Habits of Happy and Healthy Couples

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Hey friends, welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis and on this podcast we undress the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. And recently we had a shout out on Instagram from Loving Life is Megan. She talked about how they were having fun on their date night and they love listening to our podcast. They are super cute in their Target photo and it looks like they had an awesome time at Target on their date night. So we appreciate you guys giving us a shout out and thank you for listening to the podcast.

That's right, you can have a great date at the Target. You know, it's, you can do all kinds of stuff there. So hey, if you guys are on Instagram, follow us aveandashleywillis and if you've got any date night photos you want to share, tag us in that. You can also use the hashtag nakedmarriage and we would love, love to connect with you there as well. So again, thank you for listening. We've got a great topic today. We're going to be talking about the habits of happy and healthy couples.

One of our favorite topics.

Oh, it's one of our favorite. It's going to be a fun, fun conversation. So before we start that though, check out this brand new resource.

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Hi.

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I'm so excited about this episode because it's going to be so fun to just talk about. This is really the core of our message, is helping couples get back to those, those basic habits that are going to help you have a healthy and happy marriage. And it really does come down to the habits. If you want to know how to have a healthy, happy marriage, it's not just doing this one thing, one time. It's really about what you choose to do every day, every week, every month. It's that consistency. And so we're going to have fun talking about what are those habits that seem to separate the happy couples from the unhappy ones. And just so you know, being a happy couple isn't a matter of luck. It's not a matter of compatibility. It's Really a matter of implementing specific habits. And every couple can do this.

That's so true. And I love that you said that, sweetie, because so many times people, you know, will look at a couple that they believe that, you know, they have a happy marriage, and they're like, I wish I had what they have, and if only I had married this other person, because I would never have it with my current spouse. And I just want. I wanna remove that from your mind because it's true. You know, it takes work to have a happy marriage. It takes work. And just because it takes work doesn't mean, oh, it's just not really happy. It just means that you're working at it, and that's a good thing, and it's making your relationship a better one. And so in our marriage specifically, there have been a few things that have really helped us to get on the same page and to have some happiness just flowing through our home and a lot of laughter through our home. So that's the first thing I wanna talk about, is having laughter together and having lightness together. Cause I think that the truth is everybody has trouble. Everybody has stuff going on, and life will throw you stuff that you never saw coming. There's financial hardship, there's problems with your children, problems with maybe your extended family. And it can really weigh on you. But how happy couples deal with this is they find a way to find lightness in it, whether that be a sense of humor about things. And we've certainly, you know, had to do this through different trials that we've gone through. Not. Not trying to take away from the seriousness of whatever it is you're dealing with, but just trying to find some humor in it. Right, sweetie?

Yes. You gotta be able to laugh. In fact, if. If there is not a lot of laughter in your marriage, I kind of look at it like the. The dashboard on a car that has warning lights and fuel gauges and stuff.

And.

And if your fuel tank is low or if the warning light comes up on your dash, it means you've got to take action to do some maintenance right then.

Right.

I think that marriage kind of has sort of a fuel gauge in a dashboard. And laughter is one of those metrics. If you don't have a lot of laughter in your marriage, you need to check on that. That means that something is out of whack and you need to address it and bring more fun to the marriage. And sometimes we think of marriage like, no, it needs to be serious. You know, this is serious is not about having fun. You've got to add playfulness. Yes, you're going to face serious things together in marriage, but if you don't face it with a joy and a fun factor, then you're not going to be able to get through it, or you're certainly not going to enjoy the journey. So make sure that you're having fun. And it can be. You know, we play little pranks on each other sometimes.

You know, he scares me all the time.

Well, I don't even mean to.

He doesn't mean to.

I'm quiet like a cat.

He is.

You know, I just sneak up and he doesn't hear me, and so I have to announce myself.

Because he should be a spy, right? I mean, seriously.

Yeah, because I'll walk into a room and then she'll turn around and freak out like, oh, my gosh. I'm like, well, who did you think it was going to be?

