3 Powerful Ways to Deal with Defeat

There is no new idea in your life without a drop list of things to stop doing. A drop list. I'm dropping these things. I am not doing these things. I'm saying no to these things. I'm getting this off the agenda. I'm letting that responsibility go. It's the things you aren't going to do. Hello, my friends. I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor, the struggles of each day, to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. Your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode, my friends. Share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth. And also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram Rendon Burchard so I can say hi. Thanks again for listening. Now, let's begin. How do you turn the feeling of defeat into a success mindset? Those days, you get disappointed, you get sad, you get upset, someone makes fun of you, and all of a sudden all of your motivation and your focus and your drive drains out with the disappointment. How do you turn it around? You know, if you went for that big project and you failed, it didn't work out. You put the video out, nobody watched it. You know, you did what you've been trying to do, but you just didn't get the accolades or the rewards. And now you feel defeated and like tomorrow you're kind like, screw it, why even try? We've got to learn how to change that mindset around so we can have some more resiliency and motivation so that we can keep at it in our dreams. But the question is how? That's what this episode is about. The first thing you have to remember as soon as defeat strikes. And it will. If you're chasing big missions, big purposes, things that really matter to you, you're going to have down days. You're going to have bad days. Allow that everybody wants to be so Pollyannish or super positive and say, oh, there is no defeat. There is no failure. Oh, no, there's failure. I mean, there really is. And we shouldn't stop. We should stop pretending that people don't fall on their face and feel bad and have bad days. Allow it. When you have a bad day, allow that moment. Say, you know what? Yeah, this isn't the way I wanted it to go. And then immediately shift into learning. Disappointment immediately goes away as soon as you shift into learning. So your question is, first, allow it. Say, okay, I am disappointed. I have higher standards. I wanted it to go better. But instead of now, keep focusing on those things where you beat yourself up and beat yourself and beat yourself up. You say to yourself, okay, what's three things I learned? Go and start focusing on what you learned. Specifically, when you get defeated in your life, I want you to start analyzing what what defeated you. But instead of saying, I did bad here and bad here and bad here, turn it into a question about. First, what did I learn about myself? Second, what did I learn about other people? Third, what did I learn about the world? Fourth, what can I do about it? That's how you deal with the disappointments. What did I learn about myself? What did I learn about other people? What did I learn about the world, and what can I do? Now, that focus to those four questions from any disappointment or defeat and will help charge you up because you'll be focused more on the lessons and what you can do next. The second big idea when you have a defeat is this. Immediately that day that you got defeated, I want you to take three action steps. No matter what those are. Sometimes the three action steps are, okay, that didn't work out well. Send an email to my team explaining or apologizing. Sometimes the action step is to call somebody, send a note to somebody, send a text. Sometimes the action step can simply be, stop at the grocery store, get my favorite meal. So tonight I feel better about myself. Whatever it is, just make sure as soon as the disappointment happens, you set three goals that very day and do them. One of those goals can be meditate and think about it. Another goal can be take a long walk. Another goal can be, let's exercise. Another goal can be call a friend, go out to coffee. I don't care what it is, my friend. But you need those goals, and you need to do them immediately. Because here's the thing. The more momentum you have, doesn't matter toward what goal, the more momentum you have, the more motivation you'll feel. And that motivation can often wipe out that feeling of disappointment and move you forward. And then the third big idea, when you get defeated, stop focusing so much on yourself. I know it's easy to stew in your own hurt or your anger, your disappointment. But instead, start thinking about that very next day. How can I rise to another level of service. That's the question I want you to ask the next day. When you wake up that next day after disappointment, say, you know what? Today I have the opportunity to serve. Let me do it with full joy and heart. Let me challenge myself this day. Yes, yesterday wasn't what I wanted to be, but this day I'm going to challenge myself again to serve with full, full joy and full heart. If you can do these simple things, I know they're just internal dialogues I'm talking about, you're really just looking at the disappointment or the defeat and saying, okay, what did I learn about myself, other people and the world and what can I do? You're really just saying, okay, what are three steps I can take today to get some more momentum back? And you're really just waking up the next day and saying, hey, how can I serve even better today? That might sound so simplistic, but most people don't do those things. They keep stewing over and over and over on the hurt and the angst and the stress and so they never break free. If you ask a different quality of question, you can live a different quality of life and overcome those disappointments.

The number one issue with being productive isn't that people usually don't know what to do with the day. It's that they look at it with dread and they accept that feeling and they stop like, ah, I don't wanna. So they stop even though. Even though if they looked past the immediate dreadful activity and looked into the future about the benefits it would give them if they could reconnect with that, they could push through. It's that when we get in the short term, just automatic feelings, automatic emotions that come up. Those things when they're not monitored consciously and sometimes they're not overridden by a higher calling, a higher ambition, a higher ambition to serve a higher mission. Then what ends up happening is we go, ah, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll skip this one. And you know, I'll get the workout in tomorrow and then workout comes tomorrow, I'll get it in next Friday and then it doesn't come in next Friday. And then I'll get the work in. The work doesn't happen and we keep.

Telling ourselves these stories.

I'll do it when I feel like it. But I hope if one thing you've learned here is the power plant doesn't have energy. It you need to generate the energy in which you need to excel and serve in this world. That's what I had to do Last night I had to generate the energy that I need to excel and serve on the stage. I had to make sure that today I felt my best. This is my marathon that I get to do eight times a year. This is what I train for. This is what keeps me sharp. We all have to have those things in our business or our brands or the things that we're being productive towards that push us, that challenge us. If you don't have three or four of those each year that are your form of business or productivity marathons, build them back in. Build in challenging expressions for yourself each year, build them in. We all need our own marathon each year. Whether that's a true running marathon or for me, this is it for me. And I got eight of these a year that I build in that make me sharp. I don't need to do them. The better use of my time would just be doing more videos on the Internets, more social media. But this, this pushes me. This demands excellence from me. When we talk about productivity today, I'm gonna say, what is the things that are scheduled for you that demand you be great. Cause if you don't have any of those, you'll never be great. You'll just do what's comfortable and easy. You gotta have those milestone moments throughout the year in your business. Sometimes that means, okay, that's three weeks. I'm gonna write my book in that three weeks. And you're just gonna gear up for it and you're gonna crush it. Sometimes that means that's when you're gonna launch your thing. Okay, we're gonna gear up and launch that thing. Sometimes that means that's when you do your executive retreat. You pull away all the executives, you meet with them, and that week is.

