Fighting for Your Marriage with Miss Kay & Lisa Robertson

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We are so excited and honored. It's really just such a treat for us today. And I know every episode I say this is a really special episode. And it's not that I'm ever lying because they're all special in their own way, but this guys, is next level, really special episode, extra special. We've got Ms. K and Lisa Robertson. Yes, you heard me right. Yes, that Ms. K and Lisa Robertson from, of course, the Robertson family from the Duck Dynasty show. From just a family that I think has done more to impact just the culture with the message of Christ in a relevant way, in a unique way, maybe more so than any family I can think of in our time. And God's just really, really worked through them. And it's. And I've been one of the many. We've been one of the many that have been blessed and encouraged and even entertained by the stories that you guys have shared. And so we just want to thank you and say right from the start, just thank you for being here.

Yes, we're glad to be here.

Yeah, we are. It's an honor for us, too.

And we don't. We don't have any trouble talking, so don't worry about that.

Well, I love that. We love that.

I'm going to try to stay quiet as much as I can because people want to hear from you guys. So to start out before we dive into the book and guys who want to talk a lot about their book today, Sister Roar. It's going to encourage you. But before we get deep into that, we always love to start out the interviews by asking folks to share the origin story of their love story, their marriage. So for Both of you, Ms. Kay and Lisa, I want to give you a chance to tell us about how you met Alan, how you met Phil, and what Those early days of your relationship were like. Because folks love hearing those stories.

Okay, so I met Alan for the first time whenever I was in the sixth grade and he was in the eighth grade. But unfortunately he never noticed me. I was much too young. And he was more of a ladies man in the eighth grade, you know. And so I didn't meet up with him again until I was in the 10th grade and he was in the 12th grade. And that's whenever we began to date. And we dated for about six months. And then he had to go to New Orleans. And so is Wild Oats. And I stayed in West Monroe, Louisiana. And so did mine. So we had, you know, that was two years there. We had a lot that happened to us in those two years. Lots of pain, lots of challenges, lots of mistakes. But he came back two years later. I was in the 12th grade, about to graduate, and came back to West Monroe. And he called me and just. He was always kind of like my knight in shining armor. And so whenever he called me and I heard him on the other line, I just kind of. My voice kind of caused like, it's him, you know, it's my knight in shining armor. And so, you know, the first time that I dated him, he was a totally different person than he was the second time. The first time he was, you know, drinking and drugging and partying. The second time around, he wanted to tell me that he had met a man named Jesus and that he had changed his life. And he wanted me to know how that could happen in my life too.

Wow.

And so the second first date was a lot different than the original date. But we got married about six months later after we started dating and had our kids within the first two years of our marriage. Had a miscarriage during that part too. And then four years down the road, he started preaching school so that, you know, through another wrench in there. But, you know, we made it through that part too. And we've made lots of mistakes since then. Still make mistakes. But we are committed. We are together. We're both redeemed and God has made a beautiful thing out of our love story.

It's just amazing. And I was following you on instagram and it's 37 years. Is that right?

Uh huh.

But congratulations. That's just so amazing. I love it. And I. I love how you put. She put 37 years of wedded bliss, and then in parentheses she put T, E, R, S like blisters.

We had a few of those years.

And I just thought that is a true Statement for anyone who's been married for any length of time. So I just, I thought that was.

I've got an important marriage question though, Lisa. Before we dive in, Ms. K. Story is, is I know your husband wears a short beard now, but for all those beardless years, was it primarily because you didn't like the beard or because he didn't want the beard? The reason why I ask is this is like in our marriage, this is always. This is kind of like she get when I get the facial hair going, it like it makes her face break out. So she's like, when you kiss me and you got those whiskers, like I can't take it. And so that's that. And the reason. And also I don't think I ever finished puberty because when I try to grow a beard, it doesn't look like any of the Robertson men beards. You guys, you know, they're all beard models and mine is very patchy, but so it's easy for me to shave. But just out of curiosity, what do you prefer? Do you prefer the clean shaven Allen or the short beard Allen?

I prefer the clean shaven Allen. And I am the reason why he never had a beard.

There we go.

Yeah, me and the little old ladies at church, they didn't like it either. And they always, they'd pull on his beard if he had one and say, don't you start looking like your daddy.

Oh my goodness.

I'll tell you this.

Yes.

