The Best Marriage Book

Hola, mi gente. Turn up the Latin flavor with Cafe Bustelo coffee. Choose light, medium, dark, and dulce de leche roasts. Whatever your vibe, we got you covered. Cafe Bustelo esta aquis. Hey, guys. Welcome to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we undress the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And we have an awesome episode ahead.

I can't wait. I love this. The one book that has changed our lives more than ever is God's word, the Bible. It's the root of everything that we do and believe as it relates to marriage, and it is so relevant to marriage. And we've picked out five Bible verses that have absolutely transformed our lives in marriage. And we're going to go over what those five verses are, but they're not just for marriage. A Bible verse doesn't have to have the word marriage in it to apply to your marriage. The whole Bible applies to your marriage. These five verses, I think, are so practical to apply to your marriage, but also to your life in particular. So don't just think, oh, my spouse really needs to hear that one. Think, man, I need to hear that one. Before we jump into that, though, a few quick things. Thank you to those of you who have been subscribing and reviewing the podcast. You're really helping get the word out. Just this week, I noticed that the Naked Marriage podcast has showed up on the itunes charts in Canada, in Australia for the first time. Previously, it's been on the charts in Europe and in Africa and then. And then obviously here in the United States where we're located. So wherever in the world you're listening. Thank you. And I want to share one of the most recent reviews left by LA Azwill L A A S W I L on itunes. They say Dave and Ashley have been instrumental in helping our marriage heal from different issues my husband and I have had. We feel like we are starting a new chapter and on the correct path. The Lord puts people in our lives to help encourage us, and that's how we feel about Dave and Ashley. Wow. Thank you.

So awesome.

Thank you so, so much.

Yes. So keep on leaving those reviews for us. It really fuels us and lets us know, kind of gives us a pulse about what's going on and how things and if it's resonating with you. But really, it really helps this ministry get to more people. And so we want more people to know that there is so much hope for their marriage. And so keep those coming, and let's dive into Today's episode. I am so excited about today's topic because.

Me, too.

We're gonna be talking about the best marriage advice that is out there. Because, you know, for those of you who are maybe tuning in for the first time, we wanna make it very clear that all the things we talk about aren't things that we come up with.

No, we are not that smart.

We are not that smart, and we're not that experienced either.

Ashley's smarter, but nobody is smart enough to come up with the advice that God has already come up with.

Exactly.

All this is pointing back to the truth of his scripture, God's word, the Bible, which is where it's the root of all of the marriage advice that we share.

It is. It's the best marriage book. You know, I know we talk a lot about our book that we wrote called the Naked Marriage, but that book wouldn't exist without scriptures that we're basing the book on. And so we wanna share specific scriptures that we feel have changed our own marriage and can also change your marriage. And so I'm gonna start with one of my favor. And I think we have mentioned this on the program before, but we're gonna really unpack it a little bit more. And that's Galatians 6.

2.

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. And I love that verse because I feel like in marriage especially, this is something that we can really struggle with, but it's also something where we can truly live out this verse. Like God gives us a unique opportunity to live out this verse for one another. And when we strive to do this, because we're gonna mess up all the time, because we're human beings and we're imperfect, but when we strive to do this, God not only brings us closer to him, but he also brings us closer to one another.

Yeah, there's no struggle in marriage. That's his struggle or her struggle. It's always ours. Like every part of marriage, it's something we're gonna face together. It's something we're gonna do together. And if we'll understand that, it will make every burden something we can bear, that you don't have to carry it alone. You've got God first and foremost, wanting to carry you through it. But for those of us who are married, we can carry each other's burdens. And in doing that, man, it divides the burden, the weight of the burden. So when you share a joy in marriage, the joy isn't divided. It's Multiplied, you both get to experience it to its fullness. But when you share a burden in marriage, the burden isn't multiplied, it's divided. It's like split in two. And the weight of it is less. And it's something you both can carry. And then just by carrying the burden together, that journey brings you closer together. You will be closer to your spouse on the other side of a struggle to than you ever were before. Because there's something that bonds two people together when they really share each other's burdens.

