My Spouse Speaks Disrespectfully to Me // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day. Q and A time. Hump day, Q and A. Hump day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions, so every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

How do I respond when my spouse is talking disrespectfully to me, particularly in front of other people? My husband will talk down about me in our small group and often yells at me disrespectfully while he's on the phone with his co workers. It's embarrassing and it's so hurtful. I've brought it up to him and told him how it makes me feel, but nothing changes. I need some serious advice. Gosh, you know, I thank you for sending this question in, and my heart breaks for yours. It's just inexcusable the way that your husband is treating you. That is so disrespectful. He might not. It might be this huge. Well, actually, there's nothing I can say to justify, like, what he's doing because it can't be a blind spot. You're pointing it out to him. So listen, if this dude is listening or if you're a guy listening and you are being harsh to your wife like that, man, stop. Stop being a jerk. You need to adore her and treasure her. You know, I've got a good friend. We've got a good friend who kind of lived this out in his marriage. And he thought, you know, his criticism was actually just to. I think in his mind, he was thinking, I'm just trying to improve, help my wife improve and point out all those places where she's doing stuff wrong and while the house isn't clean enough or she doesn't cook good enough or whatever it was. But he was just constantly critical. And eventually she just left.

Yeah, she did.

And hardly anybody was surprised when she did. And it was still, divorce is horrible. And it was a heartbreaking situation, but our words are so powerful. And I'm not telling that story to justify the divorce nor to justify his criticism. I'm just saying that when our words are harsh, it leads to bad places. It can lead to an ending of a marriage. It's that serious. And we have got to adore one another. But to answer her in particular, sweetie, what do you do when you're the recipient? Like, you're not the one that's speaking these harsh words. You're the one being disrespected.

I mean, this is one of those things where you have to make it crystal clear that it's not okay. And to the point where I would even say, when he starts doing this, I would even tell him, like, I'm just not gonna stand here and take this. You know, I wouldn't just get up and walk away right away, but I would remind him, and I would even say, like, listen, this is not okay. You cannot talk to me this way. I love you, and I just have to protect my heart in this matter. And so until you can talk to me in a respectful way about this, I'm not gonna keep on taking this kind of treatment. I mean, I think it's because this has gone on a long time and she's already told him how it makes her feel. And I think this is the next step is saying, like, when you go into these rants, even in your small group, I would just get up. I mean, if he's ranting, go to the bathroom. Like, it's just not something that you can stand for. And I think he'll get the picture. I mean, if he's not gonna. If you're not gonna take it, he's clearly not gonna dish it out. And this is not very healthy. I mean, this is not. I don't normally encourage this kind of behavior, but I feel like when you've already said something, you know, clearly he's not getting the message. I think you've gotta say, you know, I love you, but this is not okay. I'm not going to keep on taking this. You're not just going to berate me, whether we're in private or in public. And the public makes it even so much worse. And you have to, you know, odds are they may have children as well. You need to point out that he's doing this in front of your kids.

Showing your kids.

You are showing kids. Exactly. They're going to think this is okay. And especially they're going to think it's okay if you just stand there and take it. And so you're gonna have to say, like, listen, for the sake of not only myself, but for our children and our family, I am putting my foot down and saying, you cannot talk to me this way anymore. I don't want to fight with you like this. We need to work through this, and I would say this is a case where you absolutely need to go to counseling. Like, I don't see having any kind of breakthrough with this without the addition of Christian counseling in your life. Definitely find a Christian counselor, maybe through your church, through your small group. Ask around. They've clearly seen how he's treating you, and I'm sure they'll be quick to give you recommendation. But I also think you would benefit from talking to one of our marriage coaches here at Exomarriage. They're amazing. And even if your husband doesn't want to talk to one right away, you can call them yourself and really get that support. Not only the prayer support, but also perspective and some next steps you can take. And you can do that by going to xomarriage.comhelp and so I'm so sorry you're going through this. Our heart goes out to you. Please know that we're going to be praying for you specifically and that you will have the words and also that God will give you the courage because you've been bullied. You're being bullied, and it's hard to stand up to bullies. And I'm not trying to badmouth your husband, but he's clearly in the wrong here, and I know he can change. We've seen our friend humbled through this experience, but it took a divorce for him to do that, and I know that's not what you want. So we're gonna be praying that your husband's heart will be soft whenever you do stand up. And he realizes, wow, I am wrong and she's not letting me do this anymore and I've gotta change my ways. And hopefully he'll get some help and in that area as well.

Great, Great question. And sweetie, great answer. And again, whatever you're facing, whatever issue, our team@xomarriage.com help, whether it's a specific issue like the one we just addressed or something completely different, they are equipped to help you navigate whatever you're facing. So check out that website.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day. Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com, you can submit your question right there or you can follow us on Instagram aveandashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day. Q and A.

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