Why Waiting is Better

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Well, hello and welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And, guys, we have some amazing guests with us today. You are going to want to watch this. They're beautiful people, and you're going to learn why in just a minute. But we are so excited to have them here. They're even more wise than they are beautiful. And who are they? Sweetie, I want. I want you to tell everybody who they are.

Well, you guys are in for a treat because we've got Chad and Tori Masters. All right. It's really. I could spend a full podcast length of time doing a bio because what they've accomplished in their young lives, it's almost. It's almost not fair they accomplished so much. So I think what happened is when they were. When God was. Was making them as babies to send them to Earth, however this works, I think that accidentally what. What I think happened is there were like 10 or 20 other babies who didn't get any talent because it accidentally all went into these guys. It's like, it's like 20 people's worth. Right? I don't know that. That's probably not theological.

Theologically accurate, but it's.

Please don't email me. It's meant to be a compliment. Very sweet people. Brilliant. Lovely inside and out. Tori was former Miss Florida, which, if you're. If you're unaware, it means, like, she. She was Miss Florida. I don't know how else.

She basically ran the state.

Yes, she did.

She was an ambassador for the state. Right. For like, a whole year.

If you've ever seen the show the Crown on Netflix, it's loosely based on Tori's life and her reign as Miss Florida. They redid some characters to make it take place in England.

They put British accents in it.

But, you know, if you watch closely, it really is Tori's story. Oh, no.

It's a pretty scandalous story.

Well, it kind of is.

Right.

Chad and I, one thing we have in common we both spent years as male models, so one. One, one of us has been a male model.

You're my male.

I'll let you guys model for me. You guys can watch YouTube and you decide. It's probably going to be pretty obvious which one was the male model, but I do impressions of Zoolander, which is.

I was gonna say as close as.

I've ever told you. Look, Ben Stiller, closest I've ever been to male modeling, which is not very close at all. But no, really, what's. What's so amazing about these two is their heart, really. They have a heart of gold. And that heart is making such an impact in the culture through the YouTube channel that they run where they're putting out hope daily through their brand new podcast called that's Hot. Through everything they're creating on social media and beyond to just give encouragement. And guys, I promise you're in for such a treat in this episode. And we're honored to have him here. Honored to be. To call him new friends and one day to call them old friends. And it's gonna be. It's gonna be a fun episode.

Let's dive in. We are so excited to have Chad and Tori Masters here with us. Welcome, you guys, to the Naked Marriage podcast.

Thanks for having us. We're so excited.

Yes.

We got to meet them in person not too long ago and now we're getting to be with them again in person. So if you are listening to this and you want to see these beautiful people, go on over to our YouTube channel. But to start off the podcast, I would love to just hear your all's love story. Like how you guys.

Oh, how much time you.

It's a long.

We want to hear it all. We want to hear it here.

I feel like you give us a.

Little bit for the. Because we want to leave a little mystery for when you get, you know, when. Okay, the movie studios pick this up.

I'll give you the short version. It was a warm summer day and.

Can you Marty Hook.

I just dive in like that?

I love it.

No. So I was living in Miami and I was modeling full time at that time. And she was actually Miss Florida at that time. And so she was at this convention center in Orlando for a Miss America pageant type thing. And I was going up to Orlando Convention center for Comic Con because one of my friends was on a TV show and all that. He invited me up to drive up from Miami. And so as I'm walking through the convention center, I see a mutual friend and her friend was like, hey, why don't you meet my friend Tori? And I looked at her and I said, am I supposed to know who you are?

Keep in mind, it was like full gown, crown, sash, like the whole get up.

She was royalty.

It was a lot.

It was a lot of entrance, though.

I like the crown on Netflix wasn't out yet, so that was the original crown. And I was. I was here for it.

I'm for it.

And so I didn't. You know, obviously people get nervous, and I said that pompous remark. But then we end up becoming Facebook friends, if that dates us at all.

Yeah.

