A God-Centered Marriage

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Hello and welcome to the Naked marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we undress the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. And today we have a special treat for you. We have some special guests and Dave's going to tell you a little more about them.

Yes, Luis and Kristen Roman are a new part of our team and they are an awesome part of our team. They're heading up what we're calling Exo Latino, which is the Spanish speaking arm, the resources in the Spanish language available now through marriage today. And xo, they're the host of Exito en la familia, which means success in the family. They have a brand new book and we're going to talk about their book. And they are a wonderful couple. They're pastors, they're parents of three kids. They are multicultural, multilingual, and they're reaching people all over the world. And we're honored to call them our friends. So let's dive into today's conversation.

All right.

We are so excited to have our guests with us today. Luis and Kristin Roman. And bienvenidos, guys. We're thrilled that you're here. And welcome. And we're so excited about what you're doing to help expand the whole ministry of exo and marriage today to the entire Spanish speaking world, in addition to, you know, help us reach the English speaking world better because you guys are both. And we're thrilled. And we're going to be talking about exolatino.com throughout. Throughout our conversation because that's where you can best connect with Luis and Kristen, their brand new book and all of the many resources they have. But first, we just want to say welcome.

Hola, como santos.

Gracias.

Yeah, we want to be a little say hello to anyone that speaks Spanish over there and our English speakers, too. And so, yeah. Hi. Thank you for having us here.

Yes, absolutely. And they also have. They have a podcast in espanol.

Yes.

Exito on, let me say it's a exito on familia.

Yeah, Exito all familia. Success in the family. You Said it right, Dave?

Yeah.

You're moving along.

Yes. He's trying hard.

I'm trying.

I'm working. I want to learn, so. But we're thrilled to have you guys here.

We are, we are. And so before we kind of dive into our topic today, which I'm so excited about, and how to have God at the center of every part of your marriage, why don't you tell the listeners a little bit about your story?

Yeah, well, go ahead, honey, because I can go first. Yeah. Oh, I can. I can start and then you can tell if it is what I'm saying is true or not. Well, we've been married for. It's going to be almost 28 years, and. Yeah, it's been.

You don't look old enough.

Yeah, right.

You were like 10 years old when you got married.

Yeah, we're 12, actually. No, I'm kidding. But. And then we met at Youth With a Mission, and we were there studying just to be missionaries, Bible school. And then that's where I met Kristen, and she just fell in love with me. We went down to Mexico and we lived there for almost 19 years. 20 years. And we have three boys and. Yeah. And then we moved back.

They're not boys anymore.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, there are boys, right? And we just moved back ten years ago. Ten years ago back to the States, and here we are. And we. I mean, God has given us this opportunity to have this ministry, family about families and marriage, and we just love to do what we do and. But anyway, Han, I mean, what do you want to say?

It was very unexpected. Like, everything was unexpected about us. The way we met each other came together, and then to be in ministry the way we are and to be in marriage and family ministry, it's still kind of a mystery to me.

I was working in the kitchen, and then Kristen. No, I'm kidding. That's not true. That's a typical prototype.

So, no, actually, I had never even met a Latino person, which sounds crazy, but I'm from Baltimore, Maryland, and that was a long time ago. And so I hadn't had an opportunity to even meet anyone from Latin America. So when I met him, it was like this novelty, like, you're from where really, you know, Mexico.

Where is dad?

Pretty much. I was just really gringa, gringa. Like, I just knew nothing about Latin America at all. And so definitely not bilingual, definitely not bicultural. And when you grow up in the US Sometimes you think English is the only language worth learning. And the US Is the center of the universe. So we grow up like that. And then I was exposed to this whole other world. And it's, of course, the best thing that could have happened to me for sure. And it's interesting because my family's European, so we would go and mission trips in Europe all the time. So Scotland, England, Germany, Poland. I would spend summers there. And I thought if I ever married someone from another culture, it would be Germany or England. I spoke German. So this just totally rocked my world when I met Luis. But it's absolutely incredible what God has done. And then we moved down to Mexico, learned Spanish, did that whole thing, and we had a really rough start for our marriage. Like, really rough. Not just the cultural differences were so drastic. The language. When we got married, I moved down there without knowing Spanish or without knowing anyone, and then got married.

