Summer Quickies: Habits of Sexually Satisfied Couples

Hello and welcome back to the Naked Marriage Podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And we have a great episode for you today, continuing in our sexy summer Quickie series.

Yeah, this has been so fun. These short episodes answering your 12 biggest questions about sex. And hopefully you guys are having fun along with us, laughing, learning, and applying these to increase your sex sex life, but also every part of your marriage. And today we're going to talk specifically about what are those habits of sexually satisfied couples? And even more specifically, how do we have healthy conversations about sex? And maybe it's an issue where you and your spouse have struggled to really talk about it openly in the moment. What you like, what you don't like. So we're gonna. We're gonna unpack that today, and it's gonna be a fun conversation. But first, we want to tell you about an important resource. So check this out.

With Black Friday savings at the Home Depot, you can get up to 40% off, plus up to an extra thousand dollars off select appliances like lg, America's most reliable line of appliances. Check out the newest LG refrigerator with new mini craft ice straight from the dispenser shop. Black Friday savings on select LG appliances. Plus get free delivery now at the Home Depot. Free delivery on appliance purchases of$396 or more offer valid11.5 through 12, 3 US only. See store or online for details.

Okay. All throughout this sexy summer Quickie series, we've talked a lot about how communication plays a huge role when it comes to a thriving sex life. But a lot of times we don't know quite how to communicate what we like and don't like specifically when it comes to having sex. And one thing we want to really just address right out of the gate is that we need to make sure we're being honest with each other, especially when it comes to what we like, you know, and that it's motivating when you hear your spouse say they like something or, you know, that, that, that feels good. But we. But we also need to be honest about what doesn't feel good. Because I think sometimes, especially when you are newlyweds, you wanna make your spouse kind of get to climax. And so I think sometimes we won't necessarily say if something's hurting, especially women. Like, we won't tell our husband that something is painful, but we need to be honest about that because, you know, your husband doesn't wanna hurt you. He wants it to be a pleasurable Experience?

Yeah, he wants to know you don't have to pretend. Like, please don't pretend or fake anything. Talk about this feels good, this doesn't feel good. I'm not sure about this. Let's keep trying this and maybe it will start to feel good. Maybe I just need to get used to it. But communicate about all of it. Talk about where you like to be touched, how you like to be touched, where you don't like to be touched, what you would like to try, what you would not like to try. Talk about all of that and make it a safe place to talk about all that without judgment that you're not gonna ever shame each other for not liking something or for liking something. You're not going to do that. You're going to be supportive of one another. You're going to talk through things. It's going to be a safe place with mutual respect where you want to protect each other and you want to maximize the pleasure and the connection for both of you. And you've got to talk about it for that to happen. Your spouse is not a mind reader. And just because you're connecting in this really intimate way doesn't mean that somehow they can burrow into your brain and see everything you're thinking and feeling. And so you have to talk. And that's an important part of the process. Especially if these are things you have not talked about or if things have changed over time and something you used to like, you don't anymore, or something that you haven't done, you'd like to start doing and talk about those things.

It's so true. So when it comes to being like, in the act, you want to talk about what you like and dislike, but you don't want to talk about these deep conversations in the act because that will kill the mood.

But.

But you do need to be talking about sex. Like, for example, you don't wanna talk about, like, oh, I don't think we're having it enough, or I'm just not attracted to you anymore. You don't wanna have those kind of.

Conversations, or, wow, you've really gained weight.

Or like, yeah, this doesn't feel the same. How much weight have you gained? That's gonna kill the mood real fast, right?

Yeah. Be an encourager.

What do you smell like? What is that?

Yeah, we need to be honest. But the Bible says speak the truth in love. So, yeah, when you're saying something that's potentially corrective, is this true? Is it kind? Is it necessary if it's not spoken in love? Then don't say it. But you do communicate about it. And so sweetie, let's talk just a minute about kind of the difference between the things that you should say in the moment versus the things you should say when you're not in the moment. Because I think that you should have great conversations about your sex life over breakfast and in these kind of non intimidating environments without children present. Yeah, your kids aren't there, but you're talking about it just driving in the car in a natural way. Like, you know, what do you say in those moments compared to what are you saying in the heat of the moment? Because in the heat of it you can't have these full fledged deep conversations. It needs to be more. I kind of picture it as like during a game you're playing in real time, things are happening quickly, so to speak, and you're on a football team. This kind of whole illustration fell apart as I started talking about it. I'm not comparing your life.

It's in me. Because I don't listen to.

I know, it's not a sports thing.

Somebody listening knows, Right?

Yeah, you're not in the sports.

Go with it, sweetie.

But in real time, you're having to make adjustments, you're having to encourage the team, you're having to maybe change plays at the last minute. And those communications are gonna look different than what's happening in a locker room or at practice where you can sit down and really unpack things.

I get the locker room. I get it.

Okay, so the, the locker room is kind of like when you're not in the moment. That's what you're talking about over breakfast or in the car.

Strategy.

