New Year's Resolutions Don't Work! This Is What Does | Ashok Gupta |

Hello, and a warm welcome to our Facebook Live, where we're going to be talking about our New Year's inspirations. Forget New Year's resolutions. We know they don't work. The research shows that. So today we're talking about New Year, new you. How can you be really enthused and positive about what's going to happen in 2021, what kind of goals you'd like to set? I would have set really inspiring goals, goals that really make a difference and that last. And we're going to explain the psychology behind why New Year's resolutions don't work and what New Year's inspirations instead actually are. Okay, so really exciting, Facebook Live that we're going to be sharing with you today. And what I'd love for you to do is to share this on your feeds. So right now, perhaps you can share this video on your personal feed, perhaps share it on groups that you manage or pages that you manage or other groups you're a member of, because we'd love to get this free information out there and really help people make 2020, you know, a big difference compared to 2020 and what people have been experiencing. So I hope you'll like and share this page and we'd love to see you doing that. So just introduce myself. My name is Ashok Gupta. I'm director of the Gupta Program. And also the Meaning of Life Experiment. And yes, we're talking about New Year's resolutions, why they don't work. And, you know, I remember saying to a friend of mine, so, what's your New Year's resolution? And they said, oh, it's to actually procrastinate less. And I said, okay, so what are you going to do about it? When are you going to start with that? Maybe in a few months time. So these goals that we have, these visions that we have, often don't come to fruition because of some core psychology that we'll talk about. What I'd love for you to do is have a piece of paper and a pen ready, because we're going to be going through what some of those goals could be for you personally. And we're not going to leave you on your own. We're then going to give you resources to help you manage those goals, whether they're health goals, career goals, spiritual goals, whatever goals you may have for 2021. We've got some resources that we'd love to share with you that can help you move towards those goals. Now, before we go into those New Year's inspirations, what I'D love to share with you. Is really looking back at 2020. What a year. Hey. And what's prompted this is actually our marketing manager noticed that as she was looking around. So Jess, she was looking around all these various pages, she was seeing that people were posting all kinds of memes and various messages saying, oh, thank God, 2020 is over. You know, finally we can let go of 2020 and move into a different year. As if all of a sudden, all our problems and cares are suddenly going to disappear like that. Gone. Ha ha. It was only 2020. That was the problem. Yeah. And unfortunately, this is setting us up for failure because actually, nothing is really going to change. Probably for the next few months at least, things are still going to be challenging. And if we live this illusion that somehow we're in a new year and therefore everything's going to be fine, then we're setting ourselves up to be disappointed. Oh, yes. Suddenly we're in the land of milk and honey and everything's going to be fine. It's definitely not going to be like that. So instead, what I'd love for us to do before we get into our goals for 2021, our vision, this new year, really, let's reflect on 2020 and our experiences of 2020. And I want to share this idea of the difference between problems and negativities and challenges, because our languaging is incredibly important. So we traditionally might look at 2020 as a year full of problems. You know, it's been really bad, it's been really negative. And if we look at it in that way, that will bring up certain emotions within it, such as anxiety, anxiety about the future, anger at what happened, anger at the authorities or people around us. It can also bring up grief, a grief in terms of what we lost as a normal way of being and a normal way of life. All these emotions come up based on our perspectives about what 2020 meant and what that pandemic actually meant. And what's important for us to do is instead of seeing it as problems, as negativities, oh, it's bad. When we make that value judgment, then what we do is actually increase this resistance to what is happening within us, this negativity. Now, of course, that doesn't blind us to a value system. It doesn't blind us to say, okay, this is, everything's fine, everything's good. But it's about putting it into perspective and instead seeing it as a challenge. What's the difference between the two words saying it's a problem or it's really negative is a judgment. We're saying it's a challenge. A challenging year is objective. And a challenge can be both positive and negative. And one way of looking at life is whatever we experience, there are going to be positives that come out of it and there are going to be negatives. There's ups and downs in every experience that we go through. And when we shift our perspective and look at it that way, then actually, before we jump into 2021, let's look at what we learned from 2020 about ourselves. So many people. Well, let me ask you, what have you learned about 2020 in terms of your reaction to the pandemic, terms of your isolation that you experienced? What