Like, everyone used to say that Christian was. Oh, your girlfriend is so quiet.

Quiet.

Like, I have no idea what you're saying.

Quiet and sweet. And I'm like, no, I'm loud and annoying. But you just don't know.

I don't know how to say this in Spanish yet.

You just wait. You just wait until I learn.

Exactly. And that took me a long time. And so I fell into depression just because I couldn't speak to anyone. And we were having a terrible time in the beginning of our marriage. I was alone in another country, and I got pregnant right away, which wasn't in the plans either.

So we prayed for two years, and it was two months.

Yeah.

Wow. God didn't get the end of the phrase.

We wanted two years, got two months. That's okay.

But.

So everything was out of control in my life. And then to watch how God has woven just a beautiful tapestry in our lives, which is purely his grace.

Yeah. Now that I live here in another country, I mean, here in the US I can see how hard it is to adapt to new cultures and new, you know, like, just living daily life. And I really appreciate Kristin, all the effort and sacrifice that she did. And I knew that she loved me because, I mean, she stayed with me and. Can I tell you a quick story?

Yeah, please.

Yeah. One time we were engaged, and she came down to Mexico to be there for learning school. I mean, learn Spanish. And one day, I mean, she had her life here, her car, her university, everything. And then she moved down to Mexico, and we didn't have a car or anything. And a friend of mine let her use a bicycle. And one day I was working a company, and I had a car company. And then I was driving on this road, I had a company Car, you see? So this is not my first language, but that's okay.

You do not.

But anyway, so I was driving down the road on this car, and then it was pouring rain. I mean, in Guadalajara, it rains really, really hard. So. And then I turn around and I see, like, in the middle of this rain, Kristen on her bike, driving. I mean, like, just doing. Biking. Biking. And I was like, oh, that's Kristen, you know, And I couldn't. I couldn't go back. So I went back to work and everything. Later that evening, I came to visit her, and she was like, nothing. She was just happy. And she didn't tell me, oh, I got this rain today, and I'm tired of this, or anything like that. And I knew that she really loved me because, I mean, she. So anyway, when it rains, you shine. Oh, that's so sweet.

I love it.

That is good stuff.

That is really good stuff.

Yeah, that is.

That's.

That's a great. That's a great story.

It is.

I mean, it's beautiful. You guys have been. Been through so much, and you both have experienced living a different culture and having to adapt to the other's culture and language and made those sacrifices for one another. And what's. What's that been like? I mean, for both of you to kind of create a culture together within your family that is unique to your family, but then also to learn each other's. You know, to learn each other's culture and step out of your own comfort zones. I'm sure that has been a challenge at times.

Yeah. You want to go first?

Well, you learn to really die to self and to realize that everything you knew about yourself or you felt insecure about yourself doesn't count anymore. It kind of loses its value. And you find your true value in surrendering to God and letting him kind of rebuild whatever he wants to give back to you. Because the more I dug my nails in, or I'm like, I'm holding onto this, and you can't make me give it up. Things that I felt were so important to me, the more I held on, the more I suffered. And we suffered as a family. And when I finally really let go of absolutely everything that I thought, even my language, my personality, like I said, I became this quiet, timid person. I had to let go of everything. But when you really trust God, then you are able to let him rebuild you and add to your family what really counts. So we started building a culture in our family that wasn't my culture. It wasn't my American culture. It wasn't my language. It wasn't his culture. Culture. But what we felt like was like a biblical culture and were our children as well.

And we decided to become bicultural. That's one of the first agreements that we did. Like, we would take the best of both cultures.

Like, we'd literally sit down and talk about it.

Yeah.

And celebrate. Right. I mean, because there's so many good things.

Let's ditch that. Because that part of my culture we don't even want, you know, But I love this about your culture. Can we keep that? You know, so we'd have talks about it.

Yes. And we have another story about that. Do you want that?

Yes.

Anyway, so Kristen came to visit. We were just. Before she moved to Mexico.

Is this a Christmas story?

Yes. And then we went to. We went to. To my. My family's home in. In Guanajuato, in Celaya. So there's a little town then they are down there in the middle of the country. So she came to visit for the first time, and she stayed with my sister, and my mom was there, and they were preparing. I mean, she came for Christmas, so I thought Christmas was the same everywhere. So I just. I went to do some things, and then Kristen stayed there helping. She didn't speak any English. My family didn't speak any Spanish. So everything was like, yeah. And Kristen was trying to help, and.

