Money Worries, Identity, and the Trap of Being 'Good’ (Coaching Episode)

Hey, everybody. Welcome to The Art of Accomplishment, where we explore living the life you want with enjoyment and ease. Today we have a coaching session for you, and it's all about money, the money issues that we have on the surface and the root causes underneath. Bobby Hobert joins us today for this coaching session, and it is intense. So don't forget to breathe.

Joe, one thing that's been on my mind recently a lot is abundance and really trying to call in financial consistency with my business. I left my job at the top of January to go all in on my coaching business. This has been in the works, I would say, over the last 7, 8 years, graduating college in 2016, going down this self-development path, driving Uber full-time for 3 and a half years while building the first podcast, then pivoting, working at Liquid IV full-time while continuing to build my podcast, my brand, and, uh, continuing to challenge myself to grow. And it finally came to a point where it was like, it felt now or never. I need to take this step. And I left my career at the top of January with some runway. And this year it has been just as you can, as I'm sure you've seen in your career, the clients that you've coached, it's been a roller coaster of emotions. And the timing of us doing this, this conversation today was, is incredible because I really feel like we're kind of in a very tough spot where credit cards are ran up. Cash flow is really low. We're looking into maybe having to liquidate stock market stuff to just get by. And I'd love to just explore, are there limiting beliefs of mine? Like, I feel like there's internal things that are blocking me. I see the value that I bring. I see it in the interactions that I have with people or clients. And I just want to set the frame of just even that's what I'm bringing into today's call. And from there, I'd love to just kind of see where we go or just any anything that you can pull from me or challenge me that may help edge me and correct me in the right direction.

Cool. So what, what makes you call it abundance instead of say, I want to be filthy rich?

Oh yeah, here we go. I think there's— I have a friend of mine called, called me out on this. He's like, I think it's me being scared to say that out loud, that I'm a bad person if I want to acquire a shit ton of money.

Cool. What makes it— what makes you bad for wanting to have money?

What makes me bad for wanting?

Hmm. Maybe that's even a better question.

That's maybe even a better question. I'm almost wondering, are there are there beliefs from when I was younger? I grew up in a very blue-collar household where I just made the association that if you have a lot of money, you've done bad things to make that money, or you're almighty and powerful.

Well, let's check the first one that you mentioned, or the second one you mentioned. Are you— how, how okay is it for you just to want?

I think it's totally okay to want.

Okay, say something that you want that you're totally— like, there's no constriction in your body when you say it.

Just, I want to make $250,000 a year.

Yeah, there was constriction in your body there. You didn't say like— there was no love in your system when you're like, oh, I want to make $250,000. It was I want to make $250,000. Like, you had to tighten up and speed up to be able to say that. But let's just stay away from money just for a second. I just want to get into, like, want. What is it okay for you to want and what is it not okay for you to want? And I don't mean logically. I got it. Logically, you know, it's all good. But emotionally, nervous system-wise, what is it okay for you to want? And what is it not okay for you to want? So for instance, if you say, I want my fiancée to be happy, let's hear you say that and see what happens.

I want my—

I'm sorry, your wife. You're not your fiancée. No, you're right. Okay.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. I want my fiancée to feel happy.

Yeah. Okay. Now I want $250,000 a year. What's that one?

I want $250,000 a year.

Okay. How is it? How are those two things different?

Even me saying it the second time, I'm catching myself trying to be more gentle and calming and loving. So it's not even fair for me on that second take.

But what I notice is you were more loving, trying to be, and it actually tickled you. Like, I saw the smile. I saw like you got tickled.

Where does it tickle? What causes the tickle?

Yeah, we'll get there in a second. So the, the, so, so the question is just generally, what are you allowed to want and what are you not allowed to want? If you had to guess and categorize, I would—

I want to— are we talking like emotionally?

Oh, just across the board. If you had to say it's okay for me, for instance, it's okay for me to want good things for other people, it's not okay for me to want good things for myself. Or it's okay for me to want emotional stuff, but it's not okay for me to want financial stuff. Or like, if you had to categorize what it's okay for you to want and what it's not okay for you to want, how would you do that? Hmm.