did you learn about your fears about the future, about what triggers you, about your attachments to life? Now, no one can make a judgment on that. Only you can observe it with self compassion. So we don't want to be hard on ourselves and say, oh, I was, you know, I got drowned in the negativity, I got pulled down, I got depressed. We don't judge ourselves. We simply observe what is so and what we experienced and what that meant to us. To have a reflection just for a moment and perhaps on a piece of paper or on your phones under the notes, you can just jot down what were some of the learnings or reflections about your own reactions to life, about your own attachments, about what really matters to you. Yeah, and we'll go through some exercises today in just a half an hour session. But what I'd love for us to do is to continue this dialogue with ourselves after today's session and spend some time really thinking about these questions that I'm going to pose. And so when we look at 2020, let's not look back at it as this horrible year, negative year. Wish it would just get out of my life. Because actually there's plenty of years that have been like that in the past. Think of all the souls that suffered during the Second World War or through other wars that the world has experienced far worse than what we've gone through. Let's shift that perspective. As an example, do you know how many people actually die each year globally? 60 million people. And so far in the pandemic in 2020, about 1.8 million people have passed away. And of course, our condolences to the families, perhaps you've known people personally who passed away. And it is something that we want to process those emotions. But at the same time, do we really want to get bogged down in the negativity and the tragedy of what is happening and the drama of it. But instead, do we want to, as Jesus said, take the speck out of our eye and actually see things in perspective, put things in perspective? And for many people, this pandemic has put them in touch with their own mortality. And a famous author, Neale Donald Walsh, said, until we contemplate our own death, we can't truly contemplate life. And yes, we become so much more aware of how vulnerable and fragile our lives are. And this is important because when we do that, our petty little grievances, our resistances to things, our worries about the future, if we can die each day and wake up each day realizing that death is just a moment away, what are we worried about? What are we getting attached to? What are we getting drowned in our sorrows for? When we become in touch with that mortality, we wake up. That is the first step of awakening, which is why when someone passes away close to us, it can be a wake up call about our lives and what we're doing with our lives. Are we living our life purpose? Are we truly living the life that we desire? So all of these reflections can come up when we look back at 2020. Let's reflect on how did I react to the pandemic? Let's write those things down. And then secondly, reflect on who do I now choose to be given that experience? Because 2021 holds a new set of surprises and challenges, we may think, yes, we're going to get rid of the pandemic in the next few months and we're going to have the vaccine rollout and everything's going to be fine. And we enter the land of milk and honey and all sing beautifully Kumbaya around the campfire. Life isn't like that. Life always presents challenges and irritations. God laughs when we make plans. So in the same way, the real lesson of 2020 is how did our resilience grow? How did we become stronger? How do we let go of our attachments? How did we become more wise and aware of how we react, the little things that are happening? And instead, can we become wiser? Can we become more centered? Because when we look at it in that perspective, then we learn the lessons and we grow and we expand and we become truly glorious person or associate with that glorious person, that truth, that inner strength that we truly are, that inner spirit that we all have. So that's just an exercise for us to do after today's session is really reflect on how we grow, how we grew, what we reacted to. And if I'D like to share my personal story. I think I learned a lot about acceptance and surrender during this last year that actually we don't have the control that I talked about. And really in these situations we can only accept that means an inner acceptance. It doesn't mean we think it's all okay, but an inner acceptance and letting go of resistance of what is so and surrendering to what is so, realizing we're not in control so we can certainly set a powerful vision, move towards that powerful vision, but then let go because the end result is not in our hands, is not the fruits of our actions that we are entitled to. Ours is to take action and serve and let go of whatever happens. And so it reminds me of a very famous song that sums up 2020 and my personal learnings from it and I'm sure other people's learnings as well. Do you think it's time for a song? Perhaps. What do you think? Why not? Okay, so let's sing. Why not? And this isn't me just singing. I'd love for you to sing along at home. I'm not the best singer in the world, but I'd love for you to sing along as well. Okay. And it's that song Let It Be by the Beatles. So I really want you to sing your hearts out, think of 2020 and get into that deep state of peace and acceptance about it. So please sing along with me now.

