Are Your Friends Holding You Back?

Are the people around me making me mentally healthier and physically healthier? Because if they're not, I decrease my time. That negativity or that bad behavior, it wears on you. That's time, that's stress, that's tension, it's pressure. They're poisoning your potential. They are taking away your ability to be with other people who could be more healthy. A higher level group feels like it's a gift, a privilege, a blessing to get to give that to other people. Is your peer group making you healthier? Healthier? I think of health is a big picture. Wellness. I think of like, are the people around me making me mentally healthier and physically healthier? I'm always wondering that, are they making me mentally and physically healthier? I always think about that. If someone's making you less healthy, mentally or physically, decrease your time. Why? Because guess what? That negativity or that bad behavior, it wears on you. That's time. That's stress, that's tension, it's pressure. And that weighs you down in all your other relationships. I really believe that it can take just a few people who are negative impact, few people who might be toxic in that way in which they make you think negatively, make you complain more, make you be worse in your behaviors, make you treat people worse. Those people, they're poisoning your potential. They are taking away your ability to be with other people who could be more healthy and help you longer term. Right? There's only so much time. So that's why I say, listen, we can't always choose everybody in our life. They might be there, but we can certainly choose our exposure, our time spent. And of course, there's people we have to give grace to. We got to give grace. It's like they're going through a tough season. We got to be for them, we got to support them. They might not be in a healthy place and we got to be that person who's a, a friend, caregiver, coworker, who champions them and sees them through this difficult time. There's a lot of people in my industry, they, they get cancelled or something awful happens and, and you know, their followers all leave or they get judged or someone just starts hating on them. And, and many times, you know, I got to be there for them and it's uncomfortable, it's difficult, but I'm like, it's just tough season. So you choose to be with them and see them through that. You don't just bail on everybody. But I'm talking about a consistent thing. We're talking about here over A period of time if they're not right for the aspiration you have for your life and your peer group, limit exposure or make them a maintenance friend. Like, talk to them, send them a card once a year, but limit exposure. Is your peer group making you more worldly? The way I think about this is like, they make me more informed about other people, other topics. They're knowledgeable about things I'm not knowledgeable about. They have diversity of opinion that I don't understand or know. They're cultured, they're smart, they have a different perspective. Is your peer group opening you up to the world in some way outside of your little bubble? Diversity and understanding of different cultures, ideas, philosophies. It's why all of you, I really hope that you will have worldly friends who have a other worldly perspective on something. If you're a Republican, I hope you have lots of Democrat friends. If you're a Democrat, we have lots of Republican friends. If you're somebody who is Catholic, I hope you have lots of LDS friends and I hope you have lots of Muslim friends. I hope you're somebody who just like, has a worldly perspective. Because one of the things you want most in the world is to be accepted, to be seen, to belong. Well, so does everyone else. It's just that everyone has different thoughts, beliefs, preferences. And when you understand everyone's got those different things, like, oh, okay, that's cool. It doesn't mean you have to agree. It just means you have to be open. One easy way to become more worldly. If you don't have a peer group that makes you more worldly, start reading more philosophy. Just read about how humans have philosophized about things, about love, life, career, politics throughout the ages, and you'll just like, oh, get perspective. Be a deep reader on history to try to understand how things have happened in the world so that you can get some worldliness to understanding, like what happens outside of your own country. It also makes sure you don't, you know, step on, quote, unquote, you know, verbal landmines because you're uninformed about how other people think about things. You know, there's a reason I've got millions and millions and millions of fans all around the world and I haven't been canceled yet. How is that possible? Well, because I try to learn about the world. I. I try to learn, what are they thinking about, what are they worried about? I might not live there or I might not be from there. How do they think? What have they been through? What's the experience? What's their history? Trying to understand that has made me a little bit more worldly, but allowed me to have more worldly conversations with people, which allowed me to reach people around the globe empowered. Now, let me come back to a couple simple thoughts. Do you receive this from the people around you, but do you also give it? Now, I can tell you this is the one that tilts for me a lot. Like, I think a lot of my social circles, I'm the more empowering person because it's my job, right? I do this with you guys all day long. This is literally all I do. I'm a coach. I'm empowering all day long. It's my life, right? It's what I write, it's what I teach, it's what I do. It's what I think about all the time. It's what I research. It's just like part of my life and I'm sharing that because it's very unbalanced here. It's not that I don't have a peer group that also empowers me, but I also recognize I give more into that department than others because that's my thing. And I also want you to know maybe in one of these areas you feel that you give more. Here's the thing. If you give more in these areas, I don't want you to feel it's unfair. Whoa, hold