It's okay for me to want to help change the world. It's not okay for me to want this abundance of money or want wealth, extreme wealth. It's okay for me to want to prioritize my own well-being. It's not okay for me to—

hmm. Yeah, it's tricky, right? So I'm just going to take a shot in this dark, or it's not really, but we're going to call it a shot in the dark. So who was the parent that you had to emotionally take care of when you were like— who was the— who were— who were the people? Maybe it was a kid, but a younger kid, but somewhere you were taught that your job was to take care of somebody instead of yourself, is my guess. Who, who or what was that?

Hmm. It's a tough question because I don't feel I had to necessarily take care of either of my parents.

I had a—

I have a younger sister, 2 years younger than me, but I feel that I looked out for her growing up and I tried to— like when we were in high school, she, I felt like, was going down a different path. In the sense of the people she was surrounded by, I didn't think were the most encouraging, positive, and I was around more—

Yeah, this sounds—

Scholar-like people.

Yeah, that doesn't, that doesn't hit when I'm listening to you.

Okay.

Typically, and so I may be wrong on this one, but typically what I see is that somebody who has this— I fall into the category. This desire to like help the world, save the world, help other people. A lot of coaches fall into this category. Generally, they had somebody that they were responsible for their happiness when they were young, and it was a subtle responsible for happiness. Like maybe it was, uh, I need to make sure they're happy so they don't get angry in the house, or maybe I need to take care of them emotionally because they're always depressed, or there's a way in which what the natural way of parents or some maybe other caregivers is that their job is just to constantly be looking after the kid. But it's usually when there's this like save the world thing, there's the other way that goes, which is their job is to take care of the parents a little bit.

And so I see if I, if I go one layer deeper to give you more context, when I say, you know, I want to change the world, Yeah, what I'm really trying to say now, like, thinking about it, is I want to help people live and create a life that excites them. Just the same way when I graduated college, that was the mission. 99% went and got a corporate career, and I was like, I'm going this my own path. And everyone was question marking and asking me why. So I think even if I go a layer deeper, I want to change the world in the sense of I want to help empower others to step in and create that life that they want for themselves.

That's what I'm talking about. So is there any place you can look at your childhood? I may be totally off, but is there any place you can look in your childhood and go, oh, I was responsible for the happiness of an adult where it wasn't my job? Hmm. And I want to just acknowledge this could be a very hard thing to do in a public podcast because oftentimes people feel like they're criticizing their parents, which is not what's actually—

yeah, you know, I'll be honest with you, Joe, even this being recorded, it's still— it's, uh, I feel extremely comfortable with sharing whatever comes up. I'm just really trying to be mindful and think about, is there a moment, or am I just completely disregarding it?

Yeah, this wouldn't be a moment, this would be like a habit. Yeah, not like it would be a— it would be something that was consistent.

Yeah, I want to say because nothing is coming up that I, I don't think that's the case.

Yeah, well, let me explain a couple other ways just to be quick about it. How often were you called selfish?

Growing up? Yeah, not, not really ever, I don't think.

Great. Okay, that then, that, that probably explains that it's— that's not the pattern that's at play here. Okay, so going back, what is it that makes it bad to want money? What is it that makes it your job to help other people? So right now you're in your head. Can you bring yourself down into your heart and belly? Like, just like bring your whole body online as answering the questions? Yeah. Hmm.

I really don't know what has caused this, like, this money.

I don't need a cause, I just need like a, an emotional justification. We don't have to go into history for it, just like what right now would make it tight, tense, uncomfortable, non-deserving. Oh great, there it is. Yeah, non-deserving. Cool. What makes you not deserve money?

I haven't worked hard enough. I don't have the skill sets for it. The value I bring doesn't equal to the amount of money that I know I should be paid for.

Okay, so Elon Musk really probably didn't work much harder than the guy who owns my local tire shop. Like, what, actually? Can you point to any place in the world where somebody's financial gain is deserved by the— or lack of financial gain is deserved by how much effort they put in?

No.

Okay.

What separates Elon from the local guy at the tire shop?

Yeah, that's a great question. There's probably several things, but let's not worry about him. Let's be solely focused on you. So the— so What makes it that you have to add value to be deserving? And I assume this goes across multiple planes of your life, right? I'm assuming that like getting love from your fiancée means that you have to have a certain amount of value taking care of her, you know, whatever. So what, what, what makes that transaction Again, you're kind of in your head. Let's take you out of the head. Just look at me and say, Joe, you need to add value for me to love you. Joe, you—

Joe, you need to add value to love me.

