Unleash Your True Potential: Embracing Strengths and Navigating Challenges

My business plan is and has remained this to do work I love doing with people I love working with that makes a difference. And if it doesn't ever feel like any one of those things, I'm not doing the right stuff. You know, I'm either not working the right people or I'm not doing the right kind of work or if it's not making a difference. So I kind of use those three strands. They're my kind of supporting principles. And I know I'm doing the right work and I know I feel inspired and purposeful and intentional. When those three things are really aligned, I know I'm coaching people and they're not feeling that it's having an opportunity to then say, okay, well how else could you do that? Then if that's the thing that really is something you can't go a day without thinking about what is the way to do that or to get that. It may be that the environment isn't right, the situation isn't right, the conditions isn't right, but what have you got control over? What can you make right? Because those people that do that are so much more fulfilled, so much more successful. They're using their strengths every day and it's serving, it's serving them and it's serving others. Like, what's not to like? Foreign.

If you are stuck in the muck and you are wondering if you are using your strengths or if you're kind of sludging through the muck of what life is throwing your way right now, this could be a really beautiful episode for you to listen to. I had the opportunity to speak with Julia Wolfendale, an executive coach author of five Ways to Focus. By the way, she's got a special in here for you around self coaching yourself through these five ways to focus. So look for the information on that in the episode and in the show notes. She's founder and director of on the Up Consulting, qualified to Master's level in leadership and has trained and coached hundreds of leaders and and how to be their best selves and get things on the up. Her clients range from CEOs, directors, senior managers across all sectors. She has a previous role as Marketing director for a global sports brand working in large public sector organizations and she's developed innovative tools, training courses and programs that transform conversations at work. She specializes in strength based coaching and writing. She helps organizations get the best out of their people with coaching conversations and she's a guest speaker who inspires people to think and work differently. Her work in employee engagement and coaching has won two international training awards. She's the author of Trouble with Elephants, a children's story about hope and friendship. This is a book she started when she was 12 and more recently finished it. Talk about having an idea or a dream that you have that may be collecting dust in the garage that you are ready to pull out. This might be your nudge, your calling, your reminder that you are right on time. I hope this episode with Julia gives you some insight, a little bit more of a nudge and let us know what you think. Julia's contact information will be found in the show notes and in this episode. And definitely tag me in @ Amber McHugh on Instagram or let us know in the reviews if there was a nugget in this episode that you were drawn to and that has propelled you to take a next step forward. Here we go. Beautiful conversation with Julia Wolfendale. Julia, welcome to the podcast.

Hi. Great to be with you today, Amber.

Oh my gosh, I'm so thrilled to be here with you. And for those of you who are listening and cannot see Julia's background right now, it is this bright, bold, beautiful yellow. It is so uplifting. Why did you choose this color?

Oh, well, this is my office. This is my happy space. So, you know, I feel like being in charge of my environment and creating the place I actually want to work was a whole thing for me in becoming my own CEO.

Oh my gosh, I love that. And two part question. How long ago did you start your business and what inspired you to start this business?

Oh, yeah. So I've been in business for almost seven years. This is my seventh year, actually. But, you know, I always knew I was going to have my own brand. So I did a business studies degree and specialized in marketing. And then I got marketing jobs with some of the fantastic brands I worked with. Adidas. Adidas, you call it in the States. And also Helly Hansen, which sailing and snowboarding brand. And I really, really like to create stuff. And I knew that I was going to have my own brand one day, but I thought, oh, what's my path? How am I going to get there to make that happen? So I think it's something, yeah, I always knew was, was going to happen. I just needed to try out some different things along the way to get myself there.

Okay, so what did you try out along the way? How did that, that journey unfold?

