Our Best Marriage Advice Part. 2

I think we need to predetermine how we're going to respond to transition so that we have to react to it like. And so we had transition with kids, we had transitioned with marriage, we had transition with moving, we had transitioned from churches. So if we predetermined, we're going to communicate during transition, we're going to have regular check ins during transition.

Right.

We're going to pray during transition, we're going to have sex. I mean, we're going to, you know, doing transitions.

Right.

Because we want to stay connected intimately. And if we predetermine what we're going to do through transition, we can manage transition and transition won't manage us.

What a day we've had here at the XO conference. And we are back with some more guests that we're so excited about. We've got Ryan and Priscilla Ofay. Ryan's a part of Maverick City, which is like just the biggest Christian music movement in the world.

Winning Maverick City.

Yes. I mean they're rocking and they're newlyweds.

Yes.

They, they, they are international. Not only internationally known, but you guys are international just period. You live in Canada, you're all over, you know, you met in the United Kingdom, family from Africa, like, we live in Canada. Live in Canada.

I mean, you guys are just, you guys are everywhere. I know, I love it.

You guys are everywhere. And Priscilla has the best accent. She could just do voiceover work for a living.

So you really can.

Wow, my British accent. All the love.

We love it. You know, we're. So tell us, you told us a little bit before we started rolling. But I love this story. Tell us how you guys first met back when you were 14.

Yeah. Well, David, Ashley, thank you so much for having us. We met when we were 14. I used to play piano at Priscilla's uncle's church. And one day she came into the church and the light of heaven shone on her and I said, wow, wow, wow. And we became friends. I liked her, I thought she liked me too. And she had to go back to the UK unfortunately. But over that time, basically my parents live in Africa, so I'd always make it a point to go visit them. And anytime I did so I'd pass through the uk, have an eight hour layover, we'd get breakfast and just catch up. And here we are today.

Yeah.

And you've been married, I guess for nine months now. Nine months.

So we are newlyweds.

I love it.

And they also, for those of you watching, listening, they are, they got married in May Just like Dave and I did. We feel like that's the month. It's the best month. I know. See, Exactly.

It's the best month.

I love it.

So what are you guys learning about marriage in this first year? It's a. It's a sweet, fun season, but you guys have a lot, a lot going on. I mean, you're traveling all over and so how's life looking? What are you learning?

Well, life has completely changed, so I moved from the UK after we got married, so I've been living in Canada for the past seven months or so, and it's just been nothing but pure bliss. I will say we're still, you know, in the honeymoon period and getting to learn each other because we were long distance for three years, so this feels very fresh, very new to us. And yeah, we're learning about each other, learning our interests, our hobbies, and also just doing life together.

We get to travel together. Yeah, it's something that I think we really look forward to as person.

So I love it. Incredible.

That's beautiful. And, you know, we know you're going to be actually performing and worshiping with us here at exo, and it's something so special for all of us. And, And I would just love to hear more about kind of your journey to, to. To singing, to worshiping, to being part of Maverick City.

Oh, I mean, that's, that's, that's crazy. I think just like from being a child. I remember, I think the speaker that we just had earlier, she was talking about things that came innately to you, things that you just love to do, that your parents were like, okay, can you stop doing that? I think for me, it was definitely like just singing, leading worship. I remember my mom just playing videos, sermons, so many things. And that was something that was like. I just felt instantly drawn to it. I felt like I'd explode if I didn't do it. And so I begged her, I'm like, mom, I need to sing. And she was kind of like, keep me quiet. And then she let me sing. And from. From that day on, I mean, she's always been championing, so anytime we go somewhere she'd like, my son can sing. And she, like, pushed me onto, like, these platforms and stuff. And I think that all of those things kind of led to me growing up and choosing to really, really be serious about it and do it with my whole heart. And yeah, I think Maverick City was really a God thing. I got connected through a songwriting session and I didn't even know anybody. Like, I Didn't even know how to get into that or any way like that. I think it was really God thing.