He left me alone.

Small detail.

You're like, oh, my goodness.

Feliz Navidad.

Exactly. Right?

That's right.

Yeah.

So. But in Mexico, as many Latino countries, we celebrate Christmas on the 24th.

Okay.

So 24th night, and we have this big dinner.

I didn't know that either.

Like, and I didn't. I assume it was like that.

Yeah.

So. But it's, like, nice. It's like Thanksgiving, so to speak. I mean, so anyway, so Kristen was there, my mom, and they were preparing the food, and she was thinking that it was for next day because, I mean, she was like, okay, it's late now. I mean, you know, I guess it's just. They're just gonna put it away.

Planning ahead.

So anyway, so my mom said to Kristen, okay, well, we're gonna go get ready.

So she thinks that you're gon for bed.

For bed. Right.

So done for the night.

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

So families start coming, like, around 9pm or something like that. And my family comes out in all these gowns, and I mean, like, they're dressed up.

High heels dressed up.

And Kristen is like, what is going on?

These are crazy pajamas. I know.

So finally I arrive home with my friends and. Or whatever family. And then Kristen's like, what's going on? And then so we have dinner like around 11 at night, you know, and then after dinner, she's with Kristen. She beside besides the point. She used to eat like almost vegetarian and all these kind of things. So. But we were not at all right.

It was like poor.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

So we finally finished dinner and then we are like, okay, now. Now we're going to open the gifts. And Kristen is like looking at me.

Like it's like it.

What?

So we. So we open. And the way we do it in Mexico is that we sit down around first.

I look at the amount of gifts, I'm like, okay, this can't take very long. This is fine. You know, I think max an hour and we're in bed.

Yeah. So. But then they start like, okay, and then we have this saying, like, if I give you something and then you open it up, you need to open it. And everyone goes around what that means.

You have to try it on.

Try it on, try it on. So everybody tries everything on and everything. So it's like two in the morning and we finally finish and I'm like, Kristen is like, Kristen is ready to go to bed. And then I tell her, well, we're going to go visit friends, so.

Are you serious? It's all night.

We go all night and we come back like around 6, 7 in the morning and to eat again. And then she is like, we are not doing this. But she like it. But I mean, like, I did her.

A couple years, but remember I was pregnant. Well, I wasn't pregnant there because we weren't married. Let me clarify that. We weren't married yet, but I would by the next.

But the next one.

Yeah, I was pregnant. And so, I mean, if it was bad for me because I don't do well if I don't get enough sleep, pregnant was worse. And then with toddlers it got even worse. So that was one of the things that I tried to do to please his family and to please everyone. But we just had to say, no, we can't do Christmas that way. Yes, we're gonna have to like, give it to.

Yeah, we do a little mix there.

But anyway, that's a great story though.

It is such a good story.

And it is so funny because we don't know those differences till you're in the thick of it. Right. And so, you know, when it came to that and just working through those differences, how did you. I know you're cultivating kind of those new traditions in your family. But, you know, how did you keep God at the center? Like, what are some things practically that maybe listeners could learn from that you did in those years when it was a struggle? How did you do that?

Yeah, I think it goes back to Romans 14:17 that says the kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy. And that's the culture of the kingdom. And I believe that every family, every marriage should be the representation of God's kingdom on earth. And so we say anything that keeps our peace, we're going to do that. And everything. That's right. So whenever we do, whenever we lose joy in our marriage or in our home is because there's no peace. Something has happened that has rubbed our peace. And the reason is because something unrighteous has happened. So I think we need to come back to the beginning where God says, okay, forgive each other, learn the way to restore the relationship and just keep God first is a simple way to do the right thing at the right time according to what God says.

And righteousness, we often think it's like right or wrong, this is righteous, this is unrighteous. But righteousness also means being rightly aligned. Right. So if something. That's our podcast.

That's a fact. That's true.

I love it.

So something has gotten out of alignment. You know, if we're losing our peace, we're losing our joy, something's out of alignment and we've got to stop. And so we have a saying. We're gonna stop the world and fix this. And whether it's something with our kids, if they're quarreling, nope, we're gonna stop the world and fix it. Because sometimes we end up tolerating, we tolerate things out of line. We get used to things out of line because we want to go on with our rhythms or whatever we're doing. And stopping the world to fix things isn't usually very comfortable.