You do. He strikes these, like, ridiculous poses in random areas where he knows I'm going to be walking through and tries to scare him.

And I'm often naked at that point.

He's usually naked. And our children are around. Don't get concerned. But no, it is.

This is not in public. You know, we're not trying to get you guys arrested. So don't.

Don't do anything that's.

Yeah, don't. Don't surprise each other.

Harm your family. But Dave also, and we talked about this briefly before, but he will flash a butt crack at me when I'm not expecting him.

I will do that in public anyway.

One of these days, like, our neighbors have got to be like, I'm so tired of seeing that guy's butt crack as he's walking by the minivan. But it's so funny. And what's really interesting about this is he does it to me when he knows the kids. Like, the kids are in the car, but they're not watching. And he'll do it as he's walking back to the house, and then he'll turn around and he'll flash a grin and. And then there's his butt crack. And so it's my favorite butt crack. It's hilarious. And it keeps things spicy in our marriage, but I'm probably grossing you guys out right now. Like, that is so gross.

I call it man cleavage.

It is, But I like it.

It's. It's not just about silly things like that. Even though you got to be silly with each other. I think that sometimes it's. It's intentionally putting things on the calendar that are going to bring laughter. Like, we've. We intentionally, when we're planning out date nights or whatever, you know, we like to listen to music and all that stuff. But we will intentionally go to funny movies. We will intentionally go to see standup comics. We will do things that will put us together and laugh together. Because I'm telling you, there is something that is so intimate about sharing laughter with someone. And this is an intimate aspect of marriage that doesn't get talked about enough. We talk about sex as a form of intimacy, we talk about communication as intimacy. But laughter is so. It binds two people together. When you can laugh together, I mean, I mean, in the same way that experiencing tragedy and kind of crying together with someone would as well. But laughter is something that you can control. You can do that every single day. And I would say make. Make it your goal to laugh with your spouse every night.

Not at your spouse, not at your spouse, unless they want you to laugh, right?

If you're both laughing at the same time, yes, it is. It is a time when your hearts are bound together and make that a goal every single day. And so we try to end our day just watching an episode of the Office. And, you know, because people tell me that I reminded Steve Carell, but we love. We love the Office. And whatever your thing is, find something that's going to keep you both laughing. So that's one aspect, one habit of a healthy couple. But, sweetie, what are some other things? Because we've written a lot about this. In fact, you can go to marriagetoday.com marriage today, of course, the ministry that we're part of. And@maristoday.com there is a huge treasure trove of videos from Jimmy Evans, from us, from others, and articles that we've written about all kinds of topics, including this one. And so dive into that. But, sweetie, what is another habit that you would point out?

I would say, and we have an entire. We have articles on this, and I believe we do have an episode on this as well. But I think the happiest couples embrace having couple friends or a small group or groups that they get together or where they all can laugh together again. There's laughter again and hang out together and kind of have an iron sharpens, iron moment, so to speak, where they help each other, you know, grow to be better people and better spouses. And, you know, that's something where we've done this really well in our marriage, but we've had a lot of times where we haven't done this well. And so I know the difference that it makes. And there's been times where we've moved and we haven't been intentional about establishing those couple friendships. And it's been kind of a lonely time. And. And there is left less laughter. And there's, you know, and it kind of has been those times in our marriage where I feel like there's not as much happiness. And so we know the difference that it makes. And, you know, we just moved a little over a year ago to Texas. And we've tried to be really strategic about this. Like, when someone invites us over, we'll go over to their house. We value those kind of relationships with. With other couples and their families. And we've also strategically had people over to our house. And so we need to even do a better job of this. It's reminding me we need to put.

Another on the calendar because it's easy to fall out of that habit.

It is.

