The Power of a Belief Mindset

Get ready, because everything is about to change. There's a new way of living life and doing business that will blow your mind. This is a podcast all about the timing of life and the timing of success. It's what we call the Right on Time life. And you are listening to the Right on Time podcast with Amber McHugh. Hey.

Hey.

Before we dive into this podcast, which we are just going to dive right into, there are so many incredible Right on Time moments in this episode. So whether you are starting something new, whether you are an entrepreneur or a business owner, or ready to write a book, whatever it may be, there's going to be good stuff in this episode. So watch for your Right on Time moments. Do this. Introducing Miriam, the author of our book. Miriam, I am so glad you are here. We're going to dive right in. You wrote a fricking incredible book. From the first two sentences, it grabbed me. Can you tell us about this book?

Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. It was a work in Progress. So in 2020, I wanted to write a book. And I started off and I had the very naive idea that all I had to do was transcribe of my podcast episodes and that would be a book.

Someone did recommend that to me.

That's a self published book. That is not a traditionally published book. There's no way that would fly. And then toward the end of 2020, I realized that was a terrible goal. So, Amber, I know you're really into planning, so you can always be writing a book. That's why I decided that's a terrible goal. And the other thing that happened is I found out, well, with a nonfiction book, which is the direction I was heading in, you don't have to write the whole book to get a contract and an agent. You only need to write a proposal. I was like, ah, I can do that. That's my new goal for 2021. My goal is to get a publishing contract. And again, I was very naive. I thought that this would be easy, which actually for me it was. And that is only because I didn't know that it's hard for other people. You know how like the power of belief, like, you know, somebody rejects you, oh, that's okay, because I'll just get the next agent. You know, it's like you don't. Right, you're coming from that place. And that's why in that you're. We're talking about my book. Chapter one is choose to believe. Like that power of that.

That was big. That was big. And this is where it started. I was like. Immediately, I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And then they just keep going and going. But this belief and what you're talking about, I just shared a story when we were talking as well. Yeah, there might be a book someday. But, like, I don't know, like, right on time. Detachment from that outcome. Like, there will be something else. So it's interesting that you say it was easy for me. Do you think it Was that belief?

100%. Because I didn't know. I fully believe that I could. I could get a contract. I did. I was like. But, you know, I also. It wasn't just magical thinking. And you have this to Amber. I mean, we both have platforms. We both have frameworks for things that we teach. So those are the things that agents and publishers are looking for. So, yes, we have interesting stories, but no matter how interesting your life is, they don't want to publish your memoir unless you're Prince Harry. So you need to be giving someone, like, teaching them. But that doesn't mean they want a textbook, because that's super boring. So it's great to have interesting stories combined with prescriptive. So they call it prescriptive nonfiction, which you would be perfect at that. So I was sharing with you. My agent stalked you, was like, hey, what do you know about Amber?

Obsessed with that storyline. Because what I said to Miriam after hearing this was, it's so funny. Two days ago, no less than two days ago, I said to my husband, I'm really ready to dive into the book and the book idea that I have. I'm like, I don't know that that's the first one, but I need to be writing. But you said something as we were kicking off here.

Yeah.

You can always be writing. And you realize that was a. You can always be writing a book, and you realize that was the wrong goal.

That's right.

You speak more to that.