Just like fire week for you.

That's not. I don't mean fire, I mean fire.

You know.

But you gotta have those scheduled. Otherwise you just go into homeostasis. You just kind of go through the days and go through the motions and. And nothing is compelling you to reach and stretch and push. And if you don't have that, I'm telling you, it is hard to live a fully charged life. So you gotta approach productivity now in a completely different way. First rule, don't think of productivity, something that you're doing just in a block of time. Think of your life as being a productively fulfilling life. That productivity is not a time management thing. It's a purpose thing. I don't think of time management when I think of productivity. I think of purpose. I think of who do I want to be. What do I want to contribute? What will be fulfilling for me? Because if you don't have something bigger than just blocks of time which are important, but there's not something that we together are going towards where it's this set of dreams where there's personal meaning and there is social contribution, we won't go. And you might write that down. You need both things as a mindset for productivity. Personal meaning, meaning you care about it, you like it, it's intrinsically valuable to you. You feel like me doing this is important because I like it, I enjoy it, it's important. That's personal meaning. The other aspect of productivity is social contribution. I have to see what I'm doing is going to matter to somebody.

It's going to make a difference.

And if we don't look at productivity that way, we'll just be like, uh, it feels like a task. But if we can assign some meaning and social contribution to our tasks, everything can change. But ultimately, those things have to come together in something to be productive for. Like, I'm always, I'm like, what am I productive for? Took me a long time to figure that out for myself. Based on what I do, what am I productive for? Well, at the personal meaning, I'm productive because I want that vibrancy of being a creative human being. I want to be productive because I want to feel like I'm creating and expressing myself. That's the personal meaning for me. I also want to be a productive person because the social contribution, I want to feel that energy and that creativity. But I also want to feel like, you know, what my life mattered.

Did I live? Did I love?

Did I matter? Did I create some outputs? Did I create something or do something that helped somebody or moved the needle or made a difference or a contribution?