Right now I'm thinking it's like, man, it's been too long, because you get in the groove of school and work and the kids. Activities can just kind of eat up the calendar. And then you do want to protect some time at home that's just for the family. But before you know it, you can get out of that habit. And so you do have to be intentional. You do have to plan for that, but it is worth the effort because, you know, again, Bible says iron sharpens iron. And so we need to put ourselves around people who will sharpen us, and we can sharpen them. And that is. That's the community you keep is going to make a huge impact in your marriage. So surround yourself with healthy couples who love you, love each other, love marriage, and then have fun together with them. You know, I think another. Another habit of healthy couples is that they're. They're always dreaming together about something in the future they're looking forward to.

Yes, absolutely.

You know, they never have the mindset of, like, well, there's just nothing to look forward to. But they. They're putting things on the calendar, they're talking, they're dreaming, they're striving together. And they always know that there's something. There's something ahead they're working toward that keeps them motivated.

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Hey, welcome into Walgreens.

Hi, there. Hey.

All right, hon. I'll grab the gift wrap cards and, oh, those stuffed animals the girls want.

Great. And I'll grab the string lights and some. How about I grab some cough drops? This is not just a quick trip to Walgreens.

I'm fine, honey.

Well, just in case. You know what they say. Tis the season. This is help staying healthy through the holidays. Walgreens.

You know, I love that you said that. Cause there's been times in our marriage where I've had trouble seeing this. You know, I have an entire episode where I talk about anxiety and depression. And in those years where I was dealing with that, it was hard for me to see the dream, so to speak. And it was so awesome that Dave was right there reminding me of our dreams together. Cause sometimes, you know, your spouse may be in a season where work is hard, where you're in the trenches of raising kids, and it's hard to see the dream. But you need to always remember, even if it's just one spouse reminding the other spouse, remember that. That you are dreaming together, that you're working towards something all the time. And that dream isn't always the same. We found that our dream kind of changes little by little as we change and as the seasons change. And we try to build upon that dream. And one dream we've always had is that one day we would have, like, a bed and breakfast or a retreat center for couples, you know, working on their marriage. And as we've grown, it's kind of. It's grown and changed as well. And so something that we try to do is at least once a year, we try to stay in a BNB and, like, take. Take what we like and take what we don't like and kind of form what our retreat center, what our BNB would be someday. And we have so much fun doing this. And plus, it gives us, like, a really good reason to seek out, you know, a really cool BNB in some really cool place. And it's just been a fun way for us to dream together. And, you know, and we add to that dream all the time. And sometimes we take away from the dream, we say, you know what? I thought that would be something we'd want to do in the future. But the more that, you know, I've grown and learned more about this particular dream, I don't know if it's that, but maybe it's this. And so you just keep on talking. And it gets me excited. Like right now, Davis has this huge smirk on his face. Cause he's probably having those thoughts in his head. And it's like something that you get excited to talk about on dates. Because so many times. And we're going to. That's another thing. So many times when you go on dates, you end up talking about the business of life. And you talk about your bills, you talk about the kids, you talk about work, whatever it is. But when you focus on the dream, it's like a whole other. It just. It takes your conversation into a better place where it's so exciting. And I would encourage you to even write that down. Write down those dreams. Some of you might be, you know, people who keep a journal. And if you don't keep a journal, I encourage you to do that. Because what you can do is look back on those dreams, those early dreams you had, and then where God has taken you. Write down your prayers for that, pray for that dream, and pray for God to make that dream more clear to both of you and to keep you on the same page with that and to grow you towards that dream that he has for you, that calling that he has for you. And so, in speaking about dates, I would say that's another thing is keeping a regular date night. I know we say this all the time, but I'm gonna say it again.

Date your mate.

Yes, date your mate. You know, I think the biggest mistake that so many of us make in those early years of marriage is we quit dating each other. You know, we're in the dating phase, Then we're in the engaged phase, and we get married, and then we're in the honeymoon phase. And, like, once that fizzles, people are like, well, I'm already married. No need. Don't want to waste the money. But that's, like, the worst thing we could do. I think the longer you're married, the more you need a date now.