Right. Or convenient.

Exactly. That's the perfect word. And so that's what we. We're gonna stop the world.

Okay.

We did it with our kids all the time. Stop the world. What's going on right here?

I might use that, that language. I like that.

I love that you guys who are listening, that is a game changer in your marriage, in your home. Because the Romans have, they've created, and we've seen it up close, a beautiful, healthy, God centered marriage and culture within their family that has produced three extraordinary young men and a world changing ministry. And this is something that every family can do, it's going to look different in each family. But every family is called to that culture. Righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. No matter which country you might live in, no matter what language you might speak, this is a culture united by Christ that every single one of us, as married couples and families, is called to do. And so if you're living right now tolerating, like Kristen said, some things that are out of alignment, then you need to stop the world and you need to fix it. Yeah. Because I think that that's where we get off course is we start tolerating things that are unhealthy and we're settling for less than righteousness, peace, and joy. And if there's not, you know, we're going to have all have bad days. We're not talking about that. But if there's not a culture of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit, in your heart, your marriage, and your home, then let this conversation just be a call to action to say, let's stop the world and let's fix what's wrong, because don't settle for anything less than what God has. Has called you to. And so I love that.

That's beautiful.

It is beautiful.

You know, I. I know. So we had, you know, you've had. Embracing different cultures, but also raising kids, really, in two different cultures as well. And I'm sure when you moved to the States, were your. How old were your kids at that time?

They were teenagers.

Okay.

16, 13, and 11. 11.

Did they speak English at the time or did they learn it when they.

It was their second language?

It was.

Yeah, they did some, but it definitely. I mean, they thought they did really sweet. They tried so hard, and people are like, where are you from?

Well, now they speak it better than I do. So they picked it up fast.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's an amazing thing to be by Lingwo.

Oh, it's so. I mean, it's just awesome. But I know that had to be hard. I mean, that had to be so hard. And like, during that time, you know, how did you, as a family, again, you know, really keep God at the center? And also, I mean, as teenagers, we've moved. We haven't moved countries, but just moving states has been hard on our families. So how did you. How did you all get through that? What things helped you in that time?

I think honor is one of those things that we realized that we were not honoring Christian's parents by our kids speaking their language. And that's something that one time her dad told her like, what's happening with your kids? They don't speak my language. I won't be able to communicate with them.

Wow.

And kind of like Donna and I us like saying, yeah, we need to really honor your parents and to put into them the language not. Not just the actual English speaking language, but also the. The language of honoring other. Our family members, our cultures. And. And they also learn to be the To. To embrace. So we don't criticize our. Our cultures. We celebrate our cultures. So they love to be Americans and they love to be Mexicans.

Yeah.

And you know, and now I'm an American too. I'm a citizen now. But I mean, like, and I love this country. And I never. I have had friends that sometimes express themselves, run towards one another, another country. And I'm like, no, I mean, that's not what God wants. He wants us to be in one spirit. And even if we have different cultures.

Which is honor, another way was honoring with between siblings. This was something that was huge in our house that really we would fight for peace.

Yes, you do have to.

And so we definitely taught our kids to be each other's best friends. Yes. And so when they wanted to invite friends over and no, you can't play with us. And I'm like, yes, they can, because this is truly your best friend. And I know it can't be like that all the time. They have to have their alone time with their friends. But that their siblings were always priority. And that was very much from the Latino culture, which I loved. That was one of the wins and the bonuses, like our family unit comes first. And everyone else is just kind of added to that because this is forever and that relationship might not be.

You're right.

And so prioritize your relationships, starting from the family out. And so that was something I so appreciated about the Latino culture. And that was a keeper.

Yeah.

And when you're moving countries, I mean that it can really, really force them to cultivate better relationships as brothers. I know we've seen that in our own family. We always use the term. Cause ours are young right now. Our youngest two are five and eight. And we're like, when they start fighting, we're like, are you being best brothers? And then little Chatham, who's five, he'll look at and he'll go, no. And he'll kind of process it. And so it's sweet. But that is so true. I mean, it's. You know, we could do an even better job teaching them that honor culture. But I love that. And it's so important. And it's just like you said, it just. It brings more peace to the whole family. So I absolutely love that.