This is that time of year. People are thinking about their relationships. And one of the most common questions we get asked is Brendon, how do we set more boundaries in our relationships? You know, someone takes advantage of our time, our energy, our effort, our money, whatever it is, and we get upset about that. So how can we prevent that? Now, I'm gonna speak today specifically about setting healthy boundaries in healthy relationships, right? So your lover, your partner, your spouse, that person you're kissing on, how do you set some good relationship boundaries there? Okay, let's get into it. Four big ideas. Number one, most important, say it early, don't wait to say it. What I mean by that is, if you know what your boundaries are, don't let them crash into it and mess up before you say it. And what happens for most people because they don't know their boundaries, they just flip off at somebody, right? Someone does something, they get all mad at them. They're like, what's wrong with you? And they don't realize the other person's clueless. No one will ever know your boundaries until you explicitly say, hey, this is a boundary for me. Let me say that again. No one will ever know it. Here's what happens. Especially. Especially when people are new or young in a relationship. They try to set little hints. You know, someone does their man does something that, oh, honey, I wish you wouldn't do that. And they're like, that's all they say. That is not enough. Okay? Men, by the way, are thick in the head. They need explicit, direct communication. If you set little hints or little traps, they're not going to figure it out ever. Not five years in the marriage, not 10 years. Boundaries need explicit communication. You need to say, hey, you know what? This is a real boundary for me. I'm not able to do that. I don't like that. This thing is really important to me. If you don't explicitly say it, they will never understand it or try to respect it. So if you had someone who's disrespecting you or not understanding you, is it because you haven't been explicit with them yet? At least start there. Trust me, start there. So maybe sit down and go, okay, think about the person you're in love with right now and say, okay, what are my real boundaries? What don't I want to talk about? What don't I like that they do? What do I not want to compromise again on where do I not want to feel like I'm too vulnerable or where do I want to open up? Like, you need to know your boundaries. And if you don't, don't ever expect them to and never get mad at them. But when they bounce into it, the most important thing, this is number two, never get upset when someone bounces into your boundary. Ever. When someone bounces into it, either A, they don't know it or B, they're just kind of going through the motions in their own life. Look, they're not thinking about your boundaries. This is really important. No one is thinking about your boundaries. And so when they bounce into it, don't get mad. It's a useless emotion to get angry when somebody does that. Because remember, like, would you get mad at oblivious child? Well, most adults are obliviously going through their day automatically. And when you're going through life automatically without full adult vibrancy and presence, you're going to do some dumb stuff. So don't get mad just once. It happens again. Turn back to explicit, hey, I really like this. Could you pay attention to that? I would also say, or one reason you should never get mad is, do you know theirs? What are their boundaries? Do you know their boundaries that make them too vulnerable? Like, if you go there, do you know their boundaries of what makes them upset? Have you asked the questions to try and figure out what they want, what they desire, what they need? Or are you just thinking about your own space Now? I know, and I'm not trying to judge you because I don't know your story. I'm talking about this happens for a lot of people. They make the mistake of wanting so much for people to respect them without understanding others or giving others respect. Because it's very easy to get selfish in relationships, especially if you've been hurt. I understand that. But sometimes when we've been hurt, we want to set up a boundary to make everybody fall in line with us without understanding them. And that's trouble. And that's why I want to lead to this next point, which is really important. Set boundaries that help your relationship, not just you. I mean, you have to think of the boundary is no longer you and the boundary is no longer them. The boundary is the two of you together. So it's a different boundary. You need to open up your boundaries to the relationship. That means you need to change your personal preferences and pet peeves and everything else and open it to realize they got theirs too. Your boundaries as a couple should always be expanding between the two of you. Your trust should expand between the two of you. Your love should expand between the two of you. Your faith in each other and confidence in each other, that should expand between the two of you. Meaning boundaries are never set in a relationship. You should be pushing them, pushing them. Be more vulnerable on your fifth date than you were on your first date, than you were on your first year versus your first sixth year. Like, continue to grow and open up that boundary. It's so important. But realize if all the boundaries you have are to protect yourself, you're not setting boundaries for the relationship. You're just being a single person in a silo in a relationship. Real relationships have boundaries for themselves. What do I mean by that? You protect your time with your spouse, your lover, your partner. As much as you try to protect your time against them or against others. You protect the respect that the two of you have when people try to poke holes at your lover and they criticize them, you don't allow that. You don't speak ill of the person that you're in love with. You know, if you're in love with them, that relationship is healthy. Look, if they're abusive or they're doing something bad, tell lots of people and get the heck out of that reason. Get out of that situation. But if you are in love and this is a good relationship, listen, listen. It's important that you respect the relationship boundaries, that you don't speak ill or bad of the other person, that you don't take potshots at them, that you respect the two of you together. As important as your preferences, as important as their preferences, as important as your career, as important as their career. That the relationship itself deserves protection and your boundary around it to love on it and to protect it. Your job is to protect the relationship more than protecting your ego. Does that make sense? So expand your own definition of boundaries and that will lead you in this last piece, which you actually really like, which is how can you now let go of all these boundaries you've set up? Like there's a freedom in relationship after a period of time where the boundaries have been knocked down more, where you're allowing people in more. I tell people all the time, I say you really want to set boundaries in life, be more loving. It'll push the boundaries away, right? You want to set more boundaries in life, be more loving. Because the bigger those boundaries get, the more they become useless. Like, why are you trying to protect yourself so much? Think about that. After a period of time in a relationship, why try to protect yourself so much? Open up again. Open up those boundaries now again. If you're in a relationship where there's abuse, mental, physical, emotional abuse, then your job needs to be exit, period. Your job isn't change the other person your job. Exit. Set the boundary. Exit. That's the answer, period. If you're an abusive relationship, go right, go get served. There's plenty of services in your local communities. Get support, ask for your friends, but get out of that relationship because the abuse will not. They're not going to suddenly remember not to be abusive. That's where they're at and you can't change it. So set that boundary clear and clean. But if you're in a positive relationship, love more in that relationship. Be more vulnerable. Let that thing come open. Now, obviously you can tell I'm just answering your questions here and I'm going off the top of the my head But I hope it serves you. Because the reality is, most people, they're trying to protect themselves too much in life because they got hurt. But I had to learn that lesson, too. I had a terrible breakup when I was a young man that caused me and led me into depression and ultimately suicidal thoughts. And I did what we all do. I didn't want to get hurt anymore. So I built up boundaries, I put up walls, I put on a mask. Whatever metaphor you want to use. I was trying