Yeah. So when you know with traditional goal setting, you want to know when you're done. Yeah, you can. And the thing with writing is you're never done. So even when I got the agent and going through the. They were sending me the third. What's called the third pass, where it's already typeset. And they said, oh, I reached out to the editor. I was like, I didn't get it yet. Oh, yeah, I forgot to give you. Here it is. But can you have it back on Thursday? It's like, no, I can't have it back on Thursday. But then they were like, yeah, but it has to go to Print. So then I realized I have to let this go. You have to put it out in the world. And so many of us and I talk about this in the book with our businesses, whether it's starting a podcast, whether it's. I work with artists, so whether it's starting to sell their art. We don't want to put things into the world until they're this beautiful adult. So you may not be at this part of the book yet, but I call this, like, Sleeping Beauty complex. So in the Disney movie, the fairies take the little baby, and they bring her into the woods. And the next time you see Aurora, she's this beautiful, fully grown, developed woman. No pimples, no braces. We never see any of that. So a lot of us want to do that with our businesses. We want to hide them until they're this beautiful, perfect, developed thing where we really have to bring all of it out into the world while it's evolving, while it's developing. And, yeah, I mean, I read my book. I believe it's a great book. But when I was reading the audiobook, there's a few moments I cringed. Oh, I would have done that a little differently. And that's very common. People feel that way about their work. So you can always be making it better. But at a certain point, you have to say, like, the Seth, go. Go. And just ship it.

Ship it. Yeah. That is so good. You mentioned something you were mentioning. We've got platforms, we built up communities, and still, though, I have doubts. And you talk about this in the book, Imposter Syndrome, Breaking Free. What is your take on. Well, number one, let's define imposter syndrome. And then to. How did you move through that? How did you ship it? Even though, like, all these doubts are coming up in my head right now.

Yeah. Okay. So this is a very important conversation, because the way we've described it up until now, I fully believed, and then I did it. And, you know, the angel Sam sucked. But here's what happened to me. I fully believed I would get an agent and that we would get a contract, and both of those. Those things happened fairly quickly. But then as soon as I signed the contract in June and they said, come back with a finished manuscript in December, I freaked. I was like, oh, they made a big mistake. I have no idea what I'm doing. None.

They're gonna find me out.

They're gonna find out, like, this is so horrible. And then even, like. And there was another time. So I put my money where my mouth is. I invested in My dreams. I hired a book writing coach to keep me accountable, kick my butt. And also I got some really good advice that I want to share with our listeners. And that is, I knew about shitty first drafts with books. And my friend Dr. Eric Maisel, who has been on my podcast, who's a creativity coach, he said, yeah, but Miriam, what you don't understand is that you have to be willing to write a shitty first book. And understanding that changed everything for me. So then my mantra was from that point on, ass and share ugly words. So it was just like, get it done. But there was a lot of times we're like, oh, this is so bad. I don't, I don't know what I'm doing. Even when I was finished, like, we had gone through the developmental edit, so I finished my manuscript. I felt good about it. I handed it in radio silence from the publisher for three months. And then they come back and the manuscript, like, looked like the scene in Harry Potter when he stabs the diary with the Basilic's fang and the ink is like, spurting everywhere. That's what I felt like it happened to my manuscript. So that was very traumatic.

I was going to ask, how did that feel?

No, I had to go back on antidepressants. It was like, it was really hard. You know, it's like, I don't, I don't know what the hell is going on. So, and then we got, we get through that. It changed me as a person. Person. Amber, writing a book, that's something people I don't know talk about. Enough is like, the best book that you will read is the one that you write because it will change you.

What change did you experience?

All right, so this is something I, I, I do talk about this in artpreneur. And that is people always think that they'll get more confidence from success. You get more confidence from following through on your commitments. And just having climbed that Mount Everest of writing a book changed me. Like, I had to confront those demons and to get, to become the person who could write the book. And I couldn't be that person before I wrote the book. I had to write the book to become that person who wrote, who can write a book by doing it?

Yeah, we gotta do it. We've gotta step in action on this stuff.

Yes. A lot of people think they procrastinate because they lack confidence, and it's the other way around. They lack confidence because they procrastinate because the, the whole definition of confidence is self trust. Whenever you don't do what you say you're gonna do, you erode your self confidence. Yeah. And every time you just do what you say you're going to do, it doesn't even matter what the outcome is.

I love this. And do you believe that it needs to be something big that you're doing or no, Just take a small step.

