Spending Time Alone With the Opposite Sex // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is sweetie?

It's hump day. Q and A time. Hump day Q and A. Hump day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

My husband thinks I'm controlling him because I've informed him that I don't feel comfortable with him having one on one lunches with the opposite sex. And I've asked him to stop. He's been secretive about this relationship. How can I explain to him my reasoning for asking him to stop? Well, it's a great question. This is actually something we've talked about in the past with opposite sex friendships and relationships. So here's the deal. There are all kinds of red flags in your husband's behavior. First and foremost, being secretive about anything in marriage is incredibly toxic. Being secretive about connecting with a person of the opposite sex is an all out emergency. If we are ever hiding text messages, hiding meetings, hiding correspondences with someone because we don't want our spouse to know that we're having these correspondences, man, we are on the fast track to destruction. It might not be a full fledged affair at this point, but it is so far out of bounds. And for him to be justifying it or for anyone to be justifying that kind of secretive one on one correspondence with someone of the opposite sex is so destructive. So you say. I don't know how to explain my reasoning to ask him to stop. Just have him tune into this and let me say it. Dude, you are being a fool. You are being reckless and selfish and you've got to cut off this relationship. Now. I know some people are in work situations where it's a little more complicated because your work involves having to have one on one meetings with the opposite sex. This isn't like a discretionary thing. This isn't a you're going out of your way to have lunches and coffees with someone. It's like you're having to meet with clients. That's a different kind of scenario. But even still, I think that when we're around someone in the opposite sex and any kind of one on one setting, we have to be beyond reproach. We have to make sure there's Multiple levels of accountability. We have to make sure that we're putting ourselves in a position where we can't be tempted or talked about, where we're making sure that we're protecting the sacredness of our marriage and showing respect to our spouse and also showing respect to this person of the opposite sex, whether they're married or not, just so that no boundaries are crossed. And I think that this is one thing that really separates a healthy marriage from an unhealthy one. In a healthy marriage, people are so mindful of these things and saying, I don't want to have any correspondence you don't know about. I don't want to meet with people of the opposite sex unless it's an absolute necessity for work. And even then I want to make sure that it's done in a way that is, you know, there's a lot of accountability there and visibility there for anybody to be voluntarily investing in a one on one relationship of the opposite sex outside of marriage that, and especially if there's any secretiveness happening with that that is absolutely destructive and can unravel the entire marriage. So I would say if he won't stop this, then I would insist on some kind of Christian marriage counseling where a third party can get involved and help reason with your husband. Because what he is doing is it goes against everything that we teach at the Naked marriage, which is about honesty, transparency, intimacy as God designed it, you know.

Absolutely. And I think she asked specifically, how can I explain to him my reasoning for asking him to stop? I would say, you know, listen, I'm asking you to stop. Not to control you, but because I love you and I love our marriage and I don't want this to ruin our marriage and our family. I want to fight for our marriage. And I see this as a huge red flag because, you know, you're wanting to be secretive about these conversations. And I feel like you're giving this lady a piece of your heart that really I wanna have. Cause I wanna have your whole heart. And I'm saying this out of concern and love for you, because this isn't you. This isn't the man that I married. And I think that you've been led astray here and I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and hoping that nothing's happened so far. But I want you. I want all of you. And not to control you, but to love you wholly and holy being W H O L L Y and just being there for you in every way and just making sure that you don't fall into something that I know you never probably set out to fall into. And so, you know, these things do happen. It's not usually, you know, when these inappropriate relationships happen, it's not just one decision. It's a lot of little small decisions that lead to this. And so, you know, you're at this point where he needs to turn away as fast as he possibly can and cut off all contact with this woman. And so I do hope that he tunes into this. We're saying this out of love too, because let me tell you, any of us can fall for this. Any of us can fall for this temptation. And that's why we have to be so vigilant. We're not saying this as being judgmental. We're saying this because we have seen this happen to so many people that we know and love and, and we see what happens when they do eventually fall into a full fledged affair and just the wreckage that comes from that. And we wanna save ourselves from that. We wanna save you from that because we know that we're all vulnerable to it if we're not being really intentional. So I really appreciate you as the wife for reaching out. And please know that we are praying for you all and anybody else listening who's in this situation. Make sure you're having those hard conversations and letting your spouse know. I'm not trying to control you. I love you and I don't want anyone or anything to come between us in our marriage. Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day. Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hunt Day. Q and A.

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