Our Best Marriage Advice

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In 50 years of marriage, the thing I would say is we've probably been through 25 seasons, you know, whether it's just being young and dumb and having little kids and, you know, ministry and all that kind of stuff. And I just think that marriage is constantly changing. It's a constantly moving target. Physically, it is as you get older, emotionally it is, you know, your family changes, the family dynamic changes. And so as it changes, you have to change.

Hey, friends. I am so excited about today's recording. We are live at the Exomarriage Conference in Grapevine, Texas. That wonderful fellowship church just heard some powerful messages from Pastor Jimmy Evans and Pastor Ed and Lisa Young kicking it off so strong. We've got 4,000 people here live in the building and 265 churches around the world that are live simulcasting this event. And we're doing our first ever naked marriage live podcast recording at xo.

It's incredible and I'm so excited.

And we've got our dear friends with us is our very first guest. We're going to have multiple guests, our very first ones, Chad and Tori Masters, who are part of the X.

You guys, we love you guys. We love you guys. We've actually been talking a lot even before we, you know, hit record on this.

And we wish it was already recorded. I know we were like, always happen.

We'll just have to have you all back on and talk about all those things anytime. Good. But just can you, you know, you've already been on the podcast. Many of our people who listen and you watch know you guys and know you've had a big year already tell us how things have been going.

Yes, it really feels like a huge full circle moment for us because last year at the EXO Marriage Conference, we literally were sharing how we were struggling getting pregnant and what the Lord was teaching us through that. And then in between this conference in Dallas and Houston is when we conceived. And now we're back with our little baby, Micah, and it just feels like such a cool God moment. And like, our hearts are so warm being here.

I mean, it's really wild to see the redemption inside of that because we were doing A podcast with Brent, basically a year ago yesterday. And what Brent didn't know is Tori started her period on the way. There's.

You told me.

And for us, for trying for so long, it really. You know, it's definitely a sensitive topic, but to be surrounded by the EXO team and everyone, they're praying for us, they're guiding us, everything. And literally, just however many days later, I'll put it this way. There is the EXO Dallas. Then there's Valentine's Day anniversary, and then there was this BLT at the hotel in Houston that changed my life.

I remember hearing about that.

Yeah, she told everyone about this blt.

I don't know what it was that did it. I'm gonna say it was God, but that BLT was awesome too.

And all those things came together, created the perfect atmosphere for love.

Yes.

For sure. Love was in the air.

Love was in the air. And you guys conceived the cutest baby boy. I think.

I think he is. Yeah.

I've ever seen. Apart from ours, because, you know, you can't say anybody's cutting their own kids.

And they're very far from.

They're old now.

So I didn't say the cutest baby because it's a tie. You've got the cutest baby boy. Our producer Eric and his wife Michaela have the cutest baby girl.

So cute.

Those two could grow up and get married.

There we go.

Create just like the cutest family.

Man, I love it. Arranged marriage, family.

Exactly.

What are you guys learning, though? I mean, you're. You've. You've had this huge transition. You've had a new baby. It's an exciting time, but as we know, it can also be exhausting.

It's so many things.

So how is marriage looking different these days with a little baby at home? Yeah.

I mean, Tori and I will be the first to admit our faults and to talk about when things are hard. Having a baby has probably been the most humbling thing we've ever done.

Sanctifying.

It's the most sanctifying thing we've ever done. It stretched us. And you have all these ideals where you're just like, oh, no, I'm gonna sleep train. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. It's like you don't know.

You figure it out when you're in it.

Yeah.

I think there's been a lot of really difficult things, but also a lot of really good things, too, where I've got to see my wife be strong when I can't Be. And that was always something that I think as a guy, I was afraid to be weak. I wanted to be strong for our family. But there is moments during her 36 hour labor and delivery that I had to remove myself because I didn't want her to see me break.

And.

And now there's been times where I'm losing my mind because he's not sleeping and she steps up. And I think our teamwork has gotten instrumentally better, but that's because we've chosen to be a team for baby Micah. I think a baby can divide you or bring you closer, and we're actively fighting for him to bring us closer instead of push us apart.

