Your Best Life with Ambereen Hameed ~ A Family & Youth Driven Coach

Foreign hey, this is Chuck Hogan with your best life and welcome to the Spanish World network on Xingo TV channels 250 and 251. Please remember to download both the Xingo TV app on the respective app stores on iOS and Android devices. While you download, make sure you rate and leave a comment. The app's completely freezing. O TV is also available on Google Chromecast, Amazon, Fire Fire TV sticks, Roku and Roku sticks and all smart TVs. 2016 forward. So good evening everyone. It's great to see you. Thank you for joining us tonight. And I know I say this quite often, but we've got another treat for you. She is an amazing coach, a strategist. Coach Ambering is someone that has taken life in stride as the mother of three amazing children and an entrepreneur. She is one of those folks that is looking at life from the synergistic standpoint of how family is integrated together and how actually we can live the most extraordinary life possible. And I'm so blessed to have you on this evening and thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to join us tonight. I've been very excited after reading your bio. I was like, okay, this is good stuff and we're going to be able to go deep tonight. I love it, I love it. So thank you, thank you for being here.

Well, I want to say I'm in the uttermost gratitude for you having me here and yeah, I'm really looking forward to how all of this unfolds.

Me too. It's, you know, Eduardo and I used to, when we first started this show, we'd be like, oh, let's have questions and let's put it out to people and we'll pre frame and everyone. Ha ha ha. It's going to be perfect. It's like, uh, let's show up and let's go deep. And what we have found is that for the everyday person who's listening to this, you know, episode tonight, if it's live or, or recorded, what's beautiful is, is being able to find distinctions that actually allow you to live your best life. And there was tonight, which is living a life in. And I'd love to know from you, Ambreen, what does that mean to you? Like when we say living deliberately or living life by design? What can we help give an insight to those viewers out there that will maybe just like give them an aha moment. A little light bulb.

Yeah. So when you say, you know those words, when I say live a life by design, you only get one. It's being intentional about your life.

Beautiful.

Knowing when you need a break and communicating that to your family or to your loved ones and saying, you know what? I really can't come for dinner, even though I committed because I'm just exhausted. Like, just something overtook it. I don't want to come there, mess up everybody's move, mess up the whole energy. I just know I need to take a beat and that's what I'm gonna do. Or sometimes, like, spontaneous, like spontaneity is being such a. Such a fuel when it comes to having fun and doing whatever you want. So being spontaneous, but of course, maintaining the fact that you have integrity with who you are. I think that's key for me. When you're leading a life by design. It's just intention stacking. I know we, we hear often about, like, habit stacking. Add this habit to this and you're gonna, you know, because they keep rising up. But when you are intentionally showing up for every single thing, you actually start to plan a beautiful life and you have so many moments and memories that you can take back with you.

That's beautiful. You know, the power of presence is sometimes a very overseen or it's kind of like an afterthought. They go, oh, yeah, I showed up and I was like, but you weren't here. You're physically here. But emotionally, spiritually, energetically, it just seemed like there was some distance between that heart space and the headspace. And then as far as energy was concerned, it was like, okay, yeah, it's kind of like when you see someone and they're on their phone when. All the freaking time. And so it's like, okay, if they even have their phone in their hand, are they present? And so often, you know what? It's so lovely to have you here. Would you mind putting your electronic devices down, face down and away from you just for the next. For the period of time that we're blessed to be with one another. And they go, oh, is it, Is it, is it a problem? I go, no. In fact, I said, it's actually a blessing. We're just going to go ahead and give you a break from that energetic interaction. And so we can actually be deliberate.

Yeah. And it's beautiful that you said that because it was, you know, of course, Simon Sinek, like, who doesn't know him? He is like a leader when it comes to leadership development, corporate culture, and knowing and understanding. Our actions actually produce reactions. And so he was at this conference just talking and kind of giving you know his pitch about how to become better. Hey, anybody? Anybody got a phone? Anybody? And so he's like, can I borrow your phone? Like, literally, it's a random stranger. He takes their phone. Now he starts continuing to talk, and he says, how important do you feel if I have my phone and I'm talking to you? When I'm fully present, but not with my hand, the phone is moving along. That shows you that you're not the most important thing.

Yes.

And the same is true for the work that I do, because I am fully charged when it comes to families. Right. That's like. That is where I feel. I feel home. That is where I feel like purpose meets passion. And oftentimes it's that simple thing of, okay, well. Well, I mean, I spend time with my kid, we have dinner together. And just last week I have, you know, a new client I was talking to. She's like, well, that's what we can't do. We can't put the phone down during dinner. We have it together every day. And then so we're kind of going back to, well, are you really? Then even present for dinner. Might as well take your plates in your rooms and just call it dinner.

