The Flirty Co-Worker // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day. Q and A time.

Hump day Q and A. Hump day Q and A.

Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

I love your podcast and learn so many great tips every week. I have an issue that I'm dealing with and I just don't know what to do. Hoping you guys can share some wisdom and tips. My husband has a coworker who is also married that has been flirty with him for a while. It got to the point that he made it known to her superiors, but everyone just said, quote, that that's just the way she is with everyone. So he and I both brushed it off. Then recently she came to him and told him that she, quote, cared for him more than she should. He asked her if she could still be professional and do her job and she said she could. A few more weeks went by and she told him, quote, it is just too hard. I need to look for a different job. She is currently still working there and there is no current sign suggesting that she will actually be changing jobs at my husband's request. I have not gotten involved at all, but I'm sick about it and obsessive about what goes on while they are at work. I am pretty certain that no one else in the office or her husband knows what is going on. My husband just says to trust him and I do. He is a godly man who has always been faithful, but I can't shake the uneasiness that I have about this situation. Do you have any advice to ease my mind? Wow. I mean, that's definitely something to be writing about and to be concerned about. And this is not the first time we have heard this dynamic or seen this dynamic or even worked with a couple in this dynamic. And so I'm glad she's writing and talking about this.

Yeah, and we talk about this a lot because unchecked, these kinds of workplace dynamics or quote, friends, that it can create boundaries that are crossed. So many, so many marriages are wounded, sometimes irreparably, because people don't have boundaries in place and they just kind of fall into it. They start sharing feelings with each other. They Start going to lunch with that co worker, the opposite sex. They start a friendship that ends up turning into much more without boundaries in place. Now it sounds like your husband, though, is doing everything right just to celebrate him for a second. It sounds like you have an honorable, godly and faithful husband who's just out there in the world and someone has taken notice in an unhealthy, inappropriate way and kind of tried to, like, plant little seeds or to reach out in little ways to see if he might reciprocate those feelings. And that's what's going on here. She's not saying. She's not saying these things because, you know, she's trying to create boundaries. She's saying these things to see if he has any interest, to see if he'll bite. Right. To see if he'll. If he will bite. And he has not. And so I think he needs to keep doing what he is doing, which is just to be beyond reproach, to be completely honest and transparent with you about all this, to share concerns with his supervisors and hers. If any of this continues, and if it does continue, then I think. I think a next step would be for her husband to be contacted as well. Like, listen, we need extra layers of accountability here. And there is a persistent, consistent habit of some inappropriate contact that's happening and some suggestive things that are being said. Right. And we need all hands on deck if there's any way that we can continue working in the same. The same company.

Absolutely. And I would even say, too, I think you need to maybe like, he needs to go back to the superiors and say, like, listen, I mean, this isn't sexual harassment, but it definitely is like an emotional harassment. I mean, she's kind of disrupting work by keeping on saying these things to him. And I feel like, you know, he has done everything in his power to kind of tell her to back off. And it's like she's not listening. She's just not paying attention to that. And again, like Dave said, it's like she's just trying to mess with him and to see if he'll respond in a different way to her same comments, I guess. And so, like, I would encourage him to go back to the superior and talk about how this is making work very distracting, not only to me at work, but for my family. And it's just not right. I've told her how I feel that she needs to not do this and that if she continues to feel this way, she needs to maybe get another job. Because, I mean, she's the one who keeps on bringing this on. And I'm hoping that if you go a second time, if he goes a second time, that they would maybe do something or maybe sit down with her and say, like, you can't do this. You can't be going around making contact comments to married men and saying these emotional things.

So what would you say to the wife herself who's like, how do I process these feelings? I feel uneasy about it all the time.

I totally get it. I mean, I think that she has every right to feel uneasy. I mean, there's a woman who's kind of trying to vamp her husband. I mean, it just is not. I mean, I would feel exactly the same way. But it sounds like your husband is taking the steps necessary. I agree with Dave that maybe it might be time to just get the husband involved, because, I mean, she's going out of her way to disrupt your family. And, you know, clearly her husband probably doesn't even know about this. And not to, like that you want to hurt her family. Certainly not. But, I mean, this is, you know, a wife to a husband who's trying to pique the interest of your husband. And so he might want to be involved in bringing it into this. But I would tell you, you know, your husband has asked you to trust him, and it sounds like he's not giving you any reason not to trust him. And so I think if there comes a point where you're seeing correspondence on his cell phone with his lady or, you know, hearing whispers of some changed behavior with this lady, I mean, that's when maybe there needs to be some different steps taken on your part. But it sounds like right now he is doing all the things necessary for you to trust him. And so there's no reason to go, you know, for you to go to the work. Because I'm afraid, too, with this woman. Sounds like she's pretty unpredictable, too, and pretty brazen. So we wouldn't want there to be any kind of situation that. Where she could, I don't know, make things worse.

Yeah. And just communicate as much as you can. If he has the option to call you through the day to check in.

With you, oh, yeah.

Then that's gonna help your peace of mind a lot. And I think that's good advice for anybody. The different times that. I mean, right now, I'm super attracted to someone at work together. Thankfully, I work with my wife. But there have been different times where we didn't work together. And in those settings, I made it a point. And Ashley made it a point that we would check in with each other throughout the day. Oh, yeah, every day. You know, to the point of, you know, had one coworker say, well, it just seems weird that you guys talk so much. And I'm like, hey, I look at what, what people consider a normal marriage, and I would rather have a weird one because normal isn't working. I want a marriage where we're connected all day, every day, as much as we can be. And I think that would make a big difference in your situation.

And I would say this, too. Just, I wanna add this. When your husband goes to the supervisor, just ask if there's any way that he would not have to have any contact, email or in person or otherwise with this woman, because she's clearly made it. She's made it very clear that she can't really be trusted. She keeps on going back and forth making these emotional claims that are just making it hard to work with her.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram Avanashley Willis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.