Yes. And I think talking about the honor culture, I mean, today you see so many teenagers and so many kids don't even say hello. They don't even look. Look to you, to the eyes.

And honoring older people.

Yeah, older people.

You're right. You're so right.

Just people around you, you know, and. And I know that the whole concept about don't talk to strangers and things like that, but also, that doesn't mean don't say hi to strangers. Right. I mean, like, that you can interact in some way. And I think, like, for example, our boys, I mean, so many times they ask us, what do you do with them? And why are they like, like this, so polite? And I mean, I'm bragging about them, but, I mean, they're normal kids. But the thing is that it's just normal. I mean, it's just normal. What are the things, like, normal things that you should still do, like by saying hello and just extending. Not today, the hand. Because, I mean, social distances. But I mean, just. And people were so impressed by just, wow, he's talking to me. Your son is talking to me and.

Looking me in the eyes.

Looking me in the eye.

Right?

Yes.

Yeah. Just those values that have been lost, especially as I've been in different cultures, especially in the American culture, the youth culture has lost this honor for adults honor. We weren't so surprised by that when we came back and we could walk in the room and get completely ignored. Whereas in the Latino culture, the young people would say hello to you, walk up, and then at least you got a hello. And I'm so. And so. And so. We had trained our kids also since they were young. I love that that was. I'm like, we're gonna do that where they'll look an adult in the eye and. Yes. And say, hello, and this is my name. And so we loved that, too, about the Latino culture.

Yeah.

I hope that catches on all over America, because that's something we need to re. Establish here. That kind of honor. And, you know, speaking of some of the cultural differences, since our ministry, of course, is primarily about marriage, I'd love to hear your insights on what you see as some of the cultural differences in Latin American culture versus, you know, American culture as it relates to how marriage is seen and just. Yeah, I'd love to hear your perspective on that.

Well, I mean, I will say that for me, what I can think from the Top of my mind is that the sense of what our roles are and all I know that we are made equal before God and we have so many talents and we complement each other, we help each other, but at the same time, I think in the Latino culture, still very clear that. That we as men, we want to be the protectors, the providers, the. The ones that give direction in so many ways and. And along. I mean, alongside with my wife. I mean, I don't. Don't take me wrong in any way. Kristin plays a big role in every decision that we make and everything, but I think the nursing part of the home, the taking care. Our kids have been so blessed to have a mom like Kristen that she really put aside a little bit for a time, her personal dreams, and really poured herself her heart down to our kids and help them to be the men that they are today. And I think that's so beautiful. And I think that's part of also the Latino culture, that motherhood, you know, like, sense without. I'm not. I don't have anything against women working or anything like that, but I'm saying that. That we still understand that God gave us different roles and that we don't need to fight to be the same people. Right. But actually to. To embrace the. Who we are in the moment that we are.

And that brings instability into the home. But there's also weakness in that that. That I've picked up on, which is women. There is a. Can be a tendency to idolize children and then neglect the actual marital relationship. And it's beautiful to see the family unit so strong because moms tend to be very. A strong figure. But possibly there's a little bit of neglect in there that we've seen with the marriage. And so that's something we work with a lot trying to bring the balance it. Okay, marriage. The marriage relationship is absolutely forever until death do us part. And kids are gonna grow up and leave the home. So we have to prioritize that as well. As I would say, also, there's not a lot of communication sometimes within the culture, especially for men. You know, just saying, as long as I'm providing, I might not have to then expose my heart and go deeper. So having an intimacy. I think intimacy issues are what we deal with the most in counseling and all types of intimacy. Just going deeper as a couple, opening up.

Yeah, that's why I will say to go back to what the culture, God's culture really is and to. To really try to take the best of both. But what is God saying? What is God saying on this area in our lives? I mean, the way that we communicate, the way we handle our money, the way we have. I think like every couple are going to have conflicts, and we do have conflict, but I think what we have learned is to resolve them or how to resolve them. And I think that that has to be for every marriage. Depending on it doesn't matter where you come from, where you are from, what language you speak. I think we need to come back to the basics of what God says to restore relationship. Because at the end of the day, as you said, marriage, I mean, it's going to be until death do us apart. And it should be like that way, right? So I don't know if that answered your question. Probably went somewhere else, but.

