Arm Yourself Against the #1 Confidence Killer!

Get ready, because everything is about to change. There's a new way of living life and doing business that will blow your mind. This is a podcast all about the timing of life and the timing of success. It's what we call the Right on Time Life. And you are listening to the Right on Time podcast with Amber McHugh. Hey. Hey. Welcome back to the Right on Time podcast. Boy, did that feel weird to say. I almost said the Modern CEO podcast. But we are stepping into a new decade. Hello, 2020. And we're changing things up here on the podcast. We're moving to the Right on Time podcast from the Modern CEO Podcast. Now, if you are a part of our community and you receive my emails From Amber Amber McHugh.com you can grab those emails@amber McHugh.com as well. You know that this change has been in the works for a little while. That's why we stepped away, didn't record some episodes for a bit, went on a little bit of a hiatus to redefine how we want to show up and how we want to connect with you and how we can best serve in this community, in the world, you know. So at a micro level and at a macro level, I stepped back and I started to evaluate, you know, where am I going? What is it that I want to be doing? And I firmly believe when you have a nudge, when you have a voice in the back of your head that is constantly chiming in and suggesting that maybe not so subtly that you make a change, that you gotta listen. And that's what being right on Time is all about. So here we go. Right on time. We are here practicing it, asking for lessons from the universe along the lines of patience and surrender, for me specifically. And we're gonna share more about this idea of living right on time as we move through this new season and this new era on the podcast now going forward, there will actually be guest interviews as well. So it's gonna be a little bit solo, a little bit guest, a little bit combo. And we're really excited for what's to come. And I wanna invite you to wherever you are in life right now, I want you to know it is right on time. And whatever nudge you have, whatever calling, whatever voice in the back of your head about making a change or doing something different in your life, this is your sign. It is your time. And as we step back into the Right on Time podcast, and maybe because I went on a little bit of a hiatus, I'm feeling a little bit nervous and on that hiatus, something called imposter syndrome kicked in in a big way. Have you ever experienced that before? You know, I don't know that I've experienced in my life so consciously as I have in the last, let's say, four months. So that's what we're gonna dive into today. But before we do, I wanna invite you, if you get a nugget out of this episode, I would love to hear from you. If you could leave a review sharing your takeaways and if you wanna subscribe, I am so thrilled to be on this right on time journey with you. So it hit me as I was on this hiatus resetting and thinking a little bit about what's the strategy that we're gonna step into. And even though I had the nudge, even though it's been in the back of my head for a while, even though I've been talking about this shift for about a year, it's still scary. And there was an incident in the last four months when I was talking to my eight year old daughter and I thought to myself, oh my gosh, I'm getting all mom on her. And I don't even feel like I have the credentials. I don't even feel like I'm mom enough to be getting all mom on her. It was the weirdest thought that popped into the back of my head and I thought, what is this? Like, sometimes it's real, sometimes it's not real. But you've got to explore it because it's there and it might be holding you back from doing something you are meant to be doing. I have been a mom for 22, 21, 21 plus a little bit years. My oldest daughter, yes, is in college. I had her my freshman year, Christmas break of college. So I've been mom in it for a long time. Do I love being a mom? Yeah. I even like being a mom. Do I love spending time with my kids? Absolutely. I love hanging out with my kids, my three girls. And I love the family dynamics, you know, we are very much about that. And it's so weird that I was Talking to my 8 year old and as I was going all mom, as I am calling it, getting all mom on her, I thought, who am I to be mommy when I'm feeling like a fraud over here? And it was the oddest, most surreal feeling I had felt in a long time. And I've never had this idea, I've never so much felt like a fraud as I had in a long time. And I started exploring, wait a second, is this something that's playing out in your subconscious that, thank goodness it's being brought to the surface now, so you can address it and you can step into it and move beyond it. So I started to research and explore this idea of imposter symbol syndrome. And I came across a little quiz which I will link up for you in the show notes here if you want to take the quiz, too, and see where you may or may not fall on the imposter syndrome scale. And boy, y', all, my imposter syndrome score from this particular assessment was off the charts. Like, not even in the middle. Not even in the middle of the high. And I was like, all the way high, pretty much