And then we. I tried to date her. I invited her out to a little coffee, which was like, low key, A full day date, and she wasn't ready for that. But then shortly after that. What happened, babe? Tell the. Tell the nice listeners what happened.

Well, here's the thing. Timing is everything. And at that point in time, to be honest, I wasn't in a healthy place. Yes, I was Miss Florida. And from the outside, everything looked like I was put together. And I had my life together. But internally, a lot of stuff was going on. My parents were going through a divorce. My brother was really sick. I was trying to get out of a toxic relationship. Mentally, I just wasn't ready. And so she ghosted me. I friend zoned him.

I found myself in the friend zone. I'm actually here to promote my book called how to get out of the Friend Zone.

A success story it would be.

Honestly, he needs our managers in the room. And if he can hear me right now.

Yes.

Let's make this happen.

Yeah.

I'm telling you, a lot of guys, in all seriousness.

Yeah, they really would.

Yeah. So that was the first friend zone.

Okay.

That happened. Then we became friends. Or we just, like, stayed friends for years. We dated other people. And I think two years later, we reconnected. But it was right after he had gone through a breakup. And so we start talking again. I remember, like, we wouldn't kiss. Like, nothing. It was very, like, honoring. But I really felt the Lord say, like, this is not the right time. Like, focus on your friendship. And I was like, dang it, I feel like I could marry this guy. Like, Lord, come on.

But at the same time, it's timing annoying sometimes.

Yes.

But it's always right.

I'm glad you said it. Cause I was thinking it's always right.

But I remember that saying of, like, love is a friendship set ablaze. And I knew that I had to go through such a long process of, like, breaking a soul. Tie and, like, having that intimate relationship with the Lord outside of a relationship. And I knew that he needed that. And so we had the conversation, and I was like, let's be friends again. And he's like, dang it.

I was hoping for a different three words. Yeah. But she said, let's be friends. And at the time, I remember I was in an apartment in New York when we had that phone call, and it needed to happen. She was absolutely right. And I give her so much credit and. And respect for having the ability to say no to something that she wants in favor of my relationship with the Lord. And I think that's rare nowadays, because I think what's being projected in society right now is how can you use and abuse this person to get what you want? But she was saying, I want to edify you and your relationship with the Lord above what I want. And at that moment, I was like, well, now. Well, now I want to get married. Like, please come back. And so then I went through a really kind of deep healing process, because I didn't realize how deeply I was hurting from that breakup and went through counseling, had a big. I think I had a lot of life. Things happening all at once. You know, things happen in threes. Well, for me, it's been different. Things happen in 58s. And so everything around me was crumbling and then. But I worked through that.

Yeah.

And, you know, then I. I condor into dating me.

Yeah.

It was actually about, like, seven. I think, about seven months later.

Yeah.

I started calling her again. And I remember her reflecting on this story she would tell her friends. Oh, that's weird. Chad's calling again.

I'm like, you think that's weird?

We have, like, five years of history, and I'm trying to date and marry you, and you think this is weird.

That I'm calling you.

Chad's calling me again.

Like, oh, you're friends.

Yeah.

But the Lord had given me so much peace. You know, I feel like when you follow his.

Oh, that's good.

When you follow his leading, he gives you peace over a situation. And so I look back, and I'm like, wow. I remember being like, I could see myself marrying this guy. But when I walked in that obedience, he gave me so much peace. And he'd end up moving to California. And I was like, oh, I guess that's why it wasn't supposed to work out. He's moving across the country.

Reinvent myself.

Yeah. And. But he did con me into a wedding. And so he calls me and he's like, hey, there's a.

Not our wedding, by the way. Not our wedding. Visit a friend's wedding, put on this.

Dress and meet me at this.

There's a pastor there and everything.

Yeah, right.

