Communicating Your Needs When Possible, ATH Episode 143

Awareness That Heals, Episode 143.

A very warm welcome to Season 3 of Awareness That Heals, where we have progressed to be able to focus on one challenging emotion at a time. This will allow you to choose a specific emotion that you've had challenges with, and each one will have a progressive series of guided meditations that will allow you to go deeper and deeper into self-compassion. For me, it's truly inspiring because each emotion has unique nuances for both self-care and responding to your environment at the same time. This is subtle and a rare skill, as all too often we don't stay aware of how we can care for ourselves as we are. I hope that you'll not only find it helpful, but also give you deep resources that you can internalize when the emotion is most emerging.

A very warm welcome to the sixth meditation on caring for and responding to our anger. So let yourself get ready and comfortable for the guided meditation. Caring for our anger always starts with being aware, and being aware of the way that we uniquely, the way that you uniquely, our angry or related feelings. So take the time now to really drop in and be generous with yourself in this safe space to feel it as fully as possible. All the nuances, if anything, exaggerated. And once you've done that, then allow yourself to recognize that of course you want to find a way to care for the anger, to be given permission to exist. And you want to support it to be felt because it's such a key part of your vitality, especially when you know you're not going to create injury with it to yourself or the other. And that naturally leads you to containment, to where you know you don't want to dump it on the person. And you also don't want to suppress it because you know this, it's juicy and it represents something important that you need. So you go into a state and you go into a state now briefly that you're containing the anger and see if you can glimpse the vulnerable feelings that are underneath and the need or maybe even needs that are there that really made you angry in the first place. And that's such a critical aspect of that. And now, once you've identified the need clearly, then you have a very important discrimination to make. Is the person Or is the situation that you're angry about where you now know what you needed and what you currently need? Are you involved with someone that's receptive enough that you can communicate what it is that you needed in the first place? And so you really go out of your way to say to yourself, Okay, this is what I need, but can I communicate it in a way with a tone of voice that's going to really be more from my heart? And not just angrily express your need. But for example, you may have needed communication about sex, about a tone of voice that your partner used with you. And so you are preparing yourself to say, I would really like it if you're open for me to share a need. Are you open? They say yes. And you say, you know, when we were talking about so-and-so, I would have really liked it if you could have been softer, or if you would have communicated about this before you took an action. You know what your need is, so substitute in your words, and particularly also tune into your tone, and imagine yourself communicating with somebody that triggered your anger. And then you ask, do I believe this person is receptive to listen to me? And that's why it's good to ask if they're open at first to listen to something that you feel like you need. And if they are or appear like they are, then you want to give it your best effort. From my vantage point, at least a few times, hopefully just once. But let's say it doesn't work. You wait for another time where the vibe is right, the receptivity is right. You try it a second time or a third time. And this is the sixth step when you have a relationship with somebody that is open to you. Like, for example, you may have a boss that you know damn well that you cannot communicate with them. So as you're assessing whether you can communicate, you recognize, no, I can't communicate with them. And if they aren't that way and they are someone you communicate, you go for it at least a couple times from your heart with your best tone of voice. Now, if it turns out that you're with somebody that you can't reach, then we're going to cover that in the 7th and final step and final guided meditation. So please join us for the 7th guided meditation so we can finish the series and find a way to have your anger work for you rather than against you.

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