to keep out the bad people, but at that cost of letting in good people. So I always say, sometimes in our own boundaries, in our own efforts to protect ourselves, we block out the very things that we so desperately desire. How do you develop the action mindset? But actually, also here, I should just add this in here. How do you actually get the action mindset and then make it a discipline? Here it is. First thing you got to adopt. Well, there it goes. Is your. Let's try this, your 30 minute daily block. People tell me all the time, brent, I got this dream or this goal. I'm like, great, what 30 minute period of day are you going to work on it today? What do you mean? You said you have a big goal, right? Yeah. Big idea, right? Yeah. Okay, show me. When's the 30 minute block that that thing gets? Today. It's a new idea you say, right? Yeah. Okay, where is it? Is it 1:30 to 2? Is it 4 to 4:30? Is he gonna check it at 5 right after work till 5:30, then get on the commute a little later. Like when new ideas must have new blocks of time. Write it down. New ideas must have new blocks of time. If you got a new idea someday, someday, big dream and it doesn't land in the calendar, at least listen, daily, 30 minute, daily block of time. Of course you're not going to get momentum. It's got to be. Look, if you won't give something 30 minutes a day, it don't matter to you. Just be honest. Like any good parent will tell you this. Like if you don't spend 30 minutes with your kids a day, I mean, good luck in having that connection. Good luck in forging that future. Good luck in helping that person feel loved and supported. I mean, if something is important to you, you give it time. Is it true? So if this idea is important to you, immediately mindset. This is what I immediately do. 30 minutes. And if it's a completely new idea, it's got to get at least 30 minutes. If I want it to actually come true. And it's important. From the time I set the idea, the next day, it gets 30 minutes. Big new idea. Must do it if it's important to me, the next day, it gets 30 minutes. Not four years from now. Like, right now, I have a big partnership I'm working on. Like, it completely came into my life, totally interrupted my life. I don't have any time. But it's important. I found 30 more minutes a day. Right? 30 more minutes is easy to find for everybody. People don't think they can. It's possible. I just had a friend, and I get in a huge argument over lunch about this. Not Everybody can find 30 minutes. And I'm like, who can't find 30 minutes more a day? Like, show me which. A little more discipline, a little more planning and preparation. Who can't find 30 more minutes a day? Well, you know, I'm busy, and I have all these things you don't understand. I'm like, okay, walk me through your day. Well, I have to get up. I got to get everything, you know, get the kids ready for work. I got to get in the car. I got to commute. That commute's an hour every single day. I can't take away that. I got to do this and this and this. And I'm like, well, what if you didn't drive? What do you mean? Well, what if you didn't drive the car so that your focus and attention could be doing something else? Well, I got to do the commute. I don't know. I've noticed that a lot of cars have a passenger seat, and some of them even have a back seat. And if you sit in one of those, you don't have to do this. And I just got you an hour a day. So many people are so. They believe so deeply that they are managing their time so great. I'm like, no. Most people have so much free time, they have no idea. It's that they are distracted and unprepared or addicted to consuming that they're losing little pieces. And especially here in the United States, you guys have heard me rail on this. The average American, four hours of television a day. Don't tell me you don't have 30 minutes a day. I don't know anyone who can't find 30 more minutes a day for a great new idea that can change their life. You got a new idea that can change your Life. Find your 30 minutes every single day. Number two, remember the first output rule. First output rule says this. You've got a big new dream, big new goal. Big New idea. Don't think that you have to do what we've all been taught, which is begin with the end in mind. Because sometimes you don't know what the end in mind is, but you know the first step. So what I tell people is like, I got a big new idea. I go, great. What's the first output that you would have to create on that immediately? What's like the first output that would start you on the path? I don't know. Okay, figure that out. First step. First output, right? First step is not the research. What's the first output? Let me give you an example. When I began my career, I said, one day I'm gonna do video courses. And in mine, you can do online courses. That was the big idea. I, Brendan Burchard, am going to do online courses. Guess what I didn't do? I didn't say, well, I better figure out the whole curriculum for all the courses for the rest of my life. Begin with the end in mind. Didn't do that. I said, what's the first step that would allow me to start doing that? Okay, first step, get in front of camera. Teach and post it on the Internet. That's the first output. One teaching video on the Internet. So I went and I got my stupid little, at the time, flip video camera. Some of you guys know about those. Got a flip video camera. I duct taped it to a box. I put on my cleanest shirt at the time, and I stared at the camera and I taught and I pulled off the flip video camera and I spent four hours uploading it on the Internet. You remember that? Probably not, but you remember that? Yeah. Upload, upload, upload, upload. And then it wouldn't play because it wouldn't stream fast enough. But I spent the time, the first output to me, building an online course. Empire one video. What's your first output? Do that now. That's how you maintain momentum. The reason people don't stick to their habits is because they're waiting to create the output someday. I'm like, what's the first output? Do it. That's the thing to work on right now. When you got that 30 minute daily block, work towards that first output. Because you get the first output, you got real momentum. You get the first output, your dream, your idea is realized, it's tangible. It's like, oh, I did that thing. First output. If you don't know the first output of what you have to create, you don't even have a dream. You don't even have a fully thought out idea. First output, make it, do it, create it, post it, do the thing. That's it. I want to write a book, Brendan, but I don't know what the whole book is. I'm like, great. First output, first page, write it. What do you mean I don't know what the book is? Write the first page. But I don't know what the book is. Write the first page. First output would be the first page of the book, right? Write the first page. But I don't know what the five chapters are. I don't write the first page. See, you don't have to know the whole picture. First step, do the first output. Because you get that first page done, you'll probably get that next page done, you probably get the next page done and you'll start getting clarity of the project. A lot of the creativity of life comes in motion, not beginning in speculation. Okay, next up, number C. 90 day challenge. I can't believe how many people have a big dream or big goal and they don't set up their own 90 day challenge. Like, okay, what's your first output? Good job, appreciate you, but you got 30 minutes every single day in 90 days. Where are we? 90 days, 3 months, let's go. Because see what most people are, they're scared to commit to the big idea and dream. And I go, oh, don't commit the first big idea. Dream not for life. Just like you won't ruin your life forever. Don't commit to your new idea or dream forever. I need 90 days. Give me 90 days, man. Commit to that thing. 