Yeah, it's. There used to be an angel saying that the family that eats together, you know, lives together, thrives together. And it's like, okay. And yet we started noticing that in family units. And I'll call it in ecologies of relationships. So if it's personal or professional, that the distractions of electronics, that. And even more so. And this was very interesting, was to see the dynamics that were kind of rallied around. Are you living and being your best, or are you just doing your best? Because there's this ideology that we have a family saying for the last. Since my children were very young, you'd be doing your best, but never being your best. When you are being your best, you'll always do your best, whatever that is in the moment, because there's no such thing as perfection. Yeah. So we get to live in that space. I love what you said, though, and I love Simon Sinek's work. It's the. The infinite mindset, you know, by comparison to living in a finite ideology, changes the entire perspective. And. But for so many families too. And I, And I live through this, Ambreen. So I can. I can say this with some conviction that I remember when I developed the saying that my family and I deserve the best of me and not what's left of me, because I would burn heaven and earth to move and make everything happen for a client. I would do, you know, no stone unturned. No. No bush left unburned. I would. It was scorched earth. I'm gonna make it happen. And I get home exhausted. I'd have no energy left for them. Like, why am I working so hard?

Yeah.

To provide for them. And I thought I was. Get up. This is to you, my sister, because you hit the nail. And I thought I was giving them what they needed from me.

Yeah.

They wanted from me, not what they needed. So how do you help people define getting that clarity within themselves where they don't go into self victimization. But, you know, but I'm working so hard and, oh, you don't know what I put in for the, you know, a day. And then. But you have all these asks. How. How would you help someone walk through about a little unwinding, that kind of tension that mounts with that.

So it's one of the simplest questions that I ask you. What's the most important thing in your life?

Beautiful.

And if somebody has a family that comes up or health comes up.

Yes.

Right. And so people will. And I said, well, if the most important thing for you is your family, are you really showing them that you do the most important? No. Often I think the story is our family is the most important thing for us. Yet we give them the leftovers, like you said. We give them, you know, we give them the worst of us. We give because they're not gonna go anywhere. A client will say to your face, like, if I'm not doing my job well, they're like, you know what? We didn't sign up for this. We signed up for an hour a week. You're giving us 20 minutes a week. You know what? We want my money back. And I want to end this right now. Your kid is never gonna say, hey, dad, I signed up for unconditional love. I need my refund. I'm going back to God. Right. Like that's. That's not going to happen.

Send me home. You know, you bring up a great point. Well, and. And there's an identity that goes with it. Right. Because there's the other side to this, which is. And I'm sure you've never experienced this with your own children because as a neuro strategist, I'm sitting down and going, my kids ask questions. When. All the time. Hey, dad, can I ask you for your opinion, your advice? Absolutely. I will say yes and give it to them straight. And they're like, thanks, that helped. A couple weeks later, they'll have a conversation with someone of your caliber or an associate or a friend or, you know, one of their honorary aunts or uncles. And then they go, uncle is like, the best. Oh, my gosh. He put things where I get it. And I go, well, great. Tell me what you talked about. And I'm like, okay, did we just not have this conversation a couple days ago? And the truth is, I've had to learn to park my ego as a parent and say. And I don't mean to sound contrite when I say this, because I don't mean this. It matters where the information comes from. It's not like I don't care where it comes from. I do, because I know when it's coming from a loving, kind, centered, present soul that. That loves my family. And I go, that's qualified information. I would trust them with any one of my family members. Thank goodness they got the lesson. Thank goodness. You know, and it's like going. But there's also that part of me that goes, I said the same thing.

Mm.

That's just my own pity party. And I go, so you. We kind of have to let that go too, right? There's some free.

That we have to remember is when a. You know, I have a lot of different programs that I run, but right here, we're talking about when I'm taking a family through a journey of about three months minimum. One of the most important things that I work with them on is, it's not about you. I will say to your face, the dad will be like, I'm working 12 hours a day to provide for these kids. They don't appreciate. They have no gratitude. And you're just like, all right, bro, back it up. Like, literally, you need you to back it up. It's not about you. It's when you are in a family, it cannot be taken personally. And so what we really start to do is not only do we identify and define, like, is the family the most important thing? Well, how are you showing it? So we sit down together, and it's fun because I do breakout groups, but, like, the family. And I'm like, okay, you two, like, brainstorm of some values that you think are important for your family. And then the other people are doing. And it's like this beautiful collaboration comes from. And then they all come back, and then we do, like, a brain dump. And they're like. And then you start to see that, oh, wow, they're already living into two of these. All of them. But I'm not One to say anything. I'm like, okay, well I want you to choose the top five. And these are the foundations of who you are as a family.

