Accepting (and Defining) Reality

This was an interesting question, Brendan. How do I learn to accept reality? This was a question from somebody who wrote in our comments, who was just saying, you know, there's some things I like about my life and there's some things I don't like about my life. And I just feel like I'm. I'm disconnected from it all, and I don't feel present because I'm just not accepting of what's happening around me. I think a lot of people have that experience where they've detached a little bit or they've allowed their presence to dissipate because what is around them might be something they don't like. And so they're not really acknowledging or seeing or sensing what is real. And they're not being able to accept the moment, accept the glories of the moment or the challenge of the moment at all. They're just kind of blocked up a little bit because they only want to see what is comfortable or safe for them. So what can we do? What's the most important thing? Well, believe it or not, my first suggestion is not to just blatantly accept reality. To not just carte blanche, say, well, this is my reality, and to just accept it. Because we have to be careful about what we are accepting. Because what is reality? Right? When you ask people that, we've got to be very careful. Before you accept reality, I say, let's see how you are defining it, attaching meaning to it. Because some people, they'll tell you, oh, my reality is so awful and horrible, and my wife is so crappy, and my kids are little bastards. And, you know, every day it seems just like another day through the slog. But from an outside perspective, you look at their life and you say, what a lucky dude. He's got a wife and some nice kids who are healthy. He's got a job, he's got a house, he's got a car. You know, maybe his reality isn't so bad. It's his attitude that is bad, but he's defining it externally. Does that make sense? So a lot of us end up defining reality in negative ways. When reality is extraordinary and it's abundant and it's got vibe and pop and zest. See, that's how I define my reality. So that's what I experience every day. I see the charged life. I see people's faces and I see them smiling. I see and sense in my own body an incredible amount of engagement, enthusiasm. Even when some days my reality would say, jesus, it's not there. You know, he Lost somebody who's important to him or his business isn't going the way he wanted, or he had a bad day or something is crazy in his life right now. But for me, my reality is defined by my own will, by my own decision about what I want reality to be about. And, and I accept that now. Some people, again, they do that in healthful ways and some people unhelpful ways. If you're oblivious to what is going all around, I mean, it would be ridiculous to be in a war torn area of the world and say, you know, I'm totally safe, I'm totally safe, I'm totally safe. We still have to watch out for ourselves. There's no question about that in some contexts. But we should also recognize that, you know, let's accept what is real based on what we are going to decide is real. That reality is not a fixed thing for any of us. Your reality is not fixed. You can change your perception of your reality anytime you choose to. And that is what gives us an extraordinary amount of personal power in life, but also can really challenge us if we're not careful about it. Because it's very easy to start, you know, saying reality is bad, to start taking the reality of a victim, to take the reality of blaming everybody else. It's very easy to shape and shift our reality into things that we believe to be true when they're not necessarily. And it is our own beliefs and our own faith sometime that can get us in trouble, believe it or not, because our own beliefs can say, ah, reality is terrible, people are bad, the world is bad, I am bad. And so my reality is bad. And defining it in that way, I say don't accept that. If your view and your perspective of reality is not supportive, is not positive, is not charging you with energy and joy and zest each day, it is time to change what you are paying attention to. It is time to change your focal area. It is time to change your very definition of what reality is when what your life is, what your future will be. It is time to redefine your reality if it's not supporting you. And so before you accept anything, look, there's no true acceptance in life without going through a meaningful processing right for us to decide what does this mean to me? So I just say give it empowering meanings. Accept that there are great blessings in life. Accept that there are challenges, but also accept the fact that you yourself can figure things out, that you yourself can move things forward, that you yourself can shape reality. Because if step one is to not accept reality as it's been presented to you by the media, because what if you know or by other people or by your negative impulses or your own fears? If we accepted the world as has been presented to us by the media, every single one of us would go put our head in the sands and we would cry to mama all day long. You know, it's like, look, the media is telling us a very bad story. So if you believe that's true, we also have to ask, well, what's the story you're telling yourself about your reality? And is it something that is empowering you, encouraging you, drawing enthusiasm and charge from you? If not, redefine it and find something better and more empowering to accept. Second, then we need to shape it. We need to bring the full force of our attention and our will into shaping the reality that we want to experience our. Even if it's as simple as, well, Brenda, but I asked you this question because I just want to accept reality so I can find more peace in life. I'm like, great, then shape a peaceful reality. Wake up in the morning, say some things to yourself to experience peace. Go throughout the day breathing the way you would breathe if you were having a reality that was peaceful. Meditate the way you would meditate if you were having a reality that was peaceful. Respond to chaos and, and circumstances and people in a way that is peaceful. In other words, start making reality bend to the will that you have of what you desire of life. You want to have enthusiasm? Bring up the enthusiasm. I always say, you know, the power plant doesn't have energy. It transforms and generates energy. Well, the same thing for us. We don't have a specific reality. None of us do. Reality is infinite, but it's also arbitrary, based on our own meaning. That gives us power to say, well, if there is no reality yet, then let me transform the energy around me. Let me generate through my own will, my own attention, my own actions, my own habits, my own routines, the relationships I choose to have, the work I choose to do. Let me start shifting and shaping and creating and generating the reality of I want to accept and I want to live in. Now, does this mean that we can't accept some things that we don't like? Of course we can. Part of the great maturity of life, and I bet part of the intention of this question is to say, well, can I learn to accept the negative things too? And I would say, well, certainly you can learn to accept reality when it's presented. Look, when you lose a father or a mother, that's real. That reality happened that they are no longer here physically in the moment, present with you. That's okay to accept. And it's important to say, okay, they're gone now. Now what am I going to be about now? How will I choose to remember them? How will I choose to honor them? How will I choose to raise my own family? How will I choose to carry on my work? How will I choose? How will I choose? How will I choose? And in sharing that with you, I say, yes, we can accept everything, but. But we all still must also choose the next step, the next thought, the next belief, the next behavior. Because what a lot of people do is they accept a negative and it's okay, they accept it. What I'm trying to do is, yes, accept it, but don't absorb any negative stuff from it over a period of long time, right? Don't say, well, that negative thing happened to me. That's real. So now I am negative, my life is negative, and I'm just gonna drown in this pool of pessimism about negativity, right? I would rather you say, okay, this thing happened. How am I going to choose to deal with that as if I was dealing with that for my best self, for my highest self? How would my highest self take this reality, accept it as it's needed to acknowledge it and then transform it and utilize it to generate the reality that I want? That is what will give you that personal power. That is what will help you accept the negative, but will help you shape the future positive. And I think when we start doing both those things, we start to feel a different level of control, a different level of joy, a different level of acknowledgement, appreciation, acceptance of what is. As we continue to shape what we desire. I hope that all makes sense. And I hope you put those things into practice. No matter where you're at in life, realize, there you are. Now, what are you gonna do next? As you start to ask that question more often, you start to experience what we call the charge life. Hey, everybody, it's Brendon. Did you enjoy this episode? If you did, would you do me a favor? Just share it with your family, your friends, your loved ones, someone that you care about, your co workers, someone you think could benefit from having this positive message in their life. And if you'd like to hear more from me, just go over to itunes and download my podcast. It's called the Charged Life. And you can also get my book for free@motivationmanifesto.com until I see you next time, go out there every single day of your life. Live fully, love openly and make your difference today.