3 Ways to Communicate Mindfully

I've learned in my life, and many of you have to. Everything's about intention. Like, what is the intention of my communication with this person? And I believe there's three intentions we have to set. Okay, so this is where my idea is. You got to set intention for learning, honoring, and improving. Okay? This is all one point. So please write this down. Set an intention for learning, honoring, and improving. This is my modus operandi. When I sit down with somebody. My whole thing in sitting down with people. And this is not just my coaching career, this is life. Like, if we go to like breakfast together, right? Go to lunch together, hang out. My whole mode is I want to learn about this person. Notice I don't say I. I want to show I'm awesome. No, I want to learn about this person. Meaning, has learning been your primary mode of operation with your spouse recently? Has learning been your primary mode of operation with that team member? Has learning been your primary mode of operation in communicating to groups or when you're talking with your partner or that person who you love? Is it always just about? You got to tell them what you need. You got to tell them what the to do list is. You got to tell them what the agenda is. And you live in communication land. That is what I call agenda based, not learning based. Some people only talk at their kids. We're doing this, this, this, this, and this. But they never learn from their kids. So it's a different relationship. Right? Agenda based communication, which is usually to do list, what are we doing, where we're going, versus the first primary thing is learning. And I think this is so important. If we can just shift everything. Listen. I always tell people, listening skills without the very primary intention of learning is just a tactic. Does that make sense? I know in like junior varsity levels of conversation about communication, be a great listener. Well, what does that mean? Well, the intention is to learn. Listening is one of the vehicles for that. Anybody? Anybody? Can I get an amen on a Sunday? We gotta learn from each other again and be open to learning from each other. Instead of going at each other with our political agenda, going at each other with our to do list, going to each other with our value ethic. Like, we stopped learning from each other as a culture. And that's how you get tribalism and division at the epic levels we face worldwide now. Because the intention to learn from another went out the window and the intention to persuade or argue at or accuse other people went up. Right? So let's remember setting the intention for learning. Think about this. If your Umbrella. Intention is to have ambition. I want great relationships, and I want to learn from others. That frames every method, every tactic, and every principle underneath. Okay, learning. Here's the other one. Honoring. I love this one. Very few people talk about this, so I think it's important in a relationship, in your communication. Your communication style should be honoring of other people. What does that mean? Honoring means you hear what they say, you reflect it back. You honor that. That's a great idea. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you. I really value that you shared that. I respect that you're participating right now. I'm thankful that we're having this conversation. Also saying very simple things like, I appreciate you did this. Good job at that. Honoring the other person so they feel heard, valued, respected, and appreciated. Honoring the other person so they hear. They feel heard, valued, respected, and appreciated. That's like, everything, right? How good have you been at honoring your partner, your spouse, persons that you care about? If your parents around have been speaking to them and honoring their difficulties this year? The people who you love in your life, your family, have you been honoring their unique and difficult journey through what is a crazy and wild year? I mean, think about your last 10 major conversations. Were you honoring of the other? Now, my bet is in our community here, you do, but this is a very key principle in your communication patterns with other people. Is learning there as your intention? Is honoring the other there as intention? Even when I go into a place where I know I'm gonna have a conflict with someone, my whole mindset should make sure they feel honored and respected in this process. Make sure they feel that. Honor them. Honor them for showing up. Honor them for trying. Honor them for a good job when they do a good job. Honor them for sharing their voice. Honor them for participating. Honor them for giving you the time of day. Really, like, if we can remember the value of each relationship, everything can change. All right, so our intention is for learning, honoring, and the last thing is improving. You want the most advanced communication skill in the history of the world. Try to improve another person's day. Try to improve another person's day. Listen to what they're saying and try to ask questions or give advice when it's sought or share an idea to help them improve their situation, their day, their feeling, their mindset. My mode is, whoever is here, I am here to be of service. Whoever's in front of me, I'm going to try to really learn about them, to honor them as a person and to help them reach whatever goals that they're after. Right? You've heard me say that in my mission statement forever. It's like to help people achieve their goals faster. That's just part of the conversation with me. And I think that's given me great skills with other people because it's taught me how to listen for what they want. So this one, I know I'm belaboring this point, but I think this is so important. You've got to set that intention. I'm going to learn here. I'm going to honor this person. I'm going to help this person improve. I'm going to learn here, honor this person, help them improve. Learn here, honor this person, help them improve. That is, that little triangle of goodness is running in my brain all the time. And that helps me. I don't always get it right. I'm not a perfect communicator, but I think I get paid at the level I do as a coach. I think I have the depth of relationship with my family and my friends the way that I do, because these things are my value ethic. Don't always get it right. Plenty of time, just like you. I can be in a hurry. Plenty of time, just like you. I've got an agenda. Plenty of time, just like anybody else. But we don't always understand people, appreciate them, agree with them, that's okay. But when I lead with these things, I want a great relationship with this person. So I'm going to learn, I'm going to honor them, I'm going to serve them. From that perspective, my odds of having great relationships are way high.