Yeah, well, I suppose my career mostly has been in leading and managing people and marketing for brands. But I think that idea of being able to create something that makes a difference really spurs me on. Do you know what I mean? So I'm the kind of person that I can't read a book without thinking, oh, I want to tell someone about this, or I want to share this, or such and such needs to see this quote. I've got this kind of real. That passion for kind of, you know, passing things on to other people and seeing what they might make of it as well. So I thought by building a brand that that would be a way of me actually creating some of this stuff that I knew would be worth sharing, hopefully and relevant to people, but also fulfill that kind of creative drive that's in me and that energy and enthusiasm. The kind of stuff that gets me up and out in the day. And, you know, even though I have a business studies degree, my business plan is and has remained this. To do work I love doing with people I love working with that makes a difference. And if it doesn't ever feel like any one of those things, I'm not doing the right stuff. You know, I'm either not working the right people or I'm not doing the right kind of work, or if it's not making a difference. So I kind of use those three strands. They're my kind of supporting principles. And I know I'm doing the right work. And I know I feel inspired and purposeful and intentional when those three things are really aligned.

Ah, that's really beautiful. I know often when I talk about values, when I think about values or beliefs that I want to embody, the belief and the ideal are sometimes different than when it becomes reality. Right. So when you're in a space when, okay, I am not living in alignment with those things that I desire, has that come up for you?

Yeah, and I think it's about then if that's when I'm not feeling that, or if I know I'm coaching people and they're not feeling that, it's having an opportunity to then say, okay, well, how else could you do that then? How else? If that's the thing that really is something you can't go a day without thinking about what is the way to do that or to get that it may be that the environment isn't right, the situation isn't right, the conditions isn't right, but what have you got control over? What can you make right? So often we're kind of in positions in jobs, businesses where we think this isn't working, but we don't know how to make the shift. We don't know what to Focus on. So a lot of my time coaching people is around helping them focus on the things that they really care about. Like you say the values, and how can they embody those and live those? Because those people that do that are so much more fulfilled, so much more successful. They're using their strengths every day. And it's serving, it's serving them and it's serving others. Like, what's not to like?

It's so true. And it's such a beautiful thing when you believe these things. You know these things and then you get to live it out as you clearly do and do with your clients. And you take a strength based approach. You mentioned the strengths. How do you pull through strengths? And for people who don't know, can you speak to this strength methodology a bit?

Well, yeah. I mean, the research tells us that, you know, 100% of us have some form of strength blindness, which means that all of us don't necessarily know how good we are. Okay. And we're not here to think of like we're doing. We're probably not really understanding our full potential. And then it goes hand in hand that if we're not understanding our full potential, we're probably not living it either. So having a conversation with a coach, someone like myself who talks about strengths based coaching is about really reaching inside and just helping that person see for themselves what is their true potential. What other strengths that have showed up in their most challenging trying of times, what is their resourcefulness? It always shows up in some shape or form. It always helps them get through and that's it. Helping people see what helps them do their best work. This stuff that they find easiest, this stuff that comes so naturally that they do quickly, that they probably get a lot of fulfillment from, but also the things that also help them, you know, when things are going not so well, they've still got those. Because I always say you might not use your strengths, but you never lose your strengths. But if we're never aware of those strengths, we're not even going to be thinking about our true potential. So I help people focus on that.

Wow. Okay. This idea that we've got strengths and we don't even realize how good we necessarily are in some of these areas and that you're not going to lose them. You might not use it, but you're not going to lose it.

Yeah. And your boss might not know you have them or the person that you work with might not know you have them because you're not using them or you're not paying attention to them to yourself. So it's a real shift. It's a real responsibility and aspect of going, okay, I have this stuff. I have it. How do I use it well? You know, how do I use it well to serve me, how do I use it well to serve others? You know, whether that's in your own business or whether that's in a role.

So if someone is listening, thinking, well, shoot, how I've got these strengths, I'm probably not leveraging them fully. I may not know what they all are. To leverage them fully, how do we start to pull them through, to speak, spot them, and then to leverage them?

Well, I suppose as a coach, that's what I'm trained to do. So someone might just give me two sentences about introducing themselves, what they're looking for from coaching, and straight away I'll know I can hear your strengths. And I train people in listening for strengths. And that's amazing when you get organizations to learn how to tap into the strengths within their teams and it's a totally different conversation. So, yeah, as a coach, I know how to listen for strengths and then that can help the coachee start to recognize and be able to listen to their own strengths and notice when they're showing up and what results are they getting and what if they're not using strengths and what results could they get? So it's a real kind of mental conditioning. Once you get somebody thinking about three.

