Ashok Gupta explains how the five stages of grief apply to chronic illnesses like CFS, long COVID, and fibromyalgia. He argues that processing grief actively, seeking support, and moving toward acceptance can enable neuroplastic recovery through the Gupta Program, which requires a minimum six-month commitment.
There can be something called the grief cycle stages of grief, where when we first hear of our diagnosis, whether it be me or chronic fatigue syndrome, or long Covid or fibromyalgia or mold sensitivity or whatever condition you're using the program for, sometimes we can have this real shock and denial. There's confusion, how could I have this condition? Especially when the doctors say, there's nothing that they can do for you. There can also be anger as, why have I got this? This is not fair. I mean, anxiety or even shame for having a certain condition like this. And we can sink into a depression and detachment, feeling overwhelmed with this condition. These are different cycles or different aspects of what we call the grief cycle. So when we have this type of illness, there's an element of grief and elements of shock, an element of losing the life that you had before, because grief is always about what you've lost, grieving over that, grieving over your normal way of life. And so it's important that we become aware of the grief cycle in the context of chronic illness and notice if you have any of these emotions or even any of these stages in your life. And as we begin to recover and heal using the Gupta program, this is where the dialogue and bargaining comes in, where we are beginning to start reaching out, looking for support and help, trying to find understanding and meaning behind this. So that's what we begin to do in the Gupta program. And not only that, as part of your recovery, who can you reach out to to be able to support you in your recovery? Sometimes if we have those achiever or helper mindsets, we don't want to get help from other people. We think, I'm going to do this all on my own. But actually, as you recover, who can help you? Perhaps with the housework or the kids, or work, if you're still working part time, who can support you in your recovery? And then we move more towards the acceptance phase. And this is where some people get a little stuck. And this is why we're emphasizing this more in the Gupta program now, that in order for your brain to be neuroplastic and rewired, it really helps to let go of any grief or shame around the condition, any stuck feelings, and instead to embrace the idea that I'm exploring options. I've got a new plan in place. This is why we talk about the three month, or rather the six month minimum commitment to the Gupta Program. Because you have a new plan, you're exploring options, you're letting go of the grief of the past and how frustrated it made you feel, or the sadness of losing your old life, but instead you're plotting a new path. And so acceptance is so important. And how do you know if you haven't accepted the condition? It is in addition to some of those patterns that you notice you have this feeling of a sinking feeling or a heaviness. Whenever you think of this condition or your past, you think about or perhaps romanticise the life that you had before this condition and think, oh, life was so amazing before I had this condition. This condition has just made me lose so much. If you notice those types of patterns, hypervigilance on loss, or what you can no longer do, or how difficult life is compared to the way it was before then, there may be some grief that you choose to let go of now. And we let go of grief by simply being aware that there is grief and these different cycles and different stages of the cycles, and realizing the antidote to grief is to process these emotions and observe them and meditate on them and let them go and begin to reach out for support and help and begin a new story rather than getting stuck in the old story. There's no benefit in staying stuck in the past and the old story. Instead, we want to, as it says there, explore new options, have a new plan in place, and that begins to empower us. It begins to create a sense of security. You can see those words in the middle. Self esteem increases and we have a new sense of meaning in life and we begin to return to a meaningful life. And acceptance is that key stage.