You got to keep it up. You know, sometimes a couple will come up to us and they'll say, I don't know what happened, but things. Things were so much better back when we were dating. And my response is always, then why did you quit dating? You know? And it's like, I'm not trying to make light of their struggle, but I'm just saying, like, listen, you've got to go back to do those things you were doing at the beginning. And Build on that. So. So date. When you're dating in the beginning, you're making time for each other a priority. You're making sure that there's fun built into the calendar. You're making sure that you're communicating to that. That person every single day. And then we get married and we fall out of those habits. And you've got to stay in those habits with date night, which we talk about all the time, but also with just daily connecting. I'm telling you, I think one of the best things that we've done for our marriage, one of the best habits we've implemented, is that almost every single day we go on a walk at the end of the day and we just talk. We get the two little ones down for bed, and then we let the older boys just kind of stay up for a little bit. And before they go to bed, we go on a walk around our neighborhood. And you know that. That 30 or 40 minutes every night is, you know, it's good exercise one, but that's our best conversation of the day because it's uninterrupted and we can process the day. We can talk about tomorrow. We can dream together. And, you know, for men in particular, there's research to say that we tend to open up more in conversation when we're side by side or when we're engaged in an activity. So doing something as simple as a walk with our wife or is a great way to spark conversation. You've got to find a rhythm for you that's going to build in positive daily communication. You know, communication in marriage is like. It's like eating food or drinking water for your body. You've got to do it every day or else you're going to have a starving marriage.

It's so true. And I just want to say this walking routine that we have, we've always gone on walks, but it hasn't always looked like this. We have older kids now that can watch the younger kids briefly. And. And so I know you're listening and you're like, that sounds amazing, but I have four small children at home, or I have a couple small kids and I can't leave them. Clearly.

Yeah, this has been fairly.

I mean, this is a more recent habit that we have. But I will tell you this. It's looked different in different phases. Like, we've always joined our local YMCA because they have free childcare for two hours. And at the one we had in Georgia, they allowed you to walk outside while your kids were being watched inside, and they had free Coffee. And so you bet we'd make a.

Whole day of it.

We get free coffee and then we'd go walk outside.

We were there for two hours. We got like the whole two hours of exercise, I think, in the gym.

But yeah, but we would, we would just. We were like, we are going to make this a regular part of our routine. We didn't get to do it every day, but, you know, when we could do it, we were there. And so our kids are having fun and we're having fun and we're growing together. And so, you know, you gotta make it work for your season of life. And it may look different if you have parents or relatives that live close to you and they can watch your kids on a regular basis and you can go be together, do it, even if it's a short amount of time. I think sometimes we talk ourselves out of a date night because we're like, well, we don't have that amount of time. You know, we don't have hours and hours to go do this. But even if it's a couple hours, I mean, just a couple hours a week of just connecting, just the two of you, having even a cheap dinner, okay. It is glorious. Like, some of our best dates have ended up at Walmart. Because going to Walmart without children is really dreamy. It's amazing.

You can do a lot of Walmart. You can like, see, you can count the most mullets.

I mean, it's awesome.

You can. There's, there's, there's a lot. We just going anywhere is what we're saying, guys.

Like, right? I mean, it's just nice.

It doesn't have to be elaborate. Candlelit dinner with Walmart, white linen tablecloths every time. It can be anything that you're just doing together, experiencing, enjoying real life uninterrupted and having fun when you're doing it. And when you're married to your best friend and you're working on developing that friendship with your spouse every day, which is really a big secret of happy couples, is that they, they've realized that a strong marriage is built on a strong friendship with their spouse.

Yes.

And then they work to develop that friendship by, by enjoying things together, by taking an interest in the interest of your spouse, by sharing fun together, by doing what you do with best friends. And you've got to just continue to be intentional about that.