on, Brennan. We go deep in this reverence stuff for a second. If it becomes about fairness, if it becomes about you have to be equal, I'm here to tell you you are cheating the gift. That is your thing. It doesn't have to be their thing. See, one reason I'm trying to give you lots of different categories is understand not everybody's going to be able to give you anything here and you're not going to be able to give everyone everything here. But there's going to be a few areas where maybe you give more. And if you're that person who gives more, which I assume many of you are being in this community, if you're the person who gives more, never become bitter that you get to give more. If your needs are unmet, you can have that conversation with them. But let me elevate into what a higher level group feels like. A higher level group feels like it's a gift, a privilege, a blessing to get to give that to other people. Gifting or giving into a peer group, soon as that becomes the abundant mentality, what do people like? Let me send them more of that. This Peer group you're going to have is outstanding. It's a whole different, it's a different approach and most people just won't take the time. It's not that we don't all have the intention and I'm sure everything I'm saying, you're like, that's a great idea. The question is, will you will yourself to take the time to do it? I hope I'm approaching this from a different angle than you thought of today. I hope it's hitting you in a different way. For me, it's important for me. I want the people around me to help me feel more faithful. More faithful. Now I actually mean this in two different ways. Some of you will automatically assume like the, the faithful part of my spirituality. I definitely love being around people and contributing and receiving conversations about spirituality. Right about for me, specific, a connection to God and universe. It's huge. I love when people talk about that stuff, anything spirituality. I'm like, oh that's fascinating. That's interesting. Oh, that's an access point. That's the thing. I never thought about that. I love those friends who just, they're encouraging in that way that they give me faith in my own process, capabilities, work, effort. They just something around them. I just feel like I get more faith in myself too. You ever give up on yourself but you had somebody in your peer group encourage you in such a way you got the faith back in who you were. Not just God, but like, I mean a certain strength inside of a faith that you could do it, that you could endure. I love talking with people who give me faith in a good future, faith in myself, faith in the timing of the universe. Those things are all really important to me. It's like, you know, some way they just help cultivate my faith to show up with a positive attitude more often. Do the people around me help me feel more fulfilled. Some of you guys been to our events before and you've met Mel Abraham, one of my dear friends in life. My buddy Adam Coleman, right now. I love you brother. And we've had the blessing of doing over a hundred multi day shows together. These two guys, when I do an event, there's something about them in my life that when we do an event there's just little moments we'll have at the event where we know we're doing something really hard. Events are really hard, but we'll see that, we'll encourage it, we'll celebrate it and you know, we all believe in each other. I know they're going to do a Great job. They know I'm gonna do a great job. That those people, they're very rare. You're going to have a couple of them in your whole life who make you take it in, you know? I was with a friend on tour one time. I was. I did a global tour way back in, like, 2012. I was on this motivational tour around the world. And a friend of mine, I was noticing on that tour, he was just giving a speech. I mean, we were talking thousands and thousands of people in other countries. We were in Johannesburg, we were out in Singapore. We were. We. We were in. Think of the big audiences like Sydney, Copenhagen. We were all around the world, these cities and countries all around there. And I could see it was just kind of the jet lag was hit him. And I talked to 3,000 people, came off stage. It was just kind of like. And I was like, bro. And I grabbed him and I walked him back so he could see the audience. I just pulled him. I go, they're still clapping. Take this in, man. Good job. He still tells that story today. When we're in a group of people, I need you to feel life more. The people around you should make you feel more connection to meaning, purpose, but also take it in, integrate it. Fulfilled. Feeling fulfilled, satisfied, joyous, happy, connected to what you just did. Even if it's just a fist bump from someone going, damn, it means something. You need people like that. It's different, but also be that person. Help people feel fulfilled. The higher you go up in high performers, the less they tend to hear that from someone because everyone just assumes it's there. But often it isn't. For those leaders out there, you got to encourage your leader friends. Those people often don't get that sense of, like, take it in. I want to make sure part of your peer group is making you more skilled at what you do. If you're a public speaker, be around other great public speakers. If you're an online marketer, be around other online marketers. If you're a coach, be around other coaches. I have a friend who's an amazing photographer, and I was talking with him and found out he doesn't hang out with any other photographers. I'm like, you don't know any other great photographers? Like, no, I'm better than most of them. I'm like, you need to. You can't be the smartest person in the room. You need to find a person more skilled with you, because that's what leveling up a peer group means. It's like you're not always the person in the peer group that's the leveled up one. Most of my peer group is leveled up. They're above me. And I don't feel insecure about that. I don't feel imposter syndrome about that. I'm like, I'm pumped to learn from these people. I want you to people that have higher skill than you. Surround