I'm not doing anything that you want. There's a whole list for me to go through. So I think that what you're saying is so beautiful, and I really want people who are listening to realize that you don't have to go through a loss to do the small things that make you happy. So what would you tell people to start doing a little bit more of. To really fill their cup and just, man, be lit on, like, unhappiness.

Yeah, Just the little things just add up. It's like, you know, getting a jar. Like, you think it's a big, empty jar, but then just keep adding little things at a time. It lift. It fills you up, and it just changes your mindset. It makes you present. That was another thing when I. When I lost my dad. It was an example of, like, just being present and mindful of what I was doing reduced my mistakes. I would make better choices. I would make better decisions on what I was going to do because I was in the moment and was clearly seeing the 360 picture. Because before I was so anxious, so tired so, you know, depressed that I couldn't see the clear picture, and I would just do whatever was easiest. But then when I would be able to be present, it helped me to realize, no, like, there's 20 ways to do something wrong, but there's 99 ways to do something right. And I don't have to pick one that I don't like. I can pick any of the 99 that appeases me and. And it'll be a right good choice and be happy with it. And then the other thing is learning about confidence to too right? Like making a choice and, and being okay to be wrong. That was another thing I had to learn outside of my marriage. Because a lot of times, like, as a single parent, I'm like, what do I do right? Situations come up and I'm like, oh, my God, am I messing up my kids? Am I making the wrong choices? And then I realized that, you know what? I am going to mess up and I'm going to make wrong choices, but I'll learn from them, right? And then I'll grow from them and I'll correct them. I apologize to my kids all the time when I make mistakes. I'm like, hey, that was a bad idea, bad choice. But, you know, at the moment when I thought it was right, that's the choice I made. But I've learned this, this, and this. And so I also help them learn the lessons that I've learned so they don't have to, as you said, go through a loss to learn those things. And one of the things that me and my sister are doing through our business is chai Canvas Chi is helping people fill their own cup, right? And to make. To help them learn these lessons that I've learned through huge losses that they don't need to. To have a loss to learn or to exemplify. Because there were simple things that I could have been taught when we were raised, but I wasn't, you know, because of the cultural differences and, and just being all over the place, right? Being in America, but also feeling like you're not from America, right? And having to hold on to your culture and religion and just all the different things. Like, those were the focuses that we were. We were on, but it wasn't on how we can have confidence as women, how we can make choices and it's okay to make mistakes, how we can fill our own cup and do little things that would add up and make us feel better. We make so much better decisions when we're in a good mood and calm and collective than we are when we're stressed out and we don't, as women, we don't get enough help. Right. We are raising kids, we're cooking and cleaning, we're doing jobs. We don't get that peaceful moment. And we're hoping that through Chai Canvas Chi, we can bring that to the audience. A place where women can come relax, enjoy, refill their cup, learn a couple of lessons from each other. And we're planning to have one in January. What's. It's called Omni Genesis. So it's like the origin, like going back to who you were and. And finding that, you know, me like Shahana as a child, what did I really want for myself? How did I envision my life to be and what's missing and how can I bring that back into my life? So, yeah, we're really excited about bringing that to the community, for sure.

Okay. So we've talked a little bit about, you know, you kind of mentioned that you and your sister, I know you guys are on expedition and the goals are ginormous, and I have no doubt that you two will accomplish that and some. And a lot more. I mean, I want to ask you, you know, what is it that people can expect when they come to shy canvas sheet? Like, what is. What is there about. It does seem like a little bit of self development, empowerment, good vibes, positivity and kind of reflection. But what would that experience be like in January?