not 100%, like, 99% in that space of imposter syndrome. And then I started to think, like, where else are you feeling imposter syndrome? But you haven't recognized it before, you haven't explored it before. And as I did that, I thought, well, you're probably experiencing it with the podcast. You're probably experiencing it as you study, step into a new way of doing business and a new level of business right in. In the podcast, historically, and in my career and in my business, I talk a lot about stepping into the role of CEO and really taking leadership of our business and of our lives. And I do that. I live it. But I am currently stepping into new levels of leadership because my team is kicking butt, and my team is incredible, and they are pushing me and they are challenging to take things to new heights. My colleagues are doing incredible things, and they are pushing me and challenging things to look at life different, to look at how I do business different. And it excites me and it motivates me, and it scares the bejesus out of me. And there's a little bit of imposter syndrome coming up. You know, it recently came up as well. I recognized when I was speaking at a parent event, I'm a part of our parent community link or our pts UTA here in Ethiopia. And I was speaking at an event, and I noticed there was a total sense of calm in my voice. Actually, the last two events that I spoke at, total sense of calm in my voice. And I thought, whoa, that's different. Because just three events ago, four events ago, five events ago. Well, three events ago, I didn't want to speak. I'm like, mariko, can you take this today? She's like, I got it. Yeah, no problem. And four events ago, I had a little shake and a little shimmy in my voice. Have you ever experienced that or felt that when you're speaking, when you're asking a question in an audience, when you are stepping up and standing tall and saying something, and there's a quiver, just a little bit of a quiver. Where did that come from? That's not me. I don't need to quiver. I am not feeling any worry or concern, and I am confident about what I'm doing right now. So it was a big aha for me that I stood there with no quiver, and that was progress. And that reminded me, like, you are not an imposter. This is imposter syndrome that sometime creeps up. And I continued the journey to dive into. What is it, to be an imposter. And to be an imposter may mean that you have feelings of inadequacy even though that you have evidence of success. And you have the know how. One study shows that 70% of successful people feel like an imposter at some point. You are not alone. And I'm going to argue as we're chatting here today. Then it takes some guts to admit that you're feeling like an imposter, right? Or that you've ever felt like an imposter before. So I come to you today being a little bit vulnerable. And I come to you today if you've ever felt like an imposter, I want you to know you are not alone. And I'm gonna share some strategies that I've used over the years. Didn't even know this was something that I was addressing. But I'm gonna share some strategies I've used. And I want to invite you to consider and I want to share some of the signs with you that, hey, you may be feeling a little bit of imposter syndrome. If you've ever said any of these things to yourself before or if you've ever felt any of these things. You ready? We're going to dive in now. So signs you might have or be experiencing imposter syndrome, feeling like success is no big deal. Oh, no big deal. Oh, yeah, we're doing well. It's no big deal. No big deal. It's nothing. It's nothing. Feeling like you are a fake or you are not the real deal, blaming that success you may have experienced over time or maybe experiencing right now on luck. I just got lucky. Maybe you work extra to prove your worth. Oh, this was so me in corporate. I was such the workaholic, and I was doing it to prove I've got this. You don't have to worry about this. I know what I'M doing right. It's all good in my hands. I'm going to take care of it. I'm going to try and take care of all of it. Ha. Maybe you feel like you haven't earned your success. Are you constantly seeking out more training, more education, more certifications? Are you addicted to validation and not necessarily the work itself? Yeah, I have felt a little bit of all of this at some point in the entirety of my career. So I didn't know it, but over the years, I've been building in strategies to overcome imposter syndrome so I could build my confidence, even though I'm a fairly confident person. But I needed to build that up more and feel that internal alignment so I could keep moving forward and step away as I have over the years from workaholicism. And I shifted to I really love the work. That one's. I'm a little. I'm totally was addicted to validation and confirmation and I was addicted to the work a lot. I love what I do, but there's more that I wanna be doing that I was holding back on. And I sometimes do not seek validation or confirmation of what I'm doing because I don't want the answer. I don't wanna know. I don't wanna be assessed. I don't wanna be question like, how you doing over here? I don't wanna be criticized. Right. So I've held back on some of that and that