Summer Quickies: When Health Issues Impact Your Sex Life

Welcome to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis. And on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. And we are in our Sexy Summer Quickies series. And what we're doing this summer over a course of 12 weeks is one topic per week. We're addressing the 12 biggest questions related to sex. And we've got a good one for you today.

We do. We're gonna talk about how to have a great sex life when you are experiencing health issues. And this is a hard one, but there really is a lot that that you can do to help out each other when you're going through this hard time. And so before we go into this topic today, we want to tell you about this great new resource.

With Black Friday savings at the Home Depot, you can get up to 40% off, plus up to an extra thousand dollars off select appliances like lg, America's most reliable line of appliances. Check out the newest LG refrigerator with new mini craft ice straight from the dispenser shop. Black Friday savings on select LG appliances. Plus get free delivery now at the Home Depot. Free delivery on appliance purchases of $396 or more offer valid 11. 5 through 12, 3 US only. See store or online for details.

This is such an important topic. I'm glad we're tackling this, because in different seasons of your marriage, there are going to be health issues. Part of your promise in sickness and in health is in promising ahead of time on your wedding day that in moments when one or both of us are experiencing health setbacks, we're going to make sure to continue to prioritize the marriage and prioritizing the sex life is part of that. And it might look different, your sex life might look different depending on medical setbacks. Like in our own marriage, we haven't had massive health issues. Thank you, Lord, for that. But we have had some health issues where it's been hormonal imbalance. You know, I've had a thyroid disorder that has kind of caused energy issues and caused a drop in my testosterone. And we had to kind of balance that. You know, Ashley's had a few issues along. And then we've worked with couples over the years who've had more major issues where sex just can't even look the way that it once did. But even in those situations with drastic health issues, making your sexual intimacy a priority is so important. And in some ways, it's more important than ever. Instead of just saying, well, we can't do this or that, and so we're not going to do anything. Instead, let's work together and be as creative as we can to make sure we're still prioritizing that aspect of our marriage.

That's so true, sweetie. And I think creative is really kind of the. The big word of the day when it comes to wanting to have sexual connection, but also dealing with health issues. We do have to be creative. And we have to realize, too, that it really is more about sexual connection, maybe not just intercourse, because I think there's a lot of health issues where you can't necessarily have intercourse because, you know, physically it would hurt your spouse. And we don't want to hurt each other. So we have to think outside the box. You know, we talked a lot about oral sex on here. That might be a poss. But also just touching in sexual ways where you were stimulating each other sexually and you're still satisfying each other. There's no shame in that whatsoever. It's all about just connecting sexually, doing things that make your spouse feel good. And we just wanna take any kind of shame that you might have in your mind on that. We wanna just take that off of you and just let you know that God created sex. And there's a lot of creativity and leeway that we have when it comes to that. You know, like we've said on here many times that there's so many ways that we can satisfy each other as long as we' not bringing someone else into the bedroom, whether in person or virtually in things like porn. But other than that, there's a lot of leeway.

Absolutely. I think sometimes, especially as Christians, we can get this really false mindset that God intended sex to be this rigid, mechanical act that has to be missionary position style. I don't know where we even come up with that. It's certainly not in the Bible. The Bible has a whole book called Song of Solomon, which is just a poetic celebration of all of the creativity and fun that and go into a sex life and the pursuit of one another as a couple. And we should embrace that. Like Adam and Eve, we should be naked and unashamed. And I think that that's something that we can hold onto. In the next episode, we'll talk a little more about what God says about sex. But to kind of give you a few of the high points is he wants you to have fun and he wants you to not have shame or baggage or to feel like, well, just because we can't do X, Y or Z, we're not going to do anything. Like Ashley said, get Creative and enjoy each other, be naked and enjoy each other in every way that you can. And to celebrate each other, make your spouse feel safe, loved, adored, pursued, pleasured. And do these things with tenderness and with patience and with creativity and with mindfulness about what you can still do. And if there are health issues holding you back, look for solutions. Go see a doctor. Sometimes the health issues that are holding you back are things that can be cured and can be fixed. You know, I mean, even if they can't, a lot of these things we're talking about still apply. But so many of the issues, it just, it requires going and saying, you know, I need some help right now. You know, I'm having erectile dysfunction. I need help. You know, something a lot of guys experience. There's medicine for that or I'm having, you know, pain here. Well, there's potentially medicine for that, right? There are solutions. We live in a time where there are so many medical solutions that take away a lot of our excuses, and we have resources that generations past didn't necessarily have, and so take advantage of that.

When you walk into a Burlington, you're walking into amazing prices and great gifts. That's main character energy. Because at Burlington, the holiday savings aren't the only things turning heads. Discover quality finds and perfect presents for everyone on your list, even those who are hard to shop for. Toys and jewelry to new beauty brands and styles. These gifts go seamlessly from our stores to under your tree. Seriously, with these savings, why shop anywhere else?

Burlington deals brands.

Wow.

You know, even I know he mentioned erectile dysfunction. You know, on the flip side, for women, as they age, a lot of times there's vaginal dryness from menopause, and there's solutions for that as well. And I think the biggest thing we can learn from this and that we want you to know kind of in this particular episode, is that we just don't sit back and not do anything. And, you know, when we sit back and we don't do anything, anything, it really just tells our spouse that we don't care. And we wanna show that we care and we wanna show that we're willing to go to great lengths to find solutions. And like Dave said, we live in a time where there are so many solutions, especially when it comes to hormones. There's all kinds of different things that can help get our hormone levels right, to get our libido kind of boosted, to make sure that everything's working properly, and even just topical solutions like KY jelly, I mean, just making it a more pleasurable Experience. I mean, just, I think so many times we just think, oh, well, it's not working like it. So I guess we just can't do anything. But sometimes you have to try new things.