90 days and get at it for 90 days. Reevaluate after the 90 days where you're at. Don't think. See, most people don't take an action because they think, well, I'll have to do this action forever. Just like they worry I'll be ruined forever. There's no forever. There just isn't. There's just now. None of us are guaranteed anything. So if what we have is right this moment and we're looking into the future and we're working towards that, Good job. In 90 days, where are you? That's it. What'd you do in 90 days? Did you lose five pounds? Great. You don't have to say, I'm going to be completely life transformed. I'm going to have six pack abs and still drink pina coladas on the beach with 40 people in bikinis around me. No, no, no, no, no, dude, lose five pounds, you got 90 days. Go like, just set the 90 day challenge for yourself and get at that and then worry about the next series of goals after that. So if you've got a big idea or dream and you're really committed to it, commit to a 90 day challenge. And what does that mean for you? Specifically? What's going to happen at the end of 90 days? How you think, how you feel, how you move, what you achieve, what outputs are created. Get really clear on those types of things. You'll be so happy you did. Without these things, there is no idea into action. There is no momentum. It's why you didn't stick to your habit, because you didn't give it 30 minutes a day. You didn't stick to your habit because you didn't even know what you were supposed to do. You didn't stick to your habit because you didn't at least set a time period that was realistic for yourself, that was doable. D you got to have your drop list. There is no new idea in your life without a drop list of things to stop doing a drop list. I'm dropping these things. I am not doing these things. I'm saying no to these things. I'm getting this off the agenda. I'm letting that responsibility go. Well, it's the things you aren't going to do that help you do the things that you're going to do. So you got to spring clean a little bit. If you got new dreams in your life, spring clean, what are you going to stop doing? I'm very, very, very disciplined about this. For me personally, I have one of my own personal practices. On the 1st of every month, I make my drop list. Every month. Not once a year, every month I go, okay, this month, what do I need to drop? Because inevitably, you know, I'm moving so fast. I pick up new things I'm doing all the time, right? Some new idea, new dream, new thought. Because I'm trying to innovate, I'm trying to be upfront, I'm trying to lead, I'm trying to change things. And then what ends up happening is throughout the month, other people also do what other people give you responsibilities, give you ideas, give you programs. They're adding onto your plate. All month long, you're collecting a bigger and bigger plate, right? Some. Some months I start, I go, okay, well, this month I'm gonna do these five new things. And the end of that month I realize, you know, I'm not gonna be able to maintain five. I'm gonna drop two of them. I'll stick with three, but I can't do all five. That's A drop list without a drop list, I have no idea how you can keep adding new things. Make sense? Some of the biggest breakthroughs in our life is when we just stop doing the things that we know aren't right for us. Next up, big important one, the Friday friend status call. Everything that we know from goal setting comes back to sociology. If you don't have someone you're doing something with actively, if you don't have an accountability partner, you don't have a coach, you don't have a friend you go to lunch with, or someone you talk it through, then the odds of that happening for you are so low. Because you know what? We're social beings. We need processing time with other people. And the more processing time we have, usually the more progress we get, right? It's why therapy is so powerful and unlocking people or coaching so powerful and unlocking people. It's like, oh, I'm processing. Oh, I'm getting distinction, I'm getting more progress. You need that Friday friend status call if you got a big new goal or dream. All I want you to do every Friday at the end of the day, literally 5 minute, 10 minute, 15, 30 minute call, whatever it is, pick it up, call your friend and say, I did this this week, struggled with this. This worked, that went well. You now you go, how did you do? And just. You got one person in your life every week you're talking about momentum with. I don't care if it's your mom. I prefer this as a human. So not the cat, but a human that you, every single week, you talk through things with, like, where are you? I don't care if it's a librarian. I don't care if it's your social worker. I don't care if it's your brother. I don't care who it is. It can be the stranger across the street. Don't talk to strangers if you're PG13. But everybody else have that conversation and just on a Friday go, hey, man, this is where I'm at. Because if you won't do that, I promise if you don't socialize your learning, you will not achieve your dreams. You must socialize. What am I learning? Where am I at? How's it going? What am I struggling with? You got to ask for help. But you need a consistent basis. Big dreams require weekly check ins. Write it down. Big dreams require weekly check ins. So who's going to be your weekly check in? Accountability coach? Friend, mentor? Who every week check in? And if you're like, well, I don't know anybody. Everybody hates me. You know what? Go on your Facebook page every Friday at 5 and go, this is what I learned this week. This is what I tried. What did you guys try? And all the people who make fun of you, delete them. And everybody else say, good for you. So easy. Life's very simple. Next, create motivation triggers. When I walked in this door today, it's the same when I walk in the doors of my conference rooms, when I'm doing my seminars, that when I usually my doorway trigger, meaning that's what a motivation trigger is. A trigger is something physical or tangible happens, and you attach either a statement or an action to it. Okay? Trigger is something tangible that you say or do when something else happens. So when I walk through a door, and that's every door of my life, I walk through a door, my mind almost always says, because I'm just conditioned it over and over and over doing this. I walk through the door, my mind says, I am a happy man entering this space, ready to serve. I'm a happy man entering the space, ready to serve. It's been since I was like 20 years old one because I always want to remind myself I'm happy. I have so much to be grateful for. So do you. So how are you reminding yourself that you're grateful, that you're happy, that you're good? And then I remind myself, I'm entering the space, ready to serve, not hoping to serve, not maybe one day I'll deserve to serve. I'm ready right now. Whatever. I know I believe in my ability to figure things out. I'm ready to serve now. I don't need permission. I don't need more money. I don't need more team. I'm ready to. Whatever I got, I'm ready. Let's go. I don't need new things, more things, better things, tons of things. I'm ready to serve right now. Let's go. I'm not ever waiting to provide service to the world, ever. You don't have to have the big stuff, the fancy stuff. Just go. I didn't have big, fancy cameras and lights and fancy big flip charts when I started this. It was me in a really dirty shirt with the thing, the buttons too hung open. Like, you know, it's like. It was so nasty and gnarly and bad. It was awesome, and I was ready to start. You don't have to have everything. I was watching this documentary recently on Usain Bolt, one of the greatest. Well, he is the greatest sprinter of all time, right? And you See the scene of him and he's doing sprints in a field with like this sort of little belt tied around his waist, tied to a chain, tied to, you know, we would call it a weight sled, but you could barely call it that. A little metal sled where you put on like, you know, weights, like 45 pound weight from it, like lifting. And it's like. So he would sprint with this little things. When you go to the NFL or I work with my major teams, they usually got the fancy sleds, these longer sleds that glide when you take off that release proportionate amount of tension along with the weight as you speed up. Like very fancy contraptions. Now this dude, the best ever is down in Jamaica in a hotel field with this huge belt on with like one coach, not 12 coaches, one coach standing there next to him. He ties this thing and when he takes off, this thing is bouncing along behind him. It's like the. Just like you're like. And he's the world's best because he's not waiting to have everything to train. He's training. I'm not waiting to have everything to serve. I'm serving so many of my people. Well, one day when I have a following, I'll post some stuff. I'm going to start posting stuff now. One day when I'm ready, I'll put myself. No, there is no one day to be ready. You're ready now. Go. It is a mindset you must have. You're ready to go. So that's one of my triggers. Walk through a door. I'm entering the space as a happy man ready to serve. Let's go. That's just one trigger. I have all sorts of other triggers. I have different doorway triggers. When I walk in my house, I say something a little different to myself then when I walk into my office. But other triggers I have when a door closes in a car. Every time a door closes in a car, I say something else to myself. When I walk into my office, I take a first action that triggers momentum for me. Like you need to have first actions or space triggers that help you stay your best. They're ultimately all geared towards one thing. How can you