Creating & Keeping Great Sex Habits in 2024 | 14 Days of Sex | Day 14

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Hello and welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And you guys have made it through the two weeks, two weeks of talking about sex.

It's gone too fast.

Some of these have been really awkward just because we have to have a sense of humor.

Beautifully awkward.

Beautifully awkward. I hope, I hope you all have enjoyed this. I hope that you've had really meaningful conversations with your spouse. And also a lot of laughs. I mean, I said scrote on the last episode that you're a boy mom.

You say scro a lot.

Well, I was having a con. I mean, this is just give you a glimpse. This is how honest we are. Like, I have not said wash your scrote. Did I say that once?

Well, maybe I just imagine, but it's good advice. Maybe I say that to the boys.

I just always say, like, wash really good everywhere. Okay. But no, yesterday we were talking. This is with Dave's parents here because they're very honest too. And we were talking about steroids for some reason. And because there was some movie they saw where this guy was all jacked and Cooper was like, he definitely took steroids. And I was like, I don't know. And then I, of course, being a mother, I was a dare. You know, dare to keep kids off drug.

Drug abuse, Resisting education. I was an advocate in the 90s.

I was a representative of DARE. So I, I studied all this stuff and I had to go, like, teach younger kids about this. And I was like, do you know all of the bad side effects that steroids can have on a man? And I went through all of them and like, you can get all this acne on your back. You can be angry, but you can also. It'll shrink your balls. I mean, I literally said it just like that. Yeah, well, and your mom looked at me. She's a, she's a nurse too. And she goes you know, you're right, Ashley. It does shrink your balls. And she goes, cooper, it will shrink your balls. And if you ever do anything like that, your ball. And he's like, I'm not saying I would ever do any drugs or steroids. I'm just saying this guy did it. And I was like, well, it affects your man parts. Don't do anything. You know, they shouldn't be doing that. And anyway, so we always are very like, talk about all. You know, as a parent, you're just like, don't ever do that.

Yeah, that's fair enough.

Because he's a weightlifter. So I'm always like, don't even, you know, just don't go near that stuff. But yeah, so we talk openly about whatever false. So yeah, that was. That was like a just a dinner conversation. Now, our little boys weren't in the room, but they love. We talk that gut level honest about it. Because I think that would attract most men, you know, from doing things like that. They don't want that. So, yeah, protect yourself.

Maybe a topic for another day.

Protect yourself, guys.

But yeah, all right, that's a. That we're ending out our 14 days.

Taiwan, you can take this out if you want to. I don't know.

No, leave it in. It's all gold.

Our producer Taiwan and his love.

Congrats on their.

They've listened to all wedding.

Yes, they are the cutest couple.

They are.

And we just cheer them on. God has great plans for them. They're going to be the most prepared engaged couple ever because they want to listen to our episodes. But they're. They're amazing. We love them.

Yeah. And so last episode we have one that is not as awkward, that is just important and that is sex habits. Like, you know what?

I got to say one quick thing about Taiwan and Chloe on this episode because we haven't done. But we're gonna put a link in the show notes where you guys can send a gift to Taiwan. And because Taiwan produces this podcast, if.

You have benefited from it without Taiwan, they.

They're an amazing young couple. And you know what they could. They could use.

Send them some, you know, wedding love.

Send them something nice. So. So we'll have a link for you to just way your. Your. Your way of sending a little thank you. Say, you know, I love the podcast. Congrats on your wedding. Here you go. Sorry, you carry on.

I love it. That's so sweet. So we're talking about sex habits. Like what kind of. What do we mean by this? We Mean, you know, sex is something that we need to prioritize in marriage. We always talk about that. It's not everything, it's not the most important part of marriage, but it is an important part of marriage, very important. And so that means that we are, we are going to have habits, you know, and we want to have good sex sex habits when it comes to prioritizing our sex life in our marriage. And so I would say, number one, make sure you're having sex regularly. And what I mean by that is it needs to happen on a regular basis. That's going to look different for every couple.

It's not a magic number. No, but it has to be regular, regular. I mean if, if a couple is not having sex, if it's very rare, that is a warning sign, an emergency warning sign that things, unless there's like some very specific, like medical reason why you haven't got, which sometimes there could be, which there can be. But under normal circumstances, if sex is just not happening, that's an emergency. So it needs to be consistent, it needs to be mutually beneficial. We've talked about both male and female orgasm. If only one of you is orgasming, then that's, that's a problem. I mean that needs to be something that is mutually, mutually good and healthy. I think that talking about your sex life needs to be an important habit.

And also regularly like saying, are, you know, are you satisfied? Like am I meeting your needs? You know, am I, I'm sorry, you know, this week I was sick or whatever, which I mean, obviously give people, you know, give each other grace on being sick or whatever it is that you're going through. But just even being mindful to say, hey, I want to meet your needs, Like I want, I want to make sure that we're prioritizing our sex life.

Because you are the only legitimate source on earth of meeting your spouse's sexual needs. Now that doesn't mean that like they should manipulate that and be like, you got to meet my needs, like in.

A demanding way, that's not going to end well.