No does not have to be a big thing. Yeah, it's not. I mean, it's literally. Did you say you were going to eat a salad today and instead you got, you know, a hamburger? I mean, it's literally. That is why a lot of people at the end of a diet have so much more confidence. It's not because they have a better body. It's because they. What they say they were going to do.

That's good. That's good. I struggled with this for a long time. Probably still do. Sometimes our word is important and especially those commitments that we're making to ourselves, my family, friends, right. And I suffer from chronic migraines. And there are times I'm like, oh, I physically, like, I can show up for that. And I do show up many times when I have migraines because, okay, I can get through this. I can see the end. I can take a little bit of this and a little bit of that and pop an ice pack under my hat and I can get through. But it's not always necessary and it's not always helpful or healthy. So how do you balance when to show up and when to take a pause?

This is a really good point. You're bringing up Amber, especially if you're somebody who ran a business while you had children. So mine are my quote, unquote. Children are now 25 and 22. But, you know, I did raise a business when they were very young. And things happen, you know, that thing, you make plans and God laughs. You make plans and your kid gets the flu and forget everything. Now everyone has Covid or whatever it is, you know, so, like, everyone is strep. So it's not that you have to do things and push through no matter what, but you reschedule that appointment with yourself. So in your planning, if you said, at 10 o', clock, I'm going to work on my about page, and something comes up, like you have a migraine. You've rescheduled that appointment that you made with yourself the same. Same way you would if it was a dentist appointment.

That's good.

So it's still like, it's not that you're doing the things no matter what, and you're not you know, being unreasonable with the balance in your life. That's not what we're talking about. You're falling through in a commitment and you're treating it as like, yes, this is important to me.

This is good. End to end. End to end. You mentioned that you started, well, you started your business and actually I would love to hear that story from you. I certainly read it. But you started your business when it was at your daughter. Is your daughter your oldest? Yeah, yeah, when she was little. How did your business come about? How did you make that leap to no, I'm going to do something different?

My story, look, I like to give a collapse narrative but that's not really telling the complete truth. So I was working in a very fancy hedge fund with a very fancy paycheck and I needed to take some time off. I was disillusioned with what was happening but my intention was to go back. So I had saved money. I was kind of on my own self imposed extended maternity leave. My baby was a year old. I was thinking about going back to work and 911 happened. So I had worked in the World Trade center previously when it was bombed in 1993 and that was 30 years ago and most people don't remember that because it's been so eclipsed by 9 11, but I was in the Trade center when that happened and they were not completely honest with the people in the towers. They did not evacuate the nearby buildings and the power had gone out right after it had been bombed in my building. And we thought it was a Con Ed failure. That's what they told us. It's just like a power failure. My friend and I, we walked up 37 flights of stairs. Now anyone who's heard the story of 9 11, that is like a half buying things to think about that there's a terrorist attack and you're going into like ground zero basically. And when I get up to the 37th floor I look out and I now I can see what's happening out the window. I could see the helicopters, I can see people breaking glass, I can see the smoke. And my coworkers told me what was happening. We didn't really have cell phones then and they were still working, they were still working. That was the culture. And that's why when 911 happened we hear how they didn't evacuate the nearby buildings after the first plane hit. That's why it was this culture. So when 911 happened and I, I was on my, I was on my with my two babies and I saw what happened. I Just made kind of a Scarlet o' Hara promise to myself I was never going to go back to that no matter what. And I didn't quite know at first what that would look like. I had started painting on the side, but I didn't believe yet that I can make a full time living from it. So I also took a Pilates job and when I was working for the gym. So they know that you make more money from upselling the clients into personal training packages. So they spent a lot of time training as Pilates instructors. How do you sell these things? And when I was taking in this information, I was like, well, wait a minute. Why would I spend all this time selling a Pilates package? I can use the same thing to sell my portrait. And that's what I did. So I, you know, stopped working at the gym. And then I realized these are skills that I can learn and research and master. And I've become a lifetime student of that because this is how I made it was really learning. Marketing.