Wonderful.

And any given moment in time when a kid is like, hey, dad, like, yeah, you told me that one time. And I didn't really get it from you, I got it from Uncle Frank. Because Uncle Frank didn't really take it personally because your eyebrow lifted up when I told you that. And so I didn't feel like a safe space or I felt like I already had fences off. So I don't want to listen to you. And so you really zoom in to figure out how do you have this conversation in a respectful way. They're just filled with courage. Because for even a father to correct a daughter, right, who is so emotional many times and, and for, for a man, he's like, dude, come on girl. Like, all I said is, no, you can't go to the movies tomorrow. Like, that's all I said. And, and your daughter is like, well, I'm not used to listening to no, so what's happening with dad? Like something's off. And, and then you actually have to be like, hey, sweetheart, like, you know, I don't think that this movie is the right movie for, for us to, to watch together. Or I actually have two meetings that have been pre booked. And you start to actually take yourself away from situation and make it more about your family. And when you do that, you learn to accept them as they are.

Yes.

And that's when the breakthroughs happened. Because your kiddo is not the one that you gave birth to. You know, if you're a woman or for, for a man, the one that you brought home, that kid has left the building like after two months of being that kid. And so this beautiful journey of evolution that we as adults want, we want growth, we want to expand our career path, we want to take new risks, we want to have new experiences. Yet we believe and somehow think that our kids are not on that same page when they're like, I'm writing my own book.

So true. And it is interesting. I know so many people, so many adults that are trying to be their kids friends. Oh, they're my best pal, they're my buddy, they're my chum. And I go, well, I'm close with my children. We have a very loving relationship. And my privilege is to be their father, not their money. And I've had some critics about this. They go, oh, you know, you don't want to have that relationship down the road where you go fishing together and hang out. And I said, hey, we have a lot of similar interests. Why? Because they grew up with having these examples in their life. So if it's physical fitness, if it's martial arts, if it's, you know, academics, if it's leadership expansion, 22 years with Tony Robbins. And so for me, as a, as a senior trainer, my kids grew up in this environment, and so they've gone to leadership conferences and they're constantly looking for input and great resources and mentors. And I go, beautiful, beautiful. And on the other side, I don't need to be that mentor to them all the time. And what I mean by that statement is they're constantly watching, they're measuring, they're testing. And I get to be a role model without having to be just their buddy. That doesn't mean it's devoid of love, doesn't mean it's devoid of caring. In fact, I'll go a step further and say in many instances, it's allowed me to be even more present because I get to remove that, oh, that's my kid. You know, it's like I get to go, hey, you're a well adjusted young adult. And so here's the measurements in life. And so don't take my word for it. Ask Uncle Felix, your Uncle Tom, you know, your Auntie Umbrine, your. Whoever it might be, ask Mommy. Mommy's brilliant. And it's in it. It's true. And so they, they look and they go. Contrast is key as well, because I started noticing something too. Ambarina, I'd love to get your insight on this. As Tony and actually Zig Ziglar and Franklin Covey and many of other people over the years started to say is that you are the company you keep. So the top five people you spend the most time with, you can start to really see those personalities and who they become. And one of the things that became very important and we started changing this language pattern probably about, oh, gosh, I'm gonna say 20 years ago with the kids. My oldest is 23 now, so when he was around 3, we started asking, what do you love? What do you love to do? Who do you love to be? And what we changed from was, who do you like? What do you like to do? And what would you like to be? Changing it to, what do you love? Took it out of that cognitive realm and put it into more that unconscious where it's motivated by feelings and connection and that emotional center. How do you find for yourself and for those that you're helping walk through these processes that you're able to take them a little deeper. Because I love what you said when you do the round robin and you break them apart and then bring them back and you start to see the modalities where they're actually living their lives, but they just have different ways of defining it. Some of the outcomes are very much the same. I would imagine.

They are. And. And you're kind of like, at the end, you see it like, they're like, no, we want this one on the top. Like, we want this one to make the cut. And like, I'm like, okay, well, duke it out, right? Like, convince your parents or convince your kids or convince your brother why this one deserves to be at the top five. And when, you know, I think what starts to happen, especially in families, if you don't ask the right question, because I think it does go back to what you're saying, being present. And only when we're fully present and engaged, can we ask the right questions.

Yes.

Right now, if I have three screens running in the background and I've got people walking around, I can try to be present with you, but I'm gonna miss most of the story.