I know, for, for you to love me.

Joe, you need to add value to love me the other way.

Joe, you need to add value if you want my love.

Oh, I see. Joe, you need to— Joe, you need to add value if you want my love.

Yeah. How'd that feel?

Not true.

Yeah. So what makes it true for you?

I don't know.

You had to guess. You had to guess what makes it that you have to add value, you have to get effort to get good things in the world. Hmm.

I keep trying to come back to you and not get so in my head.

Yeah. So imagine you have a kid, your fiancée, and you get married. You have a kid, kid pops out, you look at the kid and you're like, I'm not going to love you till you add some value.

No, that's, that's a dagger. Yeah, I could feel that.

Yeah. Yeah. So imagine that kid grows up with that dagger. How are they going to be at making money or, or having abundance, whatever the word is?

Yeah, I said abundance.

Abundance is a great word. I'm just— I The reason I mentioned the abundance is just typically it means guilt over having money.

Wow. Yeah, that, that kid would be raised in a not like— and it feels like he would be a very needy person in the world, right? Always selfish, being selfish for sure.

And how, how do you think— how hard is it for a coach to get clients if they have that like sniff of neediness as compared to— it's extremely hard.

The times when I'm— when the energy feels needy, it doesn't come. And the moments when I'm completely surrendered and just non-attached, it flows. Right.

But if you're saying my value is based on whether this person— then it's hard really not to be needy.

So, so it's standing true in my value regardless of what—

I'm going to keep on interrupting you because what you do is that you come, the idea gets settled, and then you say, this is what I have to do. So this idea shows up and then you immediately turn it into a task that you have to do so that you can be good enough so that you can get love. Do you see the pattern that I'm speaking to?

Say that again.

It's happened. Yeah, it's happened 3 times in the call. So basically the recognition just happened, which is, oh right, I just need to stand in my value, right? And that became a to-do that you have to do so that you earn whatever it is that you want to earn, which, which destroys the epiphany. The epiphany in itself is, oh, well, actually, let's go to the deeper epiphany. What is it that you have to do to deserve love? Do you have to stand true in yourself to, to earn love?

Just be.

Yeah.

Just be who I am fully.

How about who you are half? Do you deserve love then? Yes. Okay. How about who you are 10%? Do you deserve love then? Yes. Okay. So what made you put fully on there? That became another task that you had to do, an almost impossible task, frankly. You're setting up these massive hurdles for you to get love. So what makes you scared of it? What makes you scared of love? What makes you scared of abundance? What makes you scared of making a fuck ton of money? Because you keep on creating these massive walls to get there. Hmm.

Oh man, this is good.

In your head again. You've been trying to think your way out of this for at least 5 years, if not 25.

I've always been super self-critical.

Yeah.

My mom has always said that to me. You're— you are your biggest critic.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Uh, is it happening right now? I see the sadness, but is the criticism also happening?

No, it's, um, I just don't know why I put so much weight on my shoulders. Yeah, like a ton.

Yeah, clearly.

And it feels like, um, it's been on me since, since when I graduated. Yeah, but I have to prove to myself, I need to prove to others.

Yeah. And, and then you— that weight you supplement with this high positive I've got it, we're going, we're doing it.

Yeah, delusional optimist.

Yeah, which is really another form of undermining yourself.

Is another form of undermining.

Yeah, yeah, I know that's a weird thing, but you can do it means I don't actually believe you can do it. Like, you're— if you're like Bill Gates, you can do it, you can, you can make $200, Bill, you can do it. You'd never fucking say that.

Hmm.

That positivity is also a form of doubt, the way it runs in your system.

So is it being less positive? Is it being less optimistic? Is it being more realistic or—

You're trying to find your task list so that you can do the thing so that you can earn the thing.

I was going to ask, how do I remove that? Yep.

Yep. Uh, yeah, yeah. So if there's nothing you can do, what's, what's left?

Just being.

Well, you're trying to get somewhere and there's this task list of things to do to get there. If you can't do anything to get there, like, what's— like, what happens to there?

