Ask These 4 Questions to Connect With ANYBODY

What do they need for this next stage of their career? Who is somebody they would love to meet? What do they love to do? Who do they love the most? Doesn't it bother you that no one asks you this more often? It's about adding value into their groups, into their network, into their dream. You want to be awesome with other people, you need to know these four things about them. When you have high ambition to make the group better and you have reverence for them and you have a consistent practice of just asking questions, I, I promise you'll be stunned by the results. I want to talk about the peer group you already have and show you the difference between a leveled up peer group and one that is not, and this will not feel comfortable, but this might be the thing that you're like, oh my gosh, Brendan, I never even thought about it because I hear that all the time. Here you are in the middle. I'd love for you to draw this with me. This is you. And in your group of people, you've got other people that you're connecting with, right? And of course you've got different types of people. You've got people from, you know, your personal life, you've got your friends, you've got people who are co workers, you got people who maybe you have met in your communities. Cmty community. You, you got all these different types of group. We could group people all day long. Here's the test. And if you like what I'm about to share with you, then I encourage you to do something. Stay with me in training. It might be the thing that changes your life. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to be honest. Think about any given person that you know. Any person, right? This is your immediate circle of concern, often called right. These are the people you, you already know. This person. Pick any person. This could be your friend at work, this could be your mom, this could be your best friend. Pick any person. First person who comes to mind who you really like or you really care about. First person who comes to mind. Okay, I'm going to ask you four questions about this person right now. Ask you four questions. And now you're going to learn about the power of how to level up a peer group, whether it's your family, your friends or anybody. First question, do you currently know? Do you currently know what does this person need? This person need? If this is your best friend, what do they need? What's something they're struggling with, they need some help with right now in their life? What's something that they need. I want you to think about somebody, maybe open up your journal and write it down. What's something that they need? Something that they need. Okay. Second, who is somebody they would love to meet? Who's somebody that they would love to meet? Who do they want to meet? They want to meet Taylor Swift. They want to meet the president. They want to meet somebody at the local community theater. They want to meet somebody at the school board. They want to meet that person down the block. Who do they want to meet? They want to meet. Okay. Third, for this one, what is something they love to do? What's something they love to do? A passion, a hobby, something could be their work, but I'd prefer it to be something outside of their work. Something they just love to do. Maybe they love to do watercolors. Maybe they. They love to ride horses. Maybe they love nature walks. Maybe they. Maybe they love CrossFit. What do they love to do? What do they love to do? Fourth, who do they love most? And I want you to come up with two to three people who they love the most. Who do they love the most? Two to three people. Maybe it's their spouse. Maybe it's their spouse and their two kids. Maybe it's their girlfriend. Maybe it's their best friend and her friend. Maybe it's their grandma. Maybe it's that mentor at work. Not love like that. Be careful, people. But you get the idea. Now let me ask a question. If I parachuted into your house, be honest. If I came into your house today and we sat down and we went through all of these different people. We went through people who are in your personal life, friends, family, work acquaintances, people who are already in your life you want to be friends with more. Do you know these four things about them? If you don't know you got your first action for today is to draw out your entire. What's called a social graph. Don't worry about Facebook doing it for you. Do it with a piece of paper. Draw out the people you love the most, you work with the most, you talk with the most. You want to know the most already in your current peer group, already in your peer group. And then be honest. Do you know what they need? And I don't mean what they needed when you talk to them three years ago, I mean actively today, what do they need? Do you know who they want to meet? Have you asked them that actively this year? Do you know what they love to do? And do you know who they love the most? And here's my Thesis for the day. If you don't know this about the peer group you already have, stop complaining that you don't have a better peer group. Some people say, well, Brandon, you know, my friends or these people or that I don't like them. I'm frustrated. I'm like, okay, let me ask you a few questions and I'll ask them these questions. And by the way, if this sounds crazy, I want to let you know, I literally ask billionaire clients of mine these questions. Probably in the third, the fourth conversation. I go through this with them, the third or fourth conversation because often they have not mined the people that are already in their lives. They've never done it, they've never asked the questions. But I think this is so important to understand, right? It's so important to understand. If you don't like the people in your life, do you even know them? Like a lot of people don't know, and yet they want this higher