No. So it was one of his old pastors from Miami. He was getting remarried. It was a really cool God redemption story. And he's like, it's in your neck of the woods. It's a daytime wedding, super casual. Like obviously I don't want to go alone. You should come with me. I was like, okay. Like, I have nothing to do that weekend. That sounds fun. So all of my friends are like, tori, this is a date. And I'm like, no, it's not. We're just friends.

It is a date.

And I'm like, no, no. It's black and white. And they're like, it couldn't be more gray.

And.

And then two days before I realized that this wedding is not in my neck of the woods, it's in Miami. So it's a four hour drive away. And just so happened, shooter shoot their shot, baby.

Like, let's go for it.

She fooled me once, family vacation. So it turned into not only a wedding, but his whole family was going to this very spice.

I tried the whole let's get coffee. Didn't work. I tried the whole let's connect. I think I'm supposed to be a pastor, you know, Haha. You ready to be with the pastor?

Oh my God.

You know? And that didn't work. So then I'm like, what else am I?

What do I got?

What do I got in my bullpen? And it was like, hey, take her to a wedding four hours away and then introduce her to my family on vacation.

I love it. Not subtle at all.

Not subtle.

I love it.

But after that weekend, it was, it was sealed. Yeah.

How many years have you guys been married?

Actually? So when does this episode come out?

I don't even know.

Well, 2020.

Probably in a couple months, I would think.

Oh. So for us, we are about to celebrate our third year.

Yeah.

Yep. In a few days.

When's your wedding anniversary?

February 16th.

Oh, that may or not be our WI FI password. So if you come over.

Yes.

Okay.

It's a way I can remember. It's a. It's a hack. It's a cheat code.

Yes. That's so cool. I love it. And I love how you guys speak on God's timing. I think that that's so true because just as human beings, we're so impatient and it's, you know, it's Our love story, which we won't go into it, but a lot of it, you know, Dave wasn't even supposed to be at our school. We met in college. We're college sweethearts. And he wasn't even supposed to be there that year. He was supposed to be abroad. But he said. And he'd wanted his whole time at Georgetown College in this. In little Georgetown, Kentucky. He had always wanted to study abroad. And he got into the program, and it's very hard to get into. And then he's getting ready to, you know, officially sign that he's going. And he said he just felt God saying, don't go.

Wow.

And he's like, what? What are you talking about? Like, this is what I've been waiting for. And it was. It was supposed to be his, like, a good portion of his junior year, and he just didn't have a piece like, what you're talking about, Tori. And so he was kind of mad at God about it, like. But he followed. But he followed him. He said, okay, God, I'm gonna say. And then he said, you know, we were in. He, for some reason, waited to take acting class in art. We're both communication majors.

Yeah.

And acting class was part of our degree. We don't even know why, but. But it was part of it, so. Because they called it communication arts. And so he said in. I walked in with a hat, which I love hats. And I guess that got your attention. And so it was history.

He said it was something else.

It's all God's timing.

It was God's timing.

Yes. So I love it.

And. Yeah. Yes. And I'm so thankful. So thankful I wasn't some other random country, you know, God wanted me right there. I didn't understand it at first. We rarely understand why he has us do what we do at first, but he. He's always doing something good. I love that.

I love that because it makes me think a little bit of, like, Mary and Martha, where sometimes we can try to force things. We can force ourself into a relationship with the Lord because we think we know what's best. And sometimes that is good. Right. But there's always something that's better. And that's what. That's what Mary chose. And I feel like you putting that thing on hold, that was good and cool. You chose ultimately what's better. But when you're faced with that wall, you're like, well, I don't know what's behind the wall. I don't know that it's my future wife. With a cool hat.

It's so true, though. No, it's so true. And I. I just love that. And I would love for you guys to tell us what you do now together, because you guys do a lot of similar things to what we do, encouraging other. Not only couples, but just people in their walk with the Lord and singles and couples alike. And so can you guys tell us more about that?

Yeah. So we have a YouTube channel. And it honestly was really crazy how the Lord open that door in general. We had just gotten married. It was kind of funny how it all worked. Do you wanna. Do you wanna share that?