So I say this whenever we're speaking at places. So my worst nightmare would be to roll over in the middle of the night and see somebody that looks like Willie or Jace or Phil or I mean, Lord help me, Uncle Sigh. That is the worst nightmare that I could think of. Now on the other side of that, we need for Ms. K to tell you what it would be like if she rolled over and saw a clean shaven feel.

I would feel like I was committing adultery.

Right.

Because that wouldn't be Phil.

Exactly.

He's had a beard now the last time that he shaved it and he might not have shaved it all the way. It may have just been like really, really then and. And got his haircut was. Alan and I were dating. So that was 37 years ago the last time.

Wow. Wow.

That's crazy.

That's amazing.

I love it.

So that's what she says. She would feel like she was committing adultery if she rolled over and saw a man without a beard.

Yeah, you wouldn't recognize it. I mean, it's, it's just like, who.

Is this person I know?

I would say I've gotten the wrong room.

Yeah, this is not my bedroom. Well, Speaking of that, Ms. Kay, I'd love to hear more about your story and how you met Phil and what it's been like being married. How long have you guys been married?

60 years.

60?

With dating, 63 years.

But I don't believe your math because you only look 40. So I'm trying to understand.

And I have a 56 year old son now that you got a.

That's right, that's right.

Oh, he's 57. I keep him younger.

That's right.

That's wonderful.

Well, we'd love to hear though, how did you and Phil meet?

Okay, this is a good story. We were in high school together and I had actually seen him play ball when he was in eighth grade and I was in seventh, but it was just a practice game. And his brother, actually Tommy, was playing too in that game. And I thought, those are good looking boys right there. Now I did, you know, and to judge who was the best looking from afar, you couldn't tell, but it was Phil, of course. But then I didn't see or hear about them until I got to our high school, North Caddo. And I was in the 9th grade, 14 years old, and Phil was a sophomore. Well, what happened is I saw him and I thought, oh, I'd love to date him. But back then the girls didn't make the first move, the boys did. And so I couldn't make the first move, so. And I thought, he will look at me too, and I think he might like me, but he's not making a move. So an upperclassman girl that I think knew Phil better than she did me, but decided that we would make a cute couple. So she came to me at school and I was a cheerleader and she said, Phil Robertson, you know, the quarterback. And I said, yeah, I know who he is. And she said, he wants you to walk him off the field. And then she went to Phil and said, you know Kay Caraway, one of the cheerleaders? And he said, yeah, she's cute. So she said, well, it so happens that she wants to walk you off the field after the football game. And he said, well, that's fine with me. So we were literally set up to be. Met each other, to meet each other. And so we met each other and that was it. We started dating and I had just decided, this is who I want to marry and I'm 14. That was ridiculous. But we dated 14, 15, and the whole time I was thinking, this is my husband, future husband. He's my soulmate. He was all that to me at a young age because I had planned about this. Her pioneer man, my pioneer man. And I talked to my grandmother about it and everything. So what we did was, you know, we dated. And then during football season, no, hunting season, of course. How could I miss this? He had to break up because I would be interfering in the hunting time. And he wanted to spend every minute hunting and fishing during this time. So we broke up. And I'd say I dated two or three guys and he might have dated a couple of girls, but it was nothing. You know, it's just like this is a friend, this is not anything romantic. So for both of us. And so we. I just still couldn't wait for him to make the move. And he wouldn't make it. So in May of my. When I was my first 9th grade year, my daddy passed away at the age of 49 with a sudden heart attack. Well, a bunch of my classmates with a funeral. Yeah, that's right. And then, then I saw him and he looked and he walked over and said, can I talk to you after the funeral? And I said, yes. And so that moment on, from that one meeting, we've never been apart since. But have we had some times. We went to college with him on a football scholarship. And I just knew it was like my dreams come true and I'll live happily ever after. But that's what my grandmother had told me in our talks. That's not true. She said, one day you'll fight for your marriage. And I said, why would I do that? That's going to be perfect. Well, of course, you know, I'd read too many books that said, and they live together happily ever after. So my grandmother said, no, you'll have to fight for your marriage. And I was like, there's no way. I mean, that's just not true. And she said, well, always remember, God wants you to have one husband, so you hang in there. And she told me all this and I'm thinking, why is she so negative all of a sudden? And I learned when Phil got at college, he was still a good person. And. But when he met the football players and got involved because he was there actually five years in the football program because he red shared his first year. But their influence was horrible. And so I could just see right before me, him going down, down, down. And then he went on his drunken, terrible ten year run as the prodigal son. Right. And it was Terrible. I knew there was adultery. I knew the whole thing. So I was there. And everybody said, you need to leave him. You need to leave him. His family, my family, friends, everybody said, you need to leave him. And I sat there alone and said, no. I vowed to stay, you know, till death do us part. And they said, but you have a biblical reason. I said, I know I do. But I still believe God doesn't want me to leave him. And so I stayed that 10 years. I call it living in hell, which it was. But then he kicked us out, me and three of the boys, and said, you're just running my life. I said, well, you've been running my life for 10 years. But he put me out. And I looked up in heaven to my grandmother and to God and said, look, I tried everything. He put us out. It's not my fault. So we just had to. We had a Volkswagen. We had to put all the clothes we could put in a Volkswagen, which isn't much. And then the church just took me in at wfr, where I was going, and they just helped me get a little apartment. They loved me. And every day I'd go with my girlfriend and say, please, please, Lord, change his heart. Change his heart. And then when he was without me for about four months, then one day when I come back to work, he was sitting in the old gray truck with his head down like this. And my girlfriend said, oh, let's run. He's probably got a gun. I said, no, I'm going to go talk to him. And she said, yeah, that would be better than. None of us would get hurt and. But I'll try to call the police if I see anything happen to you from the window upstairs. So bless her heart, she tried. But I went out there and opened that door, and there he was in tears and crying. And he told me, he said, I can't live without my family. And then my heart was beating a million times, and I said I had to be strong. I said, you've got to change, Phil. You have to get to know somebody. And he said, who? And I said, somebody that's greater than anybody on this earth. And he said, you're talking about Jesus, right? And I said, that's correct, and you don't know him. And he said, well, how do I get to know him? I said, I'll make one phone call. Well, tonight when I get off at 5:30. He met the one who had visited Phil at a beer joint. And of course, he knew, he said, if he's strong enough to do that. That's the man I want to talk to.