level. This is why I tell people all the time, you probably already met somebody who could do a seven figure deal with them. You just never found out what they needed. You don't know who they want to meet, you don't know what they do, and you don't know who's important to them. And without that knowledge, can you really add value into that relationship? Because see, what you're going to find out as we talk about peer groups is about adding value into people's relationships. It's about adding value into their groups, into their network, into their dream. You want to be awesome with other people, you need to know these four things about them. And then what you do is you follow up. So if you're a salesperson, you follow up with these types of things. If you're trying to do a big deal with a person, you find out these things. If you really want to know a person, you know these things. I know people who are in marriages who don't know what their wife needs, who don't know what their partner needs, who don't know what their husband needs. I know parents who haven't asked their kid, who's 17 and struggling, and they're just mad that their kid is 17 and struggling. How dare you struggle? You're 17. That shouldn't happen. And they don't know. I said, what? What do you think your son really needs? And you know, he needs an attitude adjustment that he need. I'm like, oh, that's maybe not it. How can you have a great relationship if you don't know what the person needs? Is this Basic. I think it's so basic, but I think it's profound. Even the top marriage counselors in the world suggest that people sit down once a week and just say, hey, what do you need from me this upcoming week? What's going on for you this upcoming week? Just that conversation about people's needs. If you want to be a great leader on your team, what do the people on your team, when they're struggling or when you're hiring them, what do they need? What do they need for this next stage of their career? What do they need for the next stage of engagement or fulfillment? And at work, asking the question, when you have a direct report, you're like, oh, I didn't know that. If you are an employee, it's your job to communicate this into your peer group, into your team, up to your boss. See, because we don't speak in terms of needs, we are often upset that our needs aren't fulfilled by our peer group and God and the world. But we don't even share what we need. So I hope that this is helping you. It's because it's how you see great networkers. They always end the text with, hey, let me know if you need anything. What are you working on right now? How can I help? What are some of your goals this month? How can I help? What are you struggling with? If anything, give me a call. Like that constant reaching out to the people in your peer group. Now, again, I know some of you are like, but, Brenda, I want a whole new peer group. We're gonna talk about that too. But I really believe most people, if you got great with the peer group you already have, you'd actually then be disciplined, practiced, and ready for the next level of peer group. One time I took a friend of mine who was not very good, frankly, in relationships, in terms of networking, and I took him to this fancy club. It was this place where lots of fancy people go. I was not a member. I was brought there to speak. I brought him along with. And we sat down at a table with these eight outstandingly. And I would say exceptional entrepreneurs, all of them earned tens of millions of dollars. Just to give you an idea at this table, Tens of millions of dollars. If I sat you down with people who earn tens of millions of dollars and you had hours with them, you had, like, a whole afternoon with them, what would you talk about? What would you say? What would you try to learn? What would you add value into that conversation? See, most of us, we fear that we're not enough to be at that table. I'm here to tell you you belong at those tables. I'm here to tell you you don't have to be from a right place. I'm from a small town in Montana, grew up with nothing, but I'm at that table. Why I'm at that table because throughout my life, I tried to understand this about people, and I just ask them about it. My friend never, ever, ever connected with them again. I connected with every single person. That next Monday, I'm going to follow up. I'm just going to follow up. Now, some of you are making this over complicated already. Like, well, Brendan, you're an extrovert. That must have been easier for you. I'm like, no, I was pretty awkward. I was like, I've never been in a club like this. I didn't know clubs like this existed. All these people earn more than me. They're older than me. They're all dressed better than me. Okay, they had more forks than you needed. If you all came into my life in my studio here, there's like a sink over there, right? And there's a sink over there. There's one fork, one spoon, one knife, one bowl. That's not my house. My wife's got that handled. But out here in the studio, there's literally one bowl. One bowl, one. I'm a very simple person. So I'm sitting at this table. There's all these forks. I'm like, what am I gonna do with all these forks? So I'm already on, like, I'm way. It's. I'm out of my element, and so is my friend. But here was one of the big differences I wanted to share with you. How simplistic this can be. The person who was sitting next to me, you know, started with some small chitchat. Oh, what brought you here today? You know, he was. He was asking me questions because guess what? Really, really wealthy people know how to ask great questions of other people. They've just decided I'm going to be great at that. I'm going to learn networking questions. I'm going to get better at this. It's an ambition, it's a goal, it's a dream. It's awesome. It's awesome. So what happened? I'm literally sitting next to this person, and