So unbelievable. The journey, the story, the skills that you transferred, I think that's something that, you know, as we're building our businesses, as we move from one career to the other or one business model to the other, you've got a lot of transferable skills to pull through there. And as I was reading your book, Wait a second. Artists from a very corporate, financial, data driven space. And then you threw in the Pilates. Oh, my gosh, the talent. How do you transfer from one thing to the other and ebb and flow between all these different identities?

Okay, so it's funny because I think it's almost all the same thing. But here's the thing. You talk about talent and a lot of. I didn't talk. I don't talk about talent at all in my book. And some people give me pushback, especially trolls on the Internet. Well, what about talent? I'm like, okay, what about it? Because we all know, Amber, we all know less talented people who are on the top of the bestsellers list or, you know, are famous artists or, you know, pop stars or whatever, industry coaches, you know, super. What do we call them, Influencers? Because it's not about talent. It's about mindset and marketing. It's about marketing. But you can't market well if you don't have a good mindset.

No. And I can imagine that would cause a little bit of like, oh, a little shift especially well in all spaces. But as I think about artists and I think about creation, like, oh, there is a talent there, which I so Admire when I walk through those art museums and the galleries and the shows, or even when I'm shopping on Etsy. But, man, if you're not marketing it to your point, we're not going anywhere.

Yeah, and here's where mindset comes in. Even from day one. So I've been on podcast interviews where the person says, well, I. Well, what? I mean, you know, they argue with me. I try not to do what I'm on a podcast. You know, it's like the host. But I'll tell you what I was secretly thinking in my mind. How about that? Okay, so she's. She's saying to me, well, I know I can't draw, and I don't. I'm not creative. You know, if I tried to do it, I wouldn't be able to as like, thinking myself like, no, you're just not willing to fail. So what we talked about in the beginning, about how my friend said, you have to be willing to write a shitty book. So in order to be a good artist, you have to be willing to be a bad artist first. Because the people who say, I just don't have talent, I'm not creative, I can't draw, they're not willing to fail first to get there. It's like anything else. It's like playing tennis. Like Venus Williams and Serena Williams, they weren't born knowing how to do a strong backhand. That took a lot of work.

You know, this is a little bit different tangent, but this thought just came into my head. Your book is called artpreneur, but you embody and share. I mean, number one, the stories just blew my mind. And then you have a framework for building, selling a business that I think apply to all of us. As I'm like, yep, yep, she got me, she got me. I do not have an art associated business. But all of it, all of it applies.

Well, it's. It's because to build an art business, you have to have the fundamentals in place of any business. Now, I'm writing this book for artists who. I mean, this is the book. I didn't have that I wish I had. But even when I listen to podcasts and you have people who come on and they're talking about the cheat, the, you know, weight loss and the cheat sheets. And artists, like, I don't get how this applies to me. So they think none of it applies to them. So this is like really helping creative people understand how it applies. And I'm a visual artist, but we really wanted this book to be for anyone Whether they have an Etsy shop or they're a ceramicist, or they're a photographer, or they're a writer that they can understand these business fundamentals.

So good. Do you remember? I'm sure you remember, there's a story early on in the book about a woman. I was looking for her name in my notes here, but I have so many notes. Like, I. I should have organized them better before. And she was selling her work in Baltimore for $19. $19. Like maybe making a couple hundred bucks a year. And then she started selling individual pieces for fourteen hundred dollars.