Sure.

Yet in our homes, we do it often.

Multitasking.

How do you and. And honesty. Multitasking is not even a real thing. Like, your brain can't do it. It's like, right, please, like, stop making me miserable. Like, just focus on one thing for 30 minutes. Just please, you know? And that's what it is. It's like, often it's like, really understanding and making them connect at a deeper level through the heart. Because our mind is always going to prevent us from doing those things that are difficult or uncomfortable or not the norm. But our heart is so engaged and wants that dump. And when you connect to your family or even your loved ones or for me, right, like, for me, it was. It was really cute. I was actually talking to the. My mom, like, two. Two Saturdays ago, and we're talking and. And she's like, yeah, but like, that thing that you did, right? Like, that wasn't something you did that was Right. And I was like, yeah, you know, maso bizarre that you say that. Yesterday I was reflecting on that event. Last year, we had a huge family gathering after, I want to say, a decade and a half, where the whole family got together and festivities after the month of Ramadan. There was like a 180, 200 people here all together from, like, really, like 800 people who are, like, in their 80s, 90s all the way down to, like, the little being that the mamas are holding or daddies are holding. And on that day, I did a lot of things which were very uncomfortable, which were out of the norm for our culture, but I literally. I just led with my heart. And she goes, you can't do that. We can't do that. I mean, you have to be logical, like you. And so I'm like, see, whenever I make the logical moves, things just don't.

Pan out, you know, and thank you. No, thank you. Because it's one of those scenarios. And thank you for this, this line of dialogue. There's so many distinctions to unpack in this. You know, you bring up the point of presence, first of all, and I go, that's paramount. Most communication, only 7% is bubble linguistics. The rest of it is actually energy, timbre, pace, inflection, voice. And I would actually say energetic. And when we've all experienced that person, you're like, oh, we haven't seen them in a long time, but they walk in the room and all the energy just goes, right. You're like your reticular activating system just goes bing. And you're like, wait, what? Wait, we were just having a conversation. Where'd you go? And it had nothing to do with the conversation. It had to do with energetic center and gravity that some people, and they're not even doing it intentionally, it's just they have this gregarious, uplifting being, and that frequency that they're resonating at is kind of like a beacon. And when it gets, you know, when it goes off, all the fireflies go to it. It's like, you're not the only one.

It's like, right, it transmits. Definitely does.

It does. And one of the challenges has become. Is that when people start living in frustration or aggravation, their. Their harmonic resonance just drops to the floor. I mean, it becomes so low. Self pity, self doubt, self loathing, indecision, discretion, procrastination. To what your point was, where focus goes, energy flows. Jim Quick, who I love, he's a dear friend and just. He's such a. Such a witness about him. And he said this, and he goes, listen, Chuck, it's real simple, man. He goes, when you're focusing on something and you're doing something, the minute you go, shiny penny, you lose 85% of your efficiency in that millisecond. So when you said two or three things going on, my mind was like, okay, the math real quick. I go, you're screwed. Sorry, technical term. It's like, you're going, okay, I'm not going to do anything. Well, at this point. So someone said, well, give me an example. I said, have you ever played rock, paper, scissor with someone? And they're like going, yeah. And I go, who's the person that wins? They go, they're the person that gets right in your face, and they're looking right in your eyes and they're ro. Shambo. You know, and you're like, I didn't even mean to put paper out there. Like, are you Jedi mind tricking me? But the deal is they're so certain and they're so focused that you get drawn into their gravity as well. And this happens with people where we go, I was manipulated. And I go, no, you are a victim of someone else's certainty.

Yeah. Oh, and. And those people are the people who are attracting the right. You know, the people who like to say beacons. Right. Yeah, I have. You know, I really love the game of energy. I think everything around us is energy. But the sad reality is we don't. We're not even in tuned with it.

No.

So, yeah, you. You can enter. You can enter a party, you can enter a house, and you're like, whoa, like something just went down. Or you could be like, oh, my God, it's gonna be a wonderful event. Like, you just know as no one has spoken to you, you open the door and everybody can. You kind of know. And I think that's what that is. Those people, though, they. It's very intentional. They've done the work. They're growing because they want to. Right. It's not like they woke up one day and they were like, oh, yeah. People just get attracted to me.