Yeah. So Chai Canvas Chi, the. The reason we picked the. The title is because we have Chai. We are actually this. We have a. This is the bottle that we have for Saffron Bloom. It's a saffron infused rose water. But we also sell tea that's called Saffron Bloom tea. So it's an infusion of saffron rose and tea and it brings this calmness, right? It's this aroma, this calmness that brings you able to see life clearly and feel. And I think Chai is a moment where we have conversations, we have a moment to ourselves or we have a moment with an intimate friend, friend or. Or family member. Right. So. So it's a place where we're going to have. Enjoy a warm cup of tea full of aroma and bring that calmness from within and from the outside. Right. By having a group of, you know, a woman who have empowerment and want to be there to better themselves. Canvas is basically a blank canvas, right? We. My sister is amazing at art. She is. She knows how to do almost all the art techniques you can, you can imagine. And we want to be able to provide different types of areas where people can grow for whether it's painting or creating different crafts, but also canvas as ourselves, right? As our. As our own soul and body, to make sure that we can bring the colors out of ourselves that we've been wanting to, that we've been held back, or we haven't been able to even expect, explore, and come out. And that the chi is the yoga element. I am a certified yoga instructor. And so we're going to have a little bit of yoga in there to help people learn how to navigate when they get anxious, when they get depressed, or when they have a body ache. Because a lot of times our mind, body and soul are connected. And if you have pain in your body, it's probably because there's somewhere pain in your soul. And so by working it physically, it also releases it emotionally and vice versa. When you have emotional issues, it kind of transfers over to your body. And so if you calm yourself with breath, work or, you know, yoga, it helps you navigate those emotions and release them out of your body. I've had people where I do yoga with, and when they're just laying flat, their legs will shake. And that's trauma leaving their body, right? It's new connections being made in the neuro part of their body. So it's. It's the whole experience of conversation, realization, and learning tools and techniques to better navigate this world.

I think that's brilliant. I think it is so very much needed. And I think for women, it kind of normalizes the fact that you're taking some time out for you and, you know, preparing to say, you know, these are responsibilities. I'm going to hand them off. Kind of asking for that help that we don't really. We're encouraged not to do, especially in.

Our culture, to say, you know what.

This little moment here, you know, with me sipping on some chai, with me having conversations with me just healing my own self and realizing that I get to recreate, rediscover all of me. And I really want to kind of go back to that one point that we talked about a little bit about you finalizing a divorce two months later, you losing your job, and then, you know, your father the following day, and you said, you know, anxiety and depression, it became something that's real. And when I look at the stats, it really, like I become saddened by them when I see that Depression and anxiety is a number one, you know, number one thing here facing in the US So how did you get yourself Out. If someone is listening right now and they know someone who is going through the same phase that you are, you went through, or somebody that's going through by themselves, how could you support them to say that there is hope? And, yeah, that darkness, that shadow work will actually bring some light, but we have to believe.

Yeah. Yeah. I think the. The beauty of it is not to fight it and to kind of just experience it.

Right.