And you have to be so intentional about that too, because we've even had conversations where we're like, it can be so easy to just go co parent mode and co worker mode and forget, like, the intimacy and the marriage side of it. And I think it's really important for us to be like, no, we still need to be super lovey dovey and like, remember that we're married first and then we're parents. Right.

It was definitely eye opening where, I mean, we had to talk a week ago where we were like, we feel like roommates.

Yeah.

And that's not a healthy thing for a married couple. And we're seeing how children can impact your marriage, but we want to make sure that he's having a good impact.

And yeah, it is such a huge change. You know, we have four boys, and we always say, for us personally, going from zero to one was the hardest transition for us. And I know it's not always that way for people, but going from 1 to 2 and 2 to 3 and 3 to 4, you're already in, like, parent mode. Yes. Now, granted, you know, once you're outnumbered, you're outnumbered. We're like, let's just throw another in the ring.

Yeah, mine as well.

Yeah. And so we love it. But no, going from zero to one, it was big. And I remember one day Dave's mom showed up at our front door, and this is like, I think Cooper might have been like one month old. I mean, he was really young. And she said, hey, I'm gonna watch the baby for two hours. Go do something. Or he might have even been a couple weeks. It was very early, and I was so excited, and Dave was so excited. Well, we go to Applebee's. You guys know Applebee's.

Love Applebee's.

So we went to Applebee's.

I've never heard of it.

Well, a Lot of clothes. Like, ours closed in our town, so. Oh, that's sad. And I missed it. Yeah. So we went to Applebee's. We had our date, and we're having so much fun. We're holding hands, and all of a sudden, I start sobbing uncontrollably. But you missed him controllably. Well, I missed him totally. Obviously, I was sobbing because I said, listen, I know children are a blessing. We have prayed for this baby boy. I'm so excited to have this baby boy. But I. I know that we're never going to be the same. Like, I miss just Dave and Ashley, and I felt guilty for even thinking that. And Dave's so sweet. He's looking at me like, I want to enjoy her date. She's over here stopping, you know, and he grabbed my hands.

I know.

He's like, I don't know if I can eat my potato skins while you're crying out to me.

So the server walks up and be like, can I get y' all some ranch?

I mean, seriously. No, I'm like. I'm, like, all, like, scared coming down my face. And anyway, he looks at me and he's like, ashley, it will never be the same. But he's like, but this is going to be the greatest adventure ever and even better, you know? And he's like, and I'm so grateful for the three and a half years we had together pre kids. But he's like, but this is the rest of our life. And how awesome. And he's like, but you know what? Your hormones are all over the place. Those postpartum hormones are, like, so real. Yeah, no, they are. And so he's like, but we're going to get through this together. And, you know, it was just a turning point because it is. It's just such a huge adjustment that really, like, you were just saying Tori earlier, no one can totally prepare you.

Prepare you.

No, we. Honestly, I think that's why we say it's humbling and sanctifying because we have so many friends who are parents, and we're just like, we got this, you know, like, we are capable human beings. And then this little town baby comes in the plane.

We're like, what is happening?

It's humbling, but you guys are amazing.

And you.

You're. It's going to be an amazing journey.

We're so excited.

We're out of time. But tell folks where they can connect with you because you guys have so much great content you're putting out there. And I want everybody who's Listening to the Naked Marriage podcast to know and love Chad and Tori Masters like we do.

So tell folks.

That's very kind. If you just search us on YouTube. Tori and Chad. We have a daily devotional podcast called Mornings with the Masters. That's wherever you get podcasts. It's on YouTube, Instagram. It's Tori Masters, you know, Chad Masters. But we're just excited to connect with you guys and, and honestly, whatever advice that they give you, take it, because I'm going to share one thing, if that's okay.

Yeah, sure.

You guys taught last year about different seasons of sex. You know, it's, you know, there's a ton of people around us, so it's funny to talk about it right now.

Here we are. There's seasons.

I. I didn't see the value of it until we had a baby because I thought, I want to feel it. I want to feel it. But whenever your life gets so busy with other responsibilities, you can't always just rely on your feelings to lead you. You have to rely on your commitment to lead you. And now we're now learning these things that you guys have taught about and everyone else at Exo Team has taught about. And so we're learning to really have our commitment lead us, not our convenient lives.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That means so much that, that.