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You know, I'm gonna shift a little bit before we get to our Q and A for today, but, you know, we were talking about this whole time we've been talking about keeping God at the center of our marriage. And I think a lot of that, you know, it really, it really boils down to the spiritual practices that couples have to keep their relationship with the Lord strong. And so I'd love for you all to share kind of some insight into that.

Yeah, well, I think we have. I don't know if it's a good moment to say this about the book, I mean, which releases tomorrow, guys. Yeah.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Thank you. Thank you.

Un matrimonial divino.

Un matrimonial divino. Divino. A divine marriage. And yeah, we actually felt that that was the theme that God wanted to kind of download. Because I think, like, everything that comes from God that he's created through God is divine. And so by putting God in the middle is putting God first, acting according to what he will pleases him. And to really learn what marriage is all about. And it's really to represent him the right way here on earth, to have the same kind of relationship, what is in heaven and earth and God has given us. I feel like marriage is like a little lab that God uses to stir our hearts and come together and learn together according to what his will is. So I think, like, at the end of the day, we should pray, may your will be done in our marriage and not ours. And we just need to grow relationship with God first to be able to develop the relationship between us, which in.

Our relationship, that was definitely true because like I said, we can't believe maybe that now we have a marriage ministry. We started out actually ministering with children and family ministry, raising children. Kind of always felt like that was our strength. You feel kind of confident in that area. And when they started to ask us to share our marriage, I'm like, oh, I don't think we're the people for that. We're still really working on this, you know? And it was more and more and more and more till God began to really call us into this a lot deeper. And still sometimes you feel like, am I the right person for this? You know? But then we become the right person as we surrender to.

And I think, like, in some areas, for example, like in intimacy. How can you put God first by having a holy relationship, you know, like healthy holy. I mean, to keep. To keep your bed pure. So I think purity is a big essence of having God first. And purity doesn't have to be, like, boring, but it's like you understand what God asks of you, understand the beautiful gifts that God has given us as.

A marriage couple, or even in communication, taking control of your emotions. I mean, it's all biblical. God has laid out the map. That's why the idea of a divine marriage is by his design. And it's about the blessing and the beauty of. Of a marriage covenant, like understanding what that covenant really means. It means we have access to the inheritance of God. When we're in covenant with him, we now have access to him and everything that is his. And so that needs to translate into our marriage. We should be able to see that, you know, manifest in our marriage. But we need to make steps to always be prioritizing it. Obviously, we know that. So even in communication, taking control of our emotions, we see it in Second Corinthians when he says, take captive your thoughts is the same as take captive your emotions, which that then goes into the whole idea of communication or intimacy or finances.

I mean, putting God first, I mean, like, God wants to protect us. And I'm a big believer of tithing and giving. And I believe that tithing is actually a protection for us. And when we put God first, it really gives you the confidence that God is in control. And I feel like tithing is like transferring your money into God's kingdom, you know, and God takes care of the rest. So I feel like that also represents and giving to others. Jesus said that it's better to give than to receive. And that's something that we have teach our kids. And they've been blessed in many different ways, but they know the principle of giving. So they also understand that God is first in our lives by our actions. It's not just what we say, but actually what we do and in our church and our ministry. I mean, when people say, oh, people are great, I always say, I want to see them at home. I want to see how great you are as a man in your home. You know, you can be coming and serve in church and everything, and we appreciate that. But how are you doing at home? You know, are you really putting God first or neglecting what God has given you as your. In your family? So that's another. Another.

Yeah. So the idea of divinity is not like, oh, floating around with a harp. Yeah. You're like, oh, yeah. We're like in this other sphere. No, divinity is God's kingdom manifest on earth through us, and it should look practical. It's something we're walking out, but that everything has a divine stamp on it because we're prioritizing God in everything we do.

I love that.

And you guys live that out in a beautiful way.