I got. I got thinking of, like, you know, if there's like a hidden door in someone's house, you don't know about it, Imagine you just lean on the wall just to, you know, just relax. Then the door opens. That's kind of how YouTube happened for us. We kind of. We leaned on a wall and we fell into something that was really turned out.

That's a really good way to describe it.

You're naturals, though. And it's. It's easy to see, like, it's just how God's wired you guys up to thrive in that. In that medium, because it's just. It's a natural fit.

Yeah.

So I totally see why you guys have reached all the people that you've reached, and it continues to grow and you share great stuff.

Well. And I think what helps is, is that you can teach experience, but you can't really teach passion. And I think our passion is for people. And specifically, we, like Tor and I always say that we want to be the people we wish we had.

Yeah.

And so age aside, gender side, all that stuff aside, we wish that we had people in our hardest moments.

Yeah.

Telling us things that we try to tell. And so that's really where it was born. But, I mean, there's a whole long story of how we got started and where it's. And what it's becoming, which we're super excited about. But, yeah, we just want to be who we wish we had. And we also have a daily devotional podcast called Mornings with the Masters. And it's every day, it's between six to 10 minutes long. And we love it because we started it right after 2020, because for our audience, 2020, you know, for everyone, it was a really tough year for everyone. And we thought to ourselves, with the encouragement of our management, is like, well, what do your audience. What they wanted was more content. Where I'm like, well, that's stressful content's. Hard. Like Yalls job is hard. It's like, it's, it's, it's difficult. So we're like, okay, well how do we create something that's going to help them each day? But it's not too intense on the content side of things. So daily devotional and now something that we're really excited to talk about is we're actually releasing our very own new long form podcast called that's Hot. It's all about. Yep.

We got from you guys.

Do you remember?

Probably don't remember, but this was a sidebar conversation that we had with you.

Guys in the green room.

Yeah. At the green room. And you said something and you're like, yeah, that's hot. And we were like, what? And you were like honest, open and transparent. Like worse, we're stealing that. And you were like, take it. And I'm like, no, I don't think you understand. You tell me to take it, so.

I want to take it from someone else.

So for us it's, it's so fitting for us to, to think about number one. We got the idea from you all. You're going to be our first guests on that podcast.

That's hot.

That's hot. That's hot. Yeah, we love it. Yeah. But that really is like so much of what we do is we've realized that there's so many people in that waiting season. Whether that's they're, they're single and they're waiting for their person or they just, they have their person, they're waiting to be engaged or married and now they're waiting for a baby or whatever. There's always these seasons of waiting and it's, it's hard to navigate that. And so we felt like we were just getting a ton of questions about singleness, about faith, about how to wait. Well, and that really was what like birthed the channel where we were like, okay, well how can we burst into it? It was like something, you know, and it's like forming inside of you and it happens and you're like, okay, this is, this is a God thing. Yeah, that's awesome.

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So good. It is so good.

I want to ask and I know I keep on having the questions. Sweetie, you've got a question. You pop right in.

I will, yes.

I love you've got such good questions.

That questions today I would love to. To hear. You know, we've been married 20 years and so it's been a. It's been a minute since we've been married three years.

Yeah.

And I mean I do trying to remember back but man, that, that's a long time ago. Like some days it feels like a world ago and other days that I. It's like yesterday, like I told my son who's 16, almost 17.

Yeah.

The other day I said in my mind, sweetie, I said, I'm 20 years old in my mind, like forever. And I was 20 when I, when we got married, actually. And so I was like, in my mind, I'm 20. And I don't know why, I mean that sounds silly and that's like a really. I don't, I don't know why some people say 30, whatever. But I'm like, in my mind I'm just 20. Like a young whippersnapper just ready to conquer the world.

Well, you looked.

I just sounded like such an old person.