Strengths coaching, okay, mental conditioning. Can you explain that more?

Well, I think the more times that you have a conversation with somebody like myself, if I'm having a conversation as a coach with somebody and I referring back to their strengths, I've just heard that there's resilience there. They're like, oh, but I was telling you about something that was really awful. Yeah, but I heard the resilience. I heard that that's. That's something you've overcome. How did you do that? And then they'll dig a little bit deeper and they'll talk about something specific that really helped them. So it really helps. The mental conditioning is around that reframing of everything's terrible. I don't know what to do. I can't move forward. Everything is going wrong for me to hang on. There's some good stuff in here. We just need to be able to put some focus on to it. We just need to be able to listen to it, pay attention to it, and find out how you can use that more because it will serve you.

So your approach isn't, take this right? Strength finders Is a. It is an assessment that one can take to identify some strengths in some areas. Right. More work related. So you have a different approach.

Yeah, and I've done strengths finding myself and that was one of my first introductions to strengths and I was like, wow, this is brilliant. But that just deals with the strengths that they have already identified that you have to self assess against. The way I coach is I will hear words that won't come up in Strengths Finder or are her situational strengths that don't fit into their five or six domains. So it's more personalized, it's more intuitive, it's more. There's thousands of strengths. You know, there's so many ways to help people see what they're really capable of. Once we tune in and listen to.

So dang good you how you have. There's so much here. I have so many questions like, okay.

It'S exciting, isn't it?

I love it. I also love Right. Thinking about working from our strengths and that you shared like you have something you don't know about. There's probably something that you're not fully using and it makes one wonder what is it? Like we've got to figure this out. Because I would think that operating in your strengths moves you into that flow state where you can get peak performance, peak productivity and. And fulfillment, as you mentioned.

Yeah, yeah. And I think it's that shifting focus. Like I said, it's mental conditioning, but it's also kind of helping people shift their focus from what's wrong to what's strong, you know, because they're the things that you kind of have to keep going back to. Because when you are, you're the boss and you're running your own organization, there isn't necessarily somebody there helping you out. You're helping everybody else out to keep going. So it's having that way of thinking, that way of helping yourself to dig that little bit deeper and find out a way through when things feel like they're all stacked against you. And it may be that you're showing up with a strength in your home life that actually you hadn't thought about using in your business. So it's a really holistic way of understanding a whole person in terms of what have they got to bring and how will it serve them well in the way they want to live, live their life as well as how they want to run their organization or be, you know, self employed.

You know, it is really easy when things are hard to focus on what's wrong. So I love your Flip there, focus on what's strong.

Yeah. And I also do a lot around, you know, helping people think about, well, what can you do? So we do the strengths work, think about what can they tap into. But sharpening the focus around now and future rather than past, it's gone, it's done. If there isn't any learning from it, it might just be pain, you know? So how can you learn from this? How are you going to grow through this? What's going to change in a positive way because of this? And that really tips somebody's mindset into thinking about the future in a much more positive way. And I ask questions like, so what could you do? And I'll give them five ways to focus. That's what the book focuses on. And it'll be like, what can you do in the next two hours? And it's like, suddenly there's a bit of urgency. And actually, I can do that. And what could you do in the next 24 hours? Hey, I could do that. And the next week, this, you know, and the next three months, the next six months. And suddenly someone's making a plan, but they've gone from, you know, I don't know where to turn. This has gone wrong and a lot of kind of negative stories really circulating. And it's. And it's that shift to help someone feel more positive, build on what they've got, understand how they can grow from their difficulties, tap into their strengths, and think about, actually, what can you do now?

So dang good. And are those. I wasn't counting. Were those the five elements?