as we're having conversations, maybe we chat, maybe five minutes tops. I just turned to him, cold, no background, no chat that led to it. And I just go, hey, who's the most important people in your life? He's like, oh, well, that's my wife and my son. I said, tell me about him. Says, oh, my wife is this person. I said, well, how'd you meet her? Tells me, like basic chit chats, this is not complicated. I just started, who's the most people in your life? And he says, well, my wife, my son. And then when he mentioned his son, I said, what do you love about your son? He says, oh, he's a good kid. Go, No, I mean, what, like what do you love about him? And this guy sets down his fancy fork and looks at me, goes, huh? Well, you know, I really love that he's trying so hard. He's got a lot of expectations on him from his mom and I and. And for the next 20 minutes, we talk about his relationship with the son. In that conversation, I heard a few things his son needed. In that conversation, I heard a few things his son loved to do. When I followed up with this guy that next Monday, I included a few resources that align with those two things. Things that I don't do. I don't know. I literally went home and just looked it up online. I was like, oh, when someone is struggling with this, what resources are there? When they're trying to do this, how could they learn to do that better? I literally sent a guy the email. I'd gotten his contact information, I sent him these resource links, and that was it. That was it. Why do I tell you that story? Because his son went on to look at one of those links, went on to introduce one of his buddies to me. And that very fall, that was in the spring, that fall, that person brought me out to his company. After I spoke to his company, he took me into the parking lot, we got on a private helicopter, flew all over his land and his company's land, sat down, and then had this unbelievable conversation that has led to doors opening in my life since that day. Because I ask a dude next to me, who's most important to you? So for those of you who are going to say, well, I'm introverted, you can ask somebody sitting next to you who's important to you, what are you trying to do? What do you need? What do you need some help with? And I really want to share this and belabor the point a little bit because I don't know that you know this about the people in your life. So could we all take an action item? And it can be as simple as this. What if you just drew you here in the middle and we just did one ring and this is your family, and we did another Ring. And this was your friends. And we did another ring. This is your team or co workers. We did another ring. If you're an entrepreneur, this was your best clients by. Let's call it lifetime value. Okay? Your best clients buy lifetime value. What if we just started there? What if this weekend you just called somebody on your family and said, hey, we haven't talked for a while. I want to ask you four questions. What do you need right now? Some of you say, well, that'd be weird for my family. Of course it's weird for your family because we're not taught any of this. But let me ask you a quiz. And this is going to sound weird. Let me flip it. Doesn't it bother you that no one asks you this? Let me ask you a question. Doesn't it bother you that no one asks you this more often? It doesn't bother you that no one wants to talk about what you love to do more or that someone doesn't ask about, you know, who do you love and what's important to them and you? I think it should bother you. I think as a society, we suck at this stuff. But great communities, this is just part of the conversation for those who want to keep going. I started doing this about what I just call industry leaders, industry leaders who are in my industry or other industries, because I really believe about that opening that can happen, right? I really believe that you can have this opening, this opening where, you know, when you meet somebody who's an industry leader in any way, meaning they're really good, they're a high performer at what they do. They don't have to be like the number one, but they're a high performer at what they do. When you meet them and you start asking these questions, it's like, whoa. When you know this about them, you can start making introductions. When you care this about them, you start having like. They're like, I love talking to Brandon. He's always asking these questions. So every quarter I just kind of rotate. I don't get through everybody because guess what? I message some people. I don't hear from them. I send an audio message. Hey, it's Brendan. I'm just checking up on you. I always make sure that you're in my life. How are you? Why don't you hit me back? What are you doing right now that you love? Or if I know something's going on, they're like, how's that thing going? Do you need anything? Do you know, I probably sent that voice note a hundred times this year. Hey, it's Brendan. Just checking on you. What are you working on right now? What's most important to you? Drop me a message back. Is there anything you need, anyone you're trying to meet, let me know. It's just a voice message. It can just be a text, it can just be an email. The difference is people who have great networks, they do this consistently. Can you all do this? Okay. I think it truly changed your life. Do this more consistently. Schedule it. Send the voice notes, send the text, send the emails. Level up your peer group now. Because when you know this about your peer group, it automatically expands and they start asking you. And when they ask you, it keeps expanding. When you have high ambition to make the group better, whatever that peer group is, your family, your friends, your team, and you have reverence for them, and you have a consistent practice of just asking questions, I promise you'll be stunned by the results.