Like young whippers. But then I hang out with 20 year olds and I'm like, no, I'm 43. I'm. I know I'm no longer 20. I'm not. I'm going to bed early.

Like, we did it.

I totally.

You just kind of hold on to that moment and so it's been a while, but what would you say in these three years, what are some things you've learned and what are some even. And you can get as specific as you want, but just some, some things that have surprised you, maybe that have been easier and some things that have been harder.

When people asked me particularly what I was most surprised about in marriage, my.

My first thing is called the Naked Podcast. Right.

Yeah.

Okay. So you're safe marriage? Yes.

No, no, it's not bad. But like people are so different and so Chad and I, like, I'm more of the extrovert where I get filled up by people being around, and I want to externally process everything. And I'm used to being with a lot of girlfriends, and so I want to talk about everything all the time. And for him, he's an introvert. So he, when he's around people, is like, so talkative.

So the way I say it is I love people, but I don't always like them, you know, and so sometimes I. I recharge alone. But I love people. I love being around people, but I definitely need some time to decompress, just to clear my thoughts. And I'm not in a verbal processor. I. I just think about everything.

Well, and that's really the distinctive of introvert, extrovert. I think there's a lot of misconceptions not to get too far off the rails here, but people think extroverts love people, introverts don't love people, and that's not at all true. Like, introverts love people. But it's about how you recharge.

Yes.

And if you need to get a loan to recharge, then that's like, that's like really this design. And there's nothing, nothing at all wrong with, you know, to get a loan to recharge. I think even extroverts need. Need some of that.

But, yeah, I feel like I need to learn to pursue that more because I don't necessarily feel like I need it, but every time I get it, I'm like, oh, this is why people do this. I feel so recharged. This feels great. Like, the silence is actually awesome. But when we first got married and he needed alone time, I would take personally.

Yeah.

You know, and I'm like, oh, you want to be away from me? Like, you don't want to be. You don't want to talk about this with me. And now I've learned. Oh, like, he needs that just for him. Like he needs that for him. And God, like, it actually has nothing to do with me at all. And so I feel like that was one of the first lessons that I had to learn when we first got married was.

Yeah.

And especially because we work together too. So we're together 24 7, which is different, you know, like, not every couple can do that. And so me being not only okay with it, but encouraging him in that was something I felt like I really had to learn.

Yeah. And I think that's something we still struggle with because on her side, I never. I would just white knuckle everything or I'm just squeezing Because I don't want to upset her by saying, I want to be alone right now. Because obviously, people can take that offensively. They can, you know, let it take root. And, like, oh, he doesn't want to be around me. And my whole thing was, I don't want to be around anybody. So it's not just you. I don't be around anybody. But I, you know, thought I needed just to, you know, sacrifice myself and just deal with it and whatever. But then I realized that was. That making me a bad husband was pretty bitter. Walking around, I was, like, anxious. I wasn't excited. I wasn't joyful. I wasn't joking. I wasn't fun to be around. And I kind of wondered, why am I, like, did I change in marriage? You know, did I get married and now I'm a grumpy old guy? You know? But no, I realized I wasn't giving myself time to just recharge. Because now I'm with someone 24 7. Because we live together, we work together, and we always are just in communication. Which, by the way, number one tip for us in relationships is communicate. That's like our. That's like, our tale, right? Communication. But I had to feel comfortable communicating to her. And I know that there's been things in our marriage where she's been afraid to talk to me. And honestly, it breaks my heart when she's like, I was scared to talk to you about this, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, I don't want you to feel like that. Yeah, I don't want you. I'm your person. I don't ever want you. But there was things I was doing that made her feel that way. It wasn't her fault. It was my fault. And so I had to get over some of my own hurdles in a sense of feeling comfortable saying, like, hey, I. I need to be alone right now. That was a hard one, because I don't want to upset her. You never want to upset your spouse, right? Yeah.

Well.

And I was used to living with a bunch of girls, so I'm like, oh, we just talk about everything all the time. Like, which pants should I wear today?