Yes. So. So this, this story was like, in the very beginning, and it is based on a real client. But I changed. Changed her name and details like her geographics and all that stuff, because she didn't want to be part of the book. But she really was selling art for $50 each. And she, her sister was encouraging her to do like a two for one deal. And so it was like, huge. And a lot of the work. In the end, when I talk about in the book, she's a woman of color. And I had noticed that her getting to the place of raising prices was more difficult for her than it was for my white clients or my male clients. And so I went to talk to Erica Cordai, who is a diversity, equity and inclusion specialist. And I said, I am seeing this. Tell me if this, you know, this generalization I'm making is true. She says, yeah, it's because you have not just a starving artist mindset, but you have a poverty mindset. Because there's a groups of people who are basically being told they're not worthy because of circumstantial evidence in the world, because their paychecks are smaller, because, you know, because all these things, their access isn't the same. The opportunities aren't the same. So. And we're being told not to take up space. So this is true for women. It's even more true for people of marginalized identities because it just isn't safe in the world to take up room. But what happens is that our dreams shrink and we start striving just for mediocrity. So you really have to recognize these forces that are acting on you that are causing you to play it safe. So, Amber, I'm really glad we brought this up because I wanted to go back to something you had brought up about your doubts. So, about your doubts of writing a book. Our brains have evolved for survival, not goal achievement. So how does this show up when we are feeling uncomfortable because we're Afraid of being rejected by an agent, we're being rejected by a publisher. Not being able to sell books, not being able to write a book, whatever it is. When we have any kinds of fears and we're uncomfortable, our brain wants us to be safe. They can't. They can't tell the difference between going out in the cave and getting eaten by a tiger or, you know, sending out proposals. So what will happen is we will come up with all kinds of reasons why this is a terrible idea, and it won't work for us. These doubts, and we don't perceive them as excuses. So that's why it doesn't make sense. When coaches say, stop making excuses, they don't feel like excuses. They feel real. That's right. It feels real. And the smarter you are, Amber, and the more creative you are, the better you will be at coming up with these bullshit stories.

I love it. Can you say that again?

The smarter you are and the more creative you are, the better you'll. You'll be at coming up with your bullshit stories. They'll be very convincing.

You're so convincing of yourself, and it happens so quickly.

That's right.

You may not even recognize it. So how do we recognize when those thoughts are coming up?

Yeah, it takes a lot of practice. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, but, you know, and that's why I do so much of this mindset work throughout the book. So. So, like, if you've ever thought to yourself, something like this, I can't sell now because it's a pandemic or a social justice movement or a looming recession. See, these are stories we're telling ourselves, and they're all or nothing thinking, like, nobody can sell, right? No, that's not true. You know, and the people who didn't believe that bullshit, they did really well in 2020. Some of us had our best years ever. While everyone else was hiding, we were like, Cha Ching, making money. So that's why I said, it's not about talent.

It's not. It's the marketing. It's the mindset, which you keep bringing us back to. And I'm so grateful for that. And as the recession was coming, right? Or conversation was coming about the recession current, I started reading like, all right, businesses that thrived in prior recessions and businesses that were born Airbnb, Slack. Right. Brands we know use hear a lot about these days, all born in challenging financial climates. So I. So this is part of my go to. When I hear that doubt creeping in, I'm like, oh, Let me check the data on that. Because I'm telling myself one thing is real.

Is it really?

Let me check it. Let me check myself. Nope, not true. Let's move on. Sometimes my brain will try and find a different story to replace that.

That's right. Like once you, you get rid of one story and it's like coming back to because we're good at it. When you're trying to decide whether or not to do something, write down your reasons and look to see is, are these all or nothing thinking, black and white thinking, Are you fortune telling? Are you mind reading? And what I like to share with my clients is when they're trying to choose between two choices, what we tend to do is because we're doing this fearful thing and coming up with why it won't work. The reason why it's so hard to make decisions is we're looking at two choices and we're thinking about all the reasons why choice A is going to be terrible, horrible, and all the reasons why choice B is going to be horrible. And now you're trying to decide between two terrible things. So of course you can't make a decision. So what you need to do is, is write down why everything about A is going to be fantastic. Like if I stay at this job, it's going to be wonderful, blah, blah, blah. All the things it's going to work out perfectly. If I leave my job and I go do this new business thing, it's going to be amazing. Here are all the things. Look at the two things. Decide what you rather what you want to do and do you like your reasons. Make sure you like your reasons for doing it.