Well, I mean, we have gone through a lot, but I feel like at the end, God is God's grace, you know, because it's not about how much we do, is about how much we receive. Because God has given everything to us. You know, second Peter 1:3 says, I have given you everything that you need to Give to live a godly life. So, yeah, I want to learn what is all those things, you know, and people come together in unity and in relationship in three ways, like common law, you know, I mean, not getting married, just living together. And in the Latino culture is very common to have, like, couples that they say they're married, but they've just been together for 25 years, you know, 40 years. But there's common law. Then it's by contract, just on a contract. We went before a judge or even before a pastor or a priest, but really it just felt like a contract, you know, that you're just doing something because it's religiously okay, and it's what is accepted by the social community that you live in. But really, when you invite God to be the center of your life, the center of your marriage, then something changes. I mean, and it's a daily relationship that you need to grow in with your wife and God to be able to download that divinity. And I will conclude by saying the favor of God over every marriage. The covenant. Exactly. You can say more about that. It's all in the book. But I mean, I think the covenant is beautiful.

Absolutely. It's like a whole other. Exactly right. I mean, it makes the marriage. It's that much deeper. It's the kind of marriage that God wants us all to have, a divine marriage.

It really is.

So, guys, check out the book and check out every aspect of the Romans ministry. And again, Xolatino.com is a great place you can get that if you have friends that are. That are Spanish speaking. This is a wonderful resource for them. I'm thrilled that we finally have such a great couple and so many great resources available in Spanish. And so please share these resources with your friends. And guys, I want to thank you for being here. But before we let you go, we want to invite you to help us with today's question. And so we got a question. Thank you for those who send in your questions. We appreciate it. Sweetie, would you like to read today's question?

Absolutely. All right. It says, thank you both for the engaging podcast you put out there. It has been a boost toward thinking positively about my husband and my marriage, which, let's be honest, isn't always easy or automatic. My question for you is related to praying together. We come to our marriage from different backgrounds. My husband was raised Catholic and I was raised in a non denominational Christian home. Currently, we don't pray together, but we do pray separately. How do we begin coming together to pray? It feels awkward. Do we pray Aloud. Do we each pray each time or take turns Help. I feel this is an area that could really use improvement in our relationship with each other and with God and. But I don't know where to start. Thanks for your guidance and wisdom in this area. And I love that we get to answer this question with you all as we've been talking about keeping God at the center. And I think I'm so glad this person submitted this question because I think so many people can relate to this, coming from. Both are Christians, but come from different backgrounds.

Yes. Yes. Well, I mean, everybody's looking at me.

Anybody can.

I don't know if I have the answer, but it happened to us. To Kristen and I, it was difficult sometimes to pray together. And I think it's because we were not feeling secure, that we were. That could open our hearts.

And it's very vulnerable, is the most vulnerable place.

So I feel that we should not have a critical spirit, like, you know, because that can kind of like, what, are you praying that? Or why are you not praying this way? Or this is the way the pastor said we should pray, but you're praying wrong, you know, or things like that. So I think just by. My common starting point of prayer with Kristin is just by giving thanks to God. And I think that unite us when we can just give thanks for the day, for our lives, for Christ in us, for our children, for our jobs, for whatever. I mean, gratefulness opens the door to the favor of God and his blessings.

That's good. I would also say lay down your expectations. Come as a clean slate, because if you have anything in your mind how you think it wants to look like, it's just gonna be really frustrating. And also keep a good sense of humor because you're gonna find yourself laughing instead of praying. Probably because that was it. Are you done? Am I supposed to go like, ah, okay. Why are you so quiet? There's gonna be all these awkward moments. Or at least we have them sometimes we still do. Oh, it's my turn. Okay, sorry. I'm going. And so taking turns, I think is a good. A good idea. But you can't make someone do it. If your husband's a real quiet guy or just doesn't feel, like, confident, he's gonna feel probably insecure about it or think he's not doing it well. So that's okay. You could just give him time to pray quietly while you wait. And then you pray out loud. Everyone kind of.

He can read the scripture that was.

True to say that. Or reading prayers. There's written prayers.

Yes.

This is a little plug. I wasn't planning on it, but I actually wrote a book of scriptures and prayers. Awesome.

It's called Keys of the Kingdom. Also, it's in emergency today in English and Spanish.

Keys of the Kingdom. Because some people don't have a prayer language. They don't have a language to pray. And so reading someone else's prayer can get you going. And having scripture to back that up, that could be an option, just to read prayers together. Yes.