Right. And there's another side to it, too. There are some people, they just committed to living in that state. Like, that's just who they are. You know, we meet people and you're like, on. They are freaking happy all the time. Like, they're smiling, they're having a great time. And they go, that's what I love about this. Like, I love this engagement with you. I feel you. I know who you are, girl. I mean, it's like. And be like, really? Do you think you know me? It's like, oh, yeah. Why? Because I can feel it. You can, too. And there's a difference when you have synergy with people, and then when you, like, go ahead, boy, I'm really struggling here to find, like, you know, a lifeline. Like, I'm looking for a piece of dental floss. That's hanging down. It's like, okay if I just grab this? Okay, be all right. I'll just hold on to this for the entire conversation. There's other people. I go, oh, we could. It's. There's floss everywhere. Pick one. Like, what do you want to talk about and why? Said, it's real simple. When you care, you share. And there's this ideology that when people get self serving. I've seen folks that are really good at, you know, faking it till they make it. Then I've seen the ones that face it as they make it, and these are the progressions of existence. And I go, then actually till they get to where they believe as they achieve. And they go, oh, wait, that's a progression. I said it is. There's only one challenge. If you're constantly living in the fake it mode and then you feel that's your recipe for success. You don't even face it because when you start, when it starts to get a little uncomfortable, they drop back down to faking it. That's their, that's their, their sop. And I go, boy, that is a terrible strategy.

It is. Because you've now reached a ceiling. You've kept yourself right, because you're like, I faked it for 17 years and now I made it. This, this is it. Like, do. What do I do from here? How do I start faking it again? Like, do I? But the whole point, like, you know, my coaching company is called Tawakkal coaching. And the word tawakal is an Arabic word which literally means having faith in something greater than.

There you go.

And so, and, and that greater than for you could be the universe, God, a greater version of you, your best self, whatever that, whatever that dialogue is. And I truly believe that people have so much more, and I have faith for them, right? I'm like, I can see you three months, three months, three months later, someplace that you can't even imagine. Just show up and do the work. Just, just, just commit to yourself that you're gonna, like you said, face it, not fake it, face it. Because in face is where there's so much discovery, there's so much growth, and there are perspective changes. And that's where you're like, oh, wait, I've done that like, like every single day. I've cooked for my family every single day. And I figured out that it's so exhausting. And now I just cook like four meals on the weekend. And yeah. And I'm like, okay, let's divvy. Up. And then sometimes in the week I just feel like cooking, so I cook additional meals. And you're just like, and this woman is now, or this man is now, like, I can free up a few hours of my life. Hey, you know, and it's, and it's that simple shift where you start to see now a happier mother, a happier wife, you know, a happier sister because she actually has a time to get on the phone with you versus saying, oh, I gotta get home from work, then I gotta cook, then I gotta clean, then I got kids and I have bedtime and the list goes on and on.

Yeah.

But if you can just say, oh, you know what? Today I come home and I, I thaw the food or I warm up the food. That's a 10 minute job. I got 50 minutes. Like, like I can actually just sit here and like stare at the wall or read a book or pick a hobby.

And that's, that's something that is such an underrated engagement. And thank you for bringing that up. Oh, you, you're brilliant. It's. It, it becomes one of those scenarios. I go, I just vegged out. And I go, good. They go, no, no, I wasn't productive. I, you know, I, I just cut a space. I go, well, you weren't watching a bunch of like crazy stuff on TikTok, right? You didn't get sucked into that vortex? I go, no, okay. I said, so what did you do? And they go, well, I actually just decompressed. I said, oh, you experience freedom. You experience existing and resonating in your own frequency for a moment. They go, oh, that sounds very esoteric and very woo woo. Okay, but how do you feel? They go, relaxed. I go, great, once. I know actually two things. Time is the constant burn rate. That's number one. You get 24 hours, that's it. And then the clock resets. You don't get to amortize, you don't get to accumulate hours. It doesn't work that way. The second one is, is that where focus goes, energy flows. And so if you're in a constant state of stress, if you're in constant pressure, yes, you can face it as you make it. But as your point, you realize that cooking those four meals on a weekend, and now you get to faith it as you make it, because you're like, hey, the meals are in the fridge, they're in the freezer, they can be warmed up, the kids aren't going to starve. There's plenty of stuff. And plus, we've got Chipotle. On speed dial. So this is easy to do. We can make it where we actually have conveniences without changing our standards. You gotta go, wait, I guess I'll have a high quality meal. And I go, is Chipotle a high quality meal? And I go, depends on what you eat. I'm not judging, But I go McDonald's or. And for you there's this brilliant distinction that I know you know, that you know, but some of our viewing audience may not have realized this. And that was in slowing down, you get to speed up. Oh, yeah, right. Because this is the one universal bad guy. And let me. I'm going to put this very succinctly. It's not the stress that you choose, it's the stress that you relinquish to. And there's a difference. The stress that you take on in your growth. It's like, I'm going to go ahead and create some muscle by having some resistance in body, mind, spirit, emotionally, spiritually, physically. I go, that's a different modality. When we start becoming under pressure, so we succumb to just the cumulative pressure of all these different things. I go, that's what creates cancer, that's what creates disease with human. And this is when the free radicals and, you know, autoimmune responders start to kick in. This is where we start to see people having blood pressure, prediabetes, and all these other things.