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Hey, welcome into Walgreens.

Hi, there. Hey.

All right, hon, I'll grab the gift.

Wrap cards and, oh, those stuffed animals the girls want.

Great. And I'll grab the string lights and some.

How about I grab some cough drops? This is not just a quick trip to Walgreens.

I'm fine, honey.

Well, just in case. You know what they say.

Tis the season.

This is help staying healthy through the holidays.

Walgreens.

So that night, they studied. He said, I'm going to check out every Bible verse. I don't trust anybody. And Bill said, well, Phil, in your world, who would trust? You know, you run around people that cheat all the time. So that night, he studied. And the next night he came. And I had to run to something, and I come right back, and there was a note on the door, Come to the church. And I gathered my three boys up, and we drove as fast as we could up to the church. And just at the front, in fact, at the baptistry, he was taking Phil's confession. For Jesus be the Lord of his life, and he baptized him. And I looked down at my three little boys with tears just running down their eyes. And of course, they were down my eyes, too. And then Jason looked up and said, does this mean the devil's not going to be living in daddy anymore? And I said, that's right. Jesus Christ is going to live your daddy. And then Jason said, but, mom, he really won't cuss at church, will he? Because I don't know if he knows how to talk right? And I said, listen, we're going to all help him. And everybody will know he's trying. He's like a new birth. He's like a little animal that's just born for the first time. He's got to learn how to be good. He's got to learn how to follow. But from now on, all our lives will be different. And they were. And that's the rest of the story.

Wow.

I mean, that's One of the most powerful marriage stories we've. We've had in the whole time we've been.

Yes, it really is. Because I think. And I'm so glad. Thank you for sharing all that, because I know there's people who can relate to you feeling like I'm doing everything I know how to do. But my husband keeps choosing this other life, you know, and that's a desperate place to be. I mean, it really is. And for you to keep the faith and to keep on praying and believing that God could do the miraculous, I mean, that takes courage every day. And also, you know, and you got these young children. I mean, it's so much that you're just trying to. I know. I mean, I can see why you consider those years probably the hardest years of your life. I mean, it's just, you know, it's so hard to see the one that you love really not doing good things, you know, not living the life that, you know, they could be living and hurting you in the process and hurting your family. But, I mean, to see what God did. And it's just. It's just amazing.

