When your partner is mean, a three-second pause before you respond can break the cycle and let them choose kindness back. Coach Ambereen shows how recognizing that their words are about them, not you, stops you from taking the hurt personally.
A friend of mine says while tears are pouring down her eyes and her voice is shaking, "My husband is so mean to me. He doesn't care." Have you ever been in a place where being kind to somebody seems impossible? I get it, we've all been there. Continue watching this video to learn 3 effective ways to manage these emotions when you choose kindness amidst the difficulty and the impossibility. A beautiful Saturday afternoon with clear skies and a few fluffy clouds. The sun is shining bright, The birds are chirping and you are sipping on some coffee, and all of a sudden your wife comes blazing down the stairs and says, "Have you seen my phone?" You tell her, "Yeah, I took it." Now before you can finish your sentence, she goes guns blazing like, "How dare you touch my phone without my permission? Who do you think you are? I'm sure you tried to snoop around and see 'But you couldn't get too far because my phone is locked.' Does this resonate? Now you try to catch yourself, but then a few seconds later you're screaming and yelling, saying, 'Yeah, I took your phone so you could go to sleep without distractions, but you're such a jerk! You're always saying so mean and rude things to me.' If this is you, Here is your reality check: your relationship needs redirection or you're going to end up miserable and disconnected. Wanna know how kindness can be a game changer in this situation? When people are mean, when they're not kind, we want to react the same way to them. But what if your wife came down the stairs and lost her cool? And instead of reacting the same exact way, you took a pause. You took a pause to realign yourself, to remind yourself of how an amazing husband you are, because you actually had the intentional to care for her, to be thoughtful so she can rest up a little bit more. This simple 3-second pause, it's literally the thing that will transform the way that you operate. Now instead of having to fight with her, yell back, scream, or disrespect her and then have guilt later, you take a pause and you give her the phone right back. That's it. No comments, no conversation, just somebody who's present and aware. This simple moment, everything has shifted. You no longer need to prove yourself or your intention to your wife. What's happening in the background? Let's shed some light there. Your wife is realizing that she overreacted, that she was disrespectful, that she could have handled herself a little bit better. She's already thinking about this, even if she doesn't tell you. And this is where everything is going to change. When she comes to you a little bit later, after she's cooled down and calmed down, most women who respect their husbands will come and confess the guilt that they have and the fact that they were disrespectful. She'll apologize to you, and this is that perfect time when you come right in and say, "Hey honey, hey babe, hey love, I took the phone out of the room so you could just rest without distractions." Now, this kindness that you are packaging your love and your intentionality around will really soften her heart, and she will learn slowly and slowly that this is not a way that she wants to treat her husband. Now, if you're somebody who's going to try and actually use this 3-second pause, I want you to drop in the comments below, just say 3-second pause, which tells me you're ready to level up your marriage by no longer reacting and learning to respond. Let's shift the focus back on my client, the one who was crying, saying, "My husband doesn't care about me. He's so mean." I'm not somebody who disregards anybody's feeling. However, as a coach, I do want to remind you that you are stronger than this moment. My client and I workshopped this exact situation. And by the end of our session, what she realized, her breakthrough, her aha moments were, "My husband's actions are a reflection of him. His behavior he's responsible for. I don't need to believe the mean things that he says, like I'm not smart, I'm dumb." She began to say a lot kinder things to herself. She replaced, "I'm not smart, I'm not smart," with, "I am smart." I am done with 'I can figure things out.' And by the end of our session, she felt more empowered, more liberated, and had the tools to know that his communication, whatever he was saying, wasn't her truth, and she was not going to allow it to be. Remember, when kindness feels impossible, be kind anyway. The 3 simple tools that you've learned today is: 1. Take a 3-second pause and respond. 2. Other people's perspectives are theirs. 3. Stop taking people so personally. If this content resonates with you, give it a like. Why? So other people can also benefit. If you're somebody who recognizes that your marriage needs a little bit of redirection, click on the link in the description and learn more about our couples group coaching program to really level up your marriage, bring that unity, and add respect back into the sacred unit we call marriage. Until next time, sending you a ton of umberji and a whole lot of goodness wrapped up and packaged with love and light.