So kind of going back to what you said, you know, just kind of being, just kind of being like you just rejuvenated, you found some freedom. I often think about how much life has changed and I love the evolution, I love the technological advancements that we as humanity has made. But we've lost the simplicity of life.

Yes.

And I'm a very simple person. I was like, like literally, I just, I want simplicity to be so appreciated, you know, and so we. My joke, my coach and I were joking, like, let's bring simple, like, you know, you know, it's like, let's bring like simplicity back. And I'm like, yeah, let's bring it back. So back in the day, you know, our grandparents, our parents, they would walk a lot, they'll walk a lot. And walking is such a beautiful place to be because now you're pondering, you're reflecting, you're noticing, you're engaging and you're actually creating memories and you're, you know, your mind is a database. It's like storing all this stuff.

Sure.

And you don't know when you pull from that, you don't Know when the walk three months ago now connects with something today and you're like, bam. Like, that's what I gotta do. That simple action, you know, and simple. Something simple, right? Like if you're walking around the neighborhood, you know where people are at, you'll be like, oh, yeah, like back in the day when you're in Pakistan, you're like, oh, those uncles or those, those really old men will sit there at six o' clock every single day and they're going to have their tea. You know, you're going to see they're going to be 20 kids going on bicycles around this area. And that's just how it is at this time when you walk, you actually start to stimulate your mind in a very beautiful state, right? Because you're not jogging and running to get someplace. You're just being. And I'll often say this where, you know, Deepak Chopra, intelligent being, like, you know, hopefully one day we'll get to meet. He says, you know, when did we go from human beings to human doings?

Exactly.

And for the world that we live in now, being is very uncomfortable because then you gotta face this monster, right?

Oh, well. And I love what he says because the, the essence of a human being is, is that you're a being of light. You're made of proton, neutrons and electrons. And so each one of those is a measurement of energy and light. So if we're all made of the same stuff, then how can we be so different? Number one, number two. And I said, because it's actually very simple. The differences are your experiences. Your life is the culmination of all the experiences that you get to have and accumulate. That. That's your life. That's, that's your timeline. You can have these little dots, blueprints, sometimes they're big bubbles. But I was reminded of this, and thank you for bringing up, you know, the man Chopra, this concept of, in today's environment, like AI we just came back from the summit in Dubai, as I'd mentioned to you prior to us hopping on all about economics. But here's the deal. It's about the technological advancements that are shortening the time span of the learning process. And yet it's. And so here's the difference, though. It's taking it and artificially integrating it in where you still get to physically engage so you can be walking in place, kinesthetically engaging yourself so that the cellular resonance and memory of everything that comes into you. So it's no different than when you get a therapeutic massage and someone's massaging. All of a sudden, someone will start crying. I don't even know where that came from. It came from a memory and experience something that happened that's been stored cellularly in your body. And when it releases that energy, that frequency is let go. And people are like going, oh, this really conversation for, you know, all the people living in the first, second, third, fourth dimension. I go, okay, we're going a little fifth. Stay with us. It'll be okay. And the truth is, this comes. You mentioned, I'm bringing. That is. Many people don't even understand why they feel the way that they feel. They have an expectation, they have an outcome goal. But the brain is such a screwy, you know, device, and it only works in binary. So it's like pass or fail. That, like, that's the light switch. There's no fader on this. It's either lights on, lights off. And so when you're talking about that family unit of creating synergy, I go, I love this because it's Prince with a laser foot. Like a laser to things that are going on by comparison to going, what if we just turn on the lights so that everyone can see everything that's around us? Instead of, okay, Johnny, you know, five members of the family. Johnny, Susie, Marky, you all get a laser. Mommy and Daddy get a laser, too. Go ahead and look around the room in the dark and try and find exactly what it is you're looking for. The top five things. It's like you may or may not hit the target because it's so myopic. But this is the way to your point. That's what questions do if they're so specific that you don't have any leeway.

Mm.

Turn the light. We're like, all looking around and going, okay, wait, that's where those socks went. I have been looking for that other right sock for the last six months. You know, that's just me, of course. And so when we start looking around the room, all of a sudden it's like going, wait, something new. Things that weren't even in your radar. All of a sudden it's like, happiness, joy, connection, laughter, right? And it's like, wow, we could all stand with. To your point. Gosh, I love this conversation with you simplifying. We don't need. We don't need a laser. We don't need to be a sniper. We don't even need just a light flood weight.