Through your faith, it was. You and Jesus are the heroes of that story.

Faith changed the whole legacy. I want to say one thing that I left out, that when I stayed at my grandmother all the time till I left home at 16 with Phil, I want you to know that she constantly. We'd sit in the swings and she would talk about God, she would talk about Jesus, she would talk about marriage, she would talk about all kind of things, and I would listen to everything she said. And I believe with all my heart the reason I stayed were her words that she said, don't give up.

Yes.

You hang in there and fight for your marriage. And I know that God gave me her to help me so much because so many times in that 10 years, I would go back to words she told me and prayers she had for me and all that. It was like, how did she know this was going to happen? She didn't know. She knew that. She wanted God to have me and me to know I had him through bad things. Because everything isn't perfect. Like, some people think you're so right.

And I think that, you know, like you said as a young engaged woman or newlywed, that your grandmother's trying to tell you, like, listen, there's going to come a time where it's going to not be all roses and all, you know, Valentine's Day every day or whatever. And. And I think that that's so wise. I Mean, we do, you know, we want to be excited for people getting married, but also, it is important to know that there's going to be hard times. Like, it's. We don't live in a perfect world. None of us are perfect. There's no perfect marriage out there. And that's not necessarily gloom and doom. It's just. It's just the reality of life. And I think it is important to know, you know, that there's going to be trials and how. You know that. I love how she used the terminology. You're going to have to fight for your marriage because. And that's exactly what you did with everything in you. And it's so beautiful to see what God has done. I mean, you think about all the decades since then, just what he's done through you, this one couple and the families involved and the kids, and I mean, it's just such a legacy. And a lot of that goes back to that faith that you had and that fight that you had. And you just inspire me. And I know you inspire our listeners right now because we need to hear more stories about that, because it is so easy to want to, you know, to just say, I just. I'm just going to need to walk away from this because I don't see any hope. But you kept on holding on to hope. And look, you know, and Phil, I mean, he met Jesus. You know, I just. It's amazing. It really is.

And he came out preaching like John the Baptist. I said, I can't believe this. He said, as bad as he was, and he knows that he sent a lot of people the wrong way because he did things he shouldn't have and asked people to be with him. So he said, I feel like I influenced so many people to be bad, that now that I'm a Christian, I'm going to go way over that and bring people to Jesus.

Right.

So I would call him the young John the Baptist.

Yes.

That's awesome. I love that.

And your entire family has kept that legacy going. I think that you have introduced more people to Jesus. There are so many people that maybe have never set foot in a church.

True.

That have experienced the gospel because of your family's testimony and because of how you've shone a bright light into the dark world around us in such an authentic way. And on this side of heaven, you'll never know how many stories you've been a part of changing how God's worked through each and every one one of your family members. I mean, just generation after generation. What. Just what an amazing legacy.

It is.

We're up to. We're up to four generations now, because Al and I have. Al and I have grandkids, and our oldest is 16. And in 2020, she got Phil to baptize her, and she became a Christian. So we're up to four generations. And that's because, you know, K. K fought for her marriage and feel, you know, relinquished. Relinquished his pride and power over to the Lord and, you know, was changed. But I think what is so unique, though, with Ms. K is that. Ms. K, she knew he was a good person.

I knew him before, deep down.

Yeah, right. So she knew that this was just the evil one in his life.

Yep. And.

And so many times I think we give up too soon.

Right.

Because we look at our marriage and we say, well, this is not making me happy. And look what he's doing. And, you know, he. Or look what she's doing, you know, either one. And. And it's like, well, I'm not happy here. So I think I'm just going to, you know, give up and move on and find somebody else. But, you know, Kay tells people this, and so do I. There's. There's not much in scripture about happiness.

Right.

But there is a lot in scripture about holiness. And whenever you live a holy life, you may not always be happy, but you will always have joy. Because joy is something that comes from the Lord.

Right.

Happiness, of course, comes from happenings, happenstance, what is going on in your life. And you're not always happy. You know, it may not even have to be your husband or your wife. It could be something happening in your life. So we've got to keep that joy at the forefront, and we've got to remember that the fight is not against one another. It's not against husband and wife. The fight is. Is against you and the devil. And God is on your side. You can always make it when God is on your side.

