In this first‑person testimonial, Jesse (also spelled Jessie) recounts a severe mental‑health and functional decline that began with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and an inability to care for her three children, husband, and pets. After multiple medical consultations—including a costly brain scan that suggested PTSD, a psychiatrist who suspected mold sensitivity, and a later diagnosis of Lyme disease—she enrolled in the Gupta Program. Within the first week she experienced a profound meditation session titled “Breathing with the Trees,” which sparked a shift in awareness. Over the following months she regained basic functions: eating a variety of foods (raspberries, gluten‑free bread), showering, walking the dogs, and eventually hiking a trail in the Smoky Mountains. Throughout, she emphasizes the emotional weight of each milestone, the supportive role of her husband and family, and her gratitude for the program’s impact on her health and quality of life.
Chapters
My name is Jesse, and before I became unwell, I was a barista at a local coffee shop. Well, there were parts of my life that are wonderful, but I was not a very happy person. I have 3 children and a wonderful husband and a cute little Pomeranian and a husky, but I just had really a lot of trouble with happiness. I was depressed and had anxiety disorder that I didn't know I had, and I was a really heavy drinker just to kind of cope with life and cope with anxiety. When my condition started, I was very confused about the— what was going on. My depression got worse, my anxiety got worse. I just was having trouble eating foods and not reacting. I was having trouble with my energy. I was having panic attacks at work. I had took a few ambulance rides to the ER because I just couldn't get out of the panic and just this depression that was really intense that just would not lift. And at its worst, I had to quit my job and could not get out of bed. I have 3 kids, like I said, and I just wasn't able to be there for them at all. I just would put on a mask when they were around and just do my best to pretend that, you know, Mom, she's sick, I'll get better. But, um, I wasn't getting better, and I wasn't able to make my own meals or take a shower or walk around the block. Yeah, my life came to a screeching halt. I remember crying in the tub and my husband, my wonderful husband, just washing my hair. I remember just praying, God, I just want to get out of bed and I want to play with my 7-year-old in the yard like I used to. I want to run around with the dog. I want to just— what do I have to do? Like, what is wrong with me? The doctors were pretty confused and a lot of like, are you sure it's not just anxiety? Or are you sure you're not just bipolar? Or are you sure this is not just a mood disorder? So actually, I went to the Amen Clinic in Atlanta, Georgia and got a brain scan. $5,000 later, um, they were like, "You have PTSD." And I'm like, "What? I have PTSD?" That was not on my radar. So I had a wonderful psychiatrist and she said, "You know, I think maybe not just the PTSD and not just ADHD, I think you may have some sensitivities due to maybe mold." that you've been exposed to. And she was right. And then the next doctor found out that I had Lyme disease because now we're like, okay, we're on a roll now. And so I started the Gupta program and my life totally started to change just within the first week. I remember sitting outside and doing a meditation with Moon Title, and it was the meditation called Breathing with the Trees. and I just was sitting in the yard. It was the morning and the sun was coming up and it was fall and I could feel the breeze and I could hear the trees and I never slowed down long enough to actually notice that stuff. I just started crying. I was like, I'm so focused on my body. I'm so focused and I'm so up here in my head that I'm not even seeing any of the beauty around me and like I think this is the key. I started to discover that I could start to do things on my own again, or supplements that my doctor wanted me to take that I was not able to onboard at all. I started to see I can take these now or I can eat. I remember when I could eat raspberries again and just being like, these taste so amazing. And then I had a piece of gluten-free bread a couple of months ago and I was like, oh my God, this is incredible. Food. I can eat food again because I'd gone down to such— I mean, like 20 foods. I remember I could stand up in the shower again and wash my hair, wash my own hair, wash my own body. And as these things started to come back, you just appreciate them more. Like, I remember when I could walk around the block again with the dogs. It was just like victory. We, uh, Stayed in a cabin in the Smokies last week, and I was able to do a trail, which was a really big deal, with some friends that I invited, which I— again, it's just a huge victory for me because I just did not think that it was possible at the beginning of this journey.