When I find myself in times of.

Trouble Mara Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom Let it be.

And.

In my hour of darkness she is.

Standing right in front of me Speaking words of wisdom Let it be Let it be Let it be Let it be Let it be Whispering words of wisdom Let it be the broken hearted people living in when the world agrees There will be an answer Let it be.

Though they may be parted There.

Is still a chance that they will see There will be an answer Let.

It be.

Let it be Let it be Let it be Let it be There will be an Let it be. Let it be, Let it be, Let it be Whispering words of wisdom Let it be.

Great. So now let's feel that we're leaving 2020 behind us. We've learnt the key lessons of 2020. We've grown, we've expanded, we've shifted our perspective and now we move on to 2021 with that newfound wisdom. Otherwise 2020 was pointless. If we haven't grown and expanded from it and we say to ourselves, why don't New Year's resolutions work? Well, some studies, including some by Professor Wiseman have found that a third of them don't work because they're unrealistic. And how many times have I seen people write pages and pages of goals on New Year's Day? Completely pointless. Or we're not tracking the progress. We get inspired on the 1st of January or sometime in January, but we don't really track our progress against any parameters, or we just simply forget. Life takes over. What's going to happen when you go back to work on Monday or you go back to school, or you go back to whatever caretaking you're involved in? We forget. So let me share with you some ideas as to why New Year's resolutions don't traditionally work. The number one reason is that actually we have two parts of our minds. Yes, we have parts that live within us. One part of our mind is our intellect, our conscious, rational mind that is thinking about the longer term, okay? So it's saying, if I do this now, then I will get the benefit in the longer term. And many of you may have heard of the marshmallow test. So the marshmallow test was this beautiful test that they did on children in the 70s and 80s. So they would put children in a room by themselves and put a plate in front of them, and they would say, right, here's a marshmallow. Now, you can eat that marshmallow now. But if you resist and you don't eat the marshmallow now, we'll give you two more marshmallows in 15 minutes time. So you'll have three marshmallows. It's totally up to you. Then they leave the child in the room with a camera and they watch what happens. So the children look at that marshmallow go, I really want that marshmallow. It looks so good. I really want to taste this marshmallow. And they pick it up, they pretend to put it in their mouth, or they lick it, and they think, I just need this right now. Or they put it back. Now, some of the children, I think it's about 50% of the children, just took the marshmallow straight away, stuffed it in their mouth as quickly as possible, and the other 50% thought, you know what, actually, I want the three marshmallows. So I'm able to let go of that instant gratification, suspend that, because I know there's something better in the future, okay? And so they resisted. They waited for 15, 20 minutes, and then they were able to get two or three marshmallows. And they trapped these children over the space of their lifetimes, the next 10, 20 years. And they found that those children who were able to suspend the instant gratification, they were able to go on to have more success in life in terms of better relationships, they were able to be more successful in their careers, earn more money, etc, etc, not that those are necessarily parameters of success. And what this showed was that actually if we were able to think about the longer term experience, and this is the secret, this is the core secret, your ability to actually hold on to these goals longer term is your ability to think about the long term benefits. That's the outcome of the marshmallow test. Because with it is all. I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine. He's been dying to get on stage on our Facebook lives. He normally appears on our private webinars. Is Mike the monkey. Okay, so Mike the monkey is that little part of our minds. Okay, forget if you're part of the Gupta program, just suspend the fact that this is used as something very different in the Gupta program. But a little monkey mind within it says, eat the marshmallow, yeah. Have the chocolate cake, don't go to the gym today, right? This little part of us wants instant gratification, like a little child living within us. But in fact, when we are aware that that's the way the mind operates, that our imagination is more powerful than our willpower, then we can do something about it. So this little part of it says, you know, you could, you know, go and meditate, right? If that's your New Year's goal, for instance. But you know, let's do something else. Let's