Absolutely. We actually had a. It's so cool that you guys brought this up. We had our staff meeting today, and one of our amazing exo speakers, Sean Reed, actually shared about this very thing today, which you mentioned, Lisa, where you talked about how, you know, it's really how Kay was so wise in this, in realizing that it's not her husband. It's really. It's what Satan is trying to do in her husband trying to rule his life. It's not, you know, it's the sin. It's not the center, so to speak, and how we forget to separate that. And so many people Fail to see that. And how, you know, we have a common enemy and the common enemy is, is Satan. You know, it's, it's not each other. And, and how, you know, we, we either win together or lose together. And we win together by fighting for each other. And you guys both, I mean you, you've demonstrated that. And I think it's just such an important thing to remember because especially when there is, you know, when we feel like we've been wronged, that's where we. You have to dig deep and really deepen your faith and say, God, help me not to just hate this person for what they've done. Help me to realize that this is just the sin in their life. And that's what we're fighting. We're not fighting, you know, just each other.

It's not against flesh and blood.

The Bible says.

Exactly.

That's right. That's right.

I want to tell one little thing. If I could, of course, when I was raising the boys, what I would do is I would always separate. I said, your daddy, when we met, when we met, when we were together, he was a good man, a very good man. And I said, that man still there. But Satan has taken over. Like Lisa said, he's taken over him. And they would pray on the lot of their prayers, we would pray for him and we would say, please let Satan get out of daddy. That's what they would say. And they knew, they. Because I tell you one thing that I think people don't do correctly is they start having their children just hate their dad.

Right? Yes.

And that is not right because mom and the other mom and because what you hate always is sating Satan who takes control of them like he has for everybody. And you've got. It's so important because I know marriages where they can get back together and the children are bitter because they don't know how to get over that and they're not mature enough to understand forgiveness. And so it's very important that you separate. This is a good man. But Satan has taken control in his body.

Yes.

And what you have is results of bad things Satan would do. But we have a greater God and we will just never quit praying. I've known people have stayed so many years with somebody and I know somebody who, he came to Christ at 60 something years old, so. But the wife never gave up. And isn't that amazing? And I think we're in a generation now. If you're not happy, if things aren't perfect, well, let's make it better by Getting somebody else right now. That's what's happening now in our generation.

I mean, in the world right now. Everything is expendable. You know, you can get rid of anything, even our appliances. They're not even making those to last very long now. I mean, I remember my mother had the same can opener for 30 years.

Yes.

I cannot get an electric can opener that lasts for more than a year.

I agree.

I mean, you know, so everything for us, computers, you use them for a year, and the next year there's something better. You know, our phones. Every year, you know, a new version comes out of the phone. So everything is replaceable in. In our world right now. But we've got to realize that relationships are not one of those things.

Yes, right.

You know, and especially that godly marriage relationship. That's not one of those that you can just get rid of and go to the next.

Right.

And yet our world needs that message. I feel like this has been one of the most important conversations we've ever had in the 200 episodes we've done this podcast. And this conversation is going to continue because Ms. K and Lisa have a powerful new book called I mentioned it in the intro. I want to tell you about it again because as of the air date of this podcast, it's available now. Wherever books are, help us make this a number one bestseller because this message needs to get out there. The book is called Sister Roar. Claim your authentic voice, embrace real freedom, and discover true sisterhood. And Ashley, I'm going to step out of the way for the next part of this interview so that there can be a true sisterhood conversation here. You're not going to want to miss it because so much wisdom has been shared here already. There's so much wisdom in this book, and there's more wisdom yet to come. So you can catch the second part of the interview at NakedMarriage Supercast. And right now, while you got your phones out listening to this podcast, go ahead and order this book. Order it. Get the book, the ebook, the audiobook, whatever format you get, this message is going to bless you. Get it as a Mother's Day gift. With Mother's Day right around the corner for the mothers in your life, this book is going to bless you. And before I step out, I just want to say to Ms. Kay and Lisa, thank you. Thank you again, not only for taking time to share your wisdom here, but just for the way you live your lives and the way that your family and the two of you have shared your message in a way that in a world right now where there's so much division and so much loss of faith. You guys are shining a light and giving people hope and pointing people to Jesus. And I just want to say thank you. You guys are heroes of ours, and it's a privilege to have had this conversation.

It is.

Thank you. Thank you so much.