And.

Yeah, since 2020, so in the middle of the pandemic, everyone was home. Everything was shut down. And that's when God really opened that door for me. So it's been crazy.

It's so awesome. And that's in the middle of you guys dating long distance, right? It's kind of in conjunction with this.

Yes.

Wow. And do you feel like with that kind of coming in the middle of the pandemic, was that, like, good timing to have? I mean, because the pandemic, it was crazy for everybody, right?

Yeah.

And was that. Was that a neat time to kind of join something like that?

I think. I think it was the perfect timing. It felt like the world almost, like, slowed down a bit, and we got a chance to just, like, to just think about what really matters. You know, a lot of us were home with family. A lot of us understood, like, how serious illnesses and. And there was also a whole lot of things happening even with, like, Black Lives Matters. And there's just a whole lot happening during that time. And, yeah, I got connected to Maverick City. I started writing more than ever before. I started traveling to the States, which was a whole ordeal because Canada has, like, crazy lockdown laws. And even just to see Priscilla, just. Everything was just a hurdle and a half. But it was a hard time. But I think that, you know, beautiful things came out of. Out of those hard times, and I think that's what we see in our lives. Like, some of the most precious things come out of the movie Difficult Times.

So I think you're so right. I would love to ask, and I'm sorry, I'm geeking out. What is your. What is, like, your favorite worship song to sing because you're both singers. I always love to ask singers this. Like, what's your favorite worship song to sing?

Favorite worship song.

I know that's probably really hard.

Yeah, I think. I think I have, like, a Go to worship song. I feel like a Go to worship song would be, like, goodness of God.

Or Guys, I love that song.

Or, like, worthy of it all. I feel like any day, like, I could wake up and sing that. Like, it would just be supernatural to me.

I like, here I am to worship.

I'm taking it old school.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Way back.

That started a whole movement, that one song of just worship and just me every single time.

You know, worship song. I mean, music is so tied to memory, but worship songs are so tied to our Christian experiences, you know, Like, I. I can, like, picture myself. I want to say it. Like, what's the college event? I'm totally drawn to blank here.

Oh, Passion, Passion, Passion.

I remember singing something like that at Passion. Like, I'm talking way back, you know, and we're a lot older than you. We're talking way, way back.

Wow.

But, yeah, no, it's. I love that, and I love hearing that, and I would love to hear you both sing that.

Yeah, we will put you on the spot.

No, she's looking at me like, are.

You serious right now?

But, hey, tonight, though, you can come and you can hear Ryan. We would love to hear a concert of the two of you together sometime. I think that would be amazing. So they will have to get that on the books.

Yeah.

Okay.

We don't do it often.

Yeah.

But, yeah, maybe we'll get into it in the future.

Well, tell folks where they can. Where they can connect with you guys if they want.

Yeah.

Just to learn more of your story or your music.

I mean, all. All social media platforms, Ryan, Fay, Priscilla, as well as all digital platforms for music, whether it be Apple, Music, Music, Spotify, YouTube, Rhino Face, RhinoFace. Super easy to find. And we have incredible stuff. Music, life experiences, wedding content. Wedding content. All of the above.

I love it.

Yes.

The world's going to be hearing a lot more from you guys in the years to come. I've got no doubt.

Amazing.

Thank you for sharing your gifts with us here at xo and thank you for. For what you're doing around the world to bring hope and encouragement for Jesus and just. We just pray God's continued blessings on. On your marriage and all that he has for you.

Thank you so much.

All right, exo, we are back. We're here here live. Hey, come upstairs if you want. We'd love to have you here. We are just $5 a person. Just kidding. It's free. It's free. We are here with our dear friends Jimmy and Irene. Irene Rollins, who are a big part of the EXO family. You're part of our adopted family.

Come on.

Jimmy is.