It doesn't— it no longer exists. What does this creation of a destination—

what does exist? Tell me what the destination is ultimately. What's the destination? So you've done the work, you've hardened, you've figured yourself out, you've fucking been the perfect 100% you, and you've totally completely in yourself, and you've got the million dollars in the bank, and then what? What did all that get you?

Feeling freedom, joy, excitement.

Yeah. So if there's nothing to do, where's your freedom, joy, and excitement?

Being felt into right now.

How does freedom, joy, and excitement attract customers, attract coaching folks? How does it attract money? You're in your head again. Mm-hmm. Like, just feel the freedom, joy, and excitement you have and just see— see, what does that feel like? Lighter.

Yeah, playful. Yeah, non-attachment.

Um, yeah, so even here, I'm gonna fuck with you, even here there's a little bit of trying in what you're saying. Trying, it's like you're trying to make it real or something. There's either freedom here or there's not freedom here. There's no trying that's required. So what Like right now, are you free or are you not free?

I feel very tense.

Yeah.

And maybe if I wasn't on this call with you, maybe I would feel a little bit more free. But right now I feel even a little—

even a little bit more free is not freedom. But I'm not talking about freedom, the feeling. I'm just saying, like, right now, are you free?

Technically, yes.

So explain that to me. How to explain how technically you're free right now?

I'm choosing to be on this call with you, and after this call, it's— the canvas is mine to paint for the rest of the day. That to me would be freedom.

Yeah. Has there ever been a day in your life where the canvas hasn't been free for you to paint for the rest of the day? Like, is there ever been a time where you don't get to choose?

If I didn't feel like I had— was able to choose when I was working full time, didn't feel like it, but I feel like it. But I still had the choice.

Yeah. Crazy.

And it was— I still could choose.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever perceive any moment in the rest of your life where your freedom isn't going to have consequences? Like getting fired or not making money or pissing off somebody or letting your kid down, or—

it will always have consequences.

So how can you be free if there's always consequences? I don't know.

I don't know.

Right. And relief. Look at the relief that came with that. The idea of freedom that you've been living with is yet another hurdle that you've given to yourself that you have to jump.

I want to let go of the hurdles. I know that I don't need external things to feel these emotions. I can feel them right here, right now. And I've been doing— I've been really deep into Joe Dispenza's work over the last 3 months, and it's, it's made it tangible understanding for me. But it's like, I know, I've always known I don't need these validation things to feel the way I want to feel. But I create the hurdle. But I create the hurdles. Yeah, I feel good, and then some reason in my mind the hurdle gets presented 3 hours later.

Yeah.

And I just— it's intoxicating. I can just feel it, and it's Yeah, it just ripples into how I show up across the board.

Yeah.

So, and it's not the version of who I want to be.

Right. So I want to at some point touch on potentially the fact that that story you are recreating right now is a, like, you're doing it right now. And so you've, you've gone to tactic 2. First tactic was let me give a to-do list that I can do the thing to get. Tactic 2 is let me tell you who I am and I'm going to define myself in this way so that I can have the thing that I want. So it, but the, the question that I have for you is what makes you scared of this good thing, of this freedom, of this abundance, of this, like what, like this feeling of like, oh, I feel fucking good. You have it and then you immediately create something to stop it. What, what's the, what's the thing that makes that scary to feel?

That something's going to get in the way and create the hurdle that I won't, I will no longer feel it.

That's true.

The valve will get turned and all.

Yeah.

What I'm feeling is now gone.

That's what's going to happen for sure. There is nobody ever of any time and any ilk, no matter what the, the, the crazy mythology behind it is, that went, oh, and now I feel great for the rest of my life.

It's a, so it's a choice to feel great essentially.

No, what I'm saying is nobody gets to feel great all the time. It's always a pendulation between states. There is no permanent state. There's, there's a stateless state, but I'm not going to go into that. Like, you're like, no matter what, there's good days and bad days for sure. Maybe your good day in 10 years was— oh, your bad day 10 years from now is the shittiest day I'm sorry, let me try that again. And maybe 10 years from now, your bad day was the best day that you had today. But there's still going to be good days and bad days, right? There's still going to be this up and down. Yes. Yeah. So there's just— yeah, it's going to be taken away from you.

And that's okay.