And it's a lot of it has to do with kind of going back and really Understanding, like, why did you start a family? Why? Yeah, you know, and I think often people don't know why. They were like, well, it was kind of the next thing. I mean, I got married or I found somebody, and then the next thing is you just have a kid and you're like, really? And so. Exactly. And so I often will. Will kind of be like, okay, well, if you didn't have a plan then, then maybe now is a good time to define that plan.

Love that.

Why do you. Why do you want to continue to invest in your family? What is the future that you see in your family when you are in your deathbed? How do you want to imagine them showing up? What do you want to leave behind for them? And these simple conversations, even though they seem like they're so upfront front, there are such quick ways of getting you to where you need to go, you know, to be like, okay, well, hypothetically speaking, you know, you're now 75 years old, right? And you are in the room, and now who do you want in this room? And the doctors have said, you know, this is, this is the last few breaths you're going to get. Who's in this room? And then this, you'll start to see them say, and most of the time it's their family members, their close friends, close relatives, you know, people that they actually love and care. Okay, like, what do you want them to. To know about you? What do you want them to leave behind?

Right?

And it really starts to simplify a lot of things. And the sad reality is the kids don't feel that. The spouse doesn't feel that because that door has been so closed to just like, I got to do this and do this and do this and do this or just be. Or like, you know, the, the fact that we don't really prioritize family, we say the most important. That's what I always say. You say it's the most important thing. Most important thing. But how do you prioritize them?

For many, well, they'd like it to be the most important thing, but it's not what they need the most. And this is where their identity starts to come in. It's like, where is your significance being met? Where's your certainty, your uncertainty, your love and connection, your growth and contribution? I go, the six human needs aren't a joke. It's like, these are. They need. There's some satiation that needs to occur. But I was chuckling a little bit because when you go, oh, yeah, so they have a baby because that's what you do. And I go, yeah. And some of them, they go, oh, and if we just have two or three more, it'll be even easier because then they'll keep each other company. And I'm like, going as the father of three, a boy, and then two girls. Okay, no, it didn't work that way. And for Julia and I, we've been together now, I can say happily, 36 years, and it's, you know, well, I'm married up. You. You know this already. It's like any guy, any woman who's going to stay with a guy for that long, they go, oh, she's amazing. And I go, huh? She is. And she knows it. And. But to your point, we made it. We made it a priority because there was a point in our life when the kids were the priority. And it was a. I don't want to state it this way, but I'm going to state it this way because in hindsight now, the reality of it is it was a mistake. Here's why. They learn love by modeling. They learn love by seeing public displays of affection, what real communication looks like, what prioritization looks like. And when a child knows that they're the priority over the spouse, there's a shift. And the shift that happens is that, okay, I get what I want, and this is how I get it. And we made it very well known that dad's gonna be hugging on mom. We're gonna hold hands. I mean, to the point where the kids are like, oh, they're at it again. And it's like, here's the truth.

Yeah.

They. None of our three kids have entered into any kind of superficial relationships. They have all been where they're like, you know, good. I don't need to headlong into, you know, this commitment with someone. And it's been refreshing to see because when we've asked them why and they're like, on energy wasn't right yet, you know, just. It's not the right person. I go, great, because you're not looking for everyone. You're looking for the right one.

Yeah. And I think often we really don't understand the. The value of role modeling.

Yes.

I think most parents are not consciously role modeling, you know.

No.

Because if we did, we would start doing 70 of what we do. You know, people, I. I talked to this. You know, I was talking to a family, was working with the family, and actually, I have a family. Let's go to group. Because I do group coaching with adolescents, and that's like my. I'm like oh my God. Like they inspire me so much. These little humans are like freshmen and sophomores and I have programs built out, you know, the all through adolescents. And what they will say is, well like my mom's always yelling at me but expecting me to be really respectful.

Right.

Or they'll say that regardless of what I do, I still feel like I haven't done enough. Right.

The do as I say new footprint. Right, Exactly.

And so that's the challenge is really trying to understand for these children that you know, honestly it's not your fault.

Right.

It's really not. But they think it is because they're like last time she told me to come home and not get on tech and like even eat a snack and then like do my homework. And I, and, and then I did my homework and then after did my homework I got, got on tech and now she's yelling at me because it's 5:30 and I'm already on tech because she thinks I don't do my homework. So he's like, well did I do something wrong? Like what could I have done better? And you start to have these children doubt their own abilities.