Yeah, that becomes abusive. But I think both, if both of you have that servant hearted mindset not only about sex but in all parts of the marriage, how can I serve my spouse better? Then you're both going to be a lot happier.

Exactly. And just really making sure that when.

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Leading up to the bedroom that you're being mindful and not just because you want to have sex, but that you're just being mindful to be caring and to connect in other ways. Like all the non sexual touch, all the conversations you have that day and just the respect and love that you show to each other. Making sure you're connecting. I think even just, you know, having a regular date night, like making sure that you're especially those of you who are parents and have busy careers and things like that, like making sure that you set aside time to just really invest in your relationship. And also every day, like making sure you have time in the day where you talk, even if it's for like 15 minutes. Like just really talking to each other, looking into each other's eyes and engaging with each other. I know for us it's been going on a walk. We talk about that all the time. But you know, walks, regular walks are something that we look forward to because it's time for us, like it's time just to get out, get moving and talk.

Yeah.

And I think it, you know, that I know you'd be like, well, what does that have to do with our sex life? It has so much to do with it. It's how you connect.

Foreplay is an all day event.

It's all day. And so I think that just really, you know, having honest conversations about what you like, what you don't like, not in the moment. Like not when you're in the moment.

It's good to say that. Yes, that feels good.

Oh, absolutely.

No, that doesn't feel good.

Yes.

But, but yeah, like you know, they're, they're overhaul. Like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have the bigger conversations at another time.

Exactly. I think two sexual habits, like we have to make sure that we're not masturbating and meeting our own sexual needs. You know, where that's our regular practice.

Right. When that becomes a habit, your sex life's going to hurt for it. I mean, it's going to hurt because of it. I mean, because you're training yourself to be a selfish lover.

Exactly. And it's really. You will have less that you want to give to your spouse and experience with your spouse when you're having regular masturbation. And I'm not to say that there's not a time here and there where that may happen. I'm not, I'm not trying to shame someone, but I think that if it's a regular, for some people, it is a regular practice. I mean, especially we hear from a lot of men, but there's a lot of women, there's an increasing number of women that this is just a regular practice for them. And I think that it takes away from, from the experience with your spouse because you're meeting that need yourself. And so we want to make sure that that's not something where we're just selfish and we're like, well, I just want to do it myself. It's easier because I can, you know, know what makes what feels good to me. But it's like, well, no, communicate with your spouse and bring your spouse into that picture. Because sex is supposed to be about the two of you.

Yeah.

Because I think that's a sexual habit that culturally I feel like it's just so widely accepted, like as normal and as Christians are supposed to be set apart. And so.

Yeah, man, it's a good point. I think, I think, you know, to give a plug here, I think just listening consistently and discussing the Naked Marriage podcast. And I'm serious, I, I mean, we do this just to help you guys have more conversations about sex and about all parts of your marriage. And, and we're, we're right there with you. I mean, this is a, this is a place for us. You know, we're, we're working through things and then we'll come back and circle back and have follow up conversations. And I do think that if you'll keep this, you've kept this habit maybe for 14 days during, you know, the first part of the year, if you're listening in real time. But even if it's just weekly, like, all right, well, once a week we're going to, we're going to tune in, listen to an episode and, and really talk about it. What did we learn? What are we learning? And I Think that's an important way to stay connected. And if it's not our podcast, find something that you can do. Sure.

Yes.

Around that, you know, something you can watch or listen to consistently, that's going to lead to conversation.

And I think the most important thing you could possibly do for your sex life is start praying about your sex life. Like, and we have people who are like, that is the weirdest thing. But I'm sure you pray for your marriage. I mean, pray for your marital relationship, obviously, but pray for your sex life. God created it. He wants you to have a thriving sex life. Like, literally, he made it for you and your spouse. Right. He made it for a husband and wife to enjoy together. And. And so why would we not pray for one of God's creations? Like, he created sex. And so it's not like this thing we can't talk about with God. But I'm saying, like, if you feel like there's this something that's holding you back, like, pray about it together, but also pray about it separately. And I'm telling you, that's something we've done for years. Like, for years, and it makes all the difference, you know, and anytime there's been time where I've not prayed specifically about that, I feel like I. I can tell the difference. Like, it's supposed to. It really is something we should pray for.

Yeah.

And. And so you don't feel weird about it. Like, this is something, again, that God created and wants you to have. Thriving. A thriving part of your marriage relationship.

Man. So good, guys. Thanks for sticking with us these 14 days. It's been so much fun, and it's been an honor to just have you on this. This ride with us as we had these. These discussions about sex. And join us, you know, starting tomorrow, we've got brand new episodes that'll be coming out every Monday and every Wednesday.

Yep.

And if you're not listening to our Parenting Uncovered podcast, our brand new podcast all about parenting, every Tuesday, there'll be a new episode of that as well. So three days a week, you have something to talk about.

You may want our voice. You may not want to hear voices anymore, but we just. We do this because we love you and we want to help you, and we're learning all these things along the way as well. So thank you all so much for sticking with us for two weeks. We pray many, many blessings over you and your marriage and specifically your sex life. And we hope that you keep on praying and talking about these things, and we will see you next time.

Bye, guys.