Ash ExantusChief Financial Educator, Ash Cash Enterprises · Financial Empowerment Leader | Public Affairs Strategist | Media Executive | Advocate for Economic Equity & Financial Literacy | Champion for Formerly Incarcerated Communities

February 18, 2024

18 Feb 2024 · 1 min

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A man traces his lifelong distrust and emotional distance back to his father, who he believes wanted him dead. That rejection convinced him everyone would abandon him too, so he keeps friendships shallow and travels light rather than risk getting close to anyone.

Chapters

I struggled with self-worth a lot growing up, you know what I'm saying? Because for me, I'm like, yo, why wouldn't my dad want me? Why? My dad wanted me dead. Like, he didn't even want me to exist. Yeah. And so I held on to that for a long time. And so I struggled with self-worth. I struggled with this sense of belonging, this sense of— I like, I didn't trust anybody, right? Because if my dad don't want me, then everybody's shiesty. Everybody You know, don't care about me, right? So that so that's where that sort of anger came from. I wasn't really the best friend, if you will. Not because I did anything wrong; it was just because I never really like allowed anybody close get close because I'm like, nah, my dad don't want me to know. You know what I'm saying? And so and so from a friendship perspective, I ran with a crew, but I never wanted to be part of nothing because I'm like, nah, I want to you know me travel light, travel far. You know what I'm saying?