Is also my fashion coordinator.

Interracial families.

Yeah, totally. Totally. And you got.

You.

You helped me be cooler. You helped me love. Know Jesus more, be a better husband. But you also help me just be cooler.

Absolutely.

And.

And spend more money.

And spend more money. Right.

So I feel judged.

So I feel.

I feel a bit judged.

No, you. You're the friends that, like, we name drop for people to think we're cool. Like, oh, we were hanging out With Jimmy and I were.

You know, the Rollins you guys know about.

They're friends. You know they're friends. We hang.

So the name dropping, I love it. We love you guys. Thank you for having us.

Of course.

You guys are amazing.

Anywhere we go, you're invited. Come on.

Absolutely.

Tell us. Rewind the clock. Tell us your. How you guys first met. We love. We love asking folks this on the podcast. Tell us. We've heard this in the story, but just for. For all the listeners, tell us how it began.

So we met on the job.

Yes.

We. We were both it. Technical recruiters, headhunters. And I was dating someone else and started off great. I went to a basketball game to watch him play, and the owner of the team asked me to come interview. And on the first day of my interview, I met Jimmy. I broke up with the guy a week later. He asked me out. Like, within an hour I did. No, not even an hour. I maybe had.

I was stalking. He was cubicle.

That's just being proactive.

And then I called.

I called it.

I called the guy she was dating and told her he's no longer dating her.

You're the one that informed him that they were broken up.

Big daddy's in town.

Oh, my goodness.

So we literally. We met, and three months later, we were engaged. Six months later, we were married. We do not recommend.

No, don't do that.

But yeah, that's how we met.

Absolutely.

And how many years now?

23 years.

23.

23.

We're nipping at your heels. We're 22 in May.

We're three kiddos.

Yeah, we are.

We're 22 in May.

Tell us, how old are your kids?

22. Yep, 20 and 17.

Nice.

We're almost empty. Who we meet?

Like, is this the oldest? The middle. The youngest who we met today?

Oh, she's the oldest.

She's the oldest.

She's the oldest and so lovely, just as you described.

She was a mistake, actually.

Just.

She was a surprise, surprise, surprise.

Completely planned.

God knew she was coming.

No, no, never.

She's over here.

Like, she's amazing.

I'm sorry.

God had such a great plan for her. Oops. She's amazing.

She responds so well, too. She's just like.

She has a purpose and a destiny.

I hope our children turn out like her. That's what I hope.

She's awesome. Yes.

Let's see if we can make her blush for the rest of the night.

She's like, why are you looking at me? Stop it.

I love it, you guys. You're Good at so many things. Right. I mean, you just are. You're good. So many. It's like people aren't supposed to have this much talent. Like, you're supposed to be good at a few things, but, you know, the Rollins are great, all these things. But you're focusing so much of your talent, you know, in this season, specifically on helping marriages, which is just so near and dear to our hearts. Tell us about that passion that you guys clearly have. You obviously have the gifting for it, but that passion you have to help people.

Couples go, babe.

Well, I would say I. It's pretty much came out of the fact that we know we are a miracle.

Yeah.

Our marriage has. Is a miracle. And so we want to share how we got over how God rescued us from ourselves, and we want to share and give hope to other couples. Literally, if it was up to us, we would have been a statistic.

Yeah.

We would have been divorced 100%. And so we're really glad that we stuck it out through the hard times. And you can kind of elaborate more on that.

Yeah, I think it's been, you know, 23 years, has been about the best seven years ever. And what we see and what we have now is just this amazing story, this amazing testimony, this repair that God put us back together. And what we've discovered is there's no better teacher than pain, but maybe there is someone else. And so we can give away our pain and we can give away the struggles and the mountains that we had to climb. Maybe others can find hope and find destiny through whatever their marriage might face. And so we love. We believe that, you know, having a good marriage is the best gospel that we could ever preach. So why not just preach this gospel, right? Have a good marriage.