was all due to imposter syndrome. So you're going to see a couple changes even in this episode. So if you are experiencing any bit of imposter syndrome, how do we work through this? How do we move through this so we can take things to the next level? That nudge, that calling, that voice in the back of your head that's saying, you've got this, there's something more you need to be doing, but you're not stepping into it yet. Well, you are right on time to start stepping into it. And let's see if any of these strategies that I have for you to move through imposter syndrome can help. Now, we talked a little bit about one of the signs that you may be feeling imposter syndrome being seeking out more education, more certifications, more training. I want to invite you to practice something that I learned about in my MBA program called Just in time Learning. This is really stepping in to get that new skill right when you need it right. Not thinking, in five years, I'm going to need this skill. In four years, I'm going to need this skill or just collecting knowledge and data and information for the sake of it. Right. But to practice the skills and to go get the learning for what you're going to implement right now, right, so you can continue to practice what you are learning in real time. When my imposter syndrome kicks in, I sometimes feel like I have to do it alone. I love collaborating with people, you know, from what we've talked about here on the podcast, that I believe in building a team and getting leverage out of everyone so that we can all operate in our zone of genius. But I still have a tendency to take on things and to struggle, strategize on my own from time to time. I have incredible mentors, I have incredible colleagues and friends and teammates that I reach out to. But I'm not gonna lie, even I don't do it enough. So recently, actually, in the last week, I've got two speaking engagements that are coming up in the first half of this year. I'm like, you know, I really wanna do these well, like incredibly well. And I wanna get some help so that I can make it even better, beyond myself better. So I reached out to a friend and said, I got these two things coming up. How can you help me? And sure enough, I got some help. So that felt like a big accomplishment and something I'm really excited to step into. Speaking of getting some help, it's also not a bad idea when you're feeling a little bit of imposter syndrome to give some some help. This is something I use regularly when I'm feeling jealous of someone else's success, when I'm wondering about my own skills, and certainly when I have imposter syndrome, I get in community and I help someone. For example, I'll pop into my Facebook group and I'll help my clients. I'll pop into other people's groups and I'll help their clients, my colleagues, my peers. I will reach out to someone and say, hey, I noticed you doing xyz. If I can help you in any way, let me know. Because it reminds me I have to get intentional and I have to think, who could I help today? Or I have to go into a group and see, is there anyone I can help today at all? Do I have anything to offer? Do you have anything to give? Oh, yeah. And you know you've got something to give, right? And that's just a moment in time, validation, like, yep, yep, yep. Okay, all right, Maybe I do. Maybe I do know a thing or two about what I am doing. I also want to invite you this one's a little bit unique and a little bit different, especially if you're an entrepreneur, because you may not update your resume all that often. But I want to invite you to review your resume of experiences and qualifications. Even if it's not a formal, traditional resume. I want you to look at the things that you have accomplished and the things that you have done. This is a total confidence booster and it will help you see very clearly that you know what's up and you are not a fraud and you are not an imposter. This was really eye opening for me. In my past, I've worked a lot on resumes. I've written a lot of bios, I've written a lot of intros for, for people when they were starting in new roles and things that were used for press releases as well. And when I would write those bios and those intros and those announcements for people, they would come to me and say, you made me look really good. Like, wow, wow. I'm impressing myself reading the bio that you wrote for me. And I thought I didn't do anything, I didn't call out anything that wasn't there. But how often do we stop to really look at our skills and our quality qualifications and our experiences and look at the evidence that we have in front of us that demonstrates, you know, what's up, my friend? All I did is I pulled from their resume and I put it into a compact summary and overview so everybody could see, like, this person knows what they're doing. So you need to reach out to them, you need to start collaborating and connecting with them. But it also served as an incredible reminder to the individual that they know what's up, they know what they're doing, and that's why they were brought onto this incredible team. So we're adding great talent to a team of great talent to multiply the impact of the company's efforts. And that was always a lot of fun. The other thing that I