remind yourself to be at your best? And how do you use physical objects, time periods, situations to get yourself there? That's the question. That's your job. These are motivation triggers. Because if you're not triggering yourself, the world's doing it for you. And if the world's doing it, you know what the world's going to Trigger you towards angst, outrage, distraction, consumption. It's not going to trigger you towards you being your best self. So if you didn't maintain your habits this year, go on my YouTube channel and type in the word, you know, type in the power of habits and you'll see a video that will teach you how to set some more of those examples. Right? If you look in a mirror, you should have a mirror trigger. See a reflection of yourself, say something to yourself. I know that sounds like just like positive thinking kind of stuff. And you know what it is, because what's the alternative? Stupid thinking, negative thinking, scarcity thinking? You need to have a little bit more triggers set up to make you work. And sometimes if it's not just you, get somebody else to do it, get a coach to do it, a mentor to do it, a friend to do it. But you need to be triggered to be your best. How are you currently triggering yourself to be your best? Many of you know, you've been with me for years. You know, we kind of now everybody does it, but we were the first one to do it. When the smartphone came out and the first alarm was available to be set a label, I created this training and put it out about saying, hey, use this alarm label on your phone to send yourself reminders to tell you to be awesome. Put your three words in here that pop up and remind you who to be. Use this as a trigger to be your best instead of a box of consumption. Because this can be a weapon for good or a weapon that takes you into distraction. But it's up to you. Just like the rest of life, self reliance, it's up to you. Hey, it's Brendon jumping back in here again. Are you looking to go to the next level in your life right now? The next level of joy, abundance, success. Then you already know that you need to journal about your lessons learned in your life. You got to track your moods and your habits. You have to learn from the best personal development coaches and teachers in the world. And you got to stay inspired and accountable so that you can be more focused, disciplined, joyous, and keep growing. That's what the Growth Day app is going to help you to do, my friend. It's the world's first all in one personal development app. It has all of the tools you need, all the coaching and the community that you need to level up to progress every week, to track your breakthroughs and to keep growing in every area of your life consistently over the long term. So go start your transformation right now at Growth Day. Or just download the Growth Day app on your phone right now. Every day. You can keep improving every day. We are here for you. And every day is truly a great day to grow together. So let's make self improvement a way of life. Let's make that self improvement stick. Go to growthday.com right now. How do you reignite your life? You know, if you're, like, ready for a big change or you just want more vibrancy and more pop and more joy and more energy into your life so that you can actually feel happy about life, how do you do it? Especially if you've been through, like, a dark period of time and you're just like, I really, I just want to turn back on. You know, maybe you've come through a breakup or a divorce or you started a new business or you just recognize, like, hey, for the last six months, you've kind of sucked. You know, life has just not been good. It's just been, like, upsetting. And you're like, I need something new. I need to revivify. You know, you're at a place where you're like, I just need some new pop in my life. Brendan, how do I reignite? Well, some of you guys know I did a whole course on this with the Oprah Winfrey Network back in the day. But I've been really thinking about it lately because so many people are asking, like, okay, I feel like so much negativity. I want more positivity and joy in my life. But I also need a change because a lot of people right now, they're in transition. You know, they had this part of their life and now the career change, and they're like, oh, I'm in this part of my life, and they want to do it better. So this still applies to you. So how do you reignite your life? I got four big ideas. I call it the four Ps. Okay? The first way to reignite your life is not to have a midlife crisis and become a metaphor. Okay? What I mean is that most people, what they do is they think, well, I must have to move. I got to move to a whole new location. I see, Brendon, you move to Puerto Rico. It's great. I guess I got to move my life. No, my life was already ignited. I didn't have to move somewhere to find it. You don't have to be in a new relationship, start a new career, move to that new town. Often when we want to reignite our life, we look for these big things. Well, I'll feel Good. When I win the lottery, where that perfect thing happens, you're waiting for that perfect thing to happen in order to feel good. And that makes you a novice in personal development. And I say that with all respect because we all do that at some point. I can recognize time in my life. I'm like, brendon, why didn't you feel better at that stage of your life? Because I wasn't using my mind. Well, and so I learned that if you want to reignite your life, don't think it has to be this big, abrupt, sudden, crazy change. Those can be great. But if those aren't well thought out, it becomes a train wreck and a midlife crisis versus an intentional new way of being. Because, listen, that's how you reignite your life. An intentional new way of being. And that's what these four P's are really going to be about, a new way of being for you. We don't have to change your marriage or your career. I'm not saying those things might not need to change, but you can reignite your life by starting with these four P's. The first P is presence. Learning to be more present in the moment, more mindful and appreciative of what you already have that you've been missing. So many people think that they need something new to make them feel good. When I'm like, but didn't you see what your child just did? How cute was that? Or didn't you just notice that you do have more abundance than 50% of the world? Didn't you notice that today went by? No one shot at you, Nobody tried to stab you. Didn't you understand that today there was no crime in your house? Like, if that's true for you, you're lucky. And what happens is we lose our perspective and we become people who are always attached to the next moment or the previous moment and we're not here. And I've always found that when you can learn to get in this moment and you can breathe and use your breath to engage in this moment and you can notice the small things in this moment and just be in the moment that when I'm here in the now, in this moment, I will always be happier. I will always notice things. I will always feel a sense of connection with life. The reason a lot of people are unhappy and they feel like they have to reignite it's is because they become disconnected. They become disconnected with themselves. They become disconnected in their relationship, they become disconnected in their career. And the only thing they're connected to Anymore is their phone, right? The only time there's any presence when they're like, ah. And they've lost presence with the moment, with this breath, with this joy of being alive. Like, I hope that you realize that the ultimate way to reignite your life is to first have reverence for life. And if you have reverence for life, you connect with the moment. You have fun with the moment. You dance with the moment. It's all here. It's already here. You're already alive. You already won the lottery of this crazy cosmos that all these billions of cells aligned perfectly to make you right now, please. You forgot this moment. You forgot the magic of now. And you're looking for tomorrow to make you happy when it's right here. It's a choice, it's a decision, it's an intention. It's a reconnection with the moment each day. Stop going through the day, going through the motions. Reconnect with the minute. Take notice of your breath. Take notice of what you're paying attention to. Appreciate the small things. Be present now, because trust me, if you can't learn to be present now where you don't feel like life is going great, when it becomes great, you won't notice either. Trust me, I coach some of the highest level people in the world and I always find this to be true. They have everything and they're still not happy because they never trained themselves in the practice of presence. The second P that I think is so