Yes. And I also want to say this, and Dave has kind of touched on this, you know, when it comes to that daily communication, a big thing that happy couples do that healthy couples do is they greet each other every time that the other one comes in the room or comes home from work or, you know, whatever the situation may be, they greet each other. They don't just ignore each other and act like, you know, that they're not there. And the reason I'm saying this is I think that the longer we're married, we can fall into this negative dynamic of just acting ho hum about each other, like, well, you're just old news. And if I'm not saying, like, every. If your spouse. If you know, your spouse is in the house, that you greet them every single time they come into the room. That's not what I'm saying. But like, when you haven't seen them in a while and they come into the room, greet them, be happy to see them, ask them a question, engage with each other. And I know that sounds really simple, but I saw this. I don't know if it was an article or a post on Facebook. And it was this woman saying that she knew that things had gotten really bad in her marriage when she was in the kitchen and her husband came in there and acted like she might as well have not have been there, and then left the room afterwards and didn't say a word to her. And he had gotten home and just didn't even acknowledge her existence. And she said it was just such a cold day. And it made my heart sink because I thought, you know, as simple as that sounds, and that happens to a lot of people. That is profound. And it's the truth. When you stop, you know, greeting each other and being glad to see each other, that that means your marriage is in a tough place. And so think about that. Think about, do I greet my spouse in the morning? Like, do I say good morning to my spouse? Give them a hug, you know, as simple as that. Do. When they. When I come home from work at the end of the day, am I happy to see them and. Or am I on my phone and completely in another world? You know, are we. Are we being intentional about greeting each other? You know, that's even in the Bible, is about greeting each other, you know, with a kiss, with a hug, with a. With a kind word. There's a lot to say about this. And so it's a simple act that makes such a difference. And so happy couples, they know this and they're intentional about this.

Yeah, you've gotta be intentional. You in intentionality, I think, is really a key word that we keep coming back to. These things don't happen by accident. They don't happen on autopilot. Maybe it starts with an assessment to just say, what are we doing well and what are some things that we could add? So like what are some things you're not doing that you could do? Are you serving each other daily? Are you praying together, which we believe is a big one, you know, is really going to help build that foundation of faith in your marriage. Are you encouraging each other? You know, when a couple chooses to be their spouse's biggest encourager instead of their biggest critic, that's the game changer. You know, I don't know about you, but when I'm around a couple and one spouse is really critical of the other one, it is just cringe worthy, like I'm dying inside. And I can't imagine how that spouse is feeling to be criticized publicly by their spouse. Some marriages have taken on that negative critical dynamic and they don't even realize it.

Right. Like it's become a norm.

It just becomes so norm. It's just, that is just the world that they're in. And you've got to be so intentional again about the tone of your words, the fact that you're choosing to encouraging and build each other up. I love the passages in the book of Ephesians, chapter 4 and 5 in the Bible that say, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving each other. Build each other up with your words. Don't, don't leave any room for this like anger and animosity. You've got to be an encourager. That is so key. I mean that, that will change everything if you'll be an encourager to each other.

Absolutely. And I think one way that you can, you know, if you feel like right now in your marriage, you're not really either one doing a good job of encouraging each other. I think it really starts with how you think about your spouse. And we need to, to think about our spouse in a way where we are thankful for them. I think thankfulness is definitely something that happy couples have in common. You know, they're thankful for each other, they don't take each other for granted. And I talk about this at our events, but I wanna mention it here, if I haven't already on this particular podcast, is that we need to wake up every morning, say I do. Cause you choose to say I do every morning. It's not just when you're, you know, on your wedding day, you say I do, I do again. And then you, you in your, in your mind think of three things you're thankful for when it comes to your spouse, it could be the littlest thing. It could be a big thing. And then you thank God for it. Say, God, thank you so much that Dave makes me laugh every day. Thank you so much that he is the best daddy and even better than I ever dreamed. Thank you so much that he helps me whenever I need help. You know, just very specific things. And then after you thank the Lord for those things, go to your spouse and thank them for those things. Even the littlest thing. Like, I love it when Dave thanks me for things I do every day. Like, he'll say, thanks for doing the laundry, or, you know, thank you so much for heating up that macaroni and cheese, because sometimes that's the extent of my cooking. And I mean, little things. He'll be like, sweetie, thank you for, you know, putting that thing on my bedside table that I, you know, wanted to read or whatever it is. Like, little things. He thanks me for it. He doesn't have to. You know, I hear couples, a lot of times when we've been counseling couples, they'll say things like, well, she's a grown woman. Why do I need to thank her for that? I mean, that's what she's supposed to do. Or, he's a grown man. Why should I have to thank him for that? And the truth is, you don't have to. But as a married person who is thankful for your spouse, we should want to thank them because we need to have a posture of thankfulness to serve our spouse, to love our spouse in the way that God would have us love them. And, you know, we can't have a good marriage by all these well, I shouldn't have to kind of statements going through our mind and in our heart. It's just about being thankful every day for even the littlest things that they do for us and for who they are, for who God made them to be. And it just changes everything when you approach your spouse from a place of thankfulness.