would do on and off is I remember doing this with my dad, my sister, my friends, colleagues, is look at their resume and help them rewrite things so that their skills and their experience were showcased in the best light. Because so often we don't showcase our own experiences in the best light, in part because the imposter syndrome kicks in and plays in the back of your head. So if you're not seeing it for yourself, reach out to someone who loves you and knows you well and have them take a look and share about your accomplishments with you. And that might feel like, ego's kicking in, right? Like, I don't want to ask someone to help me highlight my successes and my experience. Experiences. And, you know, what do you see about me that's positive? Do it. Do not hesitate. That's what friends are for. That is what your colleagues are there for. They see things in you that you cannot see in yourself. So work it and leverage and step into those relationships and get a little bit vulnerable and finally talk about what you feel as much as what you have done. As important as I believe that it is to look at your actual skills and the actual evidence of what you've done. When we're talking about imposter syndrome, it's okay to look at what you're feeling as well, because you start to peel back that onion. Just like I started doing over the last few months that we were on this hiatus and I started to examine and look at why am I feeling that way? Way. What am I actually feeling? And is there evidence to back it up? And in this instance, what comes to mind actually is the work of Byron Katie as well. Because when you start to examine those feelings that are coming up, right. Is it true? Byron Katie encourages us and invites us to ask the question, is it true? And that sort of leads me down a path. Well, no, that's not true. Am I a bad mom? Nope, not true. Do I not know what I'm doing? Nope, not true. There's a strategy, there's a thought process. I'm really intentional and I'm really present and mindful in most instances when I am mom in it or when I'm doing business. So where is this coming from? Is this feeling, is this belief, is this thought grounded in reality? And then Amber Ray takes it a step further and she not only questions, is it true? But she invites you to ask, is it useful? And some are like, no, it's not true. And it's not useful. Like, why am I dwelling in this space? I'm going to step into something else. Another thought, another belief, another idea right now and step further into the next person that I am becoming. I invite you today to embrace your strengths, your talent, your skills, and own it. Above all, go inside and remind yourself, you got this. You are totally worth it and you know what you are doing, even if it's a baby step. And we're going to talk in an upcoming episode, so we'll preview a little heads up about how those baby steps add up. You don't have to know every step you're going to take. You don't have to have all of the answers. You know what the next step is and those small steps add up and lead you to the next step and lead you to your bigger vision, goal, dream that you are working toward right now. As we wind down this episode, I want you to know we are so in this together and we are right on time. That nudge you feel to do something different in your business or your life, this is your sign to start taking action. You have what it takes and I'm right here with you continuing on this journey to watch for imposter syndrome popping up and trying to take me down. And I am continuing on this journey to overcome it. I just want to remind you, as I said at the beginning, 70% of successful people feel like an imposter at some point. In fact, HBR as they were digging into research and around imposter syndrome. High achieving, highly successful people often suffer from imposter syndrome and they found that doesn't equate with low self esteem or lack of self confidence. So imposter syndrome is a tricky thing. It's tricky. It's this feeling, it's this belief. And oftentimes real imposters don't experience or recognize imposter syndrome. So know that if you're feeling it, you are likely not right actually the fraud that you may be feeling like in any given moment. So keep on keeping on and let's do this. Let's take your business, let's take your life to the next level. We're just gonna move it up incrementally, bit by bit because you've got this. And it has been so wonderful to be back on the podcast here chatting with you today in our new space and our new conversation about all things right on time, which is really building on and taking things to the next level from where we were in the modern CEO podcast. If you've gotten something out of this episode, if you've enjoyed our conversation here today, I would love it if you would subscribe and pop up a five star review with your key takeaways from the episode. And oh yes, this is 100% me asking for a little bit of excellent external validation. Speaking of validation, as we did in this episode today, because I want to know that we're on the right track and I want to know that I'm being in service to you and it is just wonderful being on this journey with you. With that, I will catch you next time on the new Right on Time podcast. Sam.