critical is people engagement. And that is if you want to reignite your life. The way to do that is in your current relationships. The people you already interact with, the people you already love, the people you already lead, the people you already work with. I want you to reengage them again. You got distracted and you thought that you know everything about them. You don't know a lot about your wife, your husband, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. The people who you're working with, they are infinitely complex. But what you do is you shorthand them. You kind of like take them for granted. You stop asking them the questions, you stop engaging them deeply and without depth in relationships, we'll never feel like life has its pop. Life has its pop. When you're in a relationship with people and it's this deep and real and curious thing that you honor the mystery in other people enough that you ask them questions, that you explore what they think, what they feel, what they need, what they desire. That curiosity with other people lights you up, man. But you take them for granted because you've been around them For a while. Yeah. You know your kids. Yeah. You know your husband. Yeah. You know your friends. But you don't. And once you accept that, it becomes like a curious thing again. I mean, think about all of the vibrancy and the pop that you had at the beginning of your relationship with somebody. Remember those first couple weeks of dating. It was just like magic and fire because you're learning so much about the person and you're just like, oh, I learned this about the person. You tell your friends, oh. And she's like this. And he's like, that is so cute. It's because you were curious about them. You didn't pretend you know everything. But so many of us take our relationships for granted. And we're missing the very thing right in front of us. Just like presence. It's right in front of you. The people in your life are there to make your life come alive. You forgot that there are tool for that. There are ends, there are means. They're an experience. They are there with you and for you in your life to make life have pop. And don't blame them if they're not giving you that, because that's what we do. Well, she's just negative. She's terrible. They don't support me, Brendan. Yes, I understand, and that might be true. But if you haven't fully tried to re engage them and been present with them, don't expect them to do it for you. So first, take ownership. Ask. Have I really poured myself into these relationships? Getting to know these people and diving deep? I mean, think about when someone does move to a new town. Why is it so magical? New people they can ask questions to and get to know? Well, they had people at their house too, but they forgot to do that. So I hope that makes sense. Re engage the people around you. There is vibe and pop there like you just can't even imagine. Third P is probably not. It's not a sexy one, I got to tell you. It's planning. Planning. The reason a lot of people want to reignite their life is because they're frustrated with where they are. They're not having the momentum behind them. They recognize they have unbelievable potential and they have not been able to activating it. And why? Because they have been leaving their growth, they have been leaving their momentum. They have been leaving their goals to randomness. Let's just see what happens every day. See what happens every day. See what happens every day. See what happens. And if every day is. I guess I'll just see what happens. Guess what the odds Are in a month, nothing happened. Two months, nothing happened again. Because the world is good at letting you sit on your laurels. The world is good at it passing you by and not bringing new opportunities. Yes, sometimes we're lucky and new things come into our lives and changes us. But often we've got to architect that. We have to strategize it, we've got to structure it, and we've got to schedule it. Baby, you have to think about that. You have to take back the. The strategy and the structure and the scheduling for you to get ahead. What does this mean? It means planning. It means I need to be able to show up in your house. You need to be able to open up your laptop or show me on a wall somewhere on a piece of paper at the kitchen table. Here's my plan, Brendan. Here's what I'm excited to do, even if all that shows me is what's my ideal day look like. I'm trying to work towards that every day, Brendan. It doesn't have to be your. Your mission to go to Mars. It can just be like, here's what an ideal day would look like for me. I'm going to hit it. More often than not, it's just a plan. And without a plan, without knowing what your next month is about, we end up going month to month to month, flailing about. And then one day we're going, I'm kind of miserable, and I don't know why. I'm like, I know why. Because you're the same as you were five years ago. And we all have within our heart and our soul. And the growth imperative, it's in us. By biology, evolution, God, whatever you want to call it, we are meant to grow and to try to reach the rim of our full potential. But that can't be done without some planning. So think about, what do you want next month? What does your ideal days look like? What are the big goals and projects you want to work towards? Bust them down, put them in the calendar, start building knowledge, skills, and ability to be able to achieve those faster. That's getting you a little momentum because momentum makes life come back to full color. Got it. Other idea I think is really important is that as you're striving towards this, the fourth P is peaceful progress. One reason that people want to reignite their life isn't just because they didn't get where they wanted to be. One reason often is because where they got, they can't sustain it and they don't want to do it that way anymore. They burnt themselves out, they hustled themselves in the ground. They ground and ground and ground. And they were in the grind philosophy. And they cheated their relationships, they cheated their health, they cheated their joy, they stole away their presence because the way they were striving was not present, but also was not peaceful. You got to meet life with peace. Yes, there's that warrior part of us. Yes, there's that grind part of us. But if you ground yourself into exhaustion, that's why you feel like you need to reignite. That's why people love to go away to a week long detox somewhere because they're like, I need to turn off the phone, I need to eat healthier, I need to work out, I need to take care of myself. Because self care is, is part of peaceful progress. To take care of yourself as you are striving isn't a luxury, is a necessity for long term performance. As many of you guys know, I conducted the world's largest study that's ever been done on high performers, which are essentially the top 15% of the most accomplished people in any field, any art, any endeavor. And these top 15% people aren't superhuman. But one thing they are doing is they are striving more satisfied. They are joyous on their journey, they are happy with the path, they're not waiting for the destination or the outcome. And they're not grinding themselves in the ground every day with work. Rather, they're peaceful. There's a sense of centeredness to how they are proceeding through life. You ever meet somebody like that, they walk in the room and they're just so grounded and so centered and so peaceful. And you're like, gosh, I wish I had some of that. You got to practice yourself into that. So for some of you who just, you feel like, always stress, always anxiety, always frustration, always nervousness, always like hustle, hustle, hustle. Jeez. Please teach yourself to meditate. Simple. Close your eyes 20 minutes a day, 5 minutes a day, 10 minutes a day, and just release your thoughts and release the tension in your body. If you need a training on that, just Google me on YouTube and type in release meditation technique. The release meditation technique. I have a whole other video just like this where I teach how to meditate. Two million people have learned to meditate. For me, I'm super honored by that. It's something simple that can give you a daily break from all the noise in your head, that can steal away your presence, steal away your connection with other people, steal away the motivation to pursue all that planning that you did. Because listen, you could do all those things, but if you're completely hectic, freaked out, anxious, upset all the time and you're exhausted, there is no way. We cannot reignite your life without managing your self care better. And I know you know all these things, but this is my invitation to you to explore. Or are you leaving any of this? Have you forgot your presence? The deep connection