watch some tv, let's not bother with meditation. So this part is looking for short term benefits. But then our longer term conscious, rational intellect can say, aha. I recognize this part of me looking for short term gain. But I am a strong mature adult and I choose for me to actually meditate right now because that gives me the longer term benefits that I may not see right now. So this means that with our goals, we want to be inspired each day because why don't New Year's resolutions work? Because we set up this expectation and we say, right, I must hit this expectation. And then inevitably life gets in the way and we force ourselves coercion. We feel guilty for not fulfilling that goal, not doing it every day. And the true problem is a lack of self love and self compassion. Because then we think, oh, everything's lost. I was supposed to meditate this week. I didn't bother. Oh, forget it. I haven't managed to hit my New Year's goal and my New Year's resolution. And we go into two modes. One is the inner critics. I want to introduce you to another friend of mine. This is Melissa, the cheerleader who says, look what you did, you didn't hit that goal. You didn't go to the gym every day. That's terrible. What kind of person are you? That's little inner voice, that little inner critic that's putting us down. And that just brings down our self esteem even more. And we think, forget it, I haven't hit my New Year's resolutions. So we have to watch out for that inner critic. This is where the self love and the self compassion comes in to say, hey, okay, I didn't meditate today, I didn't do my exercise or I ate in a way that I didn't want to eat, or I was horrible to that person. I didn't react the way that I wanted to. That's okay. With self love and self compassion, we say, look, each day is a New Year's inspiration. So instead of a New Year's resolution, we have daily inspirations. Each day we inspire ourselves anew because each day we die and each day we are reborn so we can let go of the past, whatever happened. And that makes it far easier to stick to our New Year's inspirations. So we have to watch out for the inner critic that puts us down and be compassionate and self loving towards ourselves. And there's another part of us that jumps in right when we don't hit our resolution. Jess, the princess who is our victim. We think, oh, poor me, I was supposed to do this and I was supposed to do that. But life's so hard, life's so tough. I can't do that. Forget it all. Yeah, we drown in that sorrow, that melancholy feeling. So we have to watch out for that victim aspect as well. Because there are no victims, there are only victors. This is a part of us that has got trained to feel like we are not in control or we don't have choice and feel sorry for ourselves. That feeling sorry, that self pity is actually a warped form of self love. So instead we recognize this victimhood and we let it go and say, actually I'm a conscious, rational adult. I can be aware of these different parts of me trying to pull me in different directions. So that's Mike the monkey saying I want short term gratification. Or the inner critic saying, you haven't hit your resolutions. I recognize these parts of me. Take a deep breath in. I let them go. And I instead reinspire myself to imagine my goals. Because our imagination is more powerful than our willpower in the short term. Your imagination is taking the short term benefit. What do I get right now? Let me watch that series on Netflix instead of doing something healthy for my life. But instead we imagine the long term benefits of engaging with our New Year's inspirations. So that's the secret. So should we do that each time we get off the path or we don't do what we said we're going to do today? We simply take a deep breath in. We recognize which part of us is pulling us in a different direction. The short termist part of us, or the inner critic or the victim. Take a deep breath in. We smile and breathe it out. And then we imagine what it would feel like in a very powerful imagination if we stuck to our daily inspirations, meditated or exercised or reacted in a different way, or hit that career goal, whatever it is for you. You imagine your goal actually done, actually successful in whatever endeavor you are facing. And then you rest in smiling that and you let go. Okay, so let's jump into how we can set our goals today. And you may have already written lots of them down. I'm going to go through a very simple exercise and you can do it in any way that you like. But what I'd like you to do is take a piece of paper, if you can, and just draw a cross in the middle of the paper like so. He's drawing a big cross there, if you can see that. And in the top left hand corner box. So you've got four boxes on your piece of paper. Top left hand corner, let's write physical. For our physical goals. Top right hand corner, let's write down our emotional goals. Bottom left hand