In this solo YouTube talk, family‑driven coach Ambereen Hameed addresses the overwhelming pressure many parents feel when their children struggle academically or exhibit challenging behavior. She introduces the ZAP formula—Zoom, Attach, Punish—as a mental framework to stop fixating on problems, avoid attaching negative identities to children (or oneself), and cease punitive reactions. Ambereen illustrates the formula with a personal story about her son’s grades, showing how she shifted from criticism to concrete action steps like resource hours, exam preparation, and note review. She then broadens the discussion to common parental frustrations such as “my kids don’t listen,” urging parents to reflect on whether they are truly listening and supporting their kids. Throughout, she emphasizes the role of coaching in helping parents move from point A (confusion, stress) to point B (clarity, effective strategies). The video concludes with a promotion of her group coaching and a 90‑day transformation program, promising improvements in relationships, well‑being, productivity, and influence.
Chapters
As a parent, do you feel like you're miserably failing? That you try your best to keep your cool and then somehow you just crack? Well, believe it or not, it happens to all of us and happens more than we want it to happen. So thanks for joining me. My name is Ambereen, if we've never met, and my intention as a family-driven coach is to make your family development a priority. Oftentimes when I'm talking to you guys, I'm facing a lot of challenges on my own that I may not bring up as often as I maybe ought to. And so today I had a moment where I recognized and realized that my son is not doing well in school. Been there? Well, if you have, drop in the comments below and say, yep, been there. Because as parents, we are trying to set our kids up for success. I don't want to be overbearing and I don't want to say too much, expect too much. I kind of want him to understand how to build himself up. So he's saying the right things to fix his grades, but he's not telling me what more he can do. And one of the greatest things that we as parents need to really figure out and do is this lovely formula, and I want you to write it down It's called ZAP, like zap. So ZAP really is like an acronym, right? It stands for— the first thing that we as parents do is we zoom in on one thing. So right now, as a parent, I am zooming in on all the ways my kid is not doing well academically. And then what I'm doing is the A. I am actually attaching it to an identity. His identity, my identity. As a mom, I'm not doing good enough. For him, he's failing and not caring. And then that last P, the punishment part. You know what I'm talking about? That shame, that guilt, you know, sometimes we make a mistake and we punish ourselves so much. So let's really work on this formula of ZAP and understand how do we get out of our own funks when things are not happening and going the way that we want it to. which is actually most of life. So if I were to apply the ZAP formula to my own life in this moment, I would tell myself, Ambereen, stop zooming in on all the things that he's doing wrong. Really start to see how he took the feedback when you gave it to him. Don't identify his grades to who he is as an identity. Just go ahead and tell him, we expect better. Reset that expectation. And so I did. I said, what are you going to do differently? And he said, I'm just going to lock in. I'm going to prioritize my grades before anything else. I'm going to make sure that the feedback the teachers have given me, that I apply it. I said, okay, well, how are you going to apply it? So he identified simple shifts that he can make. I can go to resource hours. I can do the prep for exams. I can look at the slides, review my notes, and even go in, in the hours I've designated to get additional support and help. Beautiful. So we both actually stopped punishing each other. He didn't get frustrated with me, with my tone, and I did not punish him for not having his grades on point and in check. Now let's kind of broaden that scope a little bit and apply it into a life of a client of mine. Oftentimes when clients are talking and they're kind of venting about their problems in life, you know, My kids don't listen. That's a special one I get all the time. Been there? Yep. Drop in the comments, say, my kids don't listen, because you're not the only one. There are many parents that feel the exact same way as you. So in that moment, what are you zooming in on? Well, are you zooming in on the fact they don't listen and you're making that a part of their identity to say, my kids are just people, beings that don't listen. And then you punish them, get louder and louder punishing them because they don't listen. You scream louder, you take away things, you bully them. Sometimes you even say mean things. Am I being too direct and straightforward? Yeah, because I think as parents we have to hear the harsh truth sometimes. And when we're transparent, it will take you on your own growth journey. It will make you level up and elevate. And when my clients do come back and ask me and say to me, my kids don't listen, I ask them a very simple question that I really want you to ask yourself more often. Are you listening to them? Are you supporting them? Are you making them feel seen and heard? And if you're saying yes to all the things, then great, you're doing a wonderful job. But most of us aren't. And this is exactly the power of coaching. Oftentimes as parents, we know what to do. We just don't know how to get from point A to point B. And so that's what coaching does. It kind of connects that for you. It really helps you to evolve your own identity, to build into the best version of you. If you're interested, by all means, check out my website. All the details are listed right there on how you can actually partake in a group environment if that's what your jazz is and your jam is. Then go ahead, join the group coaching sessions. Or if you really feel like you want to skyrocket that growth and do it in minimal time, in 90 days, I guarantee you will transform your relationships, your well-being, your productivity, and how you're influencing not only your life but the lives of all the people that you love all around you. Until next time, sending you a ton of Umberji and a whole lot of goodness.