Yeah.

You know what I mean? And he's like, these decisions are, like, stressing me out. I was like, wait, what?

Especially as a fixer, right? Where I'm just like, yeah, yeah, buy more clothes. Like, like, you don't have anything to wear.

Go.

Go shop.

I can't help you fix it. I'm on Amazon right now. I ordered you five pairs of different pairs.

I'll tell you one of the funniest moments we had in our relationship. This was like a come to Jesus moment where it was one of, like our first day of fight. Like, full day fights. You guys ever had those where you just. You're just disconnecting all day where you'll have a fight and then you'll reconnect, then you have another fight and then you reconnect and it just.

Off day.

An off day.

It's taken me, like, early on. I would go a couple days. Before I even realized I just might. I was like, wait a second. Are we. Are we fighting? Are you going?

Are we?

Like, I had no idea. It took me a while. So, like, barometer's gotten a little better.

That is hilarious. So what happened was I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And then Tori, as I was trying to work out of just being in a funk, she kind of got in my face about it to shake me up with that. And I do not do that if I'm upset. I'm like, almost like a grenade.

Get away.

Right?

Run.

Why are you looking at me?

Is there a little subtlety there?

It is similar with me.

If you pull the. If you pull the pin, it's not going to be fun. It's not going to be a good time. Yeah. And then. So that caused another fight. But then I got over that. I moved on. I actually. I do rebound pretty quick. And then she. And then she started to fall off later on that afternoon. And the first thing I did was I ran to the bathroom. I drew her a bath, and I put her Bible next to the bath, and I said, go. Right. She wanted me to get in her face and shake her out of it. The down moment. She was so. I loved her the way she or I loved her the way I wanted to be loved and vice versa. And that was a funny moment. I laughed about that for a while because it's so interesting in, like, the love language game how often we just. We do into others what we wish they would do to us. The golden rule. But I think we also just need to. My buddy Gabe says it so well. We have a PhD in our spouse. We need to study them. We need to know what makes them tick. We need to know what comforts them and know everything. And that's the key.

And bring out the best in them. Like, even the introvert, extrovert thing.

Like, if.

If your spouse needs time alone, give them time alone.

He's so good at that with me. But you Know, even though I am very much an extrovert, and the older I get, the more extroverted I get. And I think some of it, too, is life. Like, oh, I'm sorry.

Yes.

You're like, you're an extrovert.

How am I just finding you out?

No. An introvert. I'm sorry. Thank you, sweetie. I'm very much an introvert. And I think part of it is, you know, seasons of life, too. Like, if you have people around you.

All the time, you pull away. Yeah.

And Dave is so, so sweet about giving me that time, but early in our marriage, and he's kind of a. You're like an ambivert. I heard that's an actual thing.

You can read minds. Know that movie reference?

I love it. Zoolander. Yes. Give me Blue Steel. Right, okay.

Yeah, Blue Steel.

But I. You know, he's an Ambert, so he's kind of both. But I didn't realize. I was just thinking, he's an extrovert. And as a pastor, it's really good if you're an extrovert. I mean, you are with the people all the time. And Dave can just go all day, you know, doing that.

I play an extrovert.

Well, you do play an extrovert well.

Yeah.

But he does have limits. And so I remember when we were first married, I, like, there was one day where you were just having an off day, and he was literally like, I was following him around, just trying to talk stuff through. And you were literally trying to escape me. I couldn't fix a fight with him, but I was just really needing to talk something out.

I'm like, I'm out of words.

He keeps on escaping. And finally he turns around to me and he goes, sweetie, he's like, breathing real hard and he's like, I can be hot, I can be hungry, I can be tired, but I can't be all three at the same time. And I just need some time. I need some time.

Is that what he said?

And he's literally, like, shaking and, like, so worried. Not mad. It just. I could. He was just like a caged animal. Like a caged animal. And I was like, I had no idea.