It really does. And then that'll put your heart in the right posture where you can serve each other.

Yes, yes.

Angry couples get in this negative dynamic where it's like, well, I'm only going to be nice to them when they're nice to me. I'm only going to try to meet their needs when they're meeting my needs. And then both spouses sort of dig in their heels and nothing gets done. But happy couples say, you know what? Because I love my spouse, even when my spouse isn't necessarily being lovable today, even when my spouse doesn't necessarily meet my needs, I'm going to meet their needs, too. Feel I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to serve them, I'm going to be thankful for them. And when, when both spouses will take on that mindset, then even on your worst day, you can have a happy marriage. So keep doing those things, guys. Keep taking an interest in each other's interests, keep helping each other, keep praying together, keep looking for ways to build a marriage. Maybe even put something on the calendar, like one of our XO events. If you go to xomarriage.com and look at the tour dates and look at the conference dates, we would love to invite you to come to one of these live events because you know your marriage won't change in a weekend. But what can happen is you can learn one or two takeaways that will change your marriage after you leave one of these weekends. So make things like that a priority and just keep building your marriage like you're doing right now. You're listening to a podcast specifically to help you have a healthier, happier marriage.

That's a win.

That's a win. You're on the right path. So keep doing things like that.

And I would say, too, you know, one way that, that couples can grow closer together and, and have more happiness in their marriage and to be a healthier marriage is by finding a way they can serve together. This can be in your community, this can be in your church. This can be in some kind of interest that you guys have. You know, talk about those things, those gifts, those talents that God has given both of you and uniquely qualified you to do, and then go use them to help somebody else. It's just a beautiful thing. And it could even be in a ministry that you're involved in, like, for our family, early on, before we even had children, we started sponsoring children in Compassion. And we just have loved this component of our family. It's like, literally these kids, we now have three kids in Compassion, and then we have four children ourselves. They're like an extension of our family. And now that we have children that can read and write, they write the letters to the children, they send pictures to these kids. And so it's been a whole family affair. And it's been a way that, you know, we started serving together as a couple without children, and then it's carried over, you know, with our kids. There's many other ways that we do this together. I mean, doing marriage ministry is. It's my favorite thing. And we get to do it together and we grow together and it keeps us on our toes in our marriage. And so, you know, what is that thing for you? What are those gifts, those talents that you guys have and the things that God has uniquely qualified you guys to do? Go use them for his glory and to help someone else to bless someone else. And you know, you will be a blessing to those people that you're helping, but you will also receive so much blessing in doing that together.

Man, that is so good. Couples that serve together change the world together and their marriage benefits as a result. All right, it's time to move into our Q and A time of the podcast. We love this segment. Thank you. For those who write in questions, you can submit your questions@nakedmarriagepodcast.com today's question is this. I keep hearing the importance of going to bed at the same time as a couple. But my husband is a night owl and I'm a morning lark. There's no way I could stay up as late as he does and still get up with our toddler in the morning. He only gets up 15 minutes after me, but I guess he just needs less sleep. Plus, he says that he needs his me time gaming or watching shows after the rest of us are in bed and that he'd just like to lie there awake for hours if he did come to bed at the same time. Anyway, around 11pm the most helpful advice I've heard is for the night owl to lie down with the morning lark until they fall asleep and then sneak away. But I can't really see him agreeing to that. He's already heard the stat that couples who go to bed at the same time have more sex, but that's not. That's not enough motivation. Even though he wishes we had sex more often, I was hoping you might offer a few other suggestions. Thank you. And, you know, we'll just own the fact that Ashley and I are on completely different schedules when it comes to sleep schedules.