Well, yeah. So each chapter in the book looks at five ways you can focus. So many people are so overwhelmed, particularly people that are running their own organizations. Totally get that. But cutting through the overwhelm and just focusing on five things. Five things that could make a difference, five things that matter to you. Is it just a good way of slowing down the brain because there's so many distractions? We could always go and find out more. There's always more learning to be done. There's always other people to compare ourselves to. There's always would haves, should haves to be thinking about. But my approach is, okay, let's just think about five things here. And then I take in each chapter. Break it down into some. What are the big questions here? And what are the insight questions? So you know what, which ones will lead you to action?

I love this. Oh, you've got a different approach here to spotting those strengths and identifying those strengths as well as you've Got a unique approach to the questions around focus. And I know that your clients have said you really do things different. What is different about your approach versus other self help, personal development books. And what's different about this five ways to focus.

I think for me it's all about the individual. So it's not about me telling them what they should do. No coach should tell you what to do. Every coach, if they're a proper trained coach, will be asking you. They won't be telling you anything. They will be asking, you know, really standing in that zone of true inquiry and trying to help the person tap into their own resources and insightfulness and create some new perspective. So I think as well that mine isn't about getting people to do things a certain way because I think people find their own way, but it's about helping them discover what feels right for them. Helping them, you know, kind of try some things out and learn from that. So, yeah, sometimes it's in a prescribed program or everything's very formulaic and that works great for some people. But mine is much more around understanding that person as an individual and where do they want to get to what, what results would make a difference to them. So it's not my result with them, it's their result with me. You know what I mean? What they will get for themselves. So that's maybe a bit different to some of the ways some of the people might be coaching out there.

Yeah, really personalized because it all is so unique. I mean, even the example you talked about. Right. In Strengths finders, which is great and serves a purpose, there is a construction and you're only going to get the results that are in that construct. But there is a vast array of things at play in your life day to day.

Yeah. And if there's some strengths that aren't in there that are really the things that would keep you going or would help you make a change or would help you really serve others or would make you feel fulfilled, then we kind of missed out a little bit. So, you know, and I think that's the benefit of the individual coaching conversation. But I try to get as much of that in the book around how it is that I like to coach. And what I know helps people. So, you know, helping people think about ways to get things on the up when they are in a kind of, you know, feeling pretty, pretty down about things, what are they really looking for, you know, really tapping into what matters to them. So this isn't what I think they should have. It's about what they think they really need. So asking questions around, you know, one of my five ways in there is, you know, what are you really looking for? Is it freedom, Is it fulfillment? Is it kudos? You know, you really want to be known for something. Is it fellowship? You want to be with people that are just the right kind of people or the right team, you know, or is it finance? You know, is this something you need to be able to earn to change your life or you know, so freedom, fellowship, finance, kudos, fulfillment, they're the things that I know by coaching people really matter to people. But each one will be different for everybody. And their definition of that.

Yeah, even from one to the next definitions, it's so true. I'm almost wondering five ways to focus. Almost sounds like a foundation to start self coaching. You know, the, start the inquiry process for yourself to begin this journey to identify those strengths and where am I going and how can I best leverage? Would you agree?

Yeah. And that's how it kind of came about. So I started kind of developing through the coaching. I knew certain things that people were looking for so I thought, okay, I'll create some ways of helping them identify that for themselves. So that's how I came up with some of the five ways concepts, some of the supporting content. And then I ran that as some workshops with some women's network groups and they were like, oh, this is what I've been looking for. And then I also developed a Udemy course. So that's the self led coaching program that I have and in fact anybody that wants to contact me through my website, that's www.ontheupconsulting.com. if they email me, I can send them a promo code to access the Udemy course. So that's a self. Let's do that.

Amazing.

