Will Porn Ruin our Sex Life? // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day. Q and A time.

Hump day Q and A. Hump day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in. I'll be getting married within the next year. My future husband had a previous struggle with pornography, but has since overcome it. We both are looking forward to having sex for the first time, but I fear that I will be focused on the fact that he has watched all of this before or. Or if he has knowledge about aspects of sex that I don't, I fear that I will have hard feelings about him knowing about these things. I genuinely want to have an amazing sex life, but I fear that I won't be able to get his porn struggle out of my head. So how do I try to resolve these hard feelings before having sex for the first time? All right, thank you so much for your question. And you guys are actually ahead of where we were because at the time that we were engaged, this had been kind of an on again, off again struggle for me. And I made the huge mistake of not confessing that to Ashley because I didn't want, you know, in my mind, like, I was thinking, like, well, I don't want to put those thoughts or images in her head. But really, I was selfishly and cowardly being a coward by not confessing something that would make potentially her look at me in a different light. And so having not started the conversation then created more opportunity to fall back into it later. So the fact that he is talking about this, that is a strong step, a wise step on his part. And even though the facts and details of it might initially and even now put those images in your head of like, oh, no, I'm going to have to deal with it or he's going to be thinking about that. But the fact that he's openly sharing right now says to me, one, that he doesn't want any secrets between you, that he wants your sex life together and your marriage as a whole to be built on trust and for there to be nothing between you and three, that he's actually come to a place where he's experienced a lot of healing because he's already Talking so openly about it. And so all those things being said, you're off to a good start. But I do understand why you could have those feelings of like, oh, my gosh, he's got these reels playing in his head. Am I going to be compared to. To these airbrushed people on a screen that are doing all these things? And, sweetie, what are some of your thoughts as a wife?

Really? My first thought is, and I totally. Again, we've walked this road somewhat, but again, you are way ahead of us, which I commend you on, and that's awesome. I think you should tell him exactly what you said to us. I think you need to say, I'm looking forward to sex, but I'm so glad you were honest with me about your pornography issue. But I just have. I have a little bit of anxiety feeling like you're gonna be thinking about those girls and let him reassure you. And again, we wanna talk more about being the new creation in Christ and just really focus on that. But you need to talk to him about that and say, you know, I'm also. I'm a little concerned that you've seen all these sexual things, and I don't even know about any of that. And I don't know what your expectations are. And so talk about your expectations and just say, like, I love you. I wanna navigate this together. And I don't wanna have fear or anxiety going into our marriage, you know, and so I think talking about it is where you start. And if you have any questions, ask him, but be willing to have that kind of conversation. And, you know, we always say, intimacy doesn't start in the bedroom. It starts through conversations. And I think now, in this time of engagement, is a great time to talk about this just so honestly. And you might have to come back to it again once you're married. And, you know, it's always. It takes time to really understand each other in your preferences. And, you know, it's a journey together, figuring out what sex looks like for the two of you. And so you might. You might have some insecurities there, but be willing to talk to him. Don't make assumptions. I think it's understandable that you feel the way you do, and I think he'll see that too. But I think when you talk to him, if you're not talking to him about it, you're not giving him the opportunity to tell you what really is on his mind.

So give him that opportunity and keep communicating. You know, have these conversations now and keep having them after marriage. You know, about what's on your mind, what you're struggling or wanting to know what's on his mind and to open up and then with sex itself, just even during the act of lovemaking, communicate, you know, talk about, like, what, what feels good or what doesn't feel good and just be really honest with each other. And it's a process of learning. It's a fun learning process, but it's a process where you guys are going to learn and grow together. So we're praying for you and cheering you on as you guys continue. We've got some great resources specifically to help couples prepare for marriage@premarriage.com including the pre Marriage podcast and our Preparing for I Do course, which might be a really helpful resource for you two to work through together as well.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day. Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com, you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.