Our flow of the day, our energy.

Levels, flow of the day. And we try to, instead of one trying to change the other, we try to take on the mindset of, like, let's help both of us be at our best.

Yes.

And I think that's kind of where you have to start. What's the flow to help both of you be at your best.

Absolutely. And so I get this question. We're kind of opposite, where you're more the morning person, really. He's a midday person. Like, this guy can change the world at, like 2pm but he's also kind of more of a morning person than I am. Like, we joke about how horrible I am in the morning. It's like, morning. It's like, nobody talk to Mommy in the morning.

Let her sleep. If she comes out, it's gonna be crazy.

Oh, man, I need coffee and Jesus so much in the morning. But anyway, so we have different flows. And I am an idol, so I totally get where this guy's coming from. And as an introvert, I need the me time at night. And Dave knows that I'm coming down from the day from being social, love people, but gotta come down from the day. So what we do, what has worked for us is Dave and I spend time together. After we put the kids to bed, we spend some time together. And, you know, I'm not necessarily. He's not like falling asleep necessarily at that time, but we are together. And I think having that time together will achieve what she's talking about. You know, definitely you can have sex during that time. That's awesome. And sometimes we do. Sometimes we just talk. So it's that time that we can be together. But Dave normally goes to bed, you know, before me, probably at least an hour before I do. And so then after that time together, he, you know, walks to the bedroom, goes to bed. Sometimes we are, like, cuddling in the bed together, watching a show or something. And then I'll say, okay, I'm the night owl. I'm going to go in here for just a little bit, and then I'll be back in the room later. And that seems to work for us because it's like he still gets the sleep that he needs because I know if I give him trouble about wanting to go to bed earlier than me, then he's going to be a bear in the morning and he's not going to feel at his best. But if he. Like, there have been times early in our marriage where he'd be like, can you not go to sleep at this time? And I would, like, feel like I am losing. Like, I was like, I feel like I'm losing at life. Like, I'm missing out on stuff. Like my natural flow. Even from a young kid, I've just always been a night owl. And so he doesn't make me feel bad about it. He's like, I get that about you. Go watch your Law and Order. And, you know, it's. I mean, he just doesn't make me feel bad about it. So that's worked for us. You know, I think that it's really Seeing that neither one of you is better in your flow, it's just different. It's not that one works better than the other. And it sounds like, you know, that your husband, like, you would like your husband to go to sleep at the same time. And I think just shifting your thinking and realizing, you know, we can have that time together that you long for, and maybe it is in the bed. Like, maybe that time you spend together before you actually fall asleep is cuddling in bed and just talking in bed, and. And that'll kind of fill your tank that way. And then realizing that when you actually decide to nod off, that he needs to go have that little bit of time and just, you know, seeing it as both of you just really trying to play to each other's strengths and not being rigid in how things need to go during the day, I think that's really good.

I think that's good. I hope that helps. So thank you for those questions. Keep sending those questions in. And thank you for listening to the podcast today. So if you would do us a favor. So subscribe by whatever means. If you're watching this on YouTube, subscribe to the Marriage Today YouTube channel. If you're listening to this on itunes or Spotify, subscribe wherever you're listening and let us know what topics you want to hear. Guys, this is for you. This is to help your marriage. So your feedback means a lot. You can also connect with Ashley and me. I'm on Instagram. Avanashley Willis. You can find all of our resources@marriagetoday.com and I'd also ask you to leave a review, because when you leave a review, it helps, helps others discover this podcast. And together, together with you, we're helping get this message out all over the world. So God bless, guys. We'll see you next time.