I Love My Husband and Sex, but I'm Grossed Out by Semen // Hump Day Q&A

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It's Hump Day Q and A time.

Hump Day Q and A. Hump Day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump Day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

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Hey friends, welcome back to Hump Day Q and A. We've got a sex related question today. It's a good one and it is a specific one and maybe one you can relate to or maybe one you're just tuning in to see what the world we're going to say about this. And either way, we are glad you guys are here. So here is today's question. A lady writes in, says, I love my husband and I enjoy sex, but I'm grossed out by semen. And this really offends my husband because to him, he feels like this is his very essence that I'm grossed out by and he wants me to enjoy having it on me or even having it in my mouth. And I just am grossed out by the thought of that. And it's becoming a hindrance to our sex life and really even to our relationship outside the bedroom. So what do I do when I love my husband? I want a good sex life, but I'm grossed out by semen is an issue. And he, you know, he clearly, you know, wants, wants her to, well, enjoy every aspect of his, his, his, his body. To him, it's like, this is my very essence, my essence. And, and to her, this is like, this is just sticky, gooey yuckiness that I don't want.

And she said too, it's keeping them from having oral sex specifically. And that's become an issue.

So. Right. Well, I mean, you can, you can certainly have oral sex without him going to completion in your mouth.

What she was asking though is like, I guess he doesn't almost want to have it if he can't finish.

Right. Well, I think that that's got to. Just got to be like, a compromise.

Right?

It's like, I can do this for you, but I'm not comfortable doing it to completion because I don't.

Well, in my mouth.

In my mouth, yeah. I mean, I'll do it, take you to completion. Like, you know, other. I'll manually get you there.

Right.

But then it's like, I don't want him, like, shooting on me or whatever.

If I'm grossing out. Specific.

Is it just. Is it just the taste and texture.

I. I get from this particular question?

So try to find a way to, like, embrace it. Otherwise, like, let's let him, you know, let it. Let him ejaculate, you know, on. On you.

On you.

And, you know, you show that you.

Welcome that or it could be.

And that you're even turned on by it, you know, or, you know, give him. Give him the experience of believing you're turned on by it. I don't know. And maybe that's just like.

Or just let him do it. And I mean, there's that. And, you know, and whether or not she's turned on, I mean, because you don't want to.

Yeah. You don't have to be an actor.

Don't be an actor. But I would say when it comes to. If it's really a texture, like a.

Taste, but I will say you don't have to be an actor, but whatever you do, especially in the bedroom, do it with enthusiasm.

Yes. I think that's what you're trying to say. Don't be fake, but do it with enthusiasm. Commit to it. Commit to it. Commit all the way.

Okay.

But I would say, too, if. If the texture. If it's an oral thing, like you want to embrace oral sex, but the texture is literally gagging you, then I would. I would use that oral sex, you know, as an appetizer, and then finish with intercourse so that he can finish inside. And then that's not even an issue with the oral thing, with the distaste, because then you're both able to enjoy that experience.

Well, I think that for most men and women, there's this disconnect where guys have this fantasy that it's, like, for my woman to. To, like, fully embrace me and accept me and celebrate my sexual manhood. It's like that she'll receive me orally.

Do you think that that, like, the hole to the end. You really think that's something?

I think that a lot of men feel that way. And I think that most women feel the opposite. They're like, yeah, that's not a thing that I'm interested in. You know, And I think that a lot of women that do it, they probably do that reluctantly or.

I think it keeps a lot of women from ever doing oral sex.

Right.

Like, from.

I think that more couples could enjoy oral sex if they would take that pressure off, where it's like, I can do this. It's. It's gonna feel good. And he can enjoy it. He can feel the closeness and the intimate activate. And then, you know, he's gonna. He's gonna just know that he's gonna ejaculate some other way.

Sure.

But he's still gonna get to climax and. And to just kind of have.

Well, through her, like, you know, so it's. It's involving both of them.

Right.

And can be an intimate moment, but it's not going to be the. The climax is not going to occur in the mouth.

Right. I mean, I think, you know, oral sex as an appetizer or a main course, so to speak, for sex can work. But if both, you'll say, okay, well, we don't. She's not comfortable doing oral to completion. But if he could get oral as kind of an appetizer and maybe even give her oral.

Yeah.

As well, to kind of get you both really revved up, then the act of intercourse itself can. Can be elevated.

Yeah.

I mean, it can be more intense.

Yeah.

Because both of you have been really revved up.

Stimulated.

Yeah. And that way you're going to have maximum orgasm together. Or both of you will have maximum orgasm, even if it's not at the same time.

Yeah.

And oral can help. Can help get you there. But I think when. When you're putting these expectations on one another, Pressure. Pressures, then it takes a lot of the fun out of it. And so you have to just. You have to have so much grace and sense of humor and flexibility, you know, in the bedroom. And if your spouse is just grossed out by something, you know, don't make them do it.

But you don't want them to gag. You want them to be repulsed.

But then if your spouse feels, like, grossed out by everything, then you start taking it personally. Well, now it feels. You're just grossed out by me. You're grossed out by sex. Yeah. So you got to talk about these things. We have a lot of resources to just help couples have more honest conversations about sexual. Our book, the Counterfeit Climax, which kind of dives deep into all the counterfeit messages about sex through porn and through entertainment and through just this broken culture we're in, undoing a lot of that and getting back to the root of God's beautiful, perfect, timeless plan for sex. And it has conversation guides in it. I think that that book could be a really helpful resource. I think. Coming to one of our Exomarriage conferences. We've got some great, great events planned this fall, winter and spring. Go to exomarriage.com conferences and come to one of those. I mean, we talk a lot about sex. It's going to be a time for you to connect with your spouse, to laugh, to learn. Just, you know, keep talking and growing in these. These areas and keep making sexual intimacy a priority. Not just selfishly, just for my own. This I'm going to use my spouse to reach this, to meet needs, to meet this need, but to really connect sexually. And it's going to be a lot more pleasurable for both of you.

That's right. Well, I guess you guys probably weren't expecting all of that, but it is a question that we've actually received several times. So this is. I'm glad we were able to finally address it.

But yeah, I call that. That was a sticky question.

Was. Yeah, you're going to always get an innuendo when we have sex questions. But thank you for entertaining us and listening to our silly. I didn't see that one middle schooler. Oh, wow, our middle schooler coming out.

Sorry, I just, I can't help it. It's, it's. But I better wrap it up as she's giving me that look like. Okay, enough. Thanks so much for writing us in. Thank you for, you know, just letting this be a safe place to have real conversations about real things. Because God doesn't want there to be shame on any part of our marriage, any questions we have, especially related to sex, because he's the one who made it. He made it for us in marriage. And it's meant to be enjoyed. And thank you for just letting us be a safe place to have these conversations with you. Feel free to reach out to us anytime on Instagram. We're Avandashley Willis. We'd love to see you over there. God bless. We'll see you next time.

Thank you all so much. Listening to today's episode of Hump Day. Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there or you can follow us on Instagram. Aveandashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.