Yes.

And the conversation from the parents actually take away any confidence that they have any sense of self, that they have any aspirations that they have. Because the parents in their way is already limiting the child who I can see as like transforming the world. One day I'm like, if you keep doing what you're doing, like the world is gonna reward you in ways you can't imagine.

Yes.

Yet you know, parents, we, we put our kids in a box and this box may be a little bit bigger than the box that we grew up in, but it's still in the box.

Right.

I need you to shatter that box. I mean like there's no box. Right. We want it to be full, loosey, goosey, full slime. Like for one day you're really high up, the other day you're down. One day sideways, it doesn't really matter.

Total divergent existence.

Right?

Yeah. I mean it's like.

Exactly.

Because you bring up this is so brilliant. You bring up this point which is huge and that is the child is looking for the parents affirmation. They just, they just, they just want to feel valued. And it's validated.

Exactly.

Validated, acknowledged, appreciated, understood. And it's a sad conclusion when I see a lot of young adults who withdraw and run away. And some do it by running off to college or they go to a boarding school and they go, don't worry I'll be gone anyway. Or they're, like, going to spring break and they're taking off, and it's like, okay, what's the difference? Well, it's actually really simple. They have this need to feel connected. And the reason why they're going outside the family unit is that the top five people that they're looking for to resonate with, they can't resonate with. So they go to. This is why gangs became so prolific. This is. You know, when you think of that time, latchkey kids, they're just looking for a community, looking for a place to belong, common interest. So if it was dancing, art, graffiti, whatever the case might be, or in this case, colors. And it's like going, huh, Interesting. And I actually had someone, they go, oh, Chuck, come on, that's silly. And I said, go back in history. Yakuza tongs. I said, you can go back to religious sects. I said, the Crusades. They had colors, they had insignias. They had, you know, there's insignias and seals, and they wore them like a badge of honor. The same thing. Because they were all seeking to be a part of something bigger than themselves.

Somebody. And it comes down to, like, the simplicity of, like, humans just want to be accepted, you know? So Oprah Winfrey will say this all the time. She's like, I have done 30,000 interviews, and never once has someone as an interview finished, and they have not said, was I good enough? Did I do well? Should I do something differently? And she's like, all they want is a sense of acceptance and validation. And these people are already crushing it at their game. Right. These people are like, you would be. Like, their success is just like they're walking in success. But it's this innate. This innate desire as humans that am I accepted for who I am? And these kids don't feel that way.

That's right.

So if they don't feel that way, ought to be at this age, Imagine how much deeper it's going to get as they continue their journey into life.

Well, especially with social media and, you know, the. The manifestation of, like, a royal family, like the Kardashians. And you go, are they really role models? Do they have values? Granted, they have skill. They've been able to amass tons of money and manipulate social media and do different things. And they go, oh, don't hate the player. Hate the game. And I go, well, you're writing the game. And so what's happened is, is that now we have this artificial conflation what success looks like to your point, Oprah? 30,000 interviews and they keep coming back with the same thing, hey, am I good enough? Well, the answer was you wouldn't have been here if you weren't. And yet by everyone standard of success because you have the plane, trains, automobiles, you know, the rings, the watches, the house that you're set. And I go, and you said it best, Emory. When someone is on their deathbed, does the Rolex make a difference? Does the Bugatti in the driveway make a difference? Does the, you know, Boeing BBJ on the Runway? No, it's the people in that room, the memories that you have, the energetic center that you feel and the connection that you get to engage with with another human being. It's. Everything isn't.

Kind of goes back exactly to what we started off with, right? A life by design. It's intentionality. You're in pursuit of your best self, your best life. And that's the intention that you have. And that could be in your career path, that could be in finishing this project, that could be in getting. Passing a test for kids. It doesn't really matter what it is right at the end of it, it really just comes down to like, what do I want to aspire to be? How would I know? I did this to my best. How could I sleep tonight not having a regret?

And you get to choose how you need to feel Most often you do, irrespective of what's going on in the universe. I could speak to you forever. Like, seriously, this is important, but I know we're wrapping up the show right now. And so I just want to remind everyone to check out coach Umberine. She is amazing. We'll make sure that when this post we will actually put in how to connect with you. And thank you for your time. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're a gift.

Thank you for having me. Brilliant conversation. You're very intelligent, man. I love the connect. So amazing.

This is beautiful for all of us. Thank you. I'm going to remind everyone the show can also be heard on the Spanglish Radio network. Please check out Spanglish World for all the news, all the programming. Spanglish World. Watch it, hear it, read it, download it, all the best.