To notice it as an observer instead of, like, letting it. Because it does suck you in. Right. And you're. You're in that depression and you're thinking all sorts of thoughts, but kind of just watch yourself, right? Just. I. I was big on diary. I. I carry it and write in it all the time. My sister actually designed this. She makes beautiful notebooks. But, yeah, I. I love writing and journaling. I think journaling is a great way to kind of get your thoughts out. And. And if you don't like writing, I would say record yourself in a voice. But somehow to get that dialogue out into a written form or an audio form really helps, because then you become an observer and you. You have it out outside of you instead of eating away in the inside of you. And it's just profound. It seems simple, but I think it did a very big. It's very helpful to get it out somehow. Another thing is to talk to a friend or a family member. And I know that's sometimes hard, especially when you're a dark place and you don't want to share, but find the courage to do that, because that is really helpful. Just. I had a friend that was always available, and I would call her and I would just talk, and she would always just make me feel better. So even if you. You don't even have to talk about the depression if you don't, you know, if you're not ready for it. But just talking to someone, you know, because sometimes you get secluded and you want to be alone, but having that human interaction is so important because it helps you kind of get out of that rut. My sister was one, you know, the best and most supportive of me throughout the whole time. She took care of everything for me and so many ways, which, you know, it was a blessing. And, you know, unfortunately, not everybody has that, but if you do, you know, guilt comes in, shame comes in a lot of times, right? You're like, oh, like, I'm not able to do things for myself, and this person's always helping me. Like, I feel like, you know, eternally grateful and indebted to her, but it's okay, right? It's because it's God giving us that support system, right? And I think a lot of people sometimes back away and say, oh, I shouldn't, or, no, I'm. I'm taking too much, or whatever. But you have to somehow accept it, because you wouldn't be in that position if God didn't want you to find something for. From it or, you know, or to be in it. And he'll. He'll come through. He'll come through. And the best times, and it's when you finally kind of just accept it and like, say that, you know, people are. I am surrounded by people who love me. Although it. Sometimes it feels lonely, but if you really look and understand it, you have people who have. You are surrounded by people that can help you, that are there for you to support. Accept it, embrace it. As women again, you know, it's hard for us to take because we're always giving. And that guilt of taking is, you know, very real. But you have to learn to take. And I think that's what Allah wants you to do at that point is, hey, acceptance, what's coming towards you. And. And, you know, don't say no because it's coming from. From somewhere, right? And more than likely it's from God who's trying to give you something as a gift, a time for you to relax. Like, I lost my job, but then it gave me so much time with my kids to be there, present with them, right? Instead of running around, because I used to work in downtown, three hours back and forth, right? And then I would be gone for 12 hours a day, come home, still have to cook, still have to. Still have to clean, still have to take care of the homework, make sure they get everything. They've got extracurricular activities. Like, it was a lot and they were small. So I think that that is unfortunate. And I tried so hard trying to get it, and it was rejection after rejection after rejection. And I just didn't understand why. And then until I was just like, you know what? I started going into interviews saying, God, like, I'm gonna put my 100, 102, 200. Like, you know, how. How much I need it. You know, how much I want this. You know, if it's best for me, give it. And sometimes I still wouldn't get it, right? So then I would be like, you know, I would look at. And it would be a full moon at times. And I remember one time it was like a full moon. I was like, God, I know you have something better for Me, because, like, this can't be just by a mistake. This can't be something that's bad that's happening to me. Like, you have, like, I've got chills thinking about it. Like, literally bumps back. But you have better plans for me. And I know it because, you know, I'm putting my heart and effort and I'm ready for whatever it is that you're out there, you know, wanting me to have experience. And it was just so amazing to, like, enjoy that time with my kids and be able to support them and emotionally, because, I mean, again, right, we went through a divorce. It wasn't just me. It's the kids, too. And they go through a lot of different emotions and cycles and there's a lot to deal with. So I feel like it was a blessing for me to be able to be available and there for them in those moment of times when they. They needed me most. So I think that, yeah, every situation seems like it's a depression, depressing, you know, punishment. But it's actually, if you look at it, there's a blessing in it. And once we recognize that blessing, you start to recognize that it's always coming. Like, God's oath has been given me, and I've just not been able to see it because. And I tell my daughter this, like, it's like being in a dark room with glow on the dark items, right? You can only see the things that are glowing and dark, and usually those are the negative things, right? Like, that's what. That's what it feels like being in a depressed depressive mode. It's like you can't see anything but the glowing objects that just say, loser, you know, worthless, you know, shame. All the negative things, right? But once you open the light and you see that the room is filled with hundreds of things that are like, blessings of God. And you can't even see the glow in the dark items anymore. Like, they're just kind of just there, you know, hidden. All the other things, like, they're still there. They haven't moved, but they're. You can't see them anymore. You start noticing, you know, beautiful things around you, and you're like, oh, I never noticed that before. But that's what I would, you know, describe depression as is. You just got to find that light switch, right, and just turn it on and start looking at different things around you and focusing on those items. And then it starts getting easier and better. And it's a practice, right? Just like you get practice and seeing the negative things you have to practice again, to go back to the positive things in life.

So, yeah, indeed, it's all about perspective, right? I think that's what we discover is when we go through those struggles and those hardships and we get those little nudges and we're not really changing our perspective because it just seems like it's a lot of work or we don't have the energy for it. And as you were talking, you know, I, I felt your energy, I felt you saying that, God, I know you have something better for me. I know this is not it. And I know that I'm here in this place for a reason. What did you find at that time when you were, you know, when you were going through jobs after jobs and not really landing a position to what was that pivotal point where you were like, oh, this is a lesson I was supposed to learn. And then you were able to get that job?