It's so true. And we've definitely experienced this in our marriage. And I mean, it could be financial struggles. We've definitely had some highs and lows with our finances that we've had to bear together. And I think when you choose to bear your financial burdens together, you know, you won't point fingers at each other. Because it's easy when you're not bearing the burden together to say, well, this would have never happened if you had been more of a saver and less of a spender. Or this would have never happened if you accepted that job and not this other job or whatever it is. We tend to point fingers. But when we really try to live out this verse of bearing each other's burdens and carrying them together, we can look at our finances that way and say, you know, it's all God's anyway. We really are just managers of what he's given us, and we're gonna manage this together and we're gonna carry the financial burden together. That means maybe one of you brought school debt, maybe college debt into the equation. That's not just your husband's debt or your wife's debt. That's both of yalls debt. When you're married and you have to approach it that way. And we certainly had to do that in our marriage. You know, in the beginning of our marriage, there was different debts that we owed, but we approached those together and we worked on getting rid of those debts together. And now, you know, we do our best to make every financial decision together and look at anything that maybe is a burden that we're going to approach that together. Now, maybe it's not finances for you. Maybe that's an area where you're fine. Maybe it's health.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I was just sharing with my husband this morning that there's a fellow author friend of mine where her husband has been having cancer. He's had cancer and is fighting it for years. And just this past year she found out she also has cancer. And so can you imagine both bearing, you know, each having cancer and bearing that burden together? But let me tell you, I have been so moved by how this couple is handling it together, because every day she posts about how much hope they have in Jesus and how they're encouraging each other together, and they're both in a moment of weakness, like where their health, it's sometimes hard to get through the day because they're going through chemo and they're going through radiation and they're just not feeling good, and yet they're choosing to bear the burden together. And I just love that beautiful picture of a husband and wife carrying each other's burdens. It's just a beautiful, beautiful thing. And, you know, I love how this verse says, and you fulfill the law of Christ. It's like you're basically living out. You're living out what Jesus has shown us to do.

It is a beautiful picture of what our faith in Christ should look like, a beautiful picture of what marriage should look like. And I think this trying to live out this verse is maybe, maybe the single greatest. You know, not to overstate it, but it might be the single most important factor for a couple to make it. Because what a couple does when struggle comes really does determine whether that couple thrives for a lifetime or whether they just barely get by or whether they don't make it at all. And if you will bear each other's burdens, whatever they are, then you really, really will. So that's a great verse. Again, that's Galatians, chapter six, verse two. Here's another one. This is a great verse for marriage. It's also a great verse. I try to remember for social media, just because I think we live in a world where we could all benefit from this verse. It's the Book of James, chapter 1, verse 19. It says, Understand this, my brothers and sisters. You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Imagine how different the world would look, social media would look, but specifically marriage, of course. In the context of the conversation today, how different would disagreements in your marriage look if we all said, you know what? I'm going to be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. Oh, my goodness, it would change everything.

It does. And I love how this verse goes on. In James 1, 1922, it says, Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives and humbly accept the word of God, the word that God has planted in your hearts. For it has the power to save your souls. But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise you are only fooling yourselves. I mean, those are some, like, strong words, like, drop the mic. This is how you're supposed to do things.

That's right. They didn't even have mics back then. But James still would have been able to drop that mike.

He would have done it right. But, you know, it's so true, because I think that so many times we feel like we need to. You know, Dave always says this. We need to be kind of an expert in criticizing our spouse. But that's not at all what God has called us to do. He says, no, you slow down and listen and stop talking for a while and really listen to your spouse. And then eventually you can talk. You know, be slow to speak. And I love that because it really shows us how we need to temper our anger. We need to give ourselves some moment. It doesn't mean that anger itself is not a sin. It's what we do with that anger. It can cause us to sin if we just kind of shout out nasty things at our spouse or retaliate quickly and don't really think about the words we're saying and how we're saying them. But when we are slow to speak, when we slow down, give ourselves a moment and really think about, what do I wanna say to my spouse? And how can I say this in the most respectful way possible? It changes everything. It really does.

It really, really does. It will bring you back to center. It will kind of help you say, you know what? This isn't an argument, is not something we're going to win or lose. One of us is going to win or lose. We're either going to win together or lose together. Right? And that's, you know, that's what God wants for your marriage. And so don't settle for anything less than that. Don't take on this mindset. When disagreement or struggle comes of, I've got to win, I've got to be heard. I've got to make my point known, say no. How can I really understand my spouse? Understand where they're coming from? How can I humbly learn and respect their position and appreciate their perspective? If we'll do this in disagreements, I'm telling you, it will change the tone of your whole home. We always say the tone of your words will change the tone of your marriage. So if you feel like there's a negative tone right now, apply this verse. And I think over time, you're gonna find a much more positive tone coming into your home.