Yeah, it does. It means that we're all coming from you guys.

I think we're in the beach chair season.

Yes.

Yeah.

Well, every chair is fun in its own way.

That's true.

Enjoy the season you're in. And, guys, thanks so much for tuning in. We'll be back with some more mystery guests very soon.

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Welcome back, everybody.

Welcome back.

If you can hear us, if you can hear these strange voices wherever you are in the lobby, come upstairs. We're interviewing the.

There we go.

Ed and Lisa Young.

They're here.

And we're sitting with the David.

Ashley Willis.

Oh, my goodness, you guys, we're so excited.

You guys will be our guest Sunday at Fellowship Church. The conference kind of continues.

That's right.

Ashley Willis.

We are honored.

We really are. We've. I'm telling you, I've said this in behind scenes, out on stage. We've loved and followed you guys from long before we met you in person. You were impacting us through your ministry. And now to be friends and connected, it's surreal and we're so excited.

It goes both ways, for sure.

Well, thank you. Thank you, guys.

I love it.

So tell us, what do they have up here for me? Okay. Yeah. You're talking about this partnership. I just feel like Fellowship in XO is like this partnership made in heaven.

Yes, no doubt.

So what have you. What has been your experience as we've all kind of become partners and friends these last few years?

Well, up front, you know, we love Jimmy Evans.

Yes.

Karen, the entire family. Brent, Stephanie, everyone. They're just phenomenal people. They are, as I said today, what they are on the stage is who they are off the stage. So they've been a blessing to our lives, to Fellowship Church. And being able to do Xo, just to kind of surf in their wake has been amazing, not only for our marriage, but for marriages in our church as well.

Yeah. I would say it's an easy partnership because the core values are so in sync. And yes, we, Ed and I have taught on marriage for years, but it's almost like, you know, we came, we were introduced to xo, and XO is like the guru of gurus when it comes to marriage and seeing marriages restored, seeing marriages grow. And again, it's just an easy partnership.

Our.

Our team loves working with.

I mean, because so goes the marriage, so goes the world.

Right.

And I just think this is a world changing opportunity now.

We feel that too. We pinch ourselves every day that we just get to be part part of it, part of this team, part of this family. And. Well, what are you guys learning in this season of marriage? Because you guys, like you just said, you. 40 years. Yes. And what you've done as a couple, as a family, as a ministry, as church leaders in that time, I mean, it's been absolutely world changing, but you're just getting Started, you know, it's like, thank you, Dave.

Yes. You are getting started.

You guys are just hitting your prime. And so what do you learn in this season of marriage and ministry?

I would say celebrating each other's differences, even in a more profound way. If I had to look back over the last couple of years, I would.

Say that I would echo that. I think out of the tragedy of losing our daughter, or I prefer to say of her graduating to heaven, we had to really look at how we process pain, process grief. And then it kind of segued into, gosh, you know what? We process a lot of things different.

Sure.

And so Even married for 40 years, you're still understanding differences.

Yes.

And so I would say. I would echo what you're saying, that now we're appreciating each other's difference more, rather than thinking that our differences are wrong.

I totally get that. And grief, maybe more than anything, kind of can show those. Those differences and distinctions. And a lot of couples that go through a tragic loss. That's a great point. Grieve differently in a way that it pushes them apart. But you guys have found a way to grieve differently and yet still come together and preserve the unity.

But it's work.

Beautiful way.

That's work. It doesn't come easy. It comes with communication, which, I mean, is that not a core value of marriage?

Absolutely.

But it's a critical component. Communicating our feelings, communicating our emotions, and actually just one day saying, you know what, this day has been rough for me, or I feel like I need to back off a little bit, and he can do the same. And so we communicate these things.

That's huge. Would you say that's like. I mean, obviously the Lord, you know, having. Leaning hard into your faith. Obviously. I think grief require, you know, as Christians, that we require doing that through grief more than any other time in our life. And, you know, it really kind of shows us kind of how deep our faith goes, you know? But I think. Would you say communication was kind of that thing, just keeping that open line that really got you through those early days?

I would wish that we had learned the importance and value of that.

