Finding Internal Peace When Communication is Not Possible, ATH Episode 144

Awareness That Heals, Episode 144.

A very warm welcome to Season 3 of Awareness That Heals, where we have progressed to be able to focus on one challenging emotion at a time. This will allow you to choose a specific emotion that you've had challenges with, and each one will have a progressive series of guided meditations that will allow you to go deeper and deeper into self-compassion. For me, it's truly inspiring because each emotion has unique nuances for both self-care and responding to your environment at the same time. This is subtle and a rare skill, as all too often we don't stay aware of how we can care for ourselves as we are. I hope that you'll not only find it helpful, but also give you deep resources that you can internalize when the emotion is most emerging.

Thank you for joining us for the 7th and final guided meditation on caring for and responding to anger. Let yourself find a comfortable place where you know you're not going to be bothered and you can get ready for the final guided meditation. So whenever you're angry or any related emotion, remember the first step is always being aware. Of your anger and really valuing the awareness, because the awareness is the key of using the best cognitive part of you and finding a way where you can have anger serve you rather than serve itself into destruction. Awareness is something that you need to be stable with. It's not something fleeting. And when you stay aware, it's golden, 'cause it allows you naturally to go to the next step, which is recognizing that you wanna care for yourself while you're angry, because you're now angry, but you're in a safe place and not gonna create harm. If anything, you might be saying something like, good for you, you're experiencing the anger, you're dropping in, and you're not hurting anybody. And you're doing this because you want to find your heart, you want to find something that's going to serve you. And then that naturally leads you, because you want to be harmless, to contain the anger And to be able to go to a place where you're not acting it out in front of the person or in a situation that's going to create harm, and you're also not suppressing it. You're being really generous because you recognize that anger is really aliveness, it's vitality, it's juicy. And if you suppress it, you are going to lose energy. If you dump it, you are going to lose energy. But if you are with it and you support it when you're containing it, then you're golden. And you need to remind yourself, containment does not mean stopping yourself from feeling it. It's the opposite. You're just taking away yourself from the situation and you're feeling it as fully as possible. And while you're feeling the anger in that containment, you're glimpsing— can I see the vulnerable feelings like fear or hurt or abandonment? Can I feel those feelings as well as the anger itself? So just drop in right now. Look at your situation. Look at where this is most frequent for you. Can you feel the anger? Give yourself permission. Can you also get glimpses of what your vulnerable feelings are? And then slowly just ask, what was it I needed in the first place? That I didn't get? Or what was it that I got that I really didn't want? Really identify what that need is, because that's golden. That's the key to going for what you need rather than striking out against what you don't like. That's a turning point that all of us need, all of humanity needs. To be able to stay with these universal needs rather than striking out. And I mean striking out on two levels: striking out in an aggressive way and striking out like you lose your energy. And then you're looking for that discrimination that we did in guided meditation number 6, and you're asking yourself, can I really find a way to communicate with this person? Or is there any way to externally be able to find a way to express my need to anyone? Or is the person completely unreceptive? Or am I angry at life in some way? And if it turns out that you can't express the anger because there's no one to express it to, or the person that you're angry at isn't at all receptive, then you need to recognize, ah, there's no chance that I can find peace through expression. So I need to break down the anger and recognize this is a deep need inside me that I need to cherish. So, for example, let's say you're angry that the world is killing each other, or that something's happening in your family, or something's going on that you really don't like. Then I need to, you need to find a gentle acceptance that your need is understandable, but there's nothing you can do but look for kindness towards yourself, tenderness towards yourself. And so you have the anger, you have the vulnerability, and then you have the qualities that you need that are going to bring you to a more peaceful relationship to yourself and honoring the need that is there. I just drop in, feel your situation. Feel your anger. Feel the vulnerability and feel the need. Feel the impossibility of any external expression and recognize, oh, I'm so glad that I can see that I have a part of me that can go to the qualities Go to the attitudes of acceptance, tolerance, appreciation, and find a way to accept my own need. And I've morphed from being against the world or against my family or against my partner, and I'm going to a place where I can find peace because I recognize it's not possible to to do it in any way other than imbibing the qualities that I need to bring to the anger from within me. So just pause as we're winding down and see how close you can get to being there. And don't be discouraged if this is way too much at first, and this may take 100 repetitions to be able to really develop this into a practice. Because this isn't just intellectual. This requires a lot of maturity and a lot of awareness. So encourage yourself. Good for you that you've gotten to the state where you don't quite understand what you need yet, or you can't express the need. In a way that is from your heart, or you don't know whether you can communicate with a person or not. And then you keep repeating this until you can see, is it Step 6 or Step 7 that's going to allow me to find the greatest peace inside me that's possible? Because anger represents both both vitality and the potential for peace and connection. And sometimes the connection's only inside. And in this step, you're treasuring your own relationship to yourself and bringing the qualities that you most need to come to peace. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart for joining us for this 7-part series on caring for and responding to anger, and hope that you develop it into a practice that will serve your life and those that are dear to you. Thanks so much.

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