I love that. And I think the main thing I'm hearing you guys say, and we would totally agree with this, is just, you have to start somewhere. It's not gonna be perfect. God's not shaking his finger at you like, you're not praying correctly. This is. This language is not as holy as I was looking for. It's like, just talk to your dad. Talk to your creator. He wants to hear from you. Your voice is the most beautiful thing. Beautiful music to his ears. And so I love that this wife wrote this. And I know it can be a place. It's a form of intimacy. I mean, it's this beautiful form of intimacy. But it is scary for some people because you're not only opening up to the Lord, but you're opening up a part of your heart and your mind to your spouse. That is very, very intimate. But I'm telling you, like we've said on this podcast so many times, that praying will take you to a whole new level. And I want to challenge you. If you and your spouse have been kind of at odds with each other, I challenge you to pray together out loud. And it doesn't have to be long, but it's really, really hard to stay mad at someone and pray for them at the same time. And if you don't believe me, I challenge you to do it. And God may not make your situation, you know, magically better all of a sudden. It doesn't necessarily work like that, but he will soften your heart towards your spouse, and he will draw your hearts closer together. And so I just encourage you to start somewhere. And I love what the Romans have said about just, you know, if you don't know what to say, then get that prayer book that they talked about, and we'll put that in the notes for sure, and just start saying these out loud and starting somewhere.

And I love starting with gratitude, you know, because we can all list out the things we're thankful for. And when you're praying together and thanking God, even for specific things about your spouse, God, thank You for she's such a wonderful mother. God, thank you that she ended. You're complimenting your spouse while you're thanking God at the same time. And what a beautiful way to begin that journey. And so as a way to kind of close it, not to put you guys on the spot, but I just were talking about prayer, and I think this might be a beautiful way to end. I'd like to invite the two of you to say a prayer of blessing for those who are listening. And, Kristen, I want to invite you to say a prayer in English for our couples. And then, Luis, I want to invite you to say a prayer in Spanish for the couples who are listening. And guys, just receive this prayer as. As a blessing from this couple. And after they finish their prayers, then we'll wrap up. Would you pray for us?

Absolutely. Lord, we thank you. We start with gratitude, Lord. We believe even that gratitude is a weapon in the spirit, Lord, and that you fight on our behalf, Lord, as we worship you and we lift up your name. So I praise your name over each couple right now that is listening to us, God. I thank you, Lord, that you are working on their behalf and that they. I pray that you, even now they would feel like a revitalizing, a renewing of hope within them in these areas of their marriage where possibly they have lost hope. I just pray that the winds of your spirit would blow through the room, wherever they are right now, and revive them, God. Revive them, Lord. I pray also for as a couple, for fresh passion, God, and a knowing of one another, God. A desire to know each other. Know deeply, Lord. God, bless their homes and their children. Surround them with your presence. And we come against any spirit that would try to block them, God, anything that would try to rob them, Lord, of the blessing that you have for them in their future, God. Thank you, Jesus, Lord, for your presence right now manifest in their home.

Yes, Lord.

In the name of Jesus.

Amen.

Amen.

Thank you.

Thank you all so much. I love that.

And we want to thank you again for your ministry and for just honored to be serving alongside you here as part of the team at marriage today and exo and now exo Latino. And I'm so excited about what God is doing in your family and will continue to do through your ministry. And we want to thank you for listening, all you who've been listening. Thank you. What a special episode. And we're so honored that you've been here to experience it with us. And we hope that you have been encouraged as encouraged by this conversation with the Romans as we have been.

That's right. So we are excited. This is our last full episode and starting next week we are going to jump into what we are going to refer to this summer as our sexy summer quit. Which are if you were with us last summer we did some questions where we just had shorter episodes and go through questions. Well, this summer we're doing a very similar thing but we're focusing on the the 12 most asked questions when it comes to sex. So make sure you tune in for that and we just thank you so much for tuning in and we will see you next time. The holidays are all about family, but at the Chrysler Wrap of the Year Sales event, it's all about you. Enjoy every mile in the most awarded minivan in America, the Chrysler Pacifica with the most standard safety features in its class, available Stow N Go seating and the available Stow N Back built in vacuum. Make the most of the holidays with a great deal at the Chrysler Pacifica Wrap up the Year sales event based on Ward's small van segment. Based upon the latest available competitor information, Chrysler is a registered trademark of FCA US LLC.