Yeah, I love it.

And you guys do such a great job of that, being so vulnerable with what you did go through. And also really giving people practical tools. You know, we're all about, like, those practical tools because people hear your story and they're like, I want that to be like, I want God to give me a restoration story, too. But then, like, giving them really practical steps to take. And I love how you guys are so open about that. And so I would love to ask, like, they're going to hear more, you know, that xo people are going to hear all this tonight, and I'm so excited, and I can't wait to hear it myself. But just kind of right now, what do you feel like God's team teaching you right now in this season? Because it's Kind of a new. Like, you've moved.

Yes.

And, you know, you moved from Maryland to Florida, correct?

Yes.

And you are loving it. Supposedly. Like, every time you talk about it, you line up.

It's like vacation every day and then we're going to be empty nesters.

So.

Yes. Big.

We'll just be naked all the time. You know, Naked Marriage podcast.

I love that. That's how I got him to, you know, read your. Read a book. It's because it was called Naked Marriage. He was like, oh, okay, true.

Yeah, let's read that.

Hey, naked gets the guy's attention.

It really does.

Yes.

So transition, I was going to say that literally has been our middle name. And I would say for me, I told Jimmy this when he approached me about potentially moving and relocating, because this is huge, Right. We've been in the same spot for 23 years. And I said. I looked at him and I said, you know what? Wherever you go, that's my home. So home has a face and it's Jimmy Rollins.

Come on.

So wherever he's going, I'm going.

I feel at home when I see your face. I say that.

Literally. I could care less. So I. I had to just, you know, navigate transition and change and take my kids through that same process. And like you said, all the practical stuff, went to counseling, dealt with all my fears, talked about it with my husband, sought God, prayed, fasted, you know, godly counsel, all of that. And just like the real conversations at 11 o' clock at night, when we were grieving, leaving, it is a.

It's a grief. Yeah, it is.

But at the same time, celebrating the new. It was just such a roller coaster of things. So I think right now in this season, what God's saying to me is really slow down to smell the flowers. Because I've been in transition for so long. Yeah, I like just getting to be here today and experience the people and seeing my daughter and hanging out with friends. Like, I'm smelling the flowers while we get to do what we. Sharing our testimony with the world.

That's a great way to live.

Amazing. That was long. It was long. I have add.

It was all good, though.

Yeah. I think what Irene said. Transition. I think every couple, you know, they're gonna. It's transition. You don't win at transition. You manage transition.

Yeah, that's good.

And when you realize, like, that life is full of transitions, I think we need to predetermine how we're going to respond to transition so that we have to react to it, like, and so we had transition with kids, we had transitioned with marriage, we had transitioned with moving, we had transitioned from churches. So if we predetermined, we're going to communicate during transition. We're going to have regular check ins during transition. Right. We're going to pray during transition, we're going to have sex. I mean, we're going to, you know, doing transitions.

Right.

Because we want to stay connected intimately. And if we predetermine what we're going to do through transition, we can manage transition and transition won't manage us. And I think that that's what's key. I like to say that every transition, it begins with an ending and ends with a new beginning.

Yes.

And so how we end in a season determines how we begin in the next season. And so we've had a lot of messy ends, like messy departures, but now we're trying to figure out, like, how do we, you know, have grace for one another through seasons of transition so that we can dominate the next season?

I love that.

Absolutely.

You guys have done so much, so much for the kingdom for the body of Christ around the world and you're just, you're just hitting your prime. Like, I'm so excited about this next season of ministry and to get into, to do it with you, you know, through xo because the Rollins are part of the family here at XO. Go to xomarriage.com you'll have great content from them. Check out their new podcast, check out all that they're doing with us. And even more is, is coming and they, their story, their ministry is powerful. I can't wait to hear you guys tonight. We love you.

Absolutely.

Thank you for being on.

Love y' all so much. Absolutely.