Drafty house that was way too hot in the summer, way too cold in the winter. And so I was hot and sweaty and hungry.

When you're uncomfortable, it's not fun.

I've been around people all day and I was. I was just so uncomfortable. I just needed a moment.

Yeah.

And I was not getting a moment.

I just wanted to be at my Best for you. Because, like, I, you know, I hate when I feel like I'm in a no. When I'm where I'm in a no win situation. Like, if we continue this conversation, I'm not gonna win. It's gonna just. So give me a minute so that we can win. And just giving each other space, learning each other's rhythms. Because, you know, early on, she wouldn't want to stay up late at night doing work projects. I was going to bed early. I was on old man time back before I was an old man. And it was kind of offender when at 10pm I didn't want to start painting a room with her. I'm like, I got really mad at him doing. Like, she would just get hurt. I'm like, it is bedtime.

I'm so mad at you. I thought you were just being lazy. I was like, yeah, because my parents did this. My parents would start painting a room.

At 10pm in middle of the night.

That's interesting all the time, you guys. My parents flipped homes before that was a thing. And so, like, in our home that we lived in was like a perpetual flip that, like, was supposed to be a flip that we never moved out of.

My childhood. Got it.

And so mom would just redo these rooms and my dad would go along with it. And they're kind of both night owls, really, and they would paint at 10pm so, you know, do what you think is normal. And I was like, this is not going to work.

Wait, how did y' all get on the same rhythm?

We did?

Oh, my gosh. Like, we're.

We just learned to respect each other.

We just respect each other. Nobody got it different. So, like, what we do, you know, we really talk about, you know, couples who do have different rhythms to find those times when you are, you know, you meet together. Like bedtime, for instance. Like, we'll have time together, together. Before he goes to bed, we tease and say, I tuck him in. Yeah, I tuck him in.

That is super cute.

And. And then he lets me go to.

Sleep and I get up way early.

And I watch my. I do my projects.

Stuff done in the morning. And then middle of the day, you know, it overlaps and.

Yes.

But of course we work together.

So we're with each other.

Each other's rhythm. Instead of trying to, like, one of. Instead of making her try to be a morning person or me a night owl, we're like, that's how God wired us. Let's just embrace the flow and work with it.

It took some time, but I'm telling you one thing that really helped me. And then we're going to get on to you guys more, too. I'm sorry, I got on a tangent with that.

No, I love it.

One thing that really helped me was realizing what. When day, when I can tell, when I can see, like, the telltale signs that Dave is having hot, tired, hungry moment. Yeah. Which, I mean, gosh, after 20 years, I definitely know I'll be like, hey, have you had a run or what? Can I, like, you know, especially, like, if it's. Mornings with our kids sometimes can be a little hectic. And so, you know, just this week, they were just kind of crazy. I'm like, you know what I'm gonna take. I'm gonna take the morning shift for a little bit so you can ease into your morning, like, because it's better. He is a morning person, and if he can have his quiet time and get a bunch of work done. And Dave is like such a. I mean, he's just amazing. Gets so much done in such a little amount of time, but if he's in a funk, he can't because he's, like, trying to undo. I mean, we all know how that is.

Yeah, absolutely.

And so I try to just. If I can see the signs, I try to help make whatever needs to happen happen. You know, like, if he needs to go on a run. Readjust our schedule, however. And he does the exact same thing for me. He's so good to me about. About that. So, yeah, rhythms are huge.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

I love that.

It's so true.

So another thing, as you guys were sharing that I was thinking about, that really was a big game changer for us early into marriage, was realizing that, like, my spouse is not my enemy. The enemy's my enemy. And it's from one of our favorite movies. Tori introduced me to the movie the War Room. The War Room. Have you guys ever heard of that?

Seen it so good. Yeah, that movie. So much.

And it's. Yeah, it's one of those where I. We really learned to, like. I remember one time we were trying to work together and the work day was just not working well at all. And then we were conflicting a bit. And then the same.

