Summer Quickies: God's Plan for Your Sex Life

Hello, and welcome to the 100th episode of the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And I cannot believe this is the 100th episode.

I know.

And those of you who've stuck with us from the beginning, thank you so much. You're probably so tired of hearing us talk about marriage and sex and all those things, but we're so glad you're here and that you're listening.

And you, my love, don't look old enough to have recorded 100 episodes, so totally do 100, the century mark. And we want to, at the start of this, also pause to say thank you to our producer, Brittany Wilcox, who is moving on to new adventures. And she has produced every one of the 100 episodes and has done just a fabulous job. I might just go on strike after this. There might not even be 101st episode because it won't be the same without Brittany. And we love you and are cheering you on. You and Stuart go start new adventures. And we want to thank you guys for listening, like Ashley said to these hundred. And this is also not only the 100th episode, it's the finale of our Sexy Summer Quickies series. Over the last 12 weeks, we have done quick episodes answering your biggest questions about sex. And we've covered a lot of topics. If you're just tuning in now, go back. And the start of the sexy Summer Quickies would be a good place to kind of start, start this podcast journey because it's been a fun, fun summer. And today we're gonna wrap it up by talking about what does the Bible say about sex?

Right?

And there's good news.

Specifically, what is off limits?

Yeah, what is off limits? But it's not just like a wag your finger, don't do these things. We also wanna say right up front, God wants your sex life to be fun. He wants it to be awesome. And we're gonna talk more about that today. But first, we wanna tell you about an important resource. So check this out.

Hey, welcome into Walgreens. Hi there.

Hey.

All right, hon. I'll grab the gift wrap cards and. Oh, those stuffed animals the girls want.

Great. And I'll grab the string lights and some. How about I grab some cough drops? This is not just a quick trip to Walgreens.

I'm fine, honey.

Well, just in case. You know what they say, tis the season. This is help staying healthy through the holidays. Walgreens.

Well, I think we saved the juiciest episode for last when it comes to our sexy summer quickies, we're gonna talk about what does the Bible say about sex? And some of you listening may be like, how is this juicy? But really it is, because the Bible has a lot to say about sex, because God created sex for married couples, and it's beautiful and it's awesome. And we just wanna say right out of the gate that there is so, so much room for creativity here. And we are gonna address a little bit later in the episode what is off limits. But let me just say there's a lot that is totally for the taking here that's not, you know, off limits, but that you can really be creative with. So we're excited to talk about this episode.

Yes. Yes. So it's kind of like any kind of parameter God gives us anywhere in the Bible. It's not a rule, so to speak, of like, somebody just wagging their finger at you saying, don't do this for the sake of not doing it. It's always a safeguard for our. It's kind of like when you're driving down the interstate, there's this concrete median separating you from the other lanes of traffic going the other direction. That is a safeguard that's there for your protection and the protection of others. And when it's disregarded, you're going to be hurt and others are going to be hurt as well. And so as it relates to sex, God's rules about sex are really there to be the safeguard to help you moving in a direction that's going to bring health and safety to everyone involved. But at the same time, like Ashley said, right out of the gate, there's a lot of freedom within those safeguards. He wants you to be, again, like we say, a lot, naked and unashamed. That's the first image we have of marriage in the Bible. That's why this podcast is called the Naked Marriage Podcast. That's why our book is called the Naked Marriage. Naked and unashamed. Naked, meaning no secrets, complete and total intimacy, without shame, without baggage. God wants that for you and he wants you to keep that complete intimacy and lack of baggage. And so what is not allowed? It's really. It's a pretty short list. It's like bringing someone else into the marriage is clearly not allowed, like, either virtually or in person. So pornography is off limits. We've talked a lot about porn and affair or inviting others into your bed virtually or in person. Then beyond that, I would just say anything that's kind of not mutually agreed upon, because marriage has to be a Safe place where if one of you is not comfortable with something or not yet comfortable with something, then for the time being, that I would say is also off limits. Because you want the marriage bed to be safe for both of you.

And that's showing love and respect to each other too, because we've got to have love and respect in order to have the kind of sex life that God wants us to have. We want to have a sex life that is mutually satisfying and we're both feel loved and respected. And so, you know, just to get very, very specific, you know, what. What is off limits? Again, it's really whatever you don't feel comfortable with, like both of you don't feel comfortable with. But things like oral sex, that is something that you might want to try. We get a lot of questions about toys. If both of you are okay with that and it doesn't hurt you, I mean, we want to make sure you're not hurting each other. You know, that is sex is meant to be something beautiful and again, mutually satisfying. Then, you know, hey, have at it. If you like toys together, then go for it. And you know, again, there's a wide spectrum of things you can do to bring sexual satisfaction to each other. And the beautiful part of it is that it's even in the Bible. I mean, you can go to the book of Song of Solomon, where it's very sexually expressive and it's basically love poetry to each other. And it gets very spicy in nature.

This holiday season. There's no better place to get cozy holiday gifts for all your people than aerie. From soft sweaters to everyday intimates and activewear, Aerie has the comfiest pieces made for the real you. And don't forget to treat yourself too, while you're at it. You've earned it. Find your nearest aerie store or shop online@aerie.com Give Love Real.