You do? Yeah. And like, even if when one thing doesn't work, try something else. Cause, like, you can. If you have, like, an allergic reaction to something like KY jelly, which a.

Lot of people do.

A lot of people do. There are natural lubricants. Like, you can go to your grocery store and get something called safflower oil. Safflower oil, which is an amazing natural lubricant that you're not going to be allergic to 99.9% of the time. That works just as well as any of the things that you would buy as a lubricant. It's just that they don't advertise that way.

But you can also cook with it.

You can also cook with it, right?

So, yeah, win, win.

It's a win, win. Yeah. It doesn't even look strange, you know.

When you're, like, when you're taking it on your vacation.

Right.

I like safflower oil. Kay.

I like to add it to my food. You don't judge me. So there are solutions is what we're saying. So don't. If you try something and it doesn't work, keep trying and you'll find solutions that do work.

That's right. And, you know, don't be ashamed. I think so many times we don't even address it because we're like, I don't want to even talk about this with a doctor. Like, or, you know, you don't want to ask a trusted friend, or you don't want to, you know, you're kind of ashamed of it. But there's no shame in this. Like, our bodies change. Especially when it's a health crisis. You know, you can't help it. Like, things happen. And there's no shame in trying to find solutions to still have sex. Like, that's a good thing. You're married. You should be having sex. Do what you can to make it pleasurable. And again, if you can't have intercourse, you know, if your spouse is sick and their doctor has said they can't have intercourse, please don't make them feel bad about that because it's not their fault. This is something that is like, doctor's orders to keep them healthy, but do work together to find ways to both give each other sexual pleasure. And I promise you, you're gonna have fun and you might even grow Closer than ever before. Cause you are having to be super creative. And it's a wonderful way to serve one another, to love one another, to laugh. Because sometimes it's. And you just kind of. You're like, I'm doing things in a new way. You know, I remember talking to a friend of mine who was trying to boost her libido, and she went on bioidentical hormones, which we've talked about on here before, boosting her testosterone levels. And she said it boosted it so much that she had a higher libido than her husband. And she felt she was like a teenager. She was like, my level. She's like, I've heard teenage boys have crazy high sex drives. She's like. And I guess I felt like a. Like that level. And so she was like, having, like, she wanted more frequency than her husband. So they would just laugh about it. And her husband was loving it, but they would laugh about it. And she said during that season, they were just laughing like, well, this is crazy. We're trying something new. And, you know, so sometimes you just have to just have fun with it.

Yeah. And I love what Ashley said, too, about taking the shame away from it. You know, Jimmy Evans tells a great story about a young couple that came to him for counseling when she was. The wife was going through a health issue and could not have intercourse, at least temporarily. I don't remember if it was a permanent situation or temporary, but because of pain there. And so they were doing all these other creative and innovative ways to bring sexual pleasure to each other. And they felt guilty about that, and they were kind of confessing, well, we're doing this, we're doing that, we're doing this. And kind of hanging their heads in shame. And he just said, I'm just so proud of you two. I'm so proud of both of you for being so creative and prioritizing sexual intimacy.

Still connecting.

Still connecting. Being patient with each other, serving each other. And we have that same message for you. If you're in that season and maybe you're. You're having to be a little innovative. There's no shame in what you're doing to bring pleasure to each other. As long as.

As long as you both agree.

As long as you both agree, and as long as you know you're. That's really it. You're not bringing anybody else into it. But just don't put the health issue above the marriage. I think a lot of times we will. I will define ourselves by this health issue. And it's like well, this is just who I am now, and it's more important than the marriage. And this is the thing. But your marriage comes first. And loving each other in sickness and in health isn't just for the, well spouse to love the sick one, but it's for the spouse that is having a health issue to say, I'm going to continue to do all that I can to be a good spouse, even in the midst of this illness or this setback. And we're going to lean on each other like never before.

And I think we talk a lot about sex because we're in this sexy summer quickie series. But again, there's so much more to a marriage than sex. And so if your spouse is sick, do whatever you can to support them, to be there, to reassure them that you love them. You know, we've had friends who had to go through breast cancer journeys and had double mastectomies. And I know in those stories, you know, they've had to lose their breasts, and sometimes they go through reconstruction, sometimes they don't. But it's a process. And that's just a chance for a husband to just love his wife and reassure her over and over that she is beautiful, that she is wanted and desired, and just being there and just making sure they know that you're. That you are in their corner, that you're there for them no matter what.

Man, that is so good. I'm so glad you gave that very specific example, which is such a common example. Man, thank you guys so much. Let your spouse know you are never a burden. To me, this issue is we're burden bearers together if we share, carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ. It says in Galatians. And I think this is a beautiful example of how and when we should do that in marriage. Thank you guys so much for listening to this. We appreciate you keep working at your sex life. It's always worth the effort. No matter what you're facing, it's always worth the effort. And thank you for making the effort. Just by listening, by listening to this podcast, you're making an investment in your marriage. And so if you do us a favor, share this on social media, leave a review, anything you can do to help others discover these important topics we're talking about, we would appreciate you partnering with us in that way. Thanks again for listening.

We'll see you next time.