Absolutely. I saw a meme this morning on Facebook, and it had a couple, and it was like the silhouette of a man and a woman, and it had the man walking away with, like, his hands in the air and, like, a. Like, a look on him. On his body language, basically, that he had won a fight. And it was like, when you're right and your spouse is wrong. And it was like he was excited, and I. My heart sank because I thought, man, that's not a good marriage. Like, that's not a good example for marriage at all. And it was like he was celebrating that he.

You're gonna be celebrating in divorce court by yourself. I mean, that's.

Well. And what's clear in the picture, and I know they didn't mean it this way, is he's walking away. Like, they're not growing closer together. He's walking away. He's creating distance, and then he's smug about it. Like, nobody gets anywhere by being smug about anything. So, anyway, I was just thinking that is not the best marriage ever.

That guy is. He might be happy then, but he's never having sex again. No. So he's gonna. He is not.

Like, his wife is gonna be upset for sure.

I'm sorry.

I know.

I got. So I just got thinking about that. I thought, man, some of the things that we celebrate in life, you know, our culture just gets it backward. It really gets it backward, you know?

He did not understand one of my other favorite verses, and that is Proverbs 18:22. The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. You don't walk away from your treasure.

No, man, you hold it tight. You hold onto that treasure.

You don't take that treasure. You cherish that treasure.

You do.

Yes.

I just want to cuddle with my treasure right now. When you look. Guys, when you look at your wife as the treasure she is, man, that will help you approach her as the treasure she is. And not as a burden and not as anything else, anything negative. But as a treasure, she is the greatest gift of God in your life. And if you treat her like the gift she is, then that gift will just. It's the gift that keeps on giving. But if you treat her with disrespect and dishonor, man, both of you are going to suffer. So, men, hear me on this. Live this out. Your wife is a treasure, is a treasure on her worst day, she is the greatest treasure in your life. And so you've got to treat her as such.

At New Balance, we believe if you run, you're a runner, however you choose to do it. Because when you're not worried about doing things the right way, you're free to discover your way. And that's what running is all about. Run your way@newbalance.com running.

Well, I was.

Down on my last dollar. Then I started saving because the bank said fiscal restraint is what you're craving. So I put my earnings in a high y, let the savings compound and the interest mount. I'm optimizing cash flow, putting debt in check. Now time is my friend and not a pain in the neck. And we've got a little cash to rebuild the old debt. Boring money moves make kind of lame songs, but they sound pretty sweet to your wallet. BNC bank brilliantly boring since 1865.

You know, I feel like. And this isn't just for, you know, husbands and how they treasure their wives. I mean, wives, we need to value our husbands as well. You know, our husband is a great gift from God, too. And marriage itself, the union of marriage is a gift from God. And I think we have to remember that. And especially in those moments when we're frustrated, when we're tired. You know, I was listening to a podcast the other day, and it was saying you should never, you know, discuss anything serious or especially if you're feeling, you know, kind of like some tension with your spouse if you are hungry, if you're tired, if you're angry, or if you're frustrated. And I thought that is so true, because, I mean, when you're in those kind of states, you're not gonna make good decisions and you're not gonna treasure them. You're gonna have a skewed perspective. And so sometimes, and a lot of times we'll be talking to couples, and they'll be like, we're just fighting all the time. We can't talk about anything. And usually it's because there's some kind of tension between them. And it could be for a variety of reasons. And that's why I encourage people in those moments. You know, sometimes you just need to get away by yourself and pray, look at the word, listen to some worship music, get your heart and your mind into a better place to receive your spouse as a treasure that they are. Because if you're just looking at them through this skewed perspective of negativity, you're not gonna get anywhere in your conversations.

Yes. Gosh, that is. That is so, so true. You know, The Book of Proverbs just has so much wisdom as it relates. Well, I mean, really, that's what it is, it's the Book of Wisdom.

Yes.