Yeah. I mean, you're going to finish eating an ice cream cone, but you're not scared of ice cream. You have an idea about it being taken away that makes the taking away not sweet. What's the idea? What's the idea behind losing a good feeling or losing money or losing love that doesn't make the money and the love and the freedom, whatever, sweet?

I don't know.

You have to guess. Whole body guess, not just brain guess.

Can you, can you, can you ask that one more time?

Yeah. What makes it that losing the thing that makes you feel good doesn't make the thing that makes you feel good sweeter? A really great meal would not be so great if you ate it 24 hours a day.

So true.

Even if you ate it every day at lunch, it would not be great soon.

Yeah, it would go from this fantastic meal to just Yeah, the new standard.

Yeah. So what makes it not sweet that these things pass? Me. My— of course, if we're gonna blame somebody, it's gonna be you.

My relationship with it.

What are you not responsible for bad happening in the world exactly? Like, your world Your, your, your existence, what part of it are you not responsible for?

External. Anything external?

I, I'm saying like, well, external is, you could say how much money you made this year would be an external factor, or you could call an internal factor. I'm saying like, obviously you're not responsible for hurricanes, but it seems like you have taken you full responsibility for your entire life. Anything bad that happens, bad thought, a bad emotion, a bad—

me—

it's you. What? Just— I'm not saying it isn't true, but imagine for a second that you were completely not responsible for any of it. By the way, neither was anybody else. Nobody. So you can't blame anybody, and you can't blame yourself. Okay, what does that do if you do that mental experiment? What does that do to your consciousness?

I mean, it just feels like I'm walking in sunshine. I feel okay. I feel bliss.

Yeah.

Pure happiness. Joy.

Yeah.

I don't want to keep saying I feel like pressure alleviated off my shoulders, but yeah, there's not this, this weight on my chest.

Yeah. So prove to me that you're responsible. We'll try it. We'll like track it right down to its root. You're responsible for not making money because of what?

I'm not responsible for making money.

No, you are responsible for not making money. That's how your brain normally works, right? I'm not agreeing with that, but see, but we're gonna just see logically if it makes any goddamn sense. So you're responsible for not making money, you tell yourself that. How do you justify that? What, what is it that you did or didn't do that?

I'm not trying hard enough.

You're not trying hard enough. That's great. And what makes it that you didn't try hard enough?

Uh, there's a million different ways to attract clients and you've, you've tried 4 out of the million ways. So get on board.

And what made it that you only tried 4 instead of 10 or 20?

Time and bandwidth.

Time and bandwidth. And wait, so you're responsible for time?

No.

Okay.

Well, I'm responsible for how I spend my time. Okay.

And how you spend your time is based on what your thoughts or your— like, what— how does— how do you— how do you decide how to spend your time?

How I— how I manage my calendar.

What makes you— how do you determine how to manage your calendar?

Priorities.

How do you determine priorities?

I choose it.

Choose it. Okay, cool. So if you have choice, then you could be held responsible, right?

Correct.

Cool. So choose to stop having thoughts.

I can't though.

But yeah, exactly. You can't even choose what thought to have next. Mm-hmm. So your whole prioritization scheme that led to the time management, that led to you not doing 6 and doing 6 instead of 4 or whatever down that line, all comes from a thought that you can't control.

This is rocking my world.

It's— what's crazy is I get it. Sometimes there's these moments where Oh, I choose is a very empowering thing. I get to choose is a really empowering thing. There's also a time where I chose this is a very disempowering thing. And right now, that whole, you know, I have, I have agency is very much disempowering you.

When you say I have agency, can you like, what do you mean by that?

I'm responsible for the whole kit and caboodle of my life.

My mind just always wants to be like, so it wants to just spit back the tasks, change this, do that. Everything you keep saying, my mind wants to go there.

Yeah, yeah, that's the habit, and you can't stop it. Ah, you don't even have control over that, right? You basically— you have already turned freedom into something wrong with you. I have this freedom, this joy, this ease of I don't have to be responsible for everything. And now I'm responsible for the fact that my brain is telling me I'm responsible for shit. You've just gone meta. So here's a question for you. If you didn't feel responsible for your life, what do you think you would end up doing? Nothing. Ah, well, then you better feel responsible for your life then. Yeah.

Because if I'm not choosing, which would be taking responsibility, then I'm just floating. It almost feels like, yeah.