I love this flip. Instead of looking at what can go wrong, make a list of why it will be flipping fantastic.

That's right. Go to the land where it's rainbows and daisies and it's perfect. And none of we don't do that. We tend to go to the other place with everything because we've evolved that way. Because that's how we stay safe. That's why we have a negativity bias. It keeps us safe. But keeping us safe also sacrifices our dreams.

My husband is so much better than this. We purchased land. It's his. Really. I'm a part of it, but he wanted it and he wanted to be in the area that we got at Wisconsin, very cold. And he said the other day, I'm working on the budget, I'm doing like the planning, the very rational risk. Okay, how has this worked? Scenario planning, not spending a Ton of time, but, you know, a little bit going on there. He's like, it's all going to work out, Amber. And he does this so well and so seamlessly. He's like, I got it. We got it. It's all good. Like, you're good over there. Keep pouring that into my brain. I'm just going to finish up the budget though. The balance. So how do you strike a balance? Because there is this choose believe mindset, and then there's also the reality of we're going to get you to making money. But this is the path, right?

That's right. So it's about starting before you're ready and taking those steps and being willing to fail. Like, you can't be like a little baby about it. Where the mom is never going to say to the baby, you fell down. I don't think this walking things for you. But as we grow up, our mothers say to us, you know, you know, Amber, I don't. I don't think figure skating is for you. I think. I don't know that you ever did anything like that. But. But you know, our parents want to keep us safe. So they're like, I don't know about that photography business or whatever it is that you're trying to do, but when we were little, when we're walking, that was okay. And in fact, the research shows that like little babies, when they pull themselves up after they fall, that's what strengthens their legs. So the falling down is actually what they need to do to strengthen. It's like doing a little squat to get up again. That's what they need to do in order to be able to walk. And it's the same thing with us. We need to fall down.

In the book, you in each chapter have marching orders for people.

Yes.

And I would keep you here. I am your new biggest fan. My marching orders for everyone who is listening are going to be go get Artpreneur. Dive into this book. Like, even. I don't even know if you want non artpreneurs in your world. But I think it's. I think it's for all business owners. I think there's a mindset there. You have frameworks. So those are my marching orders. Go get Artpreneur. What would your marching orders be for people who are in the middle of a shift wondering if they should step into that thing or not, or just knowing that there's something brewing? What do you. What are your marching orders?

So if you want chapter one for free, you can get that for Me so Schulman Art. S C H U L M A N A R T.com forward slash, believe. You will get chapter one absolutely free so you can get a taste of that and the types of things we talk about today. That's all what I talk about on the podcast, the inspiration Place all the time. So if you're not a visual artist, you can come find me there. Amber, we will let. We would love to have you on. By the way. I want to talk about how I end the book, which a lot of people don't get to this and that. The last chapter, and you'll notice every chapter is basically a mantra and it is in itself a marching order. So it's choose to believe. Take the first step. Start before you're ready. Love your buyer. Listen to understand Every single chapter title is one of these things you need to do. The last chapter is keep marching forward. So many people we're either walking, walking in place or we're blaming our boots, like the circumstances, for why things aren't working. You keep marching forward no matter what, whether the evidence may not seem to be working, and you going back to the very first chapter, you believe that it will and keep moving forward and making forward progress.

I want to read a quote that you have in the book to bring us to a close. As creatives, we hear those whispers from the universe asking us to answer the call. And our resistance to taking that leap of faith is a refusal to answer any final words on any of this. Anything. The quote, anything across the board.

Yeah. So many of us listen to that other voice, that voice that is whispering all those stories, those stories of doubt that are caused by our fear and override that fear and choose to believe instead and spend time in that land that it's going to work out for you.

Thank you for being here.

Oh, thanks for having me, Amber. I really appreciate it.

You're incredible.