Marriage Lessons We're Embracing Today // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's Hump Day Q and A time.

Hump Day Q and A. Hump Day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump Day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

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Hey there. Welcome back to Hump Day Q and A. We're Dave and Ashley Willis and we're glad you're here with us today. And we just appreciate your questions. If you ever have a question that you want on Hump Day Q and A, just tell us. I want this to be on Hump Day Q and A. And you write us on Instagram Ave and Ashley Willis and we will do our best to answer your question.

Well, we're even going to start doing live.

Oh, even better.

We're going to have these conversations with you. We won't just read your question. We'll talk about your question with you.

On air in real time.

So we would love, love to get you connected with that. So stay tuned.

That's right. And if you want to be connected to that, that's in the show notes. Also, if you go to our Instagram page and go to our profile, the links contain a form that you can fill out to be part of that.

Yeah.

So, yeah. Well, today's question is one that's personal to us and we love this. You guys know we're an open book and you can ask us anything about us. And we hope that it's just not about us, but it's something that will help you. And the question is, what are you learning now that you have been married 23 years, like right now, in this time in our lives?

Good question.

What are you learning? So what are you learning, sweetie?

I'm learning that you keep getting more beautiful. I'm learning that I mean a lot. A lot. I think that first off we always have to keep learning. You know, I love the events we do, the exo conferences and things. We, you know, we met. We meet couples sometimes that have been married for 50 or 60 years at these events, as well as, like, newlyweds and engaged couples. But when I meet somebody that's so far along in their journey that they're still learning, and you see that that's a key to their success, you know, that they're. That's. That's why they're still best friends. That's why they're still flirting with each other and laughing and having the time of their lives, is because they never stopped learning about marriage, learning about each other, and all of us should have that mentality. And, and so you're listening to this podcast to keep learning, and so good for you. But I also want to invite you to come to one of our events. We learn at every single one of these, from the other speakers and just from. From you guys sharing your stories with us. So. Xomarriage.com Click on conferences. We've got great events coming up all over the country, and we would love to see you there. But specifically for us, what are we learning right now? Man, I think that I'm learning that you. You can. You should never get on autopilot in any part of your life, especially your marriage.

Yeah.

You can't. With your health. You can't ever get to a place where it's like, okay, I've arrived. I can just coast now, or I know everything there is to know about my spouse, so I can just pull back on that. But you got to lean in, keep learning, keep growing, because you're changing. Your spouse is changing. And if you assume you know them, if you assume you already know everything about them, you're going to miss out on growing with them and growing to know and love the person they're becoming. And I think that's huge because Ashley just keeps becoming more amazing. And I just want to keep pursuing her. I do. I want to keep chasing after her.

And you do. You do pursue me, and I love that.

Well, it should be a lifelong pursuit, especially for you husbands guys. I mean, we're made to be pursuers. Our wife's heart desires to be pursued by us. And you can't just pursue her during dating and then be like, well, the pursuit's over. It's like, it's lifelong.

It isn't in ways that Dave does that he randomly brings home flowers, which I love flowers. I know some of you ladies out there, like, waste of Money. But I love flowers, and he knows that about me, and he'll be always willing up for a date night. It's like, okay, let's fit it in. However, I will say at 23 years, with kids that are old enough to be at home, we don't have to get a babysitter necessarily for our date night. We don't have to have a long date. It's. It's really kind of different. It used to be I needed that every bit of that four hours. When we had young children, we would hire a sitter, and it was like, we would cherish every hour. It was like three to four hours. And we would like, really. We go on a walk, we have dinner, we'd go to a movie. Sometimes we would literally go to Walmart just because it was peaceful without children. But now we can go for an hour and we feel good and come.

Back and continue it at home.

We do. We do a lot of home dates.

All right. We're going to.

And our kids know this.

Pop some popcorn, and we're going to Netflix and chill in our room.

Yeah.

And they respect no one. Respect that. But we don't have to always be out for it to be. Feel like a date.

No, we'll do it again.

We're having that time together on the weekends.

Yeah. Yeah, we love that. But I am learning that I love, I love the salt and pepper. This is 46 years old, glasses.

I don't know if this is on YouTube, but if it is, you know.

You can see really salt and pepper fox. Not quite silver yet.

Not quite silver yet.

I love it. Dave, is he just growing more wise and more handsome every day? And you know, guys, I mean, I.

Still barely have chest here. I'm waiting for puberty to fully kick in.

