Arthur C. Brooks offers three questions for when you feel lost: Does your life align with what you believe? Are your actions driven by your real purpose or just status? And whose lives actually matter to you? He talks to a billionaire who has everything but feels empty, and argues that chasing specialness breeds anxiety while genuine happiness comes from serving others.
Here are the 3 questions, the 3 big whys that I ask myself continuously, that I probe, and I have to answer honestly, because being honest with myself is the essence of getting into the moral space. Number one, why do I think things actually happen the way that they do? And am I acting accordance with that? And for a religious person like me, if I say I think things happen the way they do because of the will of God, but I'm not acting that way, that's gonna be a source of misery. Am I acting like I believe that the will of God exists and is true, or am I acting like everything has to do with me, which means I'm freaking out about everything. I'm super stressed out about, you know, what's gonna happen tomorrow that's completely out of my control. I'm anxious all the time. I'm worrying continuously. Worry is evidence of a lack of faith. And so therefore, if I say I'm committing to my faith, it immediately extinguishes worry. Right. You shouldn't feel guilty about it. You should act according to the person that you are. Number one, that's the coherence question for philosophers. Why do things happen the way they do? Am I acting that way? Second, why am I doing what I'm doing? That's the purpose question. That's the purpose in life. Purpose and meaning are not the same thing. Purpose is a subcategory of meaning. Why am I doing the things that I am actually doing? And then the next question beyond that is, Is that in accord with my beliefs? Am I doing the things that I'm doing in accord with my beliefs? But why am I doing them? And by the way, for you and me, it might be because I'm chasing my idol, because I want more control, because I want more adoration of strangers, because I want more money, because I wanna feel good. Is that in accord with my beliefs? And then the last part is, why does my life matter? And that's really to whom? Am I acting according to the people to whom my life actually matters? Am I acting that way? Am I marginalizing my— and by the way, Andrew, I've screwed this up so many times. When I was a CEO running this big nonprofit organization, which was so important, right? I was at one point at the very end of it, I was interviewing a bunch of very famous and rich financial professionals for a book that I was starting to write that came out after I left. And when I was already back in academia called From Strength to Strength. It was a book about getting happier as you get And this woman is like a billionaire. I mean, unbelievable, named firm, famous. And she's telling me about her achievements. I'm like, congratulations, that's great. She says, I'm so unhappy. I said, well, talk to me, sister. What gives? She said, my husband and I were married, but we're roommates. You know, I have adult kids with a cordial relationship. I think my employees are, they do what I say, but I think they're afraid of me. I don't think my decision-making is crisp anymore. I don't love it, but I don't know what else to do. She said, I go to the gym, I go to the doctor and the doctor says, you need to stop drinking and get into the gym. But I keep drinking. I don't go to the gym. She said, when I grew up, I went to church when I was a little girl and I loved that. I always wanted that. And I don't go to church and I don't know why. And she says, professor, what am I supposed to do? And I said, you don't need a Harvard professor. You just wrote your own prescription. Take a souvenir in your company and step back. Go away with your husband and get to know him. Go move closer to your kids. Get into AA. Go to the gym. Go back to church. Look, It's right there. She says, I know, I know, I know. I said, so why not? Why didn't you do that? Why didn't you? And she was silent for a long time. And finally she said, because I've always chosen to be special rather than happy. And that was like a knife to my heart, because at that point in my life, me too. You know how many Little League games I didn't go to? Look, Little League games are boring. Let's be honest. But it's my kids. You know how many birthdays that I missed because I was trying to be special and successful and adored by people who don't care about me? And that specialness is— that's an animal impulse that is hardwired into us. The moral aspiration is to choose happiness over that particular specialness. And that's the significance question. Why does my life matter? And to whom? And am I acting in accord and responsibly with my answer to that question? That's the interrogation.
I think it's important for anyone at a given developmental stage to look at people who've migrated the path more or less that they're on, but are ahead of them and get some useful information. So I appreciate that. So whether you like it or not, you're a mentor to me.
Thank you, Edward. Thank you. That means the world to me. And we're all on the path. We're all on the path. We all have our— life is that every religious tradition has pilgrimages, almost every religious tradition. If you go across India, you see mendicants that are actually walking toward a holy city. In the Christian faith, we have 3 big pilgrimages to Jerusalem, to Rome, and to Santiago de Compostela, which is the Camino de Santiago. And these pilgrimages are metaphorical for what we're actually trying to do with our lives, which is why they're such deeply mystical and spiritual experiences. I recommend that everybody go on a 500-mile walk across northern Spain. I mean, from the French border to Santiago de Compostela.
You didn't do it on your knees, did you?
I did not do it on my knees, but I've done it just the last 8 days, 2 times, because my wife won't do more than 8 days. And I love my wife. But the point is, what you realize is that that's a metaphor for your life. We're walking through this life. We're all learning. Andrew's on a pilgrimage. Arthur is on a pilgrimage. Every single person watching us is on a pilgrimage. And that means progress. But that actually means the excellence that actually comes from making progress in little ways every single day and being open to to metaphysical truths. So it moves me a lot that I could be some little stone church on the side of the road on your pilgrimage.