Yeah.

40 years ago.

Yeah.

And I think sometimes Ed and I especially, we dated for six years. We were 15, so we were, like, going out, but we assumed that we were going to know a lot about how to get along, how to talk, all these things. And that's why XO is so amazing, because it gives you the handles on how to communicate well. It tells you these things. So for Us, some of it is like we're just slow learners.

I know I am.

I think all of us can relate to that if it's not communication in a lot of different areas in marriage. But yeah, you know, and I love here you guys have been married 40 years. You speak on marriage, but you all are so teachable too, and you want to learn. Like, you just see that humility in you of wanting to learn. And we have always looked up to you all. But that's how we always want to be, too, because we know none of us arrives in marriage. And like you said, there's stuff that comes your way you never see, like going through the grief of losing your precious daughter. I mean, there's stuff that happens in our life, and so it's like we're always on this journey of learning. And I just so clearly see that in you guys. I mean, you are experts on this and many other things, but I see your heart for learning and growing, and that is something that we want to be like you. We want to be like you. Yes.

Ed and Lisa Young are a gift not only to Xo, but to the. The body of Christ around the world. And I. If you're not already connect with them, you can check out their creative marriage podcast, you can check out their many books. And if you are in the Dallas Fort Worth area and need a great church, home fellowship church is world class. Even if you don't live here, you can follow their sermons and teachings online. I just loved your Goldfish video from a couple weeks ago. Like, you guys put just great.

We watched it several times.

Look at this. Such great creative. I love it.

So good.

Not just the creativity, but your authentic love for people and for Jesus is just absolutely infectious. And. And thank you guys for all.

Thank you guys as well.

Y' all are amazing.

We love you guys.

Love you, too.

Those of you who are watching listening, we have the legends themselves, Jimmy and Karen Evans right here with us in our studio here at the Exo Marriage Conference in Grapevine, Texas. We are so excited, you guys. And Jimmy, we just heard your talk. Oh, my goodness. I mean, so many takeaways, right, sweetie?

Yeah, it's. Every time I hear you teach, I just think, like, I'll hear it and I'll say, like, I'm never going to hear a marriage talk better than that. And then I'll hear him the next time and I'm like, that's better than his last.

Well, wait a minute.

No, it was so, so profound. I think just in terms of the generational Impact of what we do, that thought and the way you tie that thought biblically and practically through whether it's positive or negative, what we're doing and the ability to change, break those generational cycles.

Well, you know, you saw at the end of that message, and I asked people, you know, if. If this affects you. Stand up. Yeah. You know, like the iniquities, everybody stood up.

Yes.

I think there was like eight people that didn't stand up out of 3,000.

Right.

But it's. When we were in our 20s, we heard this message on iniquities. I think we were in our 20s. The interval message, I think, was later than that. It dramatically changed our lives.

Yeah.

We just realized how generationally affected we had been in a negative way.

Right.

Because all of our families generationally were messed up people. So.

Yeah. And, you know, sometimes it's hard to admit that I think it could, like you said, like you told people in the audience, well, if your parents are here, don't necessarily raise your hand because it is delicate, because you love your family, even if it was. And unhealthy. But I think it is important as married people, you know, for us individually, but also as a married couple, to get healthy in these areas and to recognize those strongholds we have in our life. And, you know, Dave and I stood up, like when you asked. We stood up. Like we recognize. And I think that, you know, that needs to be an ongoing conversation because sometimes I feel like those issues. And maybe you guys can speak more on this. Sometimes those issues can come up later when maybe a certain situation happens and all of a sudden you're like, wait a minute, I made an inner vow about this and I didn't even realize it, you know, And I just think it's so good to have that kind of self assessment. Ask the Lord to reveal those blind spots.

That's so good.

You guys been married for 50 years here. In just a few months, you're going to celebrate. So you must have gotten married at like one or two years old based on the way that you.

She was.

Excuse me, you're.

Oh, that's a compliment.

Yes, yes.

Well, we grew up in Kentucky where that sort of thing's legal. So get the chosen one.

Yeah.

So we were both seven years old and first cousins, but that's.

We are not related.

He looks, he loves that joke.

And I'm like, sweetie, not really.