yourself with them. How, Brendan, how? Get in their proximity. Ask them those four questions. What do they need? What do they do they love? Who they love to meet? Who do they love the most? Talk to them about that a lot. Send them resources about them a lot. Make those connections a lot. Does my life feel enriched because I'm around this person? Do I feel more enriched around this person? Meaning like life feels like more rich with, especially for me, like, deeper emotions. There's an everyday richness of life. Like life becomes more present or vibrant or deep or meaningful. I don't know where the word enriched was the only word I could come up with, like having them in my life. My life feels enriched because of it. Not rich, wealthy, money, just enriched. I'm lucky to be around them. They have character. Ethan Willis, if you're watching this, you're that guy from your life. Like, life just feels enriched because he's got such character in his life. My life feels enriched because I'm in his proximity. Connected network, meaning I'm going to connect you with people and you're going to connect me. Remember giving and receiving throughout all of these. And if you've been studying with me for a long time, I hope you did score yourself on all of these. I hope you did. Think about the people in your life. Is there anyone who you could give this to? Is there anyone you need to ask this from? Most of the peer groups and the people I meet, I focus on this stuff that takes care of itself. Most networking people tell you just do this to new people. And I'm like, actually start at home, family, friends, team, co workers, current clients, current connections. Do this stuff with more. This takes care of itself. I did this so good in my life that this I. I can call multiple presidents. I can Talk with most CEOs of most companies around the world like, this just happened because I did this. This builds your life, this builds your reputation. This builds the network. I love to have a peer group that's galvanized. Oh, I love that word so much. Hope I spelled it right. Yeah, galvanized. A galvanized group. Here's what that means to me when I talk with one person or the group, I just feel, like, galvanized for life. I feel more motivated, I feel more driven. I feel more excited or aspirational or ambitious, and that the group becomes galvanizing in itself, in which the group goes, we gotta get together more. And when that. Those two things happen, that the individuals in the group all galvanize each other to do better, live better, build better, grow better, make a bigger difference when they do that individually, but as a group, they go, we got to get together again. We got to run that marathon together. We. We got to take on this project. We got to go vacation together. We gotta, you know, have some wine together. We gotta. We got whatever it is that gets the group together. And they're galvanized to me, they're like, I can't wait to see each other. When are we gonna see each other again? When that happens, it might only be with a small circle of three or four friends. It might be. For me, in my industry, I bring together maybe 15 or 20 people like that quite often. Like, when that is happening, it's just like your whole life feels more like you can't wait to see them. And every time you talk with them, you're like, I'm fired up. I have. So, I mean, I would say the gift of being a coach in my life brought all those people in my life. I don't know what it is. From the clients I have, I love talking to my clients, to the other coaches. I know. I love learning what they're doing to the creators. I know. What are you doing that worked? Oh, that's amazing. To the, you know, corporate CEOs, I know, we're like, wow, you're building that. That's amazing. Like, I get. I get fired up. And that's how, you know, you have leveled up this group. The people around you in your social circle, they lift you up. Why? Because most of this stuff they ask about you, they're giving in to you, and they're receptive, and I think that's important. You have a peer group that is giving and receiving in these 10 ways. So I'm going to ask you one more time. Score your current groups or your current friends or your current teammates, your current workers, your current clients. Score them so 1 to 10 in both giving and receiving for each categories. Workshop that through. Identify the people you need to reach out to and connect with every single week. Be asking somebody these four questions, right? Hey, I'm just sending you a note. I'm wondering, what are you working on that you love? What do you need some help with who you trying to meet? Tell me about your family. Tell me about someone you love making those connections. It can be on the phone, it can be an audio, it can be a text, can an email just open up a recurring, consistent approach to building up this peer group. I think if you start from home with your family, with your friends, with your current team, your current co workers, your current clients, your current industry or career friends, start there and just want you to go boom. And over a series of years, all of a sudden you got greater depth in these relationships and they've introduced you to so many more people. And one day, I mean, I look at the last 20 years of doing all of this and I just look at this huge peer group of people I have all around the globe because I just kept doing this over and over and over and over and over. It's like I'm astounded by my network. And I began not knowing anybody. I began awkward. I was confidently awkward. Just be confidently awkward, but just be in motion. Developing relationships with people, adding value in and noticing who brings this and when they bring any of this. Stay closer, Increase frequency. When they're low scoring on any of this, communicate that to them if it's appropriate, or decrease frequency. Do this over and over and over and over and over again. And one day you're just like, I can't even believe the people I get to hang out with. I really leveled up this group. This group loves getting together. These people galvanize me and you'll know you've done the real stuff of personal development.