So when you were 7 years old, did you do nothing? No. So how did, how did shit get done then without this sense of responsibility to make the life and that you're responsible for every aspect of your life? How did that happen?

I mean, it was— the word is just like playful and curiosity at 7, right? Like there's absolutely no— like the food is on the table. How do I want to— do I want to go play, kick the soccer ball? Do I want to ride the bicycle?

Yeah, exactly. So you just experienced something that you called bliss, joy, like, oh, it feels like, oh, that whole thing. So somehow that's going to make you stagnant, but it didn't when you were a kid. That level of freedom. But somehow the idea of I'm responsible for my entire life, that— and that burden is going to make you productive, even though it's for the last 5 years made you stagnant. Okay, we're going to try something totally different for a second. Without going into the past or the future, tell me what's wrong with you right now.

My mindset.

Say again?

My mindset. These beliefs, patterns.

Right now. Your beliefs in the future or in the past. Like, I'm right now. What's wrong with you?

There's nothing wrong with me.

So what do you—

I just am.

Yeah, then what's the— what are you trying to earn? What's the task list for if there's nothing wrong with you right now and right now and right now?

There is no— there's no task list. There's just— it feels like Saturday morning. Yeah, just like freedom of flow and just Just is.

Yeah. Even trying to keep it is a task list.

Keep that feeling.

Mm-hmm. Even that is a subtle move to build a wall that you have to jump Would you—

so, or is what you're trying to say is coming back to just pure presence?

But then that would be a task list. Now I have to be purely present to be happier.

Oh God, I knew I was gonna get my world rocked on this, and I love it. A feeling. It's a sense of slowing down.

I mean, I'm gonna move out of the truth for a minute and then move into the practical, the tactical, and then I'm gonna come back to the truth. Um, for lack of better words, um, if you're looking for something that you need to do, the, the most important thing is to get in touch with what's true. So to say, "I need to be present," isn't true. You don't need to be present.

I want to be true. Is that different?

I mean, like, what's the truth right now? Are you present?

I feel very present.

Yeah.

Do you—

can you imagine a time when you could say, I know this sounds weird, but like, if you really stopped and said, "Am I present right now?" would you ever be able to say no?

No.

Right? Because we're always present. We're all— I mean, that's the definition of it. So getting in touch with what's true is a far more effective tool than telling yourself you have to be a certain way.

But what if what is true is not?

Give me an example. Right now you're free. Right now you're present. Mm. Right now you don't have to do anything to earn love. Right now you have enough. Right now, people love you. Right now you're loving yourself.

I don't know why even you saying you are not— It just hits, hits home.

Wow! Oh, so I'm gonna stay with the tactical. So there's two things that can very much help you with the— from this perspective, from seeing this aspect, then there's a couple things you can do that can really help you with the financial abundance, which is where you started and where you came in. Yeah. So one of them is, so that constant internal critic that you spoke to, that's happening. That's— you don't get to control that. That's not going to stop. Where you do have some space is how you respond to it. Right? So basically what happens in your head right now, correct me if I'm wrong, is, God damn it, you should be doing more. Why didn't you spend more time? Why didn't— why did you only do 4 things? You could have done 6 things. And you respond to that the way— think of the politician you like the least, and you think about the accolades of that politician. And they're like, okay, yeah, whatever you say. Okay. That's how you react to that voice in your head, that internal critic. You don't really get to change the critic as much as you get to change the way that you relate to the critic. So you could say, hey, you know, that's pretty bad management style. Or you could say, I see how scared you are. Or you could say, "Fuck you, shut the fuck up." Or you could say, "Yes, sir, I'll get right on that." Right? You have all sorts of options that you can respond to the way that that voice speaks. And so your job isn't to do any of them. Your job is to experiment. So write down 20 of them. And every day, or every 2 days, or every 3 days, pick one of them. And then do it for that day or 2 days or 3 days. So your job is to basically just experiment. You're not trying to get anywhere. You're just experimenting with, oh, what is it like to treat the voice in my head this way? What is it like to treat the negative voice in my head that way? What is it like to treat the negative voice in my head that way? So that's one experiment, very tactically. The other one is that you and your fiancée every day 10 minutes a day, have a gratitude practice. It's an out loud gratitude practice where you feel gratitude. This isn't optimism. This isn't hope. This is, oh, I'm grateful and feel that gratitude and speak from that gratitude about all the material stuff that you have in your life. I'm so grateful that I have the ability to do podcasts. I'm so grateful that the podcast that I did created this amazing coaching session for free. I'm so grateful that we have food on the table. I'm so grateful that, you know, I, I, I can go get a job. And what all the things. And, and so you're, you're just, and you need to have that felt physical sense of gratitude. And so you'll say gratitude, you'll savor it like a good meal. She'll say gratitude, she'll savor it like a good meal, and you'll just go back and forth. Like that for 10 minutes a day, 3 months. It's an experiment. Okay. Right. And you're not taking that and saying, I should be grateful all the time. No, it's just— you're just being grateful for that 10 minutes for what's there. And the reason that this is important, there's several ways that this works. But right now you define yourself as somebody who doesn't have enough, enough this, enough that, enough the other thing, enough time, enough energy, and blah, blah, blah, blah. This actually changes your self-definition to somebody who has enough. And if you walk around the world with, I'm the person who has plenty, then you act differently in the world. Mm. So those are just two practical things that you can take away from the from this. But it's really important. You're not doing these to get better. You're doing these as experiments. Yeah. Soon as you do— as soon as you do them to get better, they will have no effect that you want in your life. And you'll notice this in your tools that you use, like you collect— you have collected all these tools in your life for self-development. They work for a while and then they stop working. And you'll notice that they work until you use them to improve yourself, which means you've taken the love out. They become a form of criticism. And so the tool stops working. Wow.