Yes, it really does. And there's room for a lot of creativity. I think pornography, one thing that pornography has done is it has kind of normalized a lot of things that might be painful or, I mean, it's normalized orgies. It's normalized doing things that might hurt the other person. And if you're doing something that hurts the other person, then you might want to take a step back and say, wait a second. This feels out of bounds. Like we're not called to cause each other pain. One aspect of porn that has made its way kind of into a lot of the mainstream, and we get some questions about it, is anal sex. What does The Bible say about that? The Bible doesn't speak directly to it. The Bible talks against what's called sodomy in the Bible, which is specifically referring to a homosexual act. But there's no place in the Bible where it's referring to any sex. Sexual act done within the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman is being off limits. Other than in the Old Testament. There was a period under the Mosaic covenant law of like cleanliness where we were told not to have sex during a woman's time of menstruation. Most believe that, you know, under the new covenant, and I won't get too deep into theology there, but would say that is allowed under the new covenant. Under the, the covenant of grace. Won't turn this into a real long theology lesson because we're trying to keep it brief with these quickies. But the nutshell thousand foot view is you have a ton of freedom. But that freedom also involves a responsibility to make sure both people feel safe and that we're not just taking kind of like pornography fueled fantasies that aren't really healthy and aren't pleasurable for the other person or might even cause pain to the other person or damage to the other person. And we're trying to pressure them to do those certain things. That's when I think we need to take a step back and say, wait a second, what's really the motivation for me pushing for this specific act? Like, why is this a fantasy for me? Well, at the same time, marriage being a safe place to talk through all these things without judgment, but not pressuring our spouse and also being mindful of where those fantasies originated. Because if we're honest, I think a lot of times it originates in something sinful. I think pornography has done so much to kind of subtly sabotage our view of what sex is supposed to look like in a way that doesn't actually help us grow closer together, but it kind of creates. It creates some unhealthy divisions in the bedroom instead of unity.

It's so right. And again, it goes back to that mental monogamy, you know, really being mentally monogamous, being aware of where our thoughts are going, and also, you know, making sure that this is something that we don't feel ashamed about. Like we don't want to feel ashamed about our sex life. We don't want to make it, you know, draw us away from the Lord. We want it to draw us closer to the Lord. And you know, the Bible says that God created sex. It was his idea, completely God's idea. Thank you God, it is beautiful, and it is a holy act for marriage. It's for a husband and a wife to enjoy in the covenant of marriage. And yes, it is for procreation, but it's also for pleasure. I mean, it's meant for both. And so, you know, there shouldn't be this shame if you're enjoying it. Like, I know in certain circles there's like this thought that I shouldn't be enjoying it. It's only to produce children. And there's, like, this shame around it, but that is just not true. God wants us to enjoy it, and he wants us to have it. You know, he wants us to be coming together to have intercourse and sexual connection, because it's something that he designed for us to experience in marriage. And so it is beautiful. And I think, too, we have to be aware of these. These kind of preconceived notions we have of sex. And we have whole podcasts on this kind of what we bring into a marriage when it comes to how we think about sex and how it affects our sex life. So you can go back and listen to those, but we do need to be aware of that, because I think those can be a hindrance as well, you know, if we have this negative feeling attached to sex. But it is something that is a gift from God for husbands and wives to experience.

Yeah, I'm so glad you said that, sweetie. Because it is made to be enjoyed.

Yes.

God made it feel good for a reason. And, yep, procreation can be part of it. But even if you're past the time of having kids, or even if you're not having kids right now or you're unable to have kids, you know, your sex life should be amazing, you know, through all the different seasons of your life, it is so much more, thank God. It's so much more than just procreation. It is one of the most amazing gifts meant to be enjoyed for pleasure, for connection, for intimacy, for fun within a marriage.

That's right.

Yeah, we've had a lot of fun talking about it.

That's right. I know over these last 12 weeks, we've had so much fun talking about how to have a great sex life. And really, if there's a theme that goes through all of these episodes, it's just that sex is good because it's created by God and it's specifically for marriage. And so we should be doing our best to make it a priority in our marriage. And again, just to reiterate, it's not the only priority in marriage. And in order to have a great sex life, we need to make sure we're doing all the other things that make a great marriage, like communicating in a healthy way, praying, making prayer a huge foundational part of our marriage, and making faith, you know, what our marriage is built on, and making sure that we have lots of love and respect and grace for one another. And that is ultimately what leads to a better sex life as well.

Man, it's so good. So we want to thank you guys again for listening. Want to once again thank our amazing producer, Brittany Wilcox.

Thank you, Brittany.

Also want to thank Andrew Grekoff, who's been our audio engineer and sound mixing ninja who's made all these possible. And we want to thank you guys for listening and for leaving reviews, for sharing this on social media, for connecting with us, Ave and Ashley Willis on social media. We are honored, honored to be on this journey with you.

We are. And so next week we will start back with our full episodes and we hope you tune in and join us then. We will see you next time.