you have with people? Have you not been planning and have you been progressing just with just like all the time versus joy? You deserve to have a vibrant, joyous, connected, excellence filled life. That's what we all want. We all want that next level of experience. We all want to reignite and feel alive and have that fire inside. So try these four practices. See if they help you share this video Build a community of people who are positive, who are enlightened, who are conscious, who are excited about life. Because that will also help you reignite it all My friends, how do you deal with negative people? Now wait a second, don't jump anywhere because maybe you think you know the answer to this, but I have a different take on it. Because you know what? Today it's very popular for people to tell you, well just get rid of negative people. Never be around them. Just be around positive people all the time. But what happens when the negative person is your spouse or your brother or your sister or that guy at work you have to sit next to every day? Dude, what do you do when real life is here and we're not in some la la land of personal development where everybody's positive and perfect? Because you and I both know there are people out there who are very critical who will be harsh with you, who will try to find every little thing they can to comment about you, or they're always complaining about the weather or the news and just their energy makes you want to just like repel. That's real. And sometimes you can't get rid of those people. And sometimes, in my personal opinion, I don't know, somehow the advice of just get rid of everything in life that you don't like seems a little weak willed, if you know what I mean. You know, it's just like, gosh, yes, it's wonderful that we have this new modern age of ease and convenience and there are lots of options for us. But you know, we also have to develop our character. So let me tell you my thoughts about number one thing you should do when you got to deal with negative people. Use it. Use their energy. Use that energy they put out there. Use that challenge for your Own character development, really. See, when I have someone's negative around me, I don't sit there and I don't become a victim. Oh, gosh, they're such negative. I don't go home and assume their energy, and now I'm negative. Instead, I go, you know what? This is a moment to test. Am I really in command of my emotions and how I think? Or are they? Am I giving my power over to the world so that they can just take my energy and turn it to what they want? Or am I in charge so I use it as a challenge, not as something I don't have to challenge or change them immediately. I'll get to that point, but I get to the point where I say, you know what? Huh? Here's a little challenge the world's throwing at me right now. Can I stay on my game? Can I stay centered? Can I stay peaceful? Can I stay calm? Can I stay present right here, right now and not have to run away from it, not have to pretend it's not there, but use it? And I encourage you to do that. Because if it's just something that you immediately complain about, well, then in your complaint, you just let them win. Their negativity has turned you into noticing what is negative, and you lost. You're not winning. Even if you can critically, you know, throw a barb at it, make fun of it, you're still losing. You're being sucked into their pools of pessimism. You're drowning. So I say use it. Recognize it and use it second. I say this. Empathize. You know, a lot of people who are being in a negative mood or negative energy, you don't know why. You know, you've had a bad day, too. You've been rude. Yes, I know. You're amazing, and you watch this show and you're really into personal development. But at the end of the day, you've been rude to people, too. You've had a bad day, you snapped. You've been impatient, you've hollered. You've been a jerk when you shouldn't have been. You know it. Well, other people do, too. So when somebody is negative, always wonder. I wonder what happened today that led to that. You know, maybe the kids got out the wrong side of bed and they were just horrible that morning. And that person didn't sleep last night. Maybe something happened with their family. Maybe on the way to the work, they just thought of something very depressing in their past. Maybe the truth is, right now, they're so unclear about who they are. And what they want in life that they're taking out on other people, maybe their own failures, their own struggles, their own disappointment. Disappointments have ravaged them and led them to, you know, depression, led them to mental disorder. The reality is we never know someone's story. And once you can teach yourself that I really believe you become a better human. You become more compassionate, you're better at listening, you're better able to understand because you have the intention to sympathize and say, oh, that person are really in a bad place right now. You don't take ownership of that, say, well, I didn't cause it. You just say simply, ah, they're in a bad place. I hope they're okay. You know, I think it's a real, true personal power to be able to walk by negative people and still say, I wish you nothing but joy and health and strength and love in your life. To have that hope for people even when they're in a bad place. That's humanity. I would say number three, go for it, shift it. It's one of my favorite games I play in my entire life. When there's a group of people around me and they're in a negative energy, I love to try and shift it. Not by telling them they're in a bad energy, but by trying to introduce humor, trying to introduce something, you know, pointing out something that I'm grateful for, that I appreciate, making fun of the situation, teasing, making fun of myself. Whatever I need to do. I take it as a challenge to, how can I say something stupid that makes them kind of shift their energy? I call it leveling up. So it's like when you're around a group of people and their energy is down here, can you level up? Not by accosting them and saying, your energy sucks, I hate you, but instead by introducing the positive into that negative situation. Because you'll find that if you'll do those first couple steps, you know, you really focus on using that situation to test yourself and that you're still empathetic. Then when you come in and you try to shift it, it's just like, wow, you'll really develop people skills. You'll really develop the ability to lead. You'll really develop the ability to start movements, to make a difference. Because nothing shifts the world more than you shifting your energy to complement or to serve the world. So give it a try. Try to shift that energy. And last piece, which I think is really, really important, is do not fear making the request saying to somebody straightforward, you know, especially if they're negative all the time around you. Don't blame them. Don't be mean to them. Don't belittle them. Don't hit them with negative energy. Instead, make a request. Say this, say, you know what, I've just been having a hard time lately with my energy. And I know sometimes, you know, you're in that place too, and, you know, there's a lot going on that's negative and everything, but can I ask you a favor? Could you just play a game with me and just try to be like, you know, attentive to your energy and be positive with me just for me. I know you're good and you got your own stuff. Just wondering, could you help kind of just increase the energy around here for a little while? I've noticed the team needs it. I've noticed the kids need it. I've noticed that I'm having a tough time and I know you can help me out. And, you know, I just feel like the energy around here is too negative sometimes. I contribute to that. And I know you have your tough times, but I wonder if together we could just say, you know what, let's be a little bit more positive. Could we try and just enroll them? Don't blame them. Don't minimize them. Enroll them. Try these ideas. I know it's difficult when somebody who's in your family or somebody who you work with every day or somebody who you care about isn't as positive as you, but you don't have to throw them out like yesterday's garbage. Okay, my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Brendon Show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity, right? So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag growthday. That's growthday because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcasts on Apple Podcasts. Give us some stars, cheer us on, Leave a review. Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today, please remember, you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance.

Every day is a great day to grow.

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