I'm so happy you said that part because the version of me would have went to start the gratitude.

Yeah.

To, to get to this, then the, the marker.

Yeah, it wouldn't have worked.

That's— yeah, that's like, if we can't—

if we're trying to change— like, imagine somebody says, okay, I want you to accept an emotion. And so you're like, okay, I'm gonna accept my anger. But you're accepting it to get rid of it. It's not really accepting it, right? It's like, yeah, it's like, I'm accepting you, son, in the house because I want you to grow up and fucking leave. Isn't really like accepting your son into the house, right? And so, yes, so it is like a deep welcoming of what is. It is not a It's not a, I'm going to welcome what it— I'm going to be present so that I can be better. It's no, it's like, I, so I can be with what actually is.

I love that. Experimenting and the gratitude.

Yeah, that was checking time. Yeah, time just kind of disappears. So I'm like, where are we? It does.

Yeah, it sure does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So back to the truth. So I told you I was gonna go tactical, and now I'm just kind of go back to the truth. Like I, I give you like a little, like what's looking out behind your eyes right now? I don't need an answer. I just want you to get in touch with it. And now you're really trying hard to get in touch with something that's naturally there. It's just what's, what's, what's, yeah, there. What's looking? Yeah. Is there anything that needs to be done about that? Like, is there anything that you want that's not there?

It's all— it's all there.

Yeah. And there'll never be a moment in time in your life where you— that's not the case. Total pleasure to work with you, man.

Full of gratitude, Joe. This is, uh, I didn't know where this combo was gonna go, and I intentionally didn't do too much brainstorming or creating some expectation. I just knew when this got booked that something magical will happen, and we're just gonna let it ride based on where we're at. But, um, I just want to say I, I am so grateful of you, so grateful for this conversation, grateful for how, uh, those that do get a chance to listen, how this may be directly relatable for where they're at and some things they're working through.

But, um, so a second, I'm, I'm— because I can't get out of the coaching thing. I'm, I really appreciate all that, but can you do that and feel it like you were in your character a little bit for a second there? Like that positive, like, character thing. I feel that now. You don't even have to say a word, man. I feel that. That I want to coach me. That other thing I want fucking nothing to do with. Oh man.

Yeah, I— wow, I so appreciate you stopping me there.

I appreciate you meeting me there.

I'll have all your socials linked up below. But are there any final thoughts? Because I want you to have the last words, Joe.

No, dude, I want that ended just where it ended. I want it. Yeah, that's all. And yeah, I'll stop it right there. Okay, everybody, thanks for watching. I hope you got a ton out of it. If you want to find out more, come to ArtOfAccomplishment.com, sign up for a free course, or follow me @fujoehudson on X, or just hit subscribe.