corner, let's write down our mental goals, mental or intellectual goals, our intellect. And the bottom right hand corner, let's write down our spiritual goals. So a simple piece of paper that I'd love for you to put on your wall to daily inspire you each day towards making a change in 2021. So if you can see that physical, emotional, mental or intellectual and spiritual, very simple way of jotting down your goals. And then after today's webinar, what you can do is just write down perhaps a couple of lines of inspiration in terms of physical goals. I'm fit and healthy or whatever it may be. What's the outcome that you have then? Under each of these titles, I'd like you to write down just three or four goals between three to Five goals, let's say. But often it's unrealistic. Just two or three goals, often. So under physical, how would you like to really take care of your physical health over the next 12 months? And remember, the virus is still around, so boosting our own immunity and our own immune system is incredibly important. So in terms of your goals of exercise, sleep, diet, what goals do you have to be healthier and happier in 2021? And remember, we said we're going to give you resources to help you. So if you're really looking at how can I boost my immune system, how can I eat a better diet? We spent 20 years researching this, studied all the science behind it, and we've published the Coronavirus Challenge, which is a 10 day, free, not for profit program that takes you through diet, exercise, all of these different aspects of health, all with a scientific research behind it to help you have a healthier 2021. So you can find that@the corona virus challenge.com okay. And lots of information about how you can also overcome anxiety about the pandemic. So that's our physical goals. Then under emotional goals, we can write down what we talked about earlier. How did I respond and react to 2020 and the challenges we faced. What did I learn about myself? And based on that, what new emotional goals would I like to have? So this might be things like I would like to be able to be better at accepting what's going on or accepting a certain person, or I want to better able to deal with grief that I experience or anxiety that I experience. And if you are experiencing extreme anxiety, panic, those kinds of things. As you know, we have a program called the Gupta program. Gupta GuptaProgram.com and there we have a whole program that can help you with any severe anxiety. But if it's mild to moderate, just thinking about the emotional goals, how you'd like to respond better emotionally in 2021, you can write under there. Then we have the mental and intellectual goals. So this can be about your career or perhaps you want to learn something intellectually or learn a new instrument or write a book or another goal that you'd like to have. And each of these goals we write down as positive affirmations as if they've already happened. So I am exercising each day for 20 minutes. And for those of you who are on the Gupta program and you have, obviously it's very important that you pace yourself and be more realistic about what you can manage. Bless me. On the physical level. Yeah. So just make sure that all of these physical goals are Very paced and you write them as if you've already done it. So I'm working out every day or I'm eating a healthy diet and making sure I drink plenty of water, or I'm eating lots of fruits and vegetables each day, which makes me feel good. So these are all written as positive affirmations. Intellectual might be, you know, I'm going to re examine, I'm re examining my career choices and living my life purpose. And here on a mental intellectual we do have a life purpose process which is available in the Meaning of Life Experiment app. So if you're thinking about new goals, new ways of being in 2021 and wanting to discover your life purpose, you can download the Meaning of Life Experiment on App Store and Play Store and you can also find it at ThemeaningOfLife TV and perhaps in the comments section here. If someone can just share, perhaps Jess can share the Coronavirus Challenge Gupta program and the Meaning of Life Experiments. So we're just leaving you on your own to face 2021. We're giving you some great resources that you can use to move forward. And finally those spiritual goals. Meditation, Connecting to my inner space and inner awareness is a very powerful goal for this year. Or once again, the learnings from 2020. How can I learn to be better at surrendering and letting go? How can I live more in the present moment? What practices are going to help me do that? How can I serve others? How can I look to help and support people who are going through difficulties right now? These are all things we can put under the spiritual goals. Just two or three set in the present tense. So this is something that I'd love for you to do. And you know what? It's so important to actually do the