And of all the books in the Bible, I've spent the most time, I would say, in the Book of Proverbs There are 31 chapters in it, 31 days in most months. And so I try to make it a discipline in whatever Bible study and reading I'm doing to read one chapter of the Proverbs every day. So if it's the seventh day of the month, read chapter seven in Proverbs in addition to everything else. So I've read through the entire Book of Proverbs, gosh, no telling how many times. And I think that is probably the single most valuable thing I've ever, ever done in terms of relationship preparation, relationship training, because it's God's wisdom on how to have good relationships, how to have good finances, how to have good attitudes, how to have good faith. God wants you to know these things. He doesn't want this to be a mystery to you. And the Book of Proverbs, the whole Bible obviously is just so full of truth, but the Book of Proverbs is just these kind of like tweetable statements, these bite sized nuggets that I can digest that help me. And here's another one from Proverbs that I think can really help your marriage. Proverbs 17:9 says, Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. If you want to separate you and your spouse, if you want to put a wedge between you, dwell on past sins, keep digging up old dirt, keep using it as ammunition against each other, that is going to put a wedge between you. But forgiveness is something that brings you together. Forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't say what you did didn't hurt, doesn't say what you did didn't matter. Forgiveness essentially just says, because I love you and because God has forgiven me so much, even though you've hurt me, I want to choose to pursue restoration instead of revenge. I'm giving up the right to hold this against you. And I'm giving you the opportunity to rebuild the trust that was broken through that action. And I want to move forward with grace, letting this be part of the past, something that's buried, something that Jesus died and paid for, so that we can both move forward in grace and healing. But if you don't do it that way, what happens instead is bitterness takes root in your heart. This highlight reel starts playing in your brain on repeat, showing you, the offense, over and over and over again. You start to obsess about it. You start to treat your spouse differently and negatively as a result of it. They start getting defensive all the time and treating you negative in return. Neither of you feel safe with the other. Neither of you feel like you can trust the other. So this one simple principle, and this isn't the only place in scripture, obviously, that talks about the importance of forgiveness and what that really looks like. But this principle can set you free. If you are in that negative cycle. It can set you free. Embrace God's forgiveness first, because we all have sinned against him more than anybody else will ever sin against us. And then extend that forgiveness to your spouse. And don't keep score. Don't play that game. Just constantly let grace flow freely in your marriage. And you both, you and your spouse will be so much better for it.

You know, that one verse is a verse that's gotten us through a lot of different hard moments in our marriage. You know, we have a whole podcast about this where we talk about pornography. It's part of our story early in our marriage, when Dave had a porn habit. And I found out, and it was very hurtful, but I really. It was like God just. I already knew this verse. And you know what God does when you study the scripture is he really does put it in your heart, and then he brings it to your mind. It's like the amazing. It's just amazing what the Holy Spirit does in your life. He'll give you those verses right when you need them. And it was like God just kept on bringing that verse to my mind. And that's how I was able to forgive Dave. Cause I knew that, yes, Dave had sinned. He'd made a mistake, he'd hurt me, and he'd been keeping it from me. But I knew I had to forgive him in order to allow him to rebuild trust. And if I did not forgive him, then we weren't gonna move forward. We were just gonna stay in the state that we were in, which was not good. We needed to move forward as a couple and grow closer as a couple. And God did something amazing through that. Just through. Through helping me to forgive Dave. And then Dave was able to get accountability in place, to get filtering software in place, which we still have till this day. And he was able to stop, you know, the habit that he was in and the destructive decisions that he was making with porn, because it's very alluring and it's very. I mean, it's hard, and it's so.