But tell us, what are you learning in this season of marriage? Coming up on half a century of Married Life, what are you learning about each other, about Marriage itself, like, how are you. Because you both are always seeming like you're just growing closer together through all the different changing seasons. What are you learning right now?

Yeah, actually, what I've been learning is you get tested through every season of your life, whether it's marriage or work or kids growing or grandkids or. And so I think that, you know, always look at the life that you're going through and don't let it deter from what's happening in your marriage. And so sometimes you get so busy. I mean, there was a point where he had three jobs all at once, and we were doing great. And then you get past some of that and you realize, I don't think we were doing so great because we had been so busy giving to others that we forgot, you know, give back to us. And so I think you have to always just look like what you said, the roadblocks, the things that are coming up over and over. Because when you were just saying that about, you know, the iniquities, you know, as a mature.

More.

A more mature Christian, I'm not perfect. You know, you have the Holy Spirit, and he so convinces us and convicts us and helps us to walk through those things now that we're older. But at the same time, the enemy's still there, and Satan's still there, trying to do anything he can. Doesn't matter how old you are, how long you've been married. He hates marriage. He hates us as Christians. And so you have to put your guard up. You have to remember, guard your heart, guard what's going around, and ask yourself, is this good for our marriage? Are we doing good? And, you know, like a couple weeks ago, we were having a fight, and I was just like, I don't like him.

I don't want to be married.

So.

Much for 50 years. But we always come back to the love. We always come back to, what does God say? What have we been committed to all these years? And it's like, we're normal, like everybody else. Satan still attacks. Satan still does his thing. And. But we have the tools now. We have the, you know, growth. We have the. So that's what helps us.

I love that.

I think the thing that you guys do so well in is being vulnerable and being honest because people can't relate to, you know, someone who's good at two shoes and everybody problems.

Exactly.

In 50 years of marriage, the thing I would say is, is we've probably been through 25 seasons. You know, whether it's just being young and dumb and Having little kids and, you know, ministry and all that kind of stuff. And I just think that marriage is constantly changing. It's a constantly moving target. Physically it is. As you get older, emotionally it is.

Oh, yeah.

You know, your family changes, the family dynamic changes. And so as it changes, you have to change. But. But the constant. What Karen's just saying is the constant is as it changes, we're going to. We're going to succeed in every season. We're going to apply the principles in this season that we applied back here that made this.

Yeah.

You know, sometimes it didn't make that season good. It just made it survivable.

Right.

Sure. Sometimes that's all you just.

If we're gonna hold on, that's a win right there.

Yeah.

Yeah, we survived. But anyway, it's. Marriage is wonderful. I mean, we. We have a great marriage. We have a great family. We're very thankful for that. But, you know, we. Karen's mom is 94. My mom's 93. They both live right here. And Karen really is our main caretaker.

Yeah.

You know, and we just. Things. Things happen and you just wake up one day and you're in that season, but life is good. Wow.

You guys are just. You're heroes. You really are. I mean, we. You've been a gift to, not only to us personally and to Xo, but to the. To the family of God globally. The impact that your family has made. You talked about that 1000 generation impact, and I wholeheartedly believe that the impact of your marriage, your ministry is going to reach a thousand generations.

100.

That's how we feel about y'.

All.

Seriously, that means the world to us.

We're telling you, we love you guys so much.

Love you too, friends.

If you're not connected to Jimmy and Karen Evans, well, you are just because you're watching this. This is their ministry, the whole network. But the more you can learn from them, the better. Karen has a powerful book called From Pain to Paradise, kind of outlining those early years, the difficulties they faced and what she learned and what God taught them as they persevered through that and really got to that place of health. Jimmy's one of the most prolific authors on the planet and you can get all his books@xomarriage.com store. We just interviewed Pastor Ed and Lisa Young. If you want a trip of a lifetime, Pastor Jimmy and Pastor Ed, they're going to be co leading a trip to Israel this fall. And you can look that up. There's still spots available. I guarantee you it will be a life changing experience. But Pastor Jimmy, Karen, we love you guys.

Thank you.

We love you, too.

Very proud of y'.

All.

Yeah, Very proud.

Thank you, guys.