I think it was listening to my gut. So the funniest story, I was driving to my sister's house and again, I was just like, okay, like I need a job, like, I need income, I need something to happen. And I called like literally five to six people, people on my phone, driving. There's like a 30 minute drive, nobody answered. And I'm like crying in the car going, I don't know what to do. Like, I'm just feeling depressed and whatever. And I was like, you know what, God, you have to have. You have a better plan for me. You know what I need? You know what I, what I. Yeah, you know what I need? So help me get there, right? And so like, and then in the silence, right? And, and I think that's my biggest lesson is all the answers are in silence, right? It comes to me to go reach out to this one person out of nowhere. Like, I'm like, oh, I should probably reach out this person again. Like, I've tried, I've reached out to the person before and it didn't work out. But like, just reach out one more time, see if there's anything out there. And boom, boom, boom. And then, and there, there's another side to the story. But boom, boom, boom, within like a week I got an offer. Within a week I got right. Just because nobody picked up the phone, I'm crying and talking to God. And it just came to me, that idea. And what I found is that when you focus and on one things you want in life, you create that connection with God, it pours. And another example or part of the story was my son's birthday was coming Up. And I said, bubba, what do you want for your birthday? And he goes, well, I want you to get a job. Because he knew that I was struggling. I share my struggles with my kids because I'm like, you know what? These are life examples that will happen, right? Whether it's to them or their family members, they need to know the real struggles in life, right? A lot. A lot of times I would protect them, but there's certain things where I'm just like, you know what? This is a part of life. You'll lose jobs. You need to find them, let them know, hey, I don't feel great today because I'm kind of off so that, you know, they can support me in the emotional ways that I need. But he said, you know, I want you to get a job. And I was like. Like, kind of embarrassed, right? I'm like, okay. So I look him in the eye. I said, no, but, like, like, anything else, like, besides a job, okay, fine, you wanted me to get a job, but is there anything else that you want for. He go. And I. He looked me in the eye. He goes, no, maman. I want you to get a job. And at that moment, I paused and I looked deep in his eyes and I told God. I said, God, like, fulfill his dream, right? He wants me to get a job. Allow me to give that to him. And it was just that moment, right? And it was just like. It felt like a Good, you know, 30 minutes being in that moment. But it was, like, probably three seconds, right? But I was so intensely in that moment of, like, connecting with God and saying, this is what you know, to do this. And do you know, the day I got my offer, on his birthday. On his birthday, I got the call to say, you got the job. Like it was again, I'm getting chills. I'm telling you. I think the whole process of everything that I went through is to teach me that I need to take that moment, to connect with my source, my God, and to be able to ask him in the most genuine way and. And purify my intentions.

Because.

Because sometimes I'll ask for things. You know, an ego gets in a way or. Or whatever gets in the way. But, like, when I connect with him, it kind of cleanses the item that I'm asking for. And maybe it's the same thing, but it focuses on the intention and makes me understand why I need it, what it's for, and how I can achieve it. There's so many ways that I have, as they call manifest, manifested things like that and it's. I. I think that was the biggest lesson that I've gotten in all these hardships, was how beautifully we can just manifest just by connecting to God for that moment. I mean, I got a van that way. I got. I mean, there's so many different stories that I can go through because, like, my car was about to die. I kept getting a flat tire. I just kept filling up the air because I was just like, okay, I don't have money to go buy another tire. And. And then one time, it just went completely flat and I could not fill it. And I. And again, full moon. I look up into the sky. I'm like, God, I know you've got better plans for me on this. Like, I don't know what else to do. And then I got a van immediately, like, two days after that. So it's amazing how when we just connect for that moment, how much God just, like, hands it to you. But you just have to have that. That faith and that intention clarified, and you can almost achieve anything. And I want to help the world get. Get that clarification. And then there's so many things I've learned, just hindsight about my marriage, too, of things that I could have done better. Like, I'm not perfect, right? And I could have done better. And I. And not having a job, that gave me a very profound perception of what men go through as being the sole provider. The weight it brings, like, I didn't realize how heavy that can be because you're like, okay, I. If I don't provide, like, how are my kids gonna eat, right? So that weight and knowing that so many people come from foreign countries, come to this con, you know, to America, to find a job, and they are, like, you know, trying to make ends meet, that. That weight that men carry, you know, I. I help me appreciate that also. And how much they need cheerleaders, how much men actually. Cheerleaders. And as women, we don't do that enough. Whenever they have an idea, we go into, like, protective mode. And, like, oh, maybe that won't work well, or that's not a good idea. But men just need a cheerleader, and then that clarifies their intention, and then they make the right choices, whatever it is. So those are the things I kind of learned throughout the process of. I think God wanted me to learn those lessons and help other people navigate life in those ways.