Many of you listening right now, struggling with it. I mean, we know the stats. I mean, there are just millions and millions of people, men and women. Yeah, a majority of men have a current struggle with pornography and a growing number of women. And so we talk about it as often as we can. You know, speaking of Bible verses related to this, Jesus In Matthew chapter 5 says, to look at a woman with lust is to commit adultery in your heart. You know, he was talking about adultery not just being, you know, this physical act of having sex with somebody else, even though obviously that's, you know, the worst example of it, but that there's this mental monogamy we have to have as well, because all of our sin begins in our mind and our heart. And the sin of lust, which is just so fueled by pornography in our age, it is destroying marriages. And so we have whole podcasts related to this. We talk a lot about this in our book, the Naked Marriage, sharing our testimony in more detail, and we blog about it. We just know what an issue this is, and you can be set free from this, but you've got to get real. You've got to get honest. I'm so thankful that Ashley showed grace in that moment, wisely understanding that there's a difference between forgiveness and trust. She forgave us instantly so that bitterness wouldn't take root in her heart, and so freedom could begin for both of us. But trust can't be given instantly. It can only be earned. Her forgiveness gave me the opportunity to start rebuilding that trust. And because of that, because she chose to respond with that wisdom and grace, our marriage was healed, led me on a path to be healed and set free once and for all from pornography, which had been an ongoing struggle for me since early in my teenage years. And now this ministry, our children, so many things would not exist had Ashley just said, you know what? I can't get past this. We're going to end the marriage. I talked to a guy at the last marriage retreat we did. Early in his marriage, as a young man, he had the same struggle, and his wife had just said, you know what? No, I can't deal with this. And she divorced him. And, you know, and both of them went on, like, a long, hard, difficult journey. And after years of being single, he had just recently remarried somebody else. But there was so much pain and brokenness there that was set in motion, obviously, by his sin. But I think so much of that pain and brokenness could have been prevented had his wife had the wisdom and the love and grace that Ashley had shown to me all those years ago. I just want to thank you, Ashley, you know, publicly, because you're still my hero. But you extended such grace to me in a place when I was so undeserving of it. And understanding. That's really what grace is. Grace means giving something that somebody doesn't deserve. That's what Jesus has done for us. That's what we have to do for one another. And I'm so thankful for that forgiveness and grace. So, sweetie, why don't you give us one more? And we will be at five verses, the five we promised at the beginning. And there is a lot more. By the way, the whole Bible has impacted our marriage and continues to. Here are just five. So, sweetie, what's number five?

Oh, I love this one. There's so many. There's so many. Just to cap this off that I want to share, but Romans 12:10, it says, Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.

So good.

And I love this because I do think that we underestimate honoring each other. Like just honoring each other both to, you know, to your spouse. Like honoring your spouse face to face to them, but also honoring them in public. There's something, you know, just doting on them in public and just showing how proud you are of them and how much you love them and how much you respect them. That's so wonderful, because so many times I think that we tend to point out criticisms, and either on Facebook, when I say public, I mean on social media or in friend circles, you know, whatever it is. I think sometimes we can use that to do little cuts, and sometimes people won't do it outwardly, but they'll do it subtly, you know, like, oh, he, you know, ha, ha, he can't do that, or she can't do that. And it can really, you know, it can really tear your spouse down. And so find ways to honor them in your home. You know, we talk a lot about gratitude and how gratitude makes all the difference in a marriage. And I think gratitude is one huge way we can honor each other. You know, we encourage people. Whenever we speak at a conference, we always say, if you can find three things to be thankful for every morning when it comes to your spouse, I want you to think about those three things, and then I want you to say those three things out loud to your spouse and be specific. Be really specific. And when you can start each day that way, it's gonna change your marriage. I mean, I even think you can start this day just being thankful for what God has given you. You know, start with thanking God for the blessings he's put in your life. And then secondly, in order to honor your spouse in your marriage, think about what you're thankful for when it comes to your spouse specifically. And I'm telling you, if you've been going through a season of tension where you feel like you're kind of have a lid on your marriage, this may be the breakthrough for you. And it's all about honoring each other. And, you know, God calls us to show honor to one another and that's really showing respect, showing love, showing gratitude.

Man, that's so good, that word honor. If you will honor each other, which is part of the marriage vow, normally you promise to honor each other and there's so, so many ways to do that. And if you'll just try to keep exploring new ways to honor one another, it will make such a difference. I'm so glad Ashley brought up what you post about somebody on social media. In fact, we're planning an entire future episode specifically to social media and how that impacts a marriage. So I can't wait to do that because I think it's so relevant to where we live and getting that right can be such a, such an important part of marriage. So as we plan, as we prepare to wrap up this episode, some of the best next step advice we could do is continue to read God's Word together. You know, we've got a free tool to help you do that. If you go to daveandashleywillis.com There is a free 31 day devotional that each has a Bible verse and a short thought that you and your spouse can just spend a couple minutes together doing, talking about. That could really help. You can download it for free@daveandashleywillis.com and also let us know what you want to hear, what episodes you want to hear, what topics you want us to address. You can email us davewillisarriagetoday.com, ashleywillisarriagetroday.com subscribe to this podcast and help spread the word about it because together you're part of helping us take this important message and connect it to a lot of people.

That's right. We thank you for all of your reviews that you're leaving and we love hearing from you guys and how this is helping your marriage. So keep it up because like Dave said, you're not only letting us know how it's going, you are letting other people know about this podcast and really spreading the word and you yourself are encouraging marriages when you do that. So thank you for doing that, and we will see you next time.

Bye, guys.