Strategy, yes. Like what's working, what's not working, what can we do better in the moment? It's gonna be shorter, it's gonna be very clear communication, very direct. But you also don't wanna belabor the point by killing the mood and saying, let's sit down and have an hour long powwow about this. But you still wanna talk.

Cuando entras a Burlington en cuentras precios increibles irregalos geniales. Jeso es energia del protagonista por que burlington los ahor de. Exactly. So like talks that would need to take place in the locker room, so to speak, would be things like the sexual baggage that we talked about a few weeks ago. If you're, you know, maybe that's something that kind of popped in your head in the moment. I wouldn't unpack that in the midst of having sex. But you do need to address it. Don't act like it didn't happen, but you do need to address it later in the locker room, so to speak. But when it comes to, like Dave said, coaching in the loving way, and I'm reluctant to use the word coaching because that can kind of be.

Yeah, that's probably the wrong word. I'm kind of regretting some of that analogy. Because you don't want to be like, all right, now I'm going to tell you what you did right, what you did wrong. This was good.

You know, it's more about like, I like this. It's not really coaching. It's more saying your preferences. Like, I like this. This is hurting me. Or I'm not feeling. I'm not really getting stimulated in this position. You know, you gotta be dishonest about it. Like, let's try a new position. And so. And there's. That's not cutting your spouse down. That's just.

You can say that from your preference in the moment.

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, these are moment things. Like, you. It's not when we said coaching, but it really is more telling what you are feeling. You're not telling them, you know, or attacking them on what they are feeling or they are not feeling. You're saying, this is how I feel. This feels good to me. This doesn't feel so good. And again, we talked about this before in many other podcasts. You're using really I statements, not you statements. Okay. And saying, like, this feels good. Let's keep on doing that. Or can we try this other position? But if you need to really unpack.

Why.

I wouldn't go into the why, necessarily, because that may take longer or it may kill the mood. That could be a good locker room conversation.

Yes. Yeah, but talk, you know, talk again. Say what you like. Say what doesn't feel good.

And for all of you theater people out there, let me just say this. The whole thing, it's an intermission conversation, okay? But if you are on the stage.

Getting away from the sports, you're looking.

Off in the wings, getting a little direction. Same exact thing going on for you theater people like me.

I'm following you.

We can track.

I'm following you. And notice communication during the act. It doesn't have to be just with specific words. I mean, sometimes if you just make pleasurable sounds, like you kind of have your own little code language, like, I know that if I make. If she makes this noise, that means I'm Just saying. Yes, I like it.

Yeah.

Yes, that's a positive.

And sometimes, too, it doesn't even have to be a word, guys. You can just move. Like, you can just put your hand and say. Just putting a hand on a shoulder can demonstrate slow down or speed up or whatever it is. Okay.

Yeah. You got to work out that code between the two of you and just make sure you're on the same page. And you're like, I thought the hand on the shoulder meant faster, not slower. You got to talk about what stuff actually means. But again, communicate. None of this is rocket science, guys. But at the same time, it's the simple things, when not done properly, that really sabotage a marriage. Simple doesn't always mean easy, either. The recipe for losing weight is simple. You eat less, you exercise more. At simple, it's not easy. If you've ever tried it, the recipe for a great marriage is pretty simple. You communicate about everything. You put each other first. That's simple in theory, but it's not easy because all of us are prone to selfishness and we're prone to weaknesses that will cause us to sabotage that. That's why you have to constantly monitor how things are going and talk about it, come back to it. Every couple can have a great sex life, though. This is what we want you to hear. No matter what your past has been, no matter what kind of shape you're in right now, no matter what your hangups are, every couple can have an amazing sex life. If you'll really work to serve each other's needs, you'll grow in areas inside and outside the bedroom, and you'll communicate about these things.

And you're going to learn, too, what your spouse likes. You're going to know kind of their tells, so to speak, when they're really feeling it. And that's just the more. The more that you have you make love, I mean, you're going to know that. And I think, too, it's okay to ask, to say, like, if you're. Especially if you're doing, you know, something different, you can say, do you like this? You know, if you're not sure, if you can't really tell if they like it, ask them, say, do you like this? And then be willing to say yes or no. You know, just be honest.

Yeah, that's good stuff, guys. Well, I hope this has been encouraging to you, and I hope that it will help you do a better job of bringing your spouse to a place of ultimate pleasure. Make that your mission. Like, I want. I want my spouse to like have a maximum amount of pleasure whenever we make love. And I want to know that I'm doing that. And I want her or him to tell me. And I hope for both of you it leads to more enjoyment, it leads to less anxiety about these things and just more fun in the bedroom because God made sex. He made it to be fun. That's why we talk so much about it. And I hope that this has helped you guys today.

Yes. Just be sure to be an encourager, be kind, but also be very honest in a loving way. And you're gonna have to the best sex life ever. So thank you guys so much for joining us for this sexy summer quickie. We hope you join us next time. Bye bye.

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half the price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means half day.

Yeah.

Give it a try at mintmobile. Com.

Switch Upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network busy taxes and fees extra. Cmtmobile. Com.