Yeah, I'll be happy to offer that to your listeners. So that's on theupconsulting.com you can just drop me an email in the contact page. So that's a way of people going at their own pace through that self led coaching program. So there's some videos from me and I'll be asking them some core questions but they'll have to do the work to come up with those answers and then those answers will lead them on to the next video that then they'll have to do some more asking of themselves. So yeah, I found that that was a good way. But then I also thought, well the book, the book can take this more widely and you know, that's been great to have that out there. It's on, it's on Amazon now. It's available in the US and worldwide. So it's, it's very much around. It's a, I don't even like to call it a self help book, really. It's a personal development book. If you're interested in finding more about yourself and how you could be even better about what you do and able to get yourself out of those roots and those difficulties, deal with that overwhelm. There's some ways in that book that will just kind of help you deal with that busy mind in a really hopeful way.

It's hard, I think these days to not have a busy mind. I mean, so much is coming at us. News, notifications, pings, on social media, like it's everywhere. We're almost forced in today's society to like keep it moving. Keep it moving.

Oh yeah, it's like a disease, isn't it? This distraction is just like, we all got it, we've all got it, we've all got it. And no. Yeah. And I suppose it's just down to us though, to think, okay, what do I need to pay attention to and what am I prepared to turn away from and realize that I do not value that. It's the algorithm that thinks I do. I don't value that. And my time is more important, you know, and people valuing that time with their family or their time on their business without all the distractions of all the other things that will be pinging and notifying them. It's hard to get stuff done, isn't it, when there's a lot of that noise going on and it's hard to do stuff well because of the self comparison that people feel. They forget to connect with what they're great at because there's so much show about however great everybody else is.

Julie, I just found so much comfort in what you just said with the statement it's hard to do things well because we don't have that focus because we're in that comparison space. I call them sort of all of the pings and the dings, the dopamine thieves, like they're just stealing our energy. They're stealing little dopamine thieves running around and we've got to, no, thank you. You're not gonna, you know, take that energy from me today. I'm going to use that differently.

That's right. And it's such a discipline, isn't it? But to know that you want that for yourself and to focus on that because that really matters is, is the Big shift just to be able to say no and focus on the things that will get you the results you care about. That's what people are kind of struggling to do. That's. That's why I wrote the book. So it's okay. Deal with that drama. If it's not your drama, don't deal with it.

Not my circus, not my monkeys. Like, not going there. Step away from that one.

There isn't time. There isn't. There isn't time. There is not emotional enough. Emotional energy, and there isn't time.

There was a point in my life where I said to my aunt, it was early on in my career, and I was. Was so excited, and I had so much energy and enthusiasm for the work I was doing. And I said to my aunt, like, you know, I don't understand how people get so busy that they don't have time for X. Fill in the blank. And I look back now I'm like, oh, now I know, now I see.

Nice future self.

Yes, it was wild.

Yeah. But we've all got caught up in that, haven't we, at some point or other? And a lot of us are still in it, and that's why. So it's kind of. It's a modest, like. So I say it's like a disease. It's like this distraction disease. It's happening. But there's lots we can do. There's lots we can do to focus on the stuff that really counts and get the results. We really, really matter to us. Whether that is fulfillment or, you know.

Or the freedom or the.

Or the freedom.

Financial relationships. Yeah. Oh, man. You talk about something everybody can do to change their lives. I'm so curious what this is.

Well, I get asked this a lot, and, you know, I always have the same answer. And then I kind of scrutinize my answer like, was there something else I should be saying? And I just keep going back to this same answer. It's probably gonna sound oversimplified. It's focus on what matters, and we lose sight of what matters to us because we're being told to take notice of the things that someone else is selling us something or thinks matters to us or someone else that wants things from us, thinks matters to us. And I just think if we can reconnect with our true selves, think, you know, what makes me feel authentically happy, authentically fulfilled, authentically driven, authentically purposeful and content. You know, all those things that. That people value. I think that's the one simple thing in the state of overwhelm if you can focus on what matters that you really, truly believe matters, I think that serves me well, and I know that serves a lot of people that I work with really well. And it takes a lot of courage to kind of turn away from the other stuff. Yeah, but it's how you rebuild and galvanize and refresh and reset at the same time.

I love this. If someone is. Is hearing this right now thinking, well, gosh, it all kind of matters. Like, I've got a lot, yes, I'm busy. Everything feels like it's the most important thing right now, doesn't it?