I love it. So you don't even have to wax. Like, a lot of these guys, they're paying a lot of money to get wax. And you're like, this is me naturally, you know, But I, I'm telling you, I, I, I mean, this isn't you guys. Like, there's times that we disagree. It's not like we, we're just like, get along every day perfectly. But we're not big fighters. Like, we, we can repair is kind of the term that's used in the counseling circles. Like, we repair quickly. But I mean, we have moments where we're like, there's a misunderstanding or there's a disagreement on how we should handle something with the kids or whatever. But it's nice that we just know each other so well that we can. We can try to bring out the best in each other. And we. I feel like we. We try to do that on a daily basis. We don't coast, you know, because you can't. You can't coast. I mean, it's just not how it is. Got to work at it every day. I'm really learning that. That, you know, and our kids, as we're recording this are not. Are. They're within earshot. Hopefully they're into. It's summer. Hopefully they're into their things. But I am learning that sex can actually get better with.

Yeah.

And I think part of it is the freedom you can feel once kids get older, too, that you're not. I'm not nursing anymore. You know, there's not diapers to change. Some of the. The duties that we had with the kids aren't there. And so we have a little more time. And I feel like there's. There's not the worry of somebody busting in the door or whatever.

I mean, well, they still.

They could.

They still try to.

They always kind of know the timing of it.

They still.

But. But also I feel like, you know, it's just important to know there's such freedom in that. And so, yeah, I'm discovering that. What else, sweetie?

You have to. You have to keep communicating. You just. You have to. Communication, and you have to keep prioritizing your friendship with each other. I mean, that's one part of marriage that can and should grow richer with.

Every season, like we do. You guys have heard us, and you're probably gonna eye roll when I say this. I mean, we still do our walks. We just went on a walk before we started recording today. We try to have that time together, and it really is a nice time just to talk. And sometimes not talk. Just sometimes take in the silence and the beauty around us when we're walking outside. But I think one thing, I think in our season of life, we're both in our 40s, is just really prioritizing health because it not only makes you feel better, but it makes you act better to each other when you feel better.

Yeah.

And so that's something that we've been focusing a lot more on. We try to just take our supplements, get our exercise, and. And just prioritize it. I mean, I think we always have to some extent, but this is. I go through effort. I mean, we like to have a good time, too, and eat the good food and all that, but. And we do, you know, but we've.

Always tried to stay active.

Yeah, And.

And I think that that's. That's huge because, you know, we've seen. We've seen people who we love who lose a lot of mobility as they get older. And a lot of. And some of that can't be helped, but a lot of it was because they didn't maintain an active lifestyle. And I just think, man, if you can just stay active as long as you can.

Every time I see my mom, she always says, keep moving you. And Dave, just keep doing what you're doing. She's like, I feel like it'll serve you well, you know, in the long run. She always says that, and I think it gives her peace to see us moving more and stuff. But, yeah, so those are some things I'm learning. And I. I feel like, you know, Dave and I both, if you follow the enneagram, we're both sevens, which is the enthusiast, which means naturally, we're always like, what's the next thing? What's the next thing? But I feel like God has been teaching us in this season to embrace right where we are in the season that we're in. And. And that's been really nice. And with our kids, and I think, too, we have a lot of nostalgia because it's like they've grown so big. I mean, just the other day, Dave took a picture in the same place 10 years ago that he was with our two older boys. And you can just see the massive growth.

They went from 9 and 7 to 19 and 7.

From boys to men.

From boys to men.

ABC. Yeah, okay. But it was. It's just really cool. And I think that, you know, you reach midlife and you do think more about those things, and so it makes you hold on tighter to just what's happening in the now. And. And so, yeah, that's what I'm learning.

And we keep learning, and you guys help us learn. You know, you share your stories with us.

Yes, you do. You help us learn. Whether you have been. You're engaged or only married one or two years or you've been married 50 years, we learn from all of you. And I think that's another thing I'm learning is, like, I actually specifically have chosen to befriend and follow accounts like befriend in real life, but also friend online. You know, follow accounts and influencers who are, you know, younger than us. Because I feel like one thing God is also teaching us is, like, you, yes, definitely learn from those who've gone before you 100%. But also look at what they're doing, those who are younger than you.

Yeah. Thinking new thoughts.

Thinking new thoughts. And I love that. And so anyway, I hope that when you turn this off, that you guys talk about, what have you learned however long you've been married? What are you learning right now? Like, right now? What is God teaching you? Like, just reflect on that and you guys might surprise each other.

Well, and I'll add one more. I think the importance of sharing a mission together.

Yes.

I think. I think part of the reason why a lot of couples run into trouble or even divorce after the kids are raised and they have an empty nest is that raising the kids was the only shared mission that they had. And once that assignment is over, they don't even. They don't know what. What's. What they have together.

Exactly.

And so I think, you know, we have the privilege of being able to work together and do this, work together to help couples, which is great. But even beyond this, it's like we're always looking for ways to dream together, to share experiences, to share adventures, to share activities and hobbies. And as much as we can share, the better, the better the marriage is. And so just keep finding new things you can share together and new ways to dream together.

That's right. Thanks for tuning in, guys. We'll see you next time. Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions, and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram Ave and Ashley Willis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.