Ashok Gupta argues that waiting for a partner to be happy traps you in dependency and postpones your wellbeing. Building resilience alone and actually enjoying your own company leads to healthier relationships and attracts better partners.
But in general, many of us may have that little thought in the back of our minds. And recognizing that the moment that we rely on something outside of ourselves to be happy, first of all, we then postpone our happiness, and in this case, even your health, because you're saying I can't be happy or healthy until I have a partner. So first of all, we're postponing our health and happiness into some unknown future. And secondly, we are in this myth that when I have this in my life, then I'll be happy. And you talk to anyone, literally anyone who's married or has a partner, do they ever say to you, oh, it's, it's. This is after the honeymoon period, of course. Oh, oh, yes. It's all easy and straightforward. And yeah, we're amazingly happy and in love all the time. And it's brilliant and amazing every moment. So what they'll tell you, most people will tell you, is it takes work. It can be incredibly fulfilling and rewarding, but it also takes work and it also has its own challenges. So the idea that I will be happy and healthy when I have X or Y or when I have a partner, it's a myth. Because every experience in life has its ups and downs. It has its advantages and disadvantages. You're single right now. You don't have a partner. That has its advantages. You're not answerable to somebody. You can do what you want when you want. Right? You don't have the arguments of life. You don't have someone that's depending on you, et cetera, et cetera. There can be lots of benefits to being single. There can be many lots of benefits to being with a partner. Okay, you don't feel lonely potentially. You have someone to share your life with. You have someone to love and feel loved by, etc, etc. So there are pluses and minuses to every experience in life. So to somehow think that only when I have this will I be happy is a belief system that can hold you back from your own healing. And you've said here, I have experienced a lot of anxiety and loneliness in my life. There are many people who experience anxiety and loneliness in a relationship as well. So there are no guarantees in life. And so this is very important to observe this belief system. And yes, it may well be running the show. It may well be a trauma response from the past where you felt lonely and isolated. But letting go of the belief that somehow being with someone will heal and resolve all of this, yeah, that becomes a dependency, a postponement of your own internal healing. So we're becoming resilient and strong inside of ourselves. And when we do that, then we attract the right partner into our lives. If we have a fear of being lonely and anxious, we will be projecting that, and we'll probably attract a partner that initially may relieve that loneliness, but may end up reinforcing it because it's a projection of our own selves. But when we become stronger and self resilient and are able to enjoy our own company and to feel happy on our own from that place, we will attract the right partner that tessellates and fits in with our own vision of ourselves. Does that make sense?