It's so. It's so beautiful to see how much serendipity. Serendipity and synergy there is between you and I. Right. Like, I am profound at that. That night sky, the. The noor is what we call it, right. That pure. That pure radiance, that light that we, you know, that we in Muslims, we believe is God. God is just pure. God is just like God just gives. God says, literally, like, dial down. There's a reason why you're on Earth. Dial down and I'll show you the way. But you really have to learn the silence. Not only all the thoughts here, but just come into this existence of knowing that it will work out. And you and I, like, we're literally at the end of the show, we can poly, like forever. We're just going at it.

Right.

What I want to ask you is how do people get in touch with you if they really find your story to be empowering, if they want to give you feedback, if they want to just reach out to you?

Yeah. I have an Instagram handle called Shahane Bloom, which is kind of following my products that we're selling. And this is Saffron Bloom, which is that my handle is Shahane Bloom. But, yeah, you can reach me there. DM me if you need anything, if you have any questions and if you're interested in buying these products. This is like one of my favorite. I've been using this for over 25 years, and that's why I started sharing it with the world. It's just. Just a. A saffron mist that kind of just refreshes you and it has this aroma, not calming manner. And it's also amazing for skin and hair. So I use it all the time, and it's one of the things that I felt like I need to share with the world because it's just brought me so much happiness and so much health in my skin and my hair that I wanted to share with the world.

Wonderful. All right, so now on the show, we've got this tradition that we do an intentional wrap on the rapid fire questions I'll ask you, and then we will cue it to kind of the end of the show. Ready for it?

Sure.

All right. What do you want to leave behind for the world?

Transformative lessons. Right. Things that people can use in their daily lives that will continue to make the world a better place to live.

Amen. How will you know that you've lived an intentional life.

By staying connected to God?

Right.

Every intention is for me to be guided by Him. So if I. I'm taking every step of the way with the intention to stay connected and do better and be better every day, then I think I Lived an intentional life.

Wonderful. If you could create one law that everybody had to follow, what would that lobby.

Be around that authentic self. Everybody had to be their authentic self. Right. And everybody has to accept the authentic self respect.

But if everyone's authentic, then we are going to accept each other as we are. Because we're like, oh, I get it. She's being Umbre or she's being Shahana, right?

Absolutely.

There are many things that you've shared with us. You know what I want to ask you is what's that one key to a healthy relationship?

Trust.

Okay. And what is one lesson that has made you who you are today?

Yeah. Just being connected to God again, I have to go back to that. Is is when I connect. I am clear.

120 of these. Well, thank you so much, Shahana, for coming on the show today. I pray that every single one of you has taken something amazing from this. I hope that all of you are able to reach out to Shahana or myself, coach Ambreen, and let us know. Just drop something like that. We recognize that we are impacting you in a positive way because like she said, we want to see a change in this world, leave the world better than we found it. So thank you so very much, Shahana, for coming on today and for all of you. As you know, this show can be heard on Spanglish Radio Network. Please check out Spanglishworld CA for all the news and the programming as we close. You guys know I gotta give you a prayer. I pray that this show will embark us on a journey of transformation, to really find that there's a pathway to gratitude for all the blessings that we have to accept the unfoldings of life and to commit to values which will allow us to tap into our own greatness. As I have Tawakkal. That's right. There's faith in every single one of us, in our greatness. When we unleash our authenticity, we start to live intentionally. Remember, there's only one of you. One life designed by excellence. Spanglish World. Watch it, hear it, read it, download it. Most importantly, live into it and intentionally better serve who you are and becoming. Thank you so much, folks. Till next week. Bye.

Sam.