Same day we were talking about earlier.

Oh, was it the same day?

It was the same day.

That's so fun.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well.

Yeah, that was a day.

That was a day.

That was a dude.

Yeah. Yeah.

And I remember sitting down and just trying to collect because I just wanted to be angry with her and I wanted to be right. Yeah. And eventually now. But I'm also really competitive, and I'm very competitive with. The enemy is in, like. I'm just like. I'm that guy that if I accidentally cursed him out. I'm sorry, is the enemy. I'm sorry. What do you want me to do? And so I remember thinking to myself, wow, he is getting a foothold in my marriage. And I don't like that. And so I walked out to Tori, and I pulled one of these. I'm like, listen, game time. I don't want to love you right now, and you don't want to love me right now, but right now, the enemy's getting exactly what he wants in our marriage. And similar to. I'm sure you guys have said it or heard it where before marriage, the enemy wants you in bed, and after marriage, the enemy wants you out of bed. And I was like, we're not. This is not happening. We're not doing this right now. And so I had to look at us as both imperfect, perfect people, broken and need to support each other and be a good team to work against the enemy versus us just getting angry with each other and not take it so personal.

So then we sat down and watched the war room and then had sex. And then we were back.

Oh, yes. That's a good night right there.

It's worship. I think people forget that. It's not just an act.

It's a form of worship specifically for married couples. Yeah, it's just. It's so awesome. No, I love that. And it's so true. And it. It definitely is a tension reliever, too. So after a rough day like that.

There'S been times where I'm like, take that, devil. Yeah, like that.

Yeah.

You didn't want us here.

Here we are.

Yeah. When I think about it, when I think of, like, in Genesis, whenever God gave Adam and he. They were working before sin into the world. And so work was a good thing. And we now. I feel like we have this bad relationship with it most of the time, where it's like, oh, the old nine to five.

Yeah.

It's like, no, work is a good thing for us.

And.

But then when you. When you hear what God said to them, what to do in the garden in terms of, like, subdue and all this, and he said, it fill the earth. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. That God could have just created more people, but he gave that to us to do, and this is a good thing for us.

Yeah, absolutely.

It's so good.

And it's, it's a privilege like we, I think so much. You know, what I hear you guys saying is shifting how you look at what you're doing for your marriage. You know, you look at it like a privilege and as serving your spouse and fostering your marriage, this beautiful gift that God has given you. It doesn't sound sure, right? I mean, it's just, it's something that you're doing out of, out of joy instead of out of dread.

Yeah, I love that. It's all about the optics.

Yes.

That's called full circle.

Full circle, man.

I love it.

Way to bring it.

Way to bring it full circle.

Guys, listen, we're going to continue this conversation, but we're going to do it in a unique way in this episode. We're going to continue the conversation, but you've got to be one of our, our premium podcast subscribers to get this next part of the conversation where I'm going to ask Chad and Tori each, outside of the things they've already shared here about communication and about all the great stuff they've shared, what is one of your very favorite pieces of marriage advice? And let each of them share and it's going to be pure gold. So to get in on that, go to this site, go to nakedmarriage.supercast.com and what you're going to get as a premium podcast subscriber, not only you're going to get the rest of this conversation, but you're going to get premium content that we don't share anywhere else. Full episodes we don't share anywhere else. You're going to get ad free episodes. So you're not going to have to, you know, have to listen to ads if you don't want to. Even though we love and appreciate our ad partners and it's, you're also going to be partnering with us to help create more content. It's five bucks a month. It's what you'll spend on a latte. And that five bucks a month is going to make you a partner where you are joining with us here at Exomarriage to help build stronger marriages, help build stronger families, help connect people to Christ, help save marriages that are struggling. And we appreciate that so much. And so that premium content is just our way to thank you. So Again, go to nakedmarriage.supercast.com and check out the rest of our conversation with Chad and Tori Masters.

Sam.