So I should have qualified that focus on what matters to you. And that's the difference, really, because like you say, everyone else will tell you what else matters but what matters to you. And if you can go about your decision making in a way that you. That feels right, even if that is saying no, well, how are you going to say no then in a way that feels right for you? You know, still keep those relationships intact, still honor your values, but be realistic about what it is that you can and can't do. That's. That's focusing on what matters to you whilst also acknowledging that somebody else might want something from you. What matters to you is I need the headspace right now. That's what's going to help me. Or what matters to me is I need to spend time with my family.

Oh, I had something happen a couple weeks ago. There was a conversation that. A really important conversation that I needed to have. And I was in this group and in this conversation and I thought, man, I am not prepared. My health was sort of struggling. My mindset had another situation had just popped up and I, in that moment was not prepared to have that conversation. And yes, it was important. It was super important. But I thought, man, guys, I have to step away from this conversation right now. And it is interesting because I let some people down because I did not have that conversation in that moment and I did not stay present for it. And then on the flip side, I was not in a space to have the conversation. So I really honored what is important to me right now. I honor what I'm feeling. But, Julia, I beat myself up for a few days because it was like in values alignment. I needed to be in that conversation. And then as I shared, like, wasn't present. And as I'm playing this back now, I'm like, no, what was most important in that moment is that I honored the way I was feeling and I stepped away.

Wow, that took a lot of courage. And yeah, you might go through that process. Wow, that took a lot of courage. And yeah, you might go through that process like you've done process of questioning themselves later. But where are you at with that now? Now that you.

It was the right call.

It was the right call. Yeah. And the more you do that, the more people do that and trust their personal judgment, because emotions can get in the way to give yourself that time in that space and let things settle and you're still okay with it. That's good. That's good. But we need to practice that, don't we? Because if we're not that comfortable with that. And I had a difficult conversation a little while ago, and I knew that was going to be really hard. And I thought, I just have to trust myself here because the conversation needs to be had. And I promise myself that I will do it whilst honoring my values. Yeah, that's your authentic self showing up. And it's what matters. If you know what matters to you and you can, like you say, honor that. Yeah, it might be uncomfortable, but it'll probably be the right thing for you.

Yeah. And it's interesting, even hearing you say that, the emotions. Right. I was feeling very emotional. I was not prepared to weigh in constructively on the conversation. And when I shared that I needed to step away from the conversation, I tried to stay as objective as possible. Like, I don't want to influence what we need to do, what needs to happen in this conversation, But I know I need to step away right now. So I'm going to let you continue the conversation and I'll catch up later. I said thank you all. Goodbye, and I cut off the call.

Oh, skillful, skillful, but true to self, you know, really true to yourself.

Yeah. Incredible. It's so beautiful, the work that you do and what you have created with the five ways to focus. Absolutely. Share the links to the gift that you shared in the show notes with this episode. And I have just one more question for you because I'm so curious. What is the thing you cannot go a date without thinking.

Oh, you know, that's the question. Is it? So for a little while, that was my book about the trouble with elephants, which I started when I was 12, and I really never really gave up on that idea. So in lockdown, I published that book. And I suppose it was because I then went through the process of completing a book on the day can 30, many, many 30 years to actually complete. I was like, okay, this one's got to be. Next one's got to be quicker. So. So yeah, five ways to focus came out a whole lot quicker than the trouble with elephants. But yeah, it was that. I have that idea if you. Yeah. I couldn't not think about writing so I've got three more books lined up and I can not think about them. They've got to be written but I want to enjoy the process. So for me, yeah, I can't stop thinking about the things that I still want to write, the things that I still want to share and being able to focus on that and do that really well.

Oh so dang beautiful. Julia, thank you for this time together. It has been a gift.

My pleasure. I've really enjoyed our conversation. Thank you so much. Havra, I love what you do.

Thank you. Same to you. I love your enthusiasm, the energy behind everything that you do and people can find you over at website again on theupconsulting.com Yay. Thanks again.

Thank you.