exercise. You can only learn to swim by jumping in the water. So our intellect will say, or perhaps the monkey might say, yes, yes, yes, I understand goal setting. That's all very important. Yes, yes, yes, I get it. Because it wants short term benefit. But actually sitting down and spending 20 to 30 minutes or even you can do this in 10 minutes, writing down three or four in the present moment, goals that you'd like to have for 2021. Putting this on your wall. And each morning as soon as you wake up when your brain is still in the hypnotic state, you can read through these goals and re inspire you every day. Imagine what it feels like to have achieved these. So you can have these goals here. And also perhaps a vision of the outcome. So what's the vision of the outcome? If you stick to your physical goals. What's the vision of the outcome if you stick to these emotional goals, etc, etc. And it doesn't matter if some days you don't hit these goals or these resolutions or these inspirations, it doesn't matter. What matters that each day you are born again. Each day you reconnect with that human spirit that says, I can do this, I've got this. Yeah, I choose to be a bigger, brighter, better version of myself. I inspire myself each day to live my potential. That's who you truly are. Great. So in summary, let's reflect on what we've learned in 2020 about ourselves, how we react emotionally, spiritually, let's jot those things down. And then secondly, let's train our subconscious minds for inner change so we've set these goals and we can also make outer changes, you know, making sure that we allocate time to when we're going to do these things during our day and finally celebrating and rewarding success. So when we do achieve these goals, when we hit these goals, how are we rewarding ourselves and celebrating that? Because that is true self love. So when you're compassionate with yourself, when you're loving towards yourself, that's when you will truly discover that it's much easier to be inspired every day to live your potential and be healthier and happier. And that's why we're here. And I hope we've supported you with that today. Good. So once again, the Coronavirus challenge is where you can find some of those resources about physical health. The Meaning of Life experiment is for when you want to learn to meditate and go on that deeper spiritual journey. Discover your life purpose. And finally, we have the Gupta Program. If you're suffering from anxiety or any kind of severe panic, those kinds of disorders, so please do share this video. I'm sure many people out there could benefit from this video, so please do share it on your own timeline and other groups etc. Please do like this. And we really wish you a fantastic 2021. Should we end with a song? What do you think? I know we're a bit over time now, but should we end with one final song? You know, 2021 is going to be all be about being in the present moment because whatever happened in 2020 is still with us right now. So we learn to appreciate the small things in life, the small beauties in life that brings us to the present moment and connects us with our inner space in terms of worrying about other things. So please sing this along with me. Remember, this isn't a presentation. It's an opportunity for you to sing along and really connect with these words and see if living life like this could connect you with the present moment. And it's Louis Armstrong. What a Wonderful World. I think on Instagram you might not be able to hear the music.

I see trees are green.

Red roses too.

I see the moon for the end and I think to myself what a wonderful world. I see skies are blue.

And clouds.

Of white the black blessed day, you, dark sacred nights and I think to.

Myself.

What a wonderful world. The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky Are also on the faces of people going by I see.

Friends shaking hands saying how do you do?

They're really saying I love you. I hear babies cry I watch them.

Grow.

They'Ll run much more than I'll ever know and I think to myself what a wonderful world. Yeah, thanks to myself. What a wonderful world.

So now we're going to do another Facebook Live on the Facebook. So we're going to end today's session right now and we'll start another one for a Q and A so you can join us on Facebook and to be answering your questions specifically about New Year's goals, New Year's resolutions, New Year's inspirations, and what could be bringing you health and happiness in 2021. So have a wonderful year and we will see you next time. Thank you and goodbye. Oh, I forgot to mention. Please do share your New Year's inspirations in the comments section. So in this video on Facebook, perhaps your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual goals, whatever works for you, perhaps share those inspirations with other people and they can benefit from that as well. Alright, see you next time. Thank you and goodbye.