Ashok Gupta answers a viewer question about an adult whose narcissistic parent still exerts control. He explains the dynamic as a 'complex web of enmeshment' where the parent's needs become fused with the child’s, producing emotional blackmail through shame and guilt. This keeps the adult child stuck, preventing the inner child from maturing; Gupta advises seeking therapy or coaching to 'demesh', set boundaries, and integrate the inner child to regain autonomy.
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Now someone asking about a parent who's still narcissistic and perhaps still controls me. So thank you for asking that question. This we do also hear time and time again. And what's really important here is hopefully today's presentation helps you understand the interplay that there is a complex web of enmeshment where the needs of the mother or the father who has those narcissistic traits enmeshes with the needs of the child. So the child now becomes an accessory to being, to supporting the parents sense of self. And even once we're an adult, we find it difficult to reject that dynamic. Now why is that? Because parents can have such a hold on us through that emotional blackmail, through that shaming and that guilt, we feel a sense of shame and guilt that I'm not supporting that person. It if I'm not meeting their needs, if I'm not helping them heal, then I'm bad. And then we experience that shame. And that is the device with which certain people are able to keep us in that dynamic. And so if that is the case, once again, I do encourage you to seek help, to seek out coaching or therapy to understand how you can demesh from that situation, break free and move forward on your own so that you are not still a child. You see, if the dynamic is still there, then it means that your inner child doesn't have the opportunity to grow up and become you and integrate with you and be fully integrated and loved because the child is still experiencing the dynamic from years and years ago. So nothing's changed. So look at that sense of control. Recognize it. It's beautiful that you've recognized that the control